No, I'm not dead, although it seems like I am, it's been AGES since I uploaded....I had serious writer's block for this chapter (thank you Shekinah_V86 for clearing that up) and I uploaded twice on my other one because it had been a month...so, anyway...hope you enjoy :)
Thank you Shekinah_V86 for helping me so much....she wrote a few pages of this chapter, guys, so some credit goes to her :) Thank you for clearing up my writers block!
Read on!
.:Recap:.
Before they could insult me further, Ms Baker returned with a huge smile on her face. She introduced me properly to the children; - who I then learnt were Dominic, the elder brother, 17, Saskia, the girl, 15 and Rory, the younger brother, 12.
Although they all plastered fake smiles on their faces and pretended to greet me nicely, I knew that living here was going to be no different to life at home.
.:Story Start:.
I had only been here a couple of hours, and already Saskia and Dominic had promised to make my life hell for the next few weeks. And they were worse than Nicola, because I actually had to live with them, so I wouldn't get a break from torture at all.
Rory wasn't so bad. He just ignored me and the worst he did was glare at me when he thought I wasn't looking. Saskia and Dominic were all for insulting me at any possible time. I had no idea why - they didn't even know me, for Christ's sakes.
I was sat in my new room, practising my guitar, hoping it would help me take my mind off the current situation. Feeling rather insecure to be torn away from my friends and family, I looked out of the window as I sat there practising my guitar, hoping it would help me take my mind off the current situation.
Even though it really wasn't much, I did miss them. Heck I'd even start missing Nicola and her bitchy ways, if I continued wallowing in self pity. Here I was, stuck in my room, reminiscing about a not so distant past.
Deciding that wallowing in misery wasn't the best approach to try and make friends, I tried thinking happy thoughts about Alex's friendship and the band while I had played. As my fingers strummed softly, I sang the happy song my mother had taught me, and, sure enough, it cleared away my bad thoughts, just like she had promised it would.
Suddenly I heard someone subtly clear their throat in a polite manner, wanting my attention. Simultaneously, feeling a cold draft passing by, I thought the a window was open. However, when I looked up, I saw Dominic and Saskia standing at the door, which they had just opened. They stood there waiting for me to acknowledge their presence.
"I wouldn't go for Britain's Got Talent with your musical inability like yours," said Saskia, sneereding at me. "You'd make us Brits look untalented, and you'd be a disgrace to the international music industry."
I bit my lip, trying my best to refraining myself from snapping at her. I only had to put up with this for a couple weeks, and then I'd be home again. This time it would be with a sober father. If I survived for that long, that is. I had a feeling it would be difficult living with these three.
I couldn't help but notice how similar Saskia and Nicola were. They both had dark hair and eyes, bitchy personalities and a vendetta against me. Or so it seemed, anyway. Except here I would have to suffer at 'home' too. My life just wouldn't get a break, I evaluated, whilst examining the troublesome two standing in the doorway.
I chose to ignore Saskia, continuing fiddling with my guitar instead. I concentrated on fingers, willing the Baker children to leave. Unfortunately, they just didn't take the hint and didn't leave me alone.
"Hey, don't ignore me, you little bitch," she ordered in a haughty tone, and I did the opposite, I sat there strumming my fingers on the guitar, playing it softly. I could tell she was getting rather annoyed with me now.
"Did you know that ignoring people is extremely rude? Especially considering you're staying in our house and all," she snapped, not-so-quietly fuming. I gritted my teeth, and before I knew it I was on my feet, angry with her.
"Look, I don't want to be in your house any more than you want me to be. Frankly, you're being just as rude as I am for being a bitch to me when you don't even know me. Do you know why I'm here? I suppose you don't. So shut the hell up, because you don't know what shit I've been through to get here," I screeched in her face, tired of being bossed around by pretentious Barbie like girls who thought they were God's gift to mankind. Yeah, right, I scoffed internally.
Saskia stared at me for a few moments, her eyes wide in surprise, before clenching and unclenching her fists. In the meantime she slowly sauntered towards me, her jaw tightening, and her eyes narrowed into small blazing slits of fury. She had some nerve to stand up to me after I just aired my thoughts.
"Who the hell do you think you are, to talk to me like that?!" she hissed, very, very angrily. I pressed my lips into a hard line and glared at her, daring her to contradict me.
"Elizabeth Johnson. Now, if you don't mind, get out and leave me alone. I have no wish to succumb to your bad breath," I answered pointedly.
She glared at me for a few more moments, then turned away, storming across the room. I relaxed after she brushed past her brother and stormed downstairs, because I really didn't like people at such close proximity.
Dominic remained where he was, still glaring harshly at me. "You have an attitude problem, Johnson. You might want to sort it before she causes you an injury." He threatened. I remained calm on the outside, still boiling on the inside. "And by the way...you think she has bad breath, have you smelt your own lately?"
He left me with that thought and closed the door a little harder than necessary. I remained staring at the door, my mind reeling. They didn't know what crap I had been through to get here, why the hell were they acting like this? I hadn't done anything to them, for god's sake!
I wondered how I would fit in at school. I was only going to be there for a couple of weeks, but if it was even slightly worse than St Sheridan's, it would seem like a lifetime. If that were the case, I wasn't particularly looking forward to meeting my new classmates.
I sighed, turned around and looked at my surroundings. Actually, the room wasn't too bad. It was a roomy, sunny area with huge floor length windows situated on one side. Next to the windows was a double bed, covered in a dark green quilt.
Judging from the past moment before the troublesome two entered, it was really comfortable and soft. I could imagine myself jumping up and down like on a trampoline. Alex would've joined in and we would have a blast. Shaking myself awake from my daydream, I continued absorbing my surroundings.
On the left side of my bed was a floor length mirror. I peered into it, wondering where my wardrobe was so I could store my clothes. Looking closer, I noticed a black rim. I presumed this would be the door panel. Stepping nearer, I reached out and pushed it to the left, causing the mirror to move. As it smoothly slid, it revealed a spacious wardrobe with enough space to store my luggage.
Turning around, I quickly strode across the room and picked up my suitcase. Reaching it, I flung it in the closet, not bothering with the spilled contents on the floor. Closing the closet, I decided to forget about the Twosome and send the Collins an email. Even though I would be gone for a month, they insisted on maintaining contact. Secretly I was glad that there were people who cared for me besides my dysfunctional family.
Pondering about my new school, I started up the laptop in my room, only to be disturbed by a quiet knock on the door. It was Ms. Baker waiting for my response. I smiled politely, nodding that she could come in.
Why was she like this? I wondered. Her children were so rude, yet she was so kind and sweet. Wondering what is was that she wanted from me, I snapped out of my internal thoughts.
She smiled at me sincerely, asking me how I was settling in to their home and whether her children had welcomed me. I was about to reply, wanting to rant on how 'welcoming' Saskia and Dominic were.
However, as I opened my mouth, something inside of me told me to shut up. Acknowledging this feeling I refrained from telling Ms. Baker the truth. Instead I evaded the subject and asked her what my educational arrangements were.
"You'll be going to school here. I'm sure you'll like it, and Dominic should help you fit in nicely,"
I mentally scoffed. The only place Dominic would be able to fit me nicely in was a wood burner. That was already burning wood.
"Unfortunately, Saskia still goes to secondary school so you won't see her at school, but I'm sure you'll make new friends in no time!!"
She left on that note, and I stood staring at the door again. She clearly didn't know me well at all. The only person who knew me well was Alex...speaking of, I needed to email them. I walked back over to the laptop and sat down, opening a new email. What to write....
I couldn't write the truth. They'd be worried about me, they'd pull me out and send me somewhere else, where I would probably have the same problem. So, although my guilty conscience reminded me on every space bar, I began to type.
Dear Sue, Alex and Sarah
I'm settling nicely into my new home. The children, Dominic, Saskia and Rory are really nice, especially Saskia. The former two are my age, roughly, and Dominic's going to show me round sixth form because Saskia still goes to secondary school.
Mrs Baker kind of reminds me of you, Mrs Collins...she's really nice and cares about me a lot. I can tell I'm going to like it here, at least at home, if school doesn't go well. I hope it will though.
Thank you for all you've done, and I miss you guys!
Love from (psychic) Lizzy
I read it through one last time and sighed before clicking 'send'. I felt bad for lying to them after all they had done for me, but it was for the best. I didn't want them to worry and fret over me, not seeing as they had their own worries to fret about.
I shut down the computer and sighed, knowing this was going to be a long few weeks.
~*~*~
The weekend passed by slowly, and for most it would be a good thing. More time to savour all the free time and hobbies....not when you're living with two children who never leave you alone, who decide to make your life hell wherever you go.
The weekend was bad. But school was complete torture.
Mrs Baker dropped Rory and Saskia off first. Dominic, Rory and I were at the back, me in the middle of the two boys, and Saskia was at the front. The moment Rory left I unbuckled my seatbelt and slid over to the door, not wanting to be squished next to Dominic any longer.
The ride to sixth form was painfully slow. Mrs Baker was chatting amiably about how I was sure to make lots of friends, who would all be sad to see me go. Dominic and I were both very sceptical.
When we finally arrived, Dominic scrambled out of the car without even a goodbye to his mother.
"Bye, Mrs Baker," I said nervously, opening the door.
"Bye, Liz! Have a nice day at school!" I nodded silently and grabbed my bag before shutting the door and facing my new school.
It looked very similar to St. Sheridan's - a tall, red bricked building with a tower block and more sprawling classrooms. The area outside, however, was much more pleasant than our grey, concrete playground.
Large, square, creamy yellow paving stones filled the entrance, interspersed with three water fountains. Tall trees that must look beautiful in the summer towered over the clusters of teenagers gathered underneath them, and the teenagers themselves looked very cheerful for a grey, freezing November morning like this one.
I walked through the school gates, my eyes following Dominic as he reached his friends. They all greeted him and they instantly started socializing, reminding me of James's group. Socializing was something I missed already, and I had only been here two days.
I tore my gaze away from Dominic, scanning for someone, anyone that might take me in. To my complete relief Dominic had not done a Nicola stunt and told the whole school that I was a loner and had no friends.
No one seemed available, no one seemed to care for the poor, lonely girl that was stood in the middle of the playground in a new school. No one glanced my way. Why?! Was I that different? Really?
I sat on the side of a water fountain, slowly edging away from the couple snogging near me. Completely focused on them, I didn't see the person behind me who I simultaneously 'edged' into.
"Aahh!!" I yelped.
"Aahh!!" yelped the person behind me as they fell onto the flagstones. The snogging couple paused for a moment to raise their eyebrows at us, as if to say, 'do you mind, we're kind of n the middle of something and you're interrupting it'. I ignored them and focused on the figure I had just knocked to the floor.
"Oh crap!!" I cried, kneeling beside them. "Are you ok?" I asked, as he - for I realized it was male - sat up.
He glanced my way but then ignored me, before getting to his feet and walking away without looking back at me. I remained kneeling on the floor for a few moments before shakily getting to my feet, and I sat back on the fountain.
Why did he just ignore me? I said three words to him and he just blanked me. Did I do something wrong? I didn't mean to push him off...maybe he thought I did. I better go follow him and apologize...
Without really thinking it through, I stood up and dashed after mystery guy, who was making his way over to the doors. I was going at quite a fast pace towards him, and when he stopped suddenly I ran straight into him.
He turned around with a surprised expression on his face, which mingled into anger as he saw it was me. I couldn't help but notice that he had the most beautiful green eyes.
"What do you want?" he snapped. "Leave me alone," he walked away again, leaving me standing by the doors, still in shock as to what just happened.
The bell brought me out of my reverie and, in a panic, I twisted round to find Dominic, but he wasn't anywhere to be seen. My eyes darted from person to person, but I couldn't find him and I began to get worried. What was I supposed to do if I couldn't find him?!
In desperation, I tried to find the office to speak to someone, but I couldn't find it. The crush of people came through the doors and I squeezed myself against a wall so as not to get squashed, at the same time searching frantically for Dominic.
The people passed, and I cursed loudly as I had not seen him. I groaned and ran my hands over my face, unsure of what to do. I decided to wander around a bit to see if I could find someone who could help me.
I set off down the corridor, filled with nerves and terror. My eyes darted from left to right, looking for someone, anyone. But there was no one. I was just stumbling aimlessly through the school, rather desperate now. Was there no one here?!
I stepped out the back, hoping to find someone outside. It was a small courtyard like area with a pond in the middle that could be seen from the tower block. To my complete horror, the bell went again, meaning lessons would be starting in a minute, and I didn't even have my freaking time table yet....
As I went back inside, I saw two adults, presumably teachers, walking through the corridor. I went to approach them, but they spotted me before I could get a word in.
"Hey!" said the fatter, older man, who had a handle-bar moustache and ring of grey hair round his otherwise bald head. "What were you doing out there? Having a smoke? We know you kids, always looking for a place to go for a puff before class. Follow me,"
I tried to speak, but the second, younger teacher, blonde and balding with glasses, silenced me. They ushered me into a small office in which a young woman sat, speaking to someone on the phone.
"Yes, have a good day. Bye now!" she ended, and put the phone down before writing some notes.
"Ms Jones," said the older man, catching her attention.
"Yes, sir?"
"I want this child filed in for break time detentions with me, for smoking in the fish pond,"
Before anyone could say anything else, I stepped in.
"Hey, you've got me all misinterpreted here, sir. I wasn't smoking at all. I'm new here, and I had no idea where I was supposed to go so I was looking for someone, but I couldn't find anyone,"
"Name?" Baldy asked me.
"Elizabeth Johnson," I replied, relieved that they were buying it.
"Ah, yes. My apologies! You're in room 37, here's a map and your time table," he said, handing me a double sided sheet of paper. I took it and made a mental note to circle all the classrooms I would be needing at break time.
I thanked the man and walked out of the office and down the corridor, glancing at the map every so often to see where I was and where I was headed. I went up the tower block and reached the first floor, where there were four classrooms. Hopefully they were classrooms 35, 36, 37 and 38. If not, I was in the wrong place.
I glanced at the door nearest me and was relieved to see it had the number 36 on it. I walked across the short corridor to the opposite side, took a deep breath and knocked on the windowless door before entering.
Thirty scruffy teenagers looked up from where they had been writing in their exercise book, putting me in the centre of attention. Wonderful. I hated being the centre of attention, it made me feel vulnerable, like everyone was against me.
"Yes?" said the teacher curtly.
"Um....my name's Elizabeth Johnson...I'm new here?" it was a question rather than a statement, making a few people in the class smirk.
"Ah, yes! Come in, come in. Go sit next to Abigail. Abby? Put your hand up please,"
A blonde girl at the back of the class raised her hand while chewing some gum. I nervously went to the back of the classroom and drew back the chair, sitting down. The teacher handed me an exercise book and then went back to teaching.
I was currently in English Literature. It was actually OK in this class - for the most part, Abigail ignored me. She occasionally asked politely to borrow my pencil, because she didn't have one today, so she explained. The rest of the class, on occasion, would glance my way and whisper to their partner, but I could tell the whispers were more of curiosity than spite.
The bell went, and I braved asking a classmate - Abigail - roughly where room 71 was, so I didn't get lost with the map. Apparently she had that class too, so I went with her. On the way, it turned out the class I was going to was music, and I was quite pleased. I hoped I would get on with the class, as it was one of my favourite subjects.
We arrived outside the door, and half the class was already there, lined up and chattering. They looked a friendly bunch, but then so did a lot of classes in St. Sheridan's - and they really weren't. I just hoped this lot were.
Abigail started talking to her friend, who was also standing there, leaving me to stand by myself. I glanced up and down the queue, hoping to find someone also standing by themselves that might want to talk to me. However, everyone was in a group and I was too shy to approach a whole group of people.
We stood for a couple of minutes before we were finally called in by an old, cheerful looking man. We went inside, everyone chattering and laughing. Clearly this was a muck-around lesson, a little like Mr Jenkins' class back at my school. Thinking about music at school made my insides squirm slightly, like they always did when I thought about James.
My thoughts wandered to the mysterious, dark eyed boy. I knew so much and yet so little about him. I wanted to know what he was hiding behind the curtains surrounding his true personality, to know why he had ever-changing moods towards me.
My train of thought was cut off as the teacher said my name for the register. I was sat next to Abigail again because she was the closest thing to a friend I had here.
"Yes sir," I answered, and was about to go back to daydreaming about my music lessons when someone turned around in front of me. I was startled as I realized it was the same boy I had knocked into multiple times that morning, with the beautiful green eyes.
"Oh, so that's your name," he said, with traces of sourness. He was remembering this morning, no doubt.
"Yeah," I replied. "And I apologize for this morning, I honestly didn't mean to push you off that bench-"
"Whatever," he replied and turned to face the front again. Annoyed by his behaviour, I tapped his shoulder when the teacher wasn't looking.
"Hey, what is your problem? I'm trying to apologize for accidentally hurting you this morning, so what crawled up your butt and died?" I hissed, and then instantly regretted it. I was beginning to sound arrogant and mean, a lot like Nicola, and I had also pissed him off. I could tell by his narrowed eyes.
"Well, in case you hadn't noticed, getting shoved to the floor by some girl is not what people have in mind first thing on a Monday morning," he spat back. I wanted to sound like myself again, and ignore the Nicola-side of me that had just suddenly taken over. But this guy was pissing me off.
"Look, I said I was sorry, OK? I didn't mean to do it. I'm only human, accidents happen. So go get a life if you think lecturing me on what you don't want on a Monday morning is your idea of entertainment,"
"Oh, you're telling me to get a life? What about you, not talking to anyone, being a complete loser,"
I swallowed and slumped in my seat, frowning. I should have known it wouldn't be any different to home. I would always be a loner to people, the only people that liked me were Alex and his close family, who were the nicest people on earth in my opinion.
"I-I'm not a loser..." I said weakly, but I knew that he knew that I knew that I was a loser. He smirked and looked away as the teacher started talking.
The whole lesson I didn't say another word to him, my mind too busy processing the conversation. I had acted like Nicola....why?! Soon enough, it was break time. I went outside, as I normally would have done at St. Sheridan's, and sat at the most inconspicuous tree I could find, so no one could disturb me from my 'meditation'.
I sat with my knees drawn to my chest in a half-foetal position, with my palms pushed against my face, my eyes closed as I thought. I felt awful for the way I had spoken to Green Eyes earlier, and I wanted to apologize, but I knew he wouldn't have it.
I felt like crying. What sort of person was I becoming? I felt like a bully for being mean to someone who had done no more than anyone else had done at St. Sheridan's. And then I remembered my 'epiphany' that I had had, that I would always be a loser to everyone apart from the Collins'. I really did start crying, then.
I was so weak. I could barely stand up for myself when someone was insulting me, hurting me inside. I hated myself for being so weak, for relying on people like Alex to get me out of situations that I got into far too often for my liking. I hated myself for being a loser.
Unaware of how long I sat there for, I just cried and cried. OK, so I may not have a great amount to cry about, but it was something. The tears just kept coming, I couldn't stop them, not even when the bell went a few minutes later.
As a result, I was crying when I went to my next class, and I must have looked like such a wimp. I hadn't even survived until lunchtime. I opened the door, not caring what people thought about how I looked. I sat at the back by myself, making it clear I didn't want company. Not that anyone would have sat next to me anyway.
I hadn't expected sympathy from anyone, but it still hurt quite a lot to realize that no one cared, no one was coming to see what was wrong. It was like the first day at St. Sheridan's all over again, and I even had another undecipherable boy who was nasty to me.
My thoughts were once again dragged to the conversation in music. Was I so desperate, so alone that I had become like Nicola? A heartless bitch? Was I like her? I had no idea of the similarities between us.
I had stopped crying by now, and I had resorted to staring blankly at the desk in front of me, my eyes glazed over, completely out of it. I could tell I wasn't going to do very well here. I would have to force myself to keep up the charade to Mrs Collins and not beg to go home, although it would be difficult.
Barely aware of the class, I just sat slumped in my seat. I must have looked high or something, the way I was acting. But not even the teacher questioned my red, puffy eyes, my tearstained cheeks, my glassy gaze.
The bell went an achingly long time afterwards, and I dragged myself out of my chair, ramming my books into my bag, and slinging it over my shoulder, trudging after the rest of the class that was spilling into the corridor.
The buzz and chatter around me helped me keep my mind off Green Eyes because I was more focused on the snippets of conversation as they came and went. I learnt quite a lot - that Mike beat up Lawrence at break time, that Sylvia was now going out with Darren and that Rachel saw Mr Rogers and Mrs Halloway having it on in the chemistry lab.
All this was irrelevant to my current life, but I needed it to keep sane, before I decided to scream in frustration in the corridor filled with loud, tall teenagers. Well, taller than me. Which wasn't difficult.
Just as I was about to round the corner, following my map, to my French class, I spotted Dominic standing by the lockers, leaning against one while talking to someone who was presumably one of his friends. I decided he could possibly be Lawrence who got beaten up by Mike at break time, judging by the bruises.
Before I could continue walking to my classroom, Dominic spotted me and raked his eyes over my tearstained face and puffy red eyes. Then his face split into a smirk and he walked away, with Lawrence tagging along behind.
~*~*~
It was lunchtime, and I was, predictably, by myself. I stabbed my pot pasta moodily, not hungry. Of course, no one noticed me, sitting by myself in the busy hustle of the hall, filled with shouting and swearing teenagers. This made me even more gloomy as I continued to jam my plastic fork into the mayo-covered pasta.
To my irritation, I stabbed it too hard and the fork snapped, leaving the prongs wedged into a chunk of tuna while I glared at the handle still encased in my right hand. I dropped the remains of my fork and stood up, throwing the pasta pot in the bin. I picked up my bag and slung it over my shoulder before making my way out of the mini riot inside the hall.
I sought a calmer, quieter environment to think in peace, without being distracted by stubble encrusted fat seventeen year olds with builder's bums, or irritating plastic forks. I just wanted to skip the afternoon of hell, but I knew I had to behave myself.
I wandered round the corridors of the ground floor before spotting an outside door that I had not seen earlier. The corridors had been mostly empty, but to my annoyance a group of four or five chattering girls stood in the way.
"Excuse me, please," I said quietly as I attempted to get through. They all looked at me with a raised eyebrow, and my gaze flickered from face to defiant face, and I knew I wasn't going to get through. I sighed and turned away, before one of the girls grabbed one of the shoulder straps on my bag.
I turned around and tried to pull it out of her hands, but she was stronger than I was so it was useless. I sighed and looked at the girl, who was smirking at me.
"Where's this from, Tesco's?" she sneered, inspecting it as though the supermarket brand name would be imprinted somewhere. I rolled my eyes - how many times had I heard that one before, thirty? Forty?
I gave it another tug and she glared at me before returning to her inspection. I gave her my filthiest glare and gave it my hardest pull yet. She let out a squeak of surprise and let go. I was expecting her to resist so I hadn't bothered stabilizing my legs, so I crashed to the floor.
The girls laughed at me unpleasantly and I got to my feet, dusting myself down before striding off to god knows where. I honestly didn't care at this moment in time, I just had to get away from those Nicola clones that thought they had it all.
To my complete surprise, thirty seconds later I burst out of the front doors, and didn't think twice about skipping. Teachers, Baker's, Collins'...sod all, I thought as I vaulted the wall surrounding the entrance bit. I just wanted a reprieve from the hell hole I called my life.