"No (Y/n), leave me alone; I don't like you, I never liked you. What makes you think I would want to be seen with someone like you? You make me sick"
Arthur woke up with a start, his hands gripping onto his sweat soaked bedsheets for dear life; he'd been having these terrible nightmares, more like terrible memories, since he had seen the article in the paper.
The words from his dream lingered in his mind as he got out of bed, his body wet with perspiration, and salty tears stinging his eyes. Making his way to the living room he dropped unceremoniously onto the sofa, wiping the sweat from his brow with an equally damp arm. He couldn't believe that he had ever said those things, he couldn't believe that he had ever done those things, especially not to her; even though the words had been uttered so many years ago, they were currently stinging the back of his throat, as if he had just said them. He had been a coward, he had let himself be manipulated, he had bowed to peer pressure and he had hurt the one person that had always been there for him.
He picked up the paper and looked again at the picture and the article that accompanied it.
"(Y/F/N) (Y/L/N) AND HER BAND DARK NIGHT TO RETURN TO GOTHAM FOR SPECIAL ONE OFF INTIMATE PERFORMANCE." The headline read, as Arthur's eyes settled on the picture.
There she was in a publicity shot of her and her band, he could still see the young girl he remembered, but there were differences, and those differences were dramatic.
Her hair was short and black, shaved at the sides and back, while the top grew long; both arms were covered in tattoos, and she seemed to have grown taller and more muscular since he had last seen her. She looked dark and brooding, all this in complete contrast to the girl he had known.
Arthur had grown up with (Y/n); from the first day of school when Arthur had bumped into her, knocking her over, they had been friends. Instead of crying as she sat on the floor nursing the grazed elbow that she had managed to get when Arthur had more or less run into her, she laughed, it was a laugh that was so infectious that Arthur couldn't help but join in. As he had helped her up and introduced himself, he had noticed her eyes, one was bright green the other bright blue, and from that moment he had been captivated, even as a young child he knew she was different, and Arthur liked that.
As the two had grown they would spend more and more time together, the two best friends rarely apart; (Y/n)'s home was a sanctuary, Arthur would go there after school and they would help one another with homework, he would go there to escape the tortures of his own home, he would go there when he had had a bad day, when the bullying had got too much, when the abuse had got too much.
(Y/n)'s parent's loved him, her mother would always have a good hot meal waiting for him in case he came over, and clean clothes for him to change into if his mother hadn't washed for him; her parents knew all about Penny Fleck and they had seen first hand the abuse that had been inflicted on the poor young Arthur, and they did all they could to protect him.
(Y/n) and Arthur would go everywhere together, she would save up all her allowance so that she could take him to places like the movies, or the fun fair, knowing that his mother couldn't afford too let him do those things, and even if she could she probably wouldn't.
Arthur had always admired his best friend and would often look at her and wonder how she remained so good natured, and kind despite her own bullies. (Y/n) was bigger than most other girls her age, she had been a big girl since they were little, not that Arthur minded, in his eyes she had always been the most beautiful girl in the world, and he was proud of what and who she was.
She had often lamented over the fact that she wasn't skinny, but then would laugh and say that she liked being an individual, that she liked the fact she was different, that she was glad that she didn't fit that cookie cutter girl that society and the media make us believe is the only way you should be. So what that she a bit bigger around the body than other girls, what mattered was what a person was like on the inside she had always told him, adding that if people couldn't see past her larger backside, or her not so flat stomach then they were not people she wanted to know.
Arthur always wished he could be as strong as her, to let the words and the snide comments wash over him like she did, to be able to accept himself like she did, but as much as he tried he would always fail, and when he did she was always there to pick him up, to wipe away the tears and to listen to him talk.
She had never judged him when his condition had developed, in fact she had read up on the condition and had come up with new ways to try and help him if he had an episode; even at school, if Arthur had broke into a laughing fit (Y/n) would be taken from whatever class she was in so that she could help, the staff not caring, or unwilling to learn how to help Arthur themselves.
(Y/n) and Arthur were the high school freaks, the outcasts, the fat girl and the laughing weirdo; not that (Y/n) cared, she had told Arthur she liked that it was just the two of them, that they didn't have to concern themselves with school cliques, they were their own little group, they were special, they were the non-conformists.
When Arthur was with (Y/n) he was happy, he didn't have to pretend, he didn't have to make things up or feign that he was something he wasn't; he could be just who he was, and feel safe in doing so.
But his idyllic friendship was to end one fateful day, the day that he had been ashamed of for so many years, the day that now haunted his dreams.
"Hey freak." Taylor shouted out as he made his way through the halls of the school, over to Arthur's locker with his entourage in tow.
Arthur groaned, trying to avoid the school's star quarterback and most popular boy by just pretending he hadn't heard him, instead grabbing his books and shoving them in his bag. He wasn't in the mood for Taylor today, (Y/n) wasn't with him and shit at home was getting worse, so the last thing he wanted was to have to put up with the moron that could throw a ball.
"Hey FREAK! I'm talking to you; you deaf as well as weird?" Taylor asked, slamming Arthur's locker, nearly jamming Arthur's fingers inside in the process.
"What do you want Taylor?" Arthur said, his eyes falling to the ground in fear that if he actually looked at the tall blonde he might get punched again.
"Oh nothing. I was just wondering how you found your girlfriends hole to fuck her. Do you roll her around in flour and look for the wet spot?" Taylor asked, trying to look innocent, as his friends laughed around him.
"I don't know what you're talking about." Arthur said, opening his locker again and moving things around.
"Sure you do, you and the fat chick (Y/n), you two are never apart; in fact Mickie saw you two at the fair on Saturday night, he says that you made the perfect couple; a pair of clowns that belong in a freak show." Taylor said, this time laughing himself as Arthur shut his locker and tried to leave.
"I didn't say you could go did I?" Taylor growled, grabbing hold of Arthur's arm and dragging him back, pushing him up against the lockers.
"I didn't think that even you would be pathetic enough to be seen out with a fat girl, I know you ain't got anything going for you, but really Fleck, surly you can do better." Taylor said, smirking at his friends who were egging him on.
"You know, if you dumped her we'll let you come to the party next week at Cody's place; we could help you find a nice looking girl, not like that pig you spend all your time with now, I mean its just sad." Taylor told him, as Arthur's eyes shot up to look at Taylor.
Arthur couldn't believe what he was hearing, Taylor had just said that he could go to one of the most anticipated parties of the year; him, Arthur Fleck could go, it wasn't like (Y/n) was really his girlfriend, and he might actually have a chance of become part of the popular group instead of one of the two freaks.
Maybe it was (Y/n) that had been holding him back from being popular all these years, maybe it was down to the fact that he was always seen with the fat chick that he didn't have a beautiful girlfriend.
"So, if I tell (Y/n) I don't want anything more to do with her I can go to the party and you'll introduce me to the girls?" Arthur asked, looking at the grinning blonde.
"Sure pal, get rid of the porker, and we'll find you a nice girl; right boys?" Taylor asked his entourage, who all nodded their heads in agreement, knowing what their leader was up to.
"Ok...... I'll do it." Arthur said, smiling at the thought of being one of the it crowd.
"Great, well we'll let you know about the party later. Wow, look at the time, you better be getting to class, we don't want our new pal getting in trouble now do we." Taylor said, as he patted Arthur on the shoulder before he had rushed off to class.
"You don't think he'll do it do ya Tay?" One of the boys asked, As Taylor had turned around to look at the others behind him.
"Are you kidding, that freak is so desperate to be one of us that he will believe anything; and I told that bitch I would get her back for what she did to me that other week, so this is perfect, I get to make her suffer, and I get to ruin Fleck's life. It's a win, win situation." Taylor said, as he walked off grinning.
>>--------------------------------<<
Arthur hadn't had the chance to talk to (Y/n) all day, today was the day the pair had different classes, and (Y/n) took music, composition and journalism as extra curricula after school, so Arthur had made his way over to her house to see her.
"Hey, Big A." (Y/n) said with a chuckle at her nickname for him, as she opened the door for Arthur.
"We've been waiting for you. Mom's made her famous meatloaf for dinner, and there's a plate with your name on it." (Y/n) told him, as she opened the door to let him in.
"Bubblegum, I need to talk to you." Arthur said, using the silly nickname he had christened her with the first day they had met as she sat on the floor blowing great big pink bubbles.
"Ok Arthur, what's wrong?" She asked, her eyebrows furrowing as she saw her best friends face turn dark.
"Look, I'm not coming over anymore, I'm not going to come for dinner, or to do homework or anything." Arthur told a shocked (Y/n), who could only stare opened mouthed at him.
"Why Arthur? Is it your mom? You don't have to stop coming over just because she says, its not like she cares about you, you spend most of your time here and she doesn't give a shit. I could get my mom and dad to go and see her." (Y/n) said, reaching out her hand to try and reassure him.
"IT'S NOT MY MOM! IT'S YOU!" Arthur yelled, staring at a confused (Y/n).
"Me? Why is it me?" (Y/n) asked, shutting the door behind her so that her parents couldn't hear.
"You're the one that has stopped me being popular, you've stopped me getting a good looking girlfriend cos I'm always seen dragging around your fat ass. You're a pathetic outcast, with no future, you're a freak (Y/n) and I don't want anything to do with you anymore." Arthur hissed, pulling away as (Y/n) moved towards him.
"No (Y/n), leave me alone, I don't like you, I never liked you. What makes you think I would want to be seen with someone like you? You make me sick! Taylor said that I can be one of them, that they'll introduce me to good looking girls if I get rid of you, you ugly pig." Arthur told her, not caring as the tears began to moisten her eyes.
Arthur watched as she seemed to think about what he had just told her, and he could swear that he could actually see her heart break as she looked up into his eyes.
"You know what Fleck; you make me sick. You are worse than Taylor or any of his cronies could ever be. You are a cowardly, pathetic weakling, that at the first offer of being popular, you abandon the only people that have ever cared for you. Go to your new friends, go to their parties and their get togethers. Go get yourself a good looking girl; but when it all turns out to be a lie, and the offers of popularity and being one of the boys with an airhead cheerleader hanging off your arm falls through, don't think about coming back here, because you wont be welcome, in fact I never want to see you again. Now, get off my porch!" (Y/n) told him, as she turned around, going back into the house.
"Don't worry, I wouldn't come back if you paid me. I don't need you; I have better friends now." Arthur yelled out, as he stomped away.
>>-----------------------------------------------<<
A week had passed since Arthur had confronted (Y/n), and he hadn't seen her since; according to someone that was in her music class, no one had seen her, but they had heard rumours that her parents were sending her to a special school for the musically gifted.
Arthur was going insane, he missed his friend, and he didn't know what to do; (Y/n) had been right, it was all a lie, everything that Taylor had said had been a lie. When Arthur had told Taylor what he had done, he and the other had laughed, and the quarterback had taken great delight in telling him that there was no way Arthur would ever be one of them, he was a freak, and that was all he would ever be.
Arthur had tried to call (Y/n), he had stood outside her house in the rain wanting to knock on the door and feel her embrace as she pulled him into the house that was his only real home, the only place where he was cared for; but after all the years of knowing her, he knew there was no point.
"Mr. Reynolds! What's going on?" Arthur asked, walking up to the teacher that was clearing out (Y/n)'s locker.
"Ah Fleck. Miss (Y/l/n) is not returning to the school; she has been accepted to very good music school and has already left. I thought you of all people would know that, I thought you two were friends." The teacher said, returning to emptying the things out of the locker.
"Er Fleck......... you might want these." Mr. Reynolds said, handing Arthur a small pile of pictures.
Arthur looked through them as he walked away, slowly and reluctantly making his way home. Each and every picture was of him and (Y/n), in each one he was happy, smiling and laughing, and each one was like a dagger in his heart. One was when her parent had taken them to a big state fair and they were eating giant corndogs; in another, they were bowling, Arthur pointing up at the score board at his first strike. But the one that really broke his heart was a simple picture of the two face to face, looking happily into each other's eyes, with a caption written in (Y/n)'s hand 'Best day of my life.'
From that day, his life had never been the same; his existence had taken a great nosedive, never to recover. Over the years Arthur had thought about (Y/n) almost every day; he had thought about all the things that he had missed out on, all the things that could have been. He had often wondered what had happened to her, but it wasn't until he found out about a new group called Dark Night, that he found out.
Arthur had heard lots of people talking about this new rock group that had come on the scene; about how they were getting hit after hit, spending weeks at the top of the charts and breaking sales records. He hadn't taken much notice to begin with, rock groups weren't really his thing, and the group were supposed to be dark, and a little alternative, neither thing interesting Arthur. The lead singer and lyricist was said to come from Gotham and wrote a lot about her life and experiences in the city; but it wasn't until Arthur had heard the singers name that he had taken notice.
He couldn't believe it when he had gone into the store to find the groups CD, and (Y/n)'s face had been staring back at him, her blue and green eyes, as perfect as they had been when they were friends. She was more beautiful than he remembered, the dark smoky makeup she wore, and her spiked hair complimented her softly tanned skin; but Arthur could see there was something missing behind her eyes, she had lost her smile, and even after all these years Arthur couldn't help but think that it was something to do with that day.
When he got back to the apartment, he had listened to the CD over and over again, (Y/n)'s melodiously beautiful, yet sad voice filling his living room, as he took in every word that she had written.
Since then, Arthur had bought more of the group's music, wondering if one of (Y/n)'s songs would be about the day he had abandoned her, abandoned his best and only friend.
Then he had seen the report in the paper that told Gothamites that their famous daughter was returning home, and he had not been able to get a decent night's sleep since. When he closed his eyes, he saw her face, and if he dreamed, he dreamed about all the horrible things that he had said to her.
Now as he sat, reading the article in the week old paper, shivering slightly as the cool air hit his sweat soaked body, he knew that somehow, someway, he had to get to this performance; if nothing else he just wanted to apologise.