t/w: mentions of depression/suicide, pls read with caution!
--
"Hey."
The car had been relatively quiet for twenty minutes as I sat curled up in the driver's seat. I couldn't bring myself to leave when things slowly started to wrap up and resorted to slipping out to the fresh air and the comfort of my music through the speakers.
My chest was burning as I held my breath, hoping I'd either pass out from lack of oxygen or just disappear altogether. I was at a loss for what to do next. I had nobody to go home to, my family practically didn't exist, the majority of my friends were in on a huge lie, and there just was no point. As much as I wanted to act like nothing happened, that wasn't true.
Despite what I wanted to say, Jughead slid into the passenger seat even though I wanted to let out the most heart-wrenching scream. There was so much pain built up in my head and it hurt. My heart physically hurt like it was being broken into little pieces and there was nothing I could do to stop it.
"You need to breathe."
"Don't fucking tell me what to do!" I gasped out and slammed my head against the seat behind me. My hands were clenched so tightly I knew my skin was breaking beneath my nails. My eyes were closed just as tight as I fought to put air in my lungs and not choke on my tears. I would do anything, anything to get rid of this feeling.
It was a weird feeling to go through waves of steady emotion to a plummeting downfall. Just when you thought you'd cried all your tears, there's suddenly an influx that hasn't even been broken into. I just wanted to go to sleep and never wake up.
"Savanna, look at me."
I shook my head, making a point to turn away from him. His hand moved to my knee to which I quickly smacked away, his touch practically burning the skin beneath my clothes. I pushed my head back further into the headrest and faced forward as I finally forced my eyes open.
"I..." I huffed out a breath and tried to speak somewhat normally. "I love you. I love you so much that I can't even put it into words and you...you threw all of that away over three kids with a vengeance to fill. I lost friends, I lost my sister, and I lost you. I know I've said that. So, I sat in that classroom and put on my best act because, despite the hell that you put me through, I still love you. And it fucking hurts, Jughead!" I turned toward him as my voice cracked and tears fell from my eyes.
"It fucking hurts to love someone who clearly had no problem putting me through so much pain! It's like gasping for air that won't fill the burn in your lungs and-and..." I paused to take a shaky breath. "It probably doesn't even make sense to you. To feel so unwanted, so unloved that even the most important people in your life don't blink an eye at the idea of volunteering you to suffer to solve an unnecessary murder mystery."
I couldn't stop the laugh from escaping my throat as I put into words what had been so hard to wrap my head around. People I loved more than anything had no problem pushing me off the plank into rough seas to help their causes.
"Forget it. Nothing I say is going to change what happened anyway, so consider me out of your life, Jughead Jones. Next time, it would be way easier to ask."
I didn't wait for him to even provide an answer and ripped my seatbelt across my chest to buckle. There was no point in constantly repeating myself because it truly wouldn't change anything that happened. Nothing would.
Jughead's fingers pushed into the seatbelt buckle and released the hold it had before turning fully toward me so I couldn't avoid him. "Stop. You're right, okay? You're right. We, I put you through hell. I did. You didn't deserve any of this. I know that, you know that, and everyone else involved knows that."
--
"Are you sure about this?"
Veronica Lodge stood in the infamous bunker, looking quite torn up despite how she typically presented herself. The past two days had been horrible for her. She not only dealt with almost losing one of her friends, but she couldn't shake the image of leaving her sister in the state she did.
Jughead was still groggy as he leaned against the cold walls of the bunker. His head was wrapped tightly with gauze, eyes unfocused as he looked up at her. Betty and Archie had been here a few moments ago before dismissing themselves to put on their show together as according to plan.
"What-"
"She's a wreck, Jughead," Veronica stated bluntly. "And despite what Betty likes to say, I don't think she'll be okay. She's pissed at all of us, which I expected, but I don't think she'll last without knowing."
Jughead let out a deep breath and closed his eyes. This had been the hardest part of the plan. Betty and Charles ensured it was necessary but Jughead and Veronica had their doubts.
"She's my sister, Jug. I refuse to be someone who hurts her like everyone in the past. She of all people does not deserve that."
"I know, I know," Jughead sighed and opened his eyes. "What do we do?"
For once, Veronica didn't know. The slightest slip-up could send everything spiraling and she wouldn't be able to stop it.
The Lodge teen shook her head. "According to Charles, there's nothing we can do. She was out for the entirety of us setting everything up but it won't take long before Felicity and Reggie are up our asses with questions and accusations. That's not even the part I'm worried about though."
Jughead knew where she was going with this. Had he been conscious within the first day, or even after what had happened, he would've made sure Savanna was aware enough to know he was okay.
"Jughead, I'm worried she's going to hurt herself."
That was what he was afraid of. The two of them in particular were not strangers to Savanna's past and her tendencies. As strong as she was, something like this was too heavy for her to handle on her own.
"Where is she?" He asked as if he had any clue how to help without telling the truth.
"I wish I knew." Veronica shrugged. "She turned her location off. I saw her yesterday morning at Pop's, to which she rightly cussed us out, and I haven't heard from her since. I'm sure Felicity is with her but still, it's-"
"Call Cheryl," Jughead's response was instant. "Talk to her about whatever but make sure you say the word 'flower' and 'plan' in the same sentence. Do not tell Charles and Betty, I'm not sure if she'll figure out that it's me, but she'll handle it."
Veronica watched him for a moment. Jughead was far from okay and not just physically, either. This was tearing him up inside to not have Savanna involved. She knew it would, and it was honestly the only thing making her doubt Betty's plan.
"Are you okay?"
Jughead had heard the question plenty over the past few hours to days but it had never come from Veronica. He finally looked at her, both of them understanding the things that wouldn't be spoken out loud.
"I'm not worried about me. Just make sure she's okay."
--
FP was going through a string of emotions. He knew Riverdale wasn't the safest place to raise a family, but never once did he expect to lose his eldest child this early.
Betty Cooper was dragging him headfirst into a concoction of lies he could barely keep up with. After revealing the fake blood on the rock, he agreed to follow the blonde teen into the woods for this bunker he'd visited a couple of times before.
Now, he was face to face with his son who looked very much alive despite being a little banged up. FP didn't hesitate to wrap his child in a hug, a heavy weight falling off his shoulders.
"Oh, Jug. Damn, you had me worried," FP huffed and placed his hand on the teen's shoulders. "You kids are crazy."
Despite being stuck without fresh air and sunlight, Jughead looked okay. The gauze was still on his head but color had returned to his face and he was more alert than when he had first been brought down here.
"Your sister's been so scared, and those... those kids at Stonewall were no help. And Savanna, she's a mess, she's gonna be so relieved-"
"Savanna can't know, Mr. Jones," Betty's tone was quick and stern. "This is being kept under wraps. We have a plan to expose the murders that are hiding under Stonewall and for that to happen, they have to think Jughead is truly dead."
FP took a second to follow Betty's words and turned to regard his son. "She has no idea you're okay?"
Jughead's face sank at the constant thoughts that had been plaguing his mind being brought up again. His doubts about listening to Betty were starting to grow. Yes, he knew Savanna was being watched by oncoming eyes and it was important that she looked the part. Did that really need to happen without her knowing he was okay? She could hold her own and portray the emotions needed.
"Boy, I swear."
"Mr. Jones, it's only the beginning. We need to stage a search party and we need to convince everyone else of what they're hoping isn't true. They need to believe Jughead's dead. Savanna included."
FP looked at her but his expression said something completely different than understanding. He disregarded Betty, knowing it wasn't his place to correct her, and turned to the person he at least had some control over. "Jughead, I don't know what web of lies you all are spinning, nor do I want to, but anything you put that girl through concerning this, I do not approve of."
"Dad, I-"
"Jughead, I love you," FP sighed and held both sides of his son's face. "I really do. You're so smart and you've got a big heart. But you and I both know if this goes on and Savanna thinks you're gone, she will never forgive you. And I will stand next to her and agree with every word she has to say about it."
--
Some rain started to patter on the windows of the car, the sky turning darker with every gust of wind as I stared at Jughead.
"There's so much you still don't know, and if you don't want to hear it, I get it. I wouldn't blame you. I don't blame you for any of your feelings right now Sav, but I swear to you, more than anything, I love you. You probably don't believe me, and I wouldn't either if I were in your shoes. I love you so much, and you can ask anyone who knew that you were the only person on my mind throughout it all." His eyes were teary as he leaned across the center console, hands on my arms to keep me in place.
"You're it for me. I know right now isn't the time to be dealing with this. There's a lot that still has to happen and I'm not going to push you, so if you want to run, you can run. But if anything, if I can just see you and know that you're okay, that's enough for me."
It brought some comfort to know that Jughead was thinking of me despite what he knew I was going through. I closed my eyes and collected myself with his words. "Betty's after the Tracey True contract."
Jughead's grip loosened on my arms for just a moment. "What?"
I swallowed the knot in my throat as I recounted the information I'd seen from Veronica's phone when she left it on my kitchen counter. "Hermosa was digging into Donna's past to figure out her involvement. She's been awarded the contract for Tracey True. It's a long story involving her grandma, I don't have the details. Betty wants the contract for herself, that's why she went headfirst into this and kicked me out."
Jughead looked positively confused. "Wha-what? I mean even if she wants the contract, why would that involve keeping you out?"
I shrugged, my eyes burning with involuntary tears. "I don't know! Because she hates me? Because she thinks I would get the contract instead if I tried? I don't know. It's a perfect outlet for her to air all her dirty laundry and make a profit."
It was just a theory based on something I'd gotten a wave of. It didn't change the outcome, or how betrayed I felt.
"Sav, I'm so sorry. I can't say it enough."
I bit my lip and nodded as I looked away from him. "I need time, Jug. I don't know how much, and we can take this day by day, but I just need some time."
His expression was sad but he didn't seem hopeless as he nodded. "Yeah, yeah of course. I'll um...I'll see you around."
I watched as he climbed out of the car, pausing to give me a forced smile before shutting the door. He moved slowly to where his dad was walking out to his car, not sparing a glance before throwing himself in the passenger seat. FP pulled his door open and stopped as he turned to face me, smiling sadly in my direction before disappearing into the car.
Pulling the seatbelt across my body, I let the last few tears fall. Even though there was so much more to talk about, my chest felt much lighter than before, which made my next decision much easier.
--
I bypassed my apartment and walked straight into Felicity's which happened to be unlocked more often than it should.
"You need to lock your door," I commented to the girl who was standing at her counter. A storm raged outside sending a streak of lightning in the window for a moment.
"And you need to mind your business," She joked as she finished drying the plate in her hand and set it aside. "You look way better than when I saw you this morning. What happened?"
I shrugged and sat down on her barstool as she dug her hands back in the soapy water. "A lot. We talked, exposed the Stonewall kids, watched the teacher jump out a window, Jughead ripped apart our sex tape, cried, talked some more, and then here we are."
She hesitated for a moment but then continued. "Okay, gonna act like you said some normal things there. I'm glad you talked though, how are you feeling?"
"Wanna go home?"
Felicity dropped the fork in her hand as she made eye contact with me. "Excuse me?"
I smiled at her as if I hadn't just asked the most random question ever. "Do you, Felicity Parker, want to go home to Queens?"
"Like now?"
"Like right fucking now."
"Get your dog. I'll meet you in the car."
--
riverdale x mcu crossover here we comeeeee
happy halloween friends :)