I sigh and close my eyes as I wait for darkness to consume me.
<*~*~*>
Yoongi pov
In the morning I groan at the feeling of being awake. Great. I just had to live to see another day.
"Yoongi-chi, come on," Jin says, running his fingers through my hair. "We have a photoshoot today." He says softly.
I manage to pull myself to the bathroom and squeeze in my daily 30 but I do it on my thighs since I ran out of long sleeved shirts. I bandage my thighs and put black sweatpants over them and sigh. I swear, someone is going to catch me doing this and take my blades away.
Knowing you, you'd probably get yourself caught. You should hide it better.
Or not do it at all?
Well then, where's the fun in that?
I ignore the voices in my head and change the bandages on both arms. Fuck. I can't show up to the photoshoot like this.
"Jin hyung," I say peeking my heead through the bathroom door. "Hm?" He looks over. "D-do you have a hoodie or s-something? I n-need to b-borrow one."
Stop stuttering you idiot.
Sorry.
I grab onto the doorframe for support and my bandaged fingers are exposed. Jin sighs and comes over, pulling me out of the bathroom. "I'm sor--." Jin shushes me. "Don't say your sorry. It isn't your fault."
I feel like crying. "Jin hyung, are you mad a-at me?" I ask. He shakes his head before giving me a tight squeeze. "Sorry Yoongi-ah, I ran out of hoodies." Crap. I hang my head in defeat. Maybe Taehyung has one. Jin and I get up and go to the living room where everyone else is.
"Taehyung-ah, do you have a sweatshirt or something?" I ask as I feel everyones eyes on me. This is exactly why I need to cover my arms. "Come," He says, lightly grabbing my wrists. He pulls me into his room to his closet filled with shirts, hoodies, and sweatshirts. This is practically my heaven. I settle on a black hoodie that is a bit oversized but that's how I like my hoodies.
"Thanks." I say, putting it on. "No problem! Come on, Jin hyung says we get to order takeout for breakfast!" He says pulling me along with a boxy smile and sitting me down on the couch with him.
I smile as I watch him. How can he be so optimistic all the time? Being happy sounds like fun. I wonder what that feels like. "Okay, guys let's go! Jungkook wake up!" Namjoon says, ruffling the sleeping boy's hair.
"Let's go! Taehyung, you can cuddle Yoongi hyung later, come on we gotta go!" Taehyung pouts but then he smirks. Oh no, what is this boy up to? He picks me up and carries me to the car bridal style. Normally, I would complain about beig carried, but hey, it's extra sleep and I'm not complaining.
Once we're all settled and in the car, I scroll through Twitter. I know I shouldn't but I can't help it.
dekuuu.uwuyoongi is the reason I stopped stanning bts
^chickenhobisoupthat's the dumbest reason ever
^stan_loona_bixhesyou shouldn't unstan just because you're a homophobe and we don't need homophobes in the fandom anyway lmao
I can't help but feel happy that army has my back but then I see another post.
chims.wifeyoongi should just leave bangtan! please I just lose so many braincells listening to his music
^kooks.timberlandscan you like not? toxic non army
^spilt.coffeebut chims.wife is right
^chims.wifehell yeah i'm right yoongay is so weird being pansexual </3
I turn off my phone and rest my head on Taehyung's shoulder as we pull up to the shooting studio. We were shooting our concept photos for Map of The Soul: 7 and our hair had already been prepped and ready, weeks before.
We see the makeup and stylist noonas and greet them. One of the makeup noonas Shin Hyunae legally adopted Izumi to live with her husband (Minjun) and her 8 year old daughter (Heejin)after her parents kicked her out for "destroying their beloved daughter Seoyeon's life" so now, she has a place to live.
"Izumi-ah, how've you been holding up?" Izumi smiles and gets her brushes ready, doing color swatches with eye shadow on the back of her hand. "I've been okay. I've still got a huge scar though. Hyunae says they're my battle scars!" She says cheerily, with a smile.
"Hyunae and Minjun told me don't call them 'Eomma' or 'Appa', they say it makes them feel old." Izumi says and I laugh at that. Her eyes drift down towards my arm. "You've still got your abttle scars too," She says running a slender finger over my arm as she gives me a sad smile.
"Don't worry," She says as she holds my chin to apply foundation. "You're gonna be okay. And also," Izumi whispers. "What is it?" I ask. "You're so lucky you get to wear long sleeves for today's shoot." She says squeezing my shoulder supportively. I sigh in relief as I go to change into my clothes.
While posing for pictures, two other members are filming Bangtan Bombs for Army, but I don't want to be seen by Army.
You're too messed up to be seen.
<*~*~*>
Author pov
After his shoot, Yoongi visibly trembles as the voices in his head continues to spit harsh words at him.
No, no, Yoongi, not here. Not now. Breathe for a second. I need to calm myself down and I can't.
Yoongi gets up and whispers shakily to his hyung, "Can I go for a second?" Jin is confused and concerned. "Are you okay?" Yoongi nods, as if he's trying to convince himslf. "I just need to get out for a second," He says, feeling the walls close in on him. Yoongi grips onto Jin's arm for support, as he feels very dizzy.
Jin lightly pats the rappers cheeks to keep him from passing out completely as black spots dance around his vision.
"Yoongi-chi? Yoongi-ah, can you here me?" Someone comes quickly and leads him outside and Yoongi recognizes their voice.
"Okay, Yoongi hyung I'm gonna count to ten, okay?"
Yoongi, eyes shut tightly, swallows as tears form in his eyes.
"One."
Army love you.
"Two."
Your bandmates love you.
"Three."
You're special to everyone around you.
"Four."
You're talented beyond belief.
"Five."
Faggot. Maybe if you hold your breath, you'll suffocate to death.
"No, no, no, just breathe with me okay?" Yoongi nods slowly after hyperventilating, taking a breath.
"Six."
Everyone cares for you.
"Seven."
You are worth it.
"Eight."
You're special and deserve to feel special.
"Nine."
You can get through this.
"Ten."
You are not alone.
Yoongi open his eyes to see Jimin. "Jimin-ah, I'm sorry for--," He cuts him off. "Hyung, it isn't your fault, I was being stubborn."
"I was being even more stubborn!" Yoongi say. "No me!" Jimin protests as they fall silent. They end up bursting into laughter. "Hey can we promise eachother something?" Jimin says coming closer. "To always come to someone if we need help." Jimin says holding his small pinky towards his hyung.
Yoongi bites his lip. That's going to be hard for him. He usually doesn't like asking for help. But he has to try. Yoongi smiles and interlocks his pinky with the younger's and falls onto his lap smiling. "Does your back still hurt?" Yoongi asks looking up at Jimin.
"Not as much, I can walk now." Yoongi sighs in relief as Jimin strokes his hair. "You ready to go?" He asks. "Yeah." Yoongi says. Jimin leans down and gives him a kiss on his forehead. "You did good." He says helping Yoongi up. "Thanks." Yoongi says, flashing a gummy smile.
Jimin walks in, holding onto Yoongi's pinky. "Hey, are you alright? You nearly passed out!" Jin says. "I'm okay, hyung." Yoongi says, reassuringly. "Sorry for holding up the shoot." He say, looking down. "You didn't, it's okay. All of the members finished." A stylist noona said.
Izumi coomes up to the boys. "I'm 300% sure that the pictures came out great and you all did amazing!" She says, clutching onto her bags. "Bye, guys!" Izumi says, running to catch up with Hyunae.
Jimin squeezes Yoongi's hand smiling at him. "So, I see you two finally made up." Hoseok says. "Yeah, we did." Jimin says smiling at Hoseok and he gives him a heart-shaped smile in return. "Hey, Yoongi," Jimin whispers. "Yeah?" He says turning to him.
"You're really strong for fighting through your pain." Jimin says as Yoongi smiles. "Hey, so were you." It's Jimin's turn to smile this time. "Well hyung,"
"Let's be strong together."
Hi! I can't help but feel this chapter is late for some reason :/ sorry
How is everyone doing with online classes? Mine still suck but at least I get to stuff my face with food lol
Also please check out Nevermindedmind's "Let Me Out" you are missing out on some good angst if it's not in your reading list, just saying
As always,
Stay safe!
Love yourself,
Be yourself,
And stream Fire because it infires me a lot
Have a good day/night c: