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「 Lesson #10: Honesty is the best policy 」
Dedicated to: All of you who are still here and talk to me even though I'm terrible at updating.
A/N ~ If you're here thanks for sticking around I love and appreciate you. You might want to skim read the last chapter?
I will post again when this reaches 120 votes & comments <3
POV: MACKENZIE ZIEGLER
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I woke up to an empty bed. Rolling over, and reveling in the warmth the sheets held, I blinked open my eyes. A couple of moments after I did so, my eyes had adjusted to the light that was Johnny's bedroom and I froze, fragments of memories spinning through my mind like a kaleidoscope.
Drinking last night, tipping back wine after wine at the party. Pulling into Johnny's driveway, not knowing what the hell I was doing. The knife I dropped that sliced into my thigh. Suddenly finding myself so close to John on his kitchen floor I could barely draw breath. His curls tickling my chin and his head tucked into my neck, our hands linked tight as the water ran off our skin in the shower, the way he stroked Max's hair as the kids fell asleep next to us.
A rush of warmth and love for him hit me in the gut as I stumbled into the bathroom, but quickly turned into shock as I noticed two red-blue hickeys on the side of my neck. Nice– not. I was going to have to wear a hoodie for the next while. They weren't super noticeable, but I couldn't have anyone find out. No way. My slip-up couldn't turn into gossip, because in this small town gossip spread far too fast.
Embarrassed beyond belief, I shut the bathroom door and got the shower going. I needed time to reflect and sit with what I'd done. The hot water pounded on my skin and I heaved in breath after breath, sinking down to sit in the bottom of the shower. What had I done?
Johnny and I hadn't had sex. We didn't even kiss each other. But we made out and we showered together and we slept in the same bed and we admitted our honest feelings; my cheeks heated up just thinking about it all. It had been a mess. A topsy-turvy roller coaster of desire and lust and want and sadness and loyalty and wistfulness. And now I didn't know what to feel.
I had become that girl. The girl who cheated on her boyfriend for her long-time lover. The guilt and shame washed in. Grateful for the loud shower, I cried. Horrible, ugly sobs that left snot dribbling down my chin and my stomach aching with anxiety.
I was tipsy last night, I knew that, but it was like seventeen-year-old Mackenzie had jumped into my body and suspended all coherent thought and responsible behaviour. My hormones must have been all over the place, and mixed with a little alcohol and a sprinkle of lust, it had been like a forest fire.
I marvelled at my body as what looked like dark red fingernail marks were dug into my hips. A snapshot of Johnny clutching onto my waist as I moaned came to mind. I pushed the image away, fast.
Not only that, but I hadn't been honest with John about everything that was going on in my life. He didn't know about the job offer I had on my plate in Canada. He didn't know about me struggling to get along with Hayden despite our ever-looming wedding. Worst of all, he didn't know about my mother, who was lying in a grave rather than in her old house like he expected her to be.
I mulled over everything for a long time. It wasn't until the water began to run cold when I finally jerked back into my body, promptly stopped crying and got out. I dried myself furiously with a towel, making my skin red in an attempt to stop feeling sorry for myself, and sneaking into Johnny's drawers, stole a semi-normal outfit. When I was dressed, I schooled my features into a smile, wiped at my bloodshot eyes and took a deep, calming breath before walking out to the kitchen.
Even from the hallway I could smell the pancakes Johnny was cooking. Couple that with the laughter and excited exclamations from the kids, and I knew that they were having fun. I tried to smile again, but when I heard both kids collapse into giggles it turned real.
"Mommy!" Brea exclaimed, pointing to a pile of multicoloured pancakes as I walked in.
I laughed at the sight, taking in the kitchen. Johnny had managed to keep the kitchen relatively tidy while cooking breakfast, but the kids had gone crazy with the food colouring. It had dyed their hands, stained their tounges, and they had chunks of different coloured pancakes resting on their plates; bright pink, a pale green, a dark blue.
"I did the green ones," Max told me proudly.
I ruffled his hair. "I'm so proud, you did a great job Maxy-boy."
"My pink ones are prettier," Brea boasted, and I laughed and rolled my eyes.
Johnny's eyes sought out my own. "Morning," His voice cracked and he gave me a small smile.
I blushed at his obvious nervousness and squeezed his hand under the bench where the kids couldn't see. "Good morning."
"Good shower?" I could see him surveying my face and probably noticing my bloodshot eyes from crying.
"It went cold," I wrinkled my nose.
He chuckled. "You're okay though?" Almost absentmindedly, his hand brushed my hair behind my ear.
I nodded genuinely. "Okay now. I got it out. Can we chat after breakfast?"
He nodded. "Of course. By the way, I saved you some normal coloured pancakes. Didn't think you'd appreciate having a brightly coloured mouth for the rest of the day."
I giggled, and this time I blushed. "Thank you."
When I'd finished eating, Johnny and I ran round trying to get the kids ready. It was the most I'd ever seen us act like actual parents in each others company. Exasperated, Johnny was trying to get Max to brush his teeth, but Max was arguing that he liked having a green mouth, and I was desperately trying not to giggle while being stern. Brea then burst into tears because she'd felt sick from eating too much, so I picked her up to whisk her off to the bathroom, only for her to vomit all over me and Johnny's shirt. So, now smelling like puke, I went and sat down with her while we sat next to the toilet, however she wanted both Johnny and I with her. So Johnny gave up the green-mouth battle with Max, parked him in front of a movie and came to sit next to me on the cold-tiled floor of the bathroom.
"You smell great," He said to me, easing down onto the floor and pulling a goofy face at Brea.
"Don't I always," I replied sarcastically, making him chuckle.
It was silent for a while as we both waited to see whether Brea needed to be sick again. She seemed to be fine, just startled if anything.
"How did you do this for five years, alone?" He marvelled.
"Love. And determination."
He smiled softly. "It's my turn, now. You go get changed. I can stay."
"Thanks." I got up and left the bathroom, changing into yet another shirt of Johnnys. I headed to the kitchen to text Hayden, ruffling Max's hair over the back of the couch as I whisked through the lounge.
Kenzie
Hey, morning
I'm just over at Johnnys. Both kids in a bad mood, Brea a bit sick. Feeling a bit rough today. Can I drop the kids off at the house in a bit? I'd like to take Johnny to see my Mom. He still doesn't know. Thoughts?
Hayden
Yeah, okay. Feeling a bit rough myself. Might just put the TV on for them when you've dropped them off. Need to rest a bit
Kenzie
Fair. Can we have a talk when I get home, just you and me?
Hayden
Yeah been wanting to chat to you about some stuff so that sounds good
Kenzie
Okay cool chat tonight
Hayden
Yep. Cya soon
Johnny emerged in the kitchen with Brea on his back, now dressed in a princess costume. I put my phone down and gave them my attention.
"Right, missy moo, I'm just going to get your stuff, and then drop you off home with Hayden and Max, mkay? Mum and Dad have to talk for a bit. And Hayden said you can have a bit of TV time, because I know you're tired from staying up, yeah?"
She seemed a bit disappointed, but her and Max were reasonably happy when we dropped them off at our house and waved to Hayden, who was waiting on the front porch. John tooted, and we both smiled.
"Right," He said, reversing out of the drive, "Where to now?"
"You know that flower shop that sells tuplips just out of town?" I swallowed nervously.
"Yeah?" If he noticed anything unusual he didn't comment.
"There. We need to make a stop there first."
"Alll-righty." He said, as we now sped down the street.
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Johnny picked out the flowers easily and paid for them without a word.
"Does she know I'm back?" Was all he asked, the slight tremour in his voice telling me he was nervous. He had always held my Mom in high regard.
"You could say that." I replied softly, a picture of me sobbing at her grave about him coming to mind.
I gave him directions with short words. When we drove past her old house on the way to the graveyard he didn't understand at first, but then must have came to the conclusion that she had moved.
But no one lived near where she lay. It was the only road out of town. So as we got closer, and my lips pursed to stop myself from crying, and all I could say was either left or right, he got more and more tense, the muscles in his arms straining at the wheel.
The last stretch of road seemed to go on forever.
I told him left, and he pulled into the small carpark of the graveyard. I couldn't look at him for shame and embarrassment and guilt and humiliation. My eyes swam with tears, rows and rows of headstones blurring together. I wanted to be sick.
It was silent while he turned the car off. I heard the sharp intake of breath as he tried to speak.
"When?" He choked out.
I looked over at him to see a splotchy face. His cheeks were feverish red but the rest of him deathly pale.
"Barely a year." I whispered, tears dribbling down my chin.
"Thats why– the flowers, you wanted my Mom here– you hugged her so tight– I–" He exhaled shakily and smoothed his hands out along his jeans.
I nodded, the profound sadness that was filling up my stomach like a balloon making me want to sob out loud.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Was his whisper.
"You– you were the only one that didn't know. The only one that didn't look at me with pity when I walked down the street." I started to cry, heaving in breath after breath.
"Everyone sees me as this poor girl who had her life ruined by her kids and partner leaving and then my Mom died and it got even worse and it was really nice to have you look at me like I wasn't an absolute wreck who is trying to cover up her sorrow by marrying a man who– who she doesn't even love."
"Mackenzie Ziegler," Was his astonished reply, "I would never–"
And I never heard what the rest of his sentence was, because he unclipped his seatbelt and practically flew out of his seat, running around to my side and scooping me up like a baby in his arms as I cried. We stood on the grass, hugging so tightly I could barely breathe, rocking back and forth.
"I love you." He was whispering over and over into my ear, which was somehow breathing life into my cold, miserable mind.
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AUTHORS NOTE
Hiya I'm back again :) I hope you like this surprise update. I know everyone talks about why they take breaks and it's annoying but like I want you guys to kind of know where I'm at.
I'm in my last year of high school and applying for University and scholarships and accommodation and it's been hectic because of that. I've been working through some mental stuff that I should probably acknowledge and as you know it's harder to write when you have other things on your mind. It's just been mock exam week which as you can imagine was terrible. Aside from that I'm just disappointed in Wattpad as a company especially with the way they handled my lost account blissfulsmiles which I think it's safe to say I will never get in again. So there's been stuff going on inside and outside my wattpad life.
I think I will have more time to write in the next few weeks and I'll try schedule it in for you all.
QUESTION OF THE CHAPTER
Q) What do you do when you're down to lift yourself back up?
A) Take a shower, reset my day, clean my room and eat something nice. I then might watch a show or read or listen to a podcast.
LOTS OF LOVE
Hope you enjoyed this wee surprise. I love u all so much. Remember no new chapter till 120 votes ;)
– Trinity xoxo