"Why are you jealous? Do you like me?"
Sevi didn't answer me. He was too focused on the road, obviously avoiding my question. Ngumuso ako at kinuha ang phone ko para maglaro na lang ng mga pang-Tita games. This guy wouldn't talk to me!
"I mean, gwapo naman kasi talaga siya," I whispered. "Swerte naman ni Luna..." pang-aasar ko pa. He looked so annoyed with me.
"Naririnig kita," mariing sabi niya. He gripped on the steering wheel like he was trying to contain the anger inside him.
"Are you jealous because of me, or are you jealous because of Luna?" I asked, preparing my heart for the answer.
"Bakit naman nasama si Luna?" he asked, glancing at me while driving. His eyes immediately went back to the road.
"Do you still like her?" I bit my lower lip and shifted in my seat uncomfortably. "I mean, now that you're single and she's single, maybe both of you can now-"
"Hindi. Ang tagal na noon," he cut me off. "Maybe both of us can now ano? Be together? Iniisip ko pa lang, kinikilabutan na ako, ah. Hindi mangyayari 'yon. Kaibigan lang turing namin sa isa't isa."
"Hmm, okay..." He sounded so serious about it. "Was that her ex?" curious na tanong ko ulit. I was done teasing him.
"Oo, hindi pa sila nakaka-move on sa isa't isa. Bakit? Interesado ka?" Kumunot ang noo niya.
"Well, kung ako rin naman sa pwesto niya." Natawa ako lalo. I was wrong. I was not done teasing him. "Joke lang." I made a peace sign when he looked at me and raised a brow.
"Hay... Karma ko ba 'to?" he suddenly whispered. "Kung inaasar mo 'ko, tantanan mo na..."
"Okay, fine." I pouted and leaned on the shotgun seat. "Hmm, we're getting my car first, ah? Then you'll pay for my gas. It's your fault! Para saan ba 'yong folder? It seems like it's not that urgent naman?" I looked at the folder he placed in the backseat. Sumimangot ako.
"Hindi nga..." He laughed now.
"Then why the hell did you tell me to go to Batangas?! You demon!" I crossed my arms over my chest.
"Ang tanong, bakit ka pumuntang Batangas? Pwede ko namang kuhanin na lang sa 'yo gaya ng sabi ko?" He asked me back.
"I... I'm... Uhm." I looked away. I didn't know what to say. "I just wanted to see you. Why?"
He didn't look a bit surprised because of what I said. The side of his lips rose while his eyes were still focused on the road. I bit my lower lip and played with my hands out of embarrassment.
"Same excuse," he said.
"Huh?" Gulat akong napatingin sa kanya.
"Huhtdog," walang kwentang sagot niya.
Sumimangot ako at napairap na lang. Sevi was so annoying, what the heck. Mature lang kapag nasa trabaho, ah! Kapag wala na sa site, iba na ugali! Hmp.
Like what I said, we went to Batangas first to get my car, and then he paid for my gas. Mabuti na lang at umabot ang fuel ko sa gasoline station. Then, I followed his car to Manila. He was driving normally now, still a little fast but just enough for me to catch up.
I looked at the mini screen on my side when Sevi suddenly called. I clicked the green button before directing my attention back to the road.
[Nasaan ka na?] Sevi asked.
"Uhm, nasa car?" My brows furrowed.
[I mean, bakit nawala ka sa likuran ko? Hindi na kita makita.]
What? He called because of that? Akala niya ba mawawala ako? Duh, I had GPS!
"Nasa likod ng black Montero. The one behind your car, see? Can you go slower? Let the Montero overtake," I said.
Sinunod naman kaagad niya ang sinabi ko. He switched lanes and let the Montero pass. Then he drove slower. I positioned my car behind his car so he could see me again.
[Saan mo gusto kumain?] he suddenly asked.
"Why? You're too tired to cook?" I laughed. "Well, me also!"
[Oh, you also?!] he mocked me. [I'm super gulat!]
"Please shut up." I rolled my eyes, though he couldn't see it. "Drive-thru na lang. I'm sleepy na. I'm tired of driving."
[Mauna ka na sa condo. Ako na bibili ng pagkain para makapagpahinga ka na.]
He ended the call immediately. He didn't even wait for my response! Sinundan ko na lang tuloy si Waze hanggang Manila, hanggang sa hindi ko na nakita ang sasakyan ni Sevi. We already parted ways.
Pagkarating ko sa condo, nilapag ko ang mga gamit ko sa kwarto bago dumiretso sa shower. I showered for twenty minutes and went out wearing my robe. I blowdried my hair before dressing up. I was just wearing my black silk nightgown when I went out of the room.
"Bakit ang tagal niya?" I whispered to myself.
I sat on the couch and browsed on Netflix, trying to find something to watch but I stopped when an idea came to me. I opened the 'Sebastian' profile so I could see his 'continue watching' movies and series. Pansin ko itong profile na 'to ang madalas niyang ginagamit, e.
I was hoping to see adult movies just to tease him about it, but they were all mind-blowing series and documentaries. May isang k-drama lang siyang pinapanood doon. The one I used to fangirl to! So pinapanood na niya 'yon, huh?!
I immediately turned the television off when I heard the door. I stood up to sit at the dining table, ready to eat dinner. Sevi went into the study room fast, then closed it. Pagkalabas niya, nagulat pa siyang nakaupo na 'ko roon.
"Are you hiding something?" I asked.
"Ano'ng itatago ko?" He raised a brow before pulling the chair in front of me.
Napanguso ako habang sinisingkitan siya ng mata. He was being so weird but... Okay. I just let that pass. Inabot niya sa 'kin ang paperbag ng pagkain ko at nilabas ko na 'yon para kainin. Sevi was too quiet. I was used to his silence already ever since I came back but this time, he looked so weird because he kept on glancing at me like he was watching my actions.
"Seriously, what's your problem?" I put my utensils down.
"Wala nga." He glanced at the clock again. "Kumain ka na lang diyan."
I pursed my lips and continued eating, still watching him with my hawk eyes. He kept on looking around to avoid my eyes. Mukhang naiilang siya sa tingin ko kaya umiwas na lang din ako. Nauna akong matapos kumain kaya niligpit ko na ang pinagkainan ko bago bumalik sa living room. I wasn't sleepy yet. I wanted to watch a movie.
"Hindi ka pa matutulog?" Sevi asked while he was cleaning the table.
"No, I'm not sleepy yet. Do you want to watch a movie with me?" I asked.
"Hindi. May trabaho pa 'ko," masungit na sabi niya bago pumasok ng study room.
Napasimangot ako at tumayo na lang para patayin ang ilaw sa living room so I could watch better. I ended up watching a romantic movie. It was a bad idea because all I could think about was Sevi. Sa sobrang dami ng memories namin, nakakarelate ko sa mga scenes sa movie. I sighed heavily, trying to stop the tears from falling.
"Why did they have to break up?!" reklamo ko. "They were so happy. What the hell! Who's your director, huh?!"
"Sinong kausap mo diyan?"
Napaupo kaagad ako nang lumabas si Sevi sa study room. He leaned on the wall sideways, with his arms crossed over his chest. He looked fresh from the shower. Wait, did he take a shower inside the bedroom? Akala ko ba sa akin 'yong bathroom na 'yon!
He was wearing a pair of black sweatpants and a white shirt. His hair looked a little messy after running his hand through it. I bit my lower lip and looked away. His biceps were distracting me.
"I was talking about the... movie." I pointed at the screen. "They... uhm... They broke up."
"Ah, relate ka?" he scoffed, shaking his head a bit.
"Whatever." I rolled my eyes and tried to find another movie. Tapos na, eh! That was the ending! "Why are you still awake?"
"May trabaho pa nga ako." He glanced at the clock again before walking back to the study room.
I couldn't find another movie to watch, so I turned the television off and walked towards the balcony. I opened the sliding door before leaning against the railings, admiring the view. I remembered a moment with Sevi when I told him that someday, he would be the one behind the construction of those tall buildings. I smiled by myself. It really happened, huh?
I stayed outside for a few minutes until I felt cold. Binuksan ko ulit ang sliding door at pumasok na sa loob. I suddenly stopped walking when I realized the lights were all turned off. I tried to find the switch, using the screen of my phone as a little flashlight.
"Happy birthday to you..."
"What the heck!" I held my chest in surprise when I saw Sevi holding a cake. Nakasindi na rin ang kandilang naroon.
He walked towards me, singing a happy birthday, then stopped in front of me, gesturing for me to make a wish. I glanced at the clock. It was exactly twelve midnight. I pursed my lips and looked at my phone to check the date.
"Oh my god..." I covered my face using my hands.
"Uy, ano na? Mawawala na 'yong sindi, oh." Sevi tried to cover the candles using his other hand.
"I fucking hate you," I whispered as tears started pooling in my eyes.
I forgot about it. I also thought that he would probably forget about it. My birthday wasn't the same anymore ever since my mom died. I actually didn't want to celebrate my birthday anymore because it wasn't that special to me... At least, not anymore. Noong umalis ako, si Ida lang at ako ang nagse-celebrate kahit ayaw ko. She was just persistent.
"Uy, umiiyak ka ba?" Sevi sounded worried.
"Why would you do this?" I cried, covering my face.
"Hala, I'm sorry. Akala ko... Hey..." Sevi tried to move my hands away from my face so he could see me.
I put my hands down. He placed the cake on the table and held my wrists. My vision was a little blurry because of the tears, but I could still see how worried he was to see me crying. I tried to wipe the tears away, but they just kept on falling.
"I'm sorry," Sevi whispered. "Ayaw mo ba?"
"I thought you forgot about it." I was still crying. "Because I did..."
"Paano ko makakalimutan 'yon?" He laughed a little. "Huwag ka nang umiyak. Sisindihan ko tuloy ulit 'yong kandila. Wait lang."
So that was why he was acting so weird! He kept glancing at the clock and probably hid the cake inside the study room. Kaya pala natagalan siya sa labas! What the hell. I didn't even suspect anything.
Sinindihan niya ulit ang mga kandila bago kinuha ang cake at tinapat sa 'kin. I was staring at it, remembering our last encounter here... also with a cake.
"I'm sorry," I cried more.
Sevi's smile suddenly faded when he realized what my apology meant. His lips parted, wanting to say something but he couldn't. Pain suddenly filled his eyes, and he didn't want to show it to me, so he looked away.
"I'm so sorry..." My voice broke.
He slowly placed the cake back on the table before pulling on my wrist to give me a tight hug. I cried into his chest, apologizing over and over. He didn't say anything. He just started caressing my hair.
"Hipan mo na 'yong kandila," nahihirapang sabi niya.
I wiped my tears away and stepped back so he would let go of me. The feeling of guilt suddenly came back inside me. I leaned over the dining table to blow out the candles without making a wish. Sevi was just standing there without looking at me.
I went straight inside the bedroom to cry myself to sleep. Sevi did not bother entering the room. He stayed outside, or maybe he stayed inside the study room.
The next day, I woke up around eight o'clock, obviously late for work. Sevi didn't bother waking me up. Pagkalabas ko ng kwarto, wala na siya. The cake was already placed inside the fridge. I sighed before taking a shower.
I went inside the walk-in closet to get my things. I felt lazy to dress up today, so I was just wearing a pink off-shoulder jumpsuit. I put my white heels on and got my red bag. I let my hair down and wore my shades to cover my eyes. Halatang umiyak ako kagabi.
I left a post-it note on the fridge before pulling my luggage out of the unit.
'Sev,
Thanks for making me stay here for a short time.
You can have your freedom back now.'
I realized how selfish I was for even coming back here after leaving him heartbroken. It must have been hard for him to deal with me. I tortured him so badly. I brought a cake on our fifth anniversary and then broke up with him on the same day. Kung may chance lang siguro siya na makalipat ng condo, ginawa niya na but that was too much work for him.
He didn't want to see me anymore. He told me that before. Bakit ba pilit ko pa ring pinagsisiksikan ang sarili ko? It must have been painful for him.
"Happy birthday, Miss Ledezma!"
I was surprised to see employees holding gifts and flowers outside my office. May pinasabog pa silang confetti. I laughed and thanked everyone. I received so many gifts that I couldn't hold them anymore. Austin came and helped me with it, pati sa mga bulaklak.
"Thank you so much, everyone," I said. "Because of this, you guys can go early. Spend time with your families and friends."
Everyone cheered. I smiled before walking inside my office, with Austin stalking me from behind. He placed the gifts and flowers on the coffee table before walking towards me.
"Happy birthday." He smiled and gave me a kiss on my cheek.
"Thanks," I said while reading a document. "Good thing you guys didn't plan a party. I hate parties."
"I know... I have a gift for you."
He placed a velvet box in front of me. My brows furrowed when I opened it and saw a diamond ring. Naguguluhan akong tumingin sa kanya, nagtatanong kung para saan ang regalong 'yon.
"Hey, it doesn't mean anything. I just noticed that your ring is getting old already." He pointed at my knot ring. "So you should replace it."
"O-oh..." I looked away. "Thank you."
I couldn't even take it off. Sanay na 'kong suotin ang singsing na 'to. It symbolized my love for him. Siguro kapag nakamove-on na 'ko sa kanya, saka ko lang makakayang hubarin ang knot ring. It was... already tied to me.
"Do you want to have dinner together?" Austin asked. "Birthday dinner?"
"Yeah, sure," I answered casually.
"Yes," he whispered like it was an achievement. "Formal dinner? I mean, okay na 'yang suot mo. I'll text you the address. I will reserve a table in a luxurious restau-"
"What's up, everyone?!"
My eyes widened when the door opened, revealing a woman wearing a white floral romper partnered with silver heels and a maroon bag. She took her shades off and smiled at me.
"Ida!" I stood up and ran towards her to give her a tight hug.
"Happy birthday!" Ida sounded so excited. "Were you surprised?! Obviously, it was a surprise! Ah! I missed you!"
"Oh my god, I want to cry." I let her go and wiped my fake tears. "You're here! You're finally here!"
"Yes, for good." She flipped her hair. "How are you, honey? And..." She glanced at Austin. "Why is he here?"
Austin scoffed sarcastically. "I was asking Elyse out for dinner-"
"Dinner! Tamang-tama! I'm starving!" Ida laughed and sat on the couch, crossing her legs.
"Hindi kita inaya-"
"I don't care," Ida cut him off. "It's not your birthday. It's my best friend's birthday! Ah, omg! Elyse! May gift ako sa 'yo, but don't open it yet! For your eyes only!"
I sat beside her, excited. Austin shook his head and walked out of the office. Hindi ko na siya pinansin dahil naging abala ako sa regalo ni Ida. She was so talkative. Ang dami niyang kinekwento at ang dami ko ring kinwento sa kanya. I summarized everything that happened ever since I came back here. Hindi na kasi kami gaanong nakakapag-Facetime. We were both busy with work.
"Let's go out for drinks this Saturday! G?" pag-aaya ni Ida.
"Of course. Finally, may kasama na 'ko. Doon tayo sa club ni Sam! She can get us a table," I suggested.
Around seven o'clock, Ida and I went out to have a birthday dinner with Austin. It was a high-end place. Everyone was wearing formal and I could even see some familiar faces. Mga nakikita ko sa parties, and sa television.
"Is this your treat?" Ida asked Austin pagkaupo namin. "Because if it is, then I'll order the most expensive food-"
"What's yours, Elyse?" Austin ignored her. He was obviously getting annoyed by Ida. I laughed.
"Kung ano kay Ida." I shrugged.
"Hah..." Ida smirked at Austin. "Anyway, sige na nga, this is my treat na since birthday ni Elyse! I want to treat her! Austin, pay for your own food."
"What the fuck are you smoking?" Austin looked at her.
"Would you excuse me, please..." I stood up when I saw a familiar face.
I smiled when my brother waved his hand at me, putting his phone down. He called me earlier to ask where I'll celebrate my birthday so he can greet me in person. I walked towards him and gave him a hug. He wore a white button-down dress shirt, grey necktie, and black slacks. Nakasabit sa braso ang coat na hinubad.
"Happy birthday," he said after I let him go. "I'm sorry. I was busy with work. Ngayon lang kita napuntahan."
"Hey, it's fine, Kuya!" I smiled. "At least you came here! May kasama ka ba? A woman?" I was still hopeful.
"No..." He laughed, getting where I was coming from. "Lalaki lang."
"What? Who?" I looked around. My lips slowly formed a wide smile when I saw a familiar man getting out of the elevator, mukhang kakarating lang.
"Hey, happy birthday," Hiro greeted me and gave me a kiss on the cheek.
"Hey! I booked one of your flights to Cebu but didn't have time to greet you." I pouted. "But I successfully pissed off your wife, so... I still achieved something."
"She really was." Hiro chuckled. "But don't worry about it. I calmed her down. Anyway, here's my gift."
He handed me a designer paper bag. Napangiti kaagad ako nang makita ang bag doon. He knew me well! Inabot din ni Kuya sa 'kin ang isang paper bag. It was a pair of shoes this time! Niyakap ko silang dalawa, tuwang-tuwa.
"Aalis na kami," paalam ni Kuya. "We're going out for a drink."
"Okay, take care." I waved at them before walking back to our table.
The dinner went peacefully. Austin kept on ignoring Ida's talkative ass. Pakiramdam niya siguro nakakagulo si Ida sa aming dalawa since ako lang ang inaya niya mag-dinner, but it was my birthday so ako ang masusunod.
"Can I stay in your place for the meantime?" I asked Ida after dinner. "Tapos na ba siya gawin?"
"Yes, kahapon lang! Buti umabot! Of course you can stay with me! No need to ask!" Ida put her hand on my shoulder.
"Bye Austin." I gave him a smile. "Thanks for tonight."
I was so tired when we arrived at Ida's penthouse. Pagkatapos ko mag-shower, binagsak ko na kaagad ang sarili ko sa couch. Ida was doing her skincare when she went out and sat beside me, pushing my feet away to give her space.
"So bakit ka nandito sa condo ko? Bakit wala ka sa condo n'yo?" She raised a brow.
"I already left." Umayos ako ng upo at sumandal.
"Why did you leave?" she asked again.
"I just realized how selfish I am, you know?" I gave her a sad smile. "I remembered how I broke up with him... and left him while he was going through... a lot. I should have stayed, right? Kahit ilang linggo lang para masiguradong okay siya, but I was so eager to leave."
"Hey..." Ida sighed and held my hand. "It wasn't your fault. Don't feel bad for choosing yourself. Sevi had other support systems. He had his family and his friends with him. Don't blame yourself for leaving."
"He surprised me on my birthday." My voice broke. "He... He bought me a cake... and he celebrated it with me. I was scared for him."
"Scared that?"
"I was scared that I might... I might hurt him again. I was scared that his family wouldn't accept me again." I looked up to stop my tears from falling. "I don't know what I want anymore. I want him to be with me, but I also don't want to be selfish."
"Did he ever stop loving you?" Ida raised a brow.
"Maybe..." I laughed a bit, wiping my tears. "It's not too late to stop, right?"
"You think so?" Ida asked. "After leading him on like that, you will leave him again without saying anything? I think 'yon ata ang unfair. You shouldn't have left like that."
"Let me just... think for now." I closed my eyes and covered my face.
"You can't start over again if you are still stuck in the past." Ida tapped my shoulder before walking away.
The next day, I went to work a bit late again because Ida's condo was far from the company. I was stuck in traffic. It was my routine for the whole week. Sevi and I didn't have any communication for a week. Ida postponed our clubbing night because she had a schedule with her family.
I was late again. Pagkapasok ko ng office, sinabihan kaagad ako ni Alice na dumeretso na sa board room para sa meeting. Ni hindi ko nga alam na may meeting pala.
"Good morning," I greeted everyone when I went inside the board room.
I sat in front and scanned through the folder provided in front of me. I stopped when the door opened, and Sevi went inside, wearing a white dress shirt and black slacks. He looked so fresh in the morning like he wasn't even affected when I left. Good for him.
"Apologies, Miss Ledezma. Traffic," he said before getting seated.
"It's fine." My voice was almost a whisper. I couldn't look at him.
I couldn't concentrate on the meeting. I listened on some parts but my brain just kept on flying to him. Napapasulyap ako sa kanya habang abala siya sa pakikinig. Ni isang beses hindi nagtama ang tingin namin. It almost looked like he was avoiding my gaze.
After the meeting, kinuha ko na ang mga gamit ko at naglakad palabas. I stopped in front of the door when Sevi held the door handle. He looked at me and immediately let go of the handle, pursing his lips.
"You can leave first, Miss Ledezma," seryosong sabi niya.
"T-thanks." I looked away.
"Tutal, doon ka magaling," he sarcastically said.
I stiffened. Napatingin ako sa kanya pero tinalikuran na niya 'ko at nakipag-usap sa kaibigan niya. I cleared my throat before leaving the room with Alice behind me.
"Magkaaway po ata kayo, Madam," Alice carefully said.
"N-no, we're... We're not," I denied.
I stopped walking, so Alice also stopped. I sighed heavily and massaged my head, getting frustrated now.
"Ano'ng oras tapos ng last kong meeting for today?" I asked Alice.
"Four, Madam," she answered.
I nodded. "I'm going to... Batangas after."
I'll just try my luck. Pagkabalik ko sa office, tinext ko kaagad si Engineer Lavin para tanungin kung pupunta roon si Sevi ngayong araw.
From: Engineer Lavin
Yes dito na siya natutulog sa hotel. Magkaaway ata ang mag-asawa? Ayaw umuwi nung isa?
I rolled my eyes before typing a reply.
To: Engineer Lavin
No we're not fighting, and I already moved out.
From: Engineer Lavin
Nyek kaya pala badtrip siya lagi, e. Nilayasan n'yo lang isa't-isa hahaha
Hindi na 'ko nag-reply. I was just waiting for four o'clock all day. Hindi na 'ko nakapag-focus sa last meeting ko dahil abala na 'ko sa kakaisip kung ano ang sasabihin ko kay Sevi. Engineer Lavin informed me that Sevi was already there on the site so umalis na kaagad ako sa office.
Medyo madilim na nang makarating ako sa Batangas. I was impulsive. I still didn't know what to say to him. His words earlier struck me.
"Engineer Lavin!" I called.
"Naroon! Sa beach! Nagmumuni-muni!" he shouted back. He was busy talking to Engineer Castillo. "Nagdadrama roon, 'di ba p're?"
Good thing I changed my heels to flats. Hindi ako nahirapang maglakad sa buhanginan. I saw Sevi beside the beach, watching the waves. Hinahangin ang polong suot at ang buhok kaya medyo magulo. He was picking a rock and throwing it on the water.
"Engineer Camero." I stopped walking.
He turned to me with a surprised look on his face, pero napalitan din ng galit. He shook his head and walked away from me. I sighed heavily before running towards him.
"Hey..." I grabbed his arm.
"Ano?" He hissed, pulling his arm back. "Ano na naman ba 'yon, Elyse? Bakit ba nandito ka?"
"We need to talk," I told him.
He scoffed in disbelief before looking away from me, thinking. I bit my lower lip and walked closer to him.
"I'm sorry," I said in a soft voice.
"Ang hilig mo talagang umalis, tapos bumalik, tapos umalis ulit, tapos bumalik na naman, tangina..." He couldn't look at me. "Ano ba talaga'ng gusto mo?"
"You didn't want me there at the first place. I already left. The unit is all yours now. I did you a favor, right?" I asked. "I left to give you space-"
"Ngayon pa?" He looked at me with so much pain in his eyes.
I couldn't talk. He sighed and looked away again. Tears slowly formed at the corner of his eyes, which made my heart hurt.
"Ngayon pa talaga, ElysE? Pagkatapos mo kong sanayin na... na nandiyan ka... Aalis ka ulit." His voice broke. He covered his eyes and shook his head. "Sana hindi ka na lang bumalik kung may plano ka rin palang iwan ako ulit..."
"What do you really want me to do? Hindi ba masakit sa 'yo na manatili ako roon?" A tear fell from my eye.
"Mas masakit 'yong pag-iwan mo kaysa sa pananatili mo, Elyse." He started crying. "Wala nang mas sasakit pa roon..."
I looked up at the sky when I felt droplets of rain. I grabbed Sevi's arm and tried to pull him back to the office, but he refused to walk.
"It's going to rain. Come on." I tried again but he pulled his arm away from me.
"Hinanap kita..." He bit his lower lip, looking down at the sand.
"W-what?" I blinked twice.
"Hinanap kita... Noong umalis ka noon. Hinanap kita. Binalak kong sundan ka, kahit sinabi kong ayaw na kitang makita, tangina, kahit masulyapan ka lang, masaya na 'ko." He gave me a sarcastic smile. "Para kong niloloko sarili ko. Alam kong ang tanga ko kasi okay na, eh... pinakawalan na kita, pero hindi ko pala kaya..."
"I'm sorry..." I started crying too.
"Limang taon, Elyse." He tried to wipe his tears away but they kept on falling. "Limang taon... Paano kita makakalimutan? Paano? Sabihin mo sa 'kin kasi, tangina, kahit anong gawin ko, ayaw talaga, eh... Kahit saan ako tumingin, naaalala kita. Sa lahat ng bagay, pati sa tinitirhan ko, may bakas mo. Paano ako makakausad?"
"I don't know, Sevi! I never tried..." I shook my head.
"Talaga?" He scoffed. "Bakit parang ang dali sa 'yo? Bakit noong nakita mo 'ko ulit, ang dali sa 'yong ngumiti? Ang dali sa 'yong pakisamahan ako pagkatapos.. Pagkatapos mo 'kong iwan.. Paano 'yon?"
"I was happy to see you again. I was dying to see you again but I tried to stop myself because you told me to never show myself to you again," I explained. "Sev, it was hard for me, too..."
"Limang taon 'yon, Elyse..." He cried more. "Halos lahat ng gawin ko, naaalala kita. Paggising, pagkain, pag-inom, pag-alis, pag-uwi, lahat..."
"It was never easy for me, Sevi. I had to leave because I wanted to have time for myself. I needed to save myself, too... I lost everyone. I lost my family! I lost my support system! I had no one at that time," I hissed.
"Naiintindihan ko naman, eh..." Sevi nodded. "Naiintindihan ko naman.. Ang hindi ko maintindihan.. Bakit umalis ka na naman? Gustong-gusto mo ba 'kong sinasaktan? May nagawa ba 'kong mali? Gusto ko lang naman i-celebrate 'yong birthday mo... Ano b'ang ginawa ko?"
"I'm sorry..." I tried to hold his hand. "I realized a lot of things. I felt guilty. I felt selfish for.. wanting us to go back together again."
"Bakit kailangan mo 'kong iwan ulit?" He broke down.
My knees fell on the sand so we could be on the same level. He looked down, avoiding my eyes. My vision was so blurry because of my tears. I could hear the waves, the air, his pain, and mine.
"Ginawa ko naman lahat para manatili ka ulit. Ako na nagluluto, ako na rin nagbabayad ng lahat, kung pwede lang, ako na rin maglinis at mahugas, huwag ka lang umalis ulit. Bumabawi na 'ko sa lahat ng kasalanan ko sa 'yo noon, Elyse, bakit... Bakit umalis ka na naman?" He asked with so much pain in his voice.
"I'm sorry. I was a coward. I was scared for us." I sat beside him. "Aren't you scared for us, Sevi? What if we get hurt again?"
He looked at the beach, wiping his tears away. He inhaled a large amount of air to calm himself down. I was staring at him, waiting for his answer.
"Mas kaya kong tiisin ang sakit kapag nandiyan ka," he whispered.
________________________________________________________________________________
.