The remainder of our time in Queens went faster than I would've liked. I developed a newfound appreciation for Felicity's family and their friends which honestly just proved my point that I needed to leave Riverdale behind.
I had yet to acknowledge any of the communications on my phone, minus those to Cheryl, Toni, and Reggie. Everything else was pointless, and I knew I was irking Veronica with the read receipt and no response. It just seemed silly to care what they had to say at this point.
There was nothing to be missed as I stepped into my apartment with Mocha. More videotapes had been shared, but I couldn't even be bothered to look at the one on my doorstep. At this point, if they wanted to take me out, they could happily do so.
Cheryl had shared the extremely cringy video of Archie, Veronica, Betty, and Jughead performing at the Variety Show which was held at Pop's due to Mr. Honey's negativity. I can't say I was surprised about any of it. So missing the week of... whatever that was, proved to be a wise decision.
The harsh reality on hand was that I had to continue finishing this year despite what the hell had been happening for the past few weeks. So if that meant going to school, avoiding everyone, coming home, and doing it all over again until I moved to California, then so be it.
Mentally preparing myself for that to be the case was going to the be hardest part. Senior year was always hyped up to be the best year of high school or college. Nobody tells you how hard it is if things don't turn out that way. You look back on the entire time spent over four years and wonder where it went wrong. All the good memories are tainted by that point. And there's nothing you can do besides accept it and move on.
I tossed all my dirty laundry in the basket before throwing myself across my messy bed. My apartment could definitely use a deep clean since all I'd been doing was rotting away in the dark recently.
With a groan, I decided to finally acknowledge the mass of text messages that had been piling into my phone since we left. There were none from Jughead, which didn't surprise me. I picked Veronica first, figuring hers might actually be worthwhile.
Are you okay? Jughead said you guys went to Stonewall???
Vanna, I know you're mad at me but please let me know if you're okay.
I just went by your apartment. Where are you?
Can you call me, please? I know you're reading these messages.
Reggie said you're in NYC. Call me.
Hellooooooo?
Daddy's health is declining. I think you need to come home.
I'm sorry about everything.
I rolled my eyes at her attempts to get me to answer. Paired with the countless missed calls, if anything were serious, I'm sure Mom or Hermosa would've reached out. I didn't doubt that things weren't normal, but they would know better than to have Veronica speak for the group.
I loved my sister dearly. She truly was one of my best friends, but the fact that she lied to me and left me incoherent on my doorstep said something else. Despite what Jughead told me, it was hard to believe people would continue to build and grow this whole web of lies if they really cared. I groaned loudly and shoved my face into my comforter. May was right; nobody said this was going to be easy. I let out a deep breath before typing a message out.
I'm home if you want to talk.
I quickly locked the device and tossed it out of sight before pushing myself off the comfort of my bed. I needed to clean this apartment now. Living in this pit of despair was not going to help me get over what happened, even if I didn't think I could do it.
It didn't take very long before Veronica was throwing open my front door and rushing inside. I was standing in the kitchen, cup of coffee in hand as I watched her with an unamused look on my face. I had a feeling she would drop everything and come straight over. We hadn't spoken since the other day in the bunker and even before that, it had been slim.
She closed the door softer than it had opened before finally meeting my gaze. "Hi."
"Hi," I mumbled before taking a sip of my drink. She tossed her coat over the couch but didn't move from the entryway. I fought the urge to roll my eyes at the awkward tension that was suffocating the room. "You don't have to act like you're walking on eggshells."
Her shoulders relaxed but I could tell she wasn't fully comfortable either. Despite what I imagined, Veronica looked unhappy. To the average person, I'm sure she looked pristine but to me, I could tell there was a lot on her mind.
"I don't even know where to start," She admitted as she sat down on the barstool across from me. For a person who had a busy week singing and performing, she didn't seem too joyful.
I leaned my back against the counter behind me and shrugged. "I don't really know what to tell you. And I don't mean that to be a bitch, but I don't know what to do anymore, Veronica. If you want me to be honest, I'm mentally drained. I couldn't care less about anything right now. I went to Queens to get away and truthfully, it just confirmed I need to get the hell out of Riverdale. Staying here is hurting me. It's toxic. And there's not one person who could stop me from thinking otherwise."
Veronica nodded and let out a breath. "I don't... I don't blame you. For any of that, and I'm sure there are a multitude of cruel things you could conjure my way if you wanted. I just feel like I owe you a million and one apologies and an explanation from my side."
I set my drink on the counter and shrugged. "You don't have to give me an explanation. I don't know if it would really change my view on what happened anyway. Jughead told me enough."
"But that's not my side of the story," She countered, her voice more stern than I expected. "I want you to hear my feelings and how fucked up I think this whole thing is despite going along with it."
"What are you-"
"Do you not realize the gravity of the things we all put you through?" She was getting louder now, more frustration leaking into her tone. "Savanna, we left you, drugged, on your doorstep. Betty and Archie faked being together. We were all accused of murder and she didn't bat an eye. You don't think that's fucked up?"
I tossed my arms out. "Of course, I think it's fucked up! The situation is so fucked up on many ends that I can't even begin to process it so I don't know what you-"
"I want you to be mad at me!" Veronica was shouting now, tears brimming her eyes and threatening to spill over. "I want you to scream at me and storm away and be mad because you deserve to be angry! You deserve to be upset and to take it out on me because I put you through that! I'm your sister and I put you through something traumatizing. So why aren't you yelling?"
I froze for a second, my jaw slack as I watched the tears fall from her eyes. This was Veronica. My Veronica. The girl who taught me how to apply mascara at the age of 14 because I didn't know the first thing about makeup. The girl who held my hand when we walked to lunch in school. The girl who held me and let me cry myself to sleep when the nightmares became too much. My Veronica.
"I don't want to yell at you," I admitted and dropped my arms as I sank to the floor. "I'm so sick of yelling, and-and of being upset. It gets me nowhere. No matter what I do or say, it doesn't change how someone treats me so why do I bother?"
I pushed the palms of my hands against my forehead to try and ground my thoughts. "My whole life all I wanted was a family that would love me. And when things went to shit between me and Dad and even partially me and Mom, I convinced myself to give up that idea. I figured I could find that same love within my friends. And...and it felt like that, for a while, so I was happy. I was so thankful to finally feel what other people had described for so long and then this happened. It's like the biggest disappointment."
"It's more than a disappointment," Veronica replied, "It's a failure. On our end. A failure at being shitty friends and family. At the lack of respect and love we have for you. You're right. It's a disappointment but it's a horrible, probably honest, representation of how we treat you."
She pushed herself out of the chair and made her way closer to sit across from me on the floor. "That's what it is. It's a horribly honest representation that you deserve so much better than us. I have no doubt going to Queens proved that too."
She hit the nail on the head. I just didn't want to be the one to voice it. The fact that everyone was begging for forgiveness or needed to explain said it all. They knew I didn't deserve it but they still wanted me back. Except Betty, I guess, but forget that.
At the end of the day, Veronica was the only family member I had left to lean on. Maybe Hermosa, but she didn't know me the way Veronica did and quite honestly, she never would.
I groaned loudly and let my head fall back against the cabinet behind me. "I don't know if I'm ready to have this conversation."
"You're going to have to push yourself through this," She challenged. "You know that. I know you don't want to and you'd much rather lay in bed and wait until you can disappear into the shadows, but it won't happen. As much as I hate to say it, all eyes are on you right now, not Jughead."
The Stonewall kids would probably find out that I had no idea what happened, but it was nice to see the confusion on their faces for an hour. The town of Riverdale, was a whole different issue, and considering I jumped ship the second Jughead "came back", I'm sure they put the pieces together.
"That does not make me feel better."
Veronica's hand was suddenly on my knee, the coolness of her skin spreading. "I know it doesn't. It's the truth though, hard as it may be. Everyone's wondering how you are. Jughead's fine. He's reenrolled and attempting to graduate on time. I'm sure they were confused, but based on how you had been through everything, I'm guessing they hold more concern on your part."
The thought of facing everyone in school of all places, sounded horrendous. But the thought of doing it and showing how I felt was even worse.
"You're going to have to help me."
Veronica's face morphed into one of shock. "Me?"
I let my shoulders slump and nodded. "Yeah, you. You wanna redeem yourself? It starts right now."
--
sorry she's short. anyone have ideas on what they wanna see in these last few episodes??
boutta go head first into Iron Flame see y'all next week byeeee