"What?" I question, not believing what I had heard. I plop down onto the bed, my knees giving out on me. My whole body feels numb.
"I was going to tell you." I close my eyes, taking a deep breath. I couldn't even look at her without wanting to burst out into tears.
"When?"
"What?" She asks, not having heard my low tone.
"When were you going to tell me, Ash?" My voice is demanding, demanding her to tell me this is all a joke. That she isn't actually sick and the pills are actually tic tacs to help her case of bad breath.
"I-I just-" she stutters, her voice sounding like she's on the brink of tears. "After your dinner at Becca's, Ian, I swear. But then things got crazy and I didn't want to add to your stress." I open my eyes, feeling angry still.
"Add to my stress? Damnit, Ash, you think hiding it would help me? Did you think you were going to keep quiet about it until you eventually died, leaving me without saying bye? That's not how this family thing is supposed to work, Ash, we don't keep secrets." She starts crying, sitting on the bed beside me.
"I know, I'm sorry. I didn't know how to tell you." I close my eyes, not wanting to see my aunt cry.
"Does Max know?" I ask through clenched teeth. I hear a small cry before she answers.
"No. She doesn't know a thing." I then open my eyes, getting to my feet. I think I'm going to stumble from how weak I feel, but I don't.
"You're going to be the one to tell her. You are going to explain to your 10 year old niece that you're dying. Are you at least getting chemo?" She looks down, answering my question just with that motion. "So then you can also explain to her that you aren't doing anything about it."
"It's too late, Ian. Chemo won't help. That's why I'm not on it," she cries, reaching for my hand. I close my eyes again as she holds my hand tight.
"I just need a minute." I open my eyes, meeting her pleading ones. She was pleading me to understand. But right now I didn't understand anything. I pull my hand out of hers. "I'll be back." I begin to walk away, hearing her get up and follow me.
"Ian, where are you going? You're putting yourself in danger of-"
"No!" I shout, turning around to face her. "You don't get to tell me what danger is. You lied to me. You can't expect me to be okay with this. I never will be. Newsflash, you're the only other family I have left. That's it. Without you, I'm right back to where I started, a clueless single dad who has no idea what the fuck he's doing. I need a damn minute to process that. If I'm putting myself in danger, so be it. But I just need to leave for a minute. I can't- I can't be around you." I turn around before the first tear falls. I stalk down the hall and this time, Ashley doesn't follow me.
Amanda is standing just at the edge of the hall, looking confused. "Ian?" She questions but I just walk past her, blinded by my anger. How could she do this? How could she not tell me about this? Did she think she could just leave this world without any of us knowing?
I angrily push open the door to the room. I hear the door shut behind me and I grab at my hair, pulling at it as I attempt to wrap my head around what just happened.
"Ian, what happened?" Amanda asks, concern lacing her words. I don't answer, shrinking down to my knees as I begin crying uncontrollably. I was angry, for sure. But mostly, I was angry at the fact that I was going to lose her. I was going to lose my aunt. My aunt was dying and all I've done was dump my daughter on her to help a girl. Her hand is placed lightly on my arm and I flinch away.
"I didn't pay attention to the signs because I was too busy protecting you." My voice comes out colder than I intend and I close my eyes, my breath shaky. When I open them, I take in her hurt expression. She pushes it away though, returning her hand on my arm.
"I can't help you unless you tell me what's going on," she says, trying to reason with me. I contemplate telling her. Screw it, Ashley wanted to hide it from everyone but not anymore.
"Ash has cancer." Something flashes in her eyes and if I wasn't so observant when it came to Mandy, I would've missed it. My eyes narrow at her. "You knew, didn't you?" Guilt takes over her expression.
"Ian, I-"
"No." I shake my head at her. "You knew and you didn't think you should tell me?"
"It wasn't my place to. Of course you had a right to know but it's wasn't up to me to tell you. I told her that you needed to know but she didn't know how to tell you. She came to me for advice, I'm sorry." She's speaking fast, as fast as my breathing is at this point. I'm angry but I can also clearly feel the tears going down my cheeks.
"Sh-she's going to die, Mandy. I can't-" Before I can finish, I break into full on sobs. My whole body contorts and Mandy pulls me to her, her arms around my shoulders. She whispers words like 'it's going to be okay' and 'everything is fine' in my ear but we both know the truth.
Nothing would ever be okay when it came to me.
———
I have no idea where I was driving to. If you asked me, I couldn't tell you. All I knew was I had to leave. Somehow, I ended up at a park. It was early morning so people were out jogging. I didn't get out of the car though. I remained in the car, just watching. People would probably think I'm a creep if they noticed me sitting here but really I was just trying to clear my head. In the last 45 minutes, I've learned that my aunt had stage IV liver cancer and she's basically untreatable.
She brought Max and I here so that she could put us on her will. She wanted to meet us before she dies. My aunt was going to die and I was going to be inheriting all her money and possessions. She covered up the fact that she was sick because she thought it would put more stress on me.
Sure, I've been dealing with a lot of shit lately but didn't she think I have a right to know? I shake my head, trying to shake away my thoughts. Why did this have to happen to me? Doesn't God think I've been punished enough?
But why did I leave? The girls are probably worried about me. And what if Bryan goes there? They don't stand a chance against him. With determination, I back out of the parking spot, leaving the park.
After about 5 minutes of driving, I glance in my rear view mirror and notice a black town car that had been behind me for a while. Testing a theory, I take a right into a neighborhood and sure enough, the car follows me. I can't go straight back to the house. I'll be leading Bryan right to us. So instead, I head for the hotel. Within two minutes, I pull into the parking lot of the hotel.
I quickly find a spot in the parking lot, watching the car as I pull in. I turn the car off, waiting to see what happens. The car passes behind me, making its way slowly out of the parking lot. I let out a breath of relief, relaxing slightly in my seat. I watch the car leave and once I know it's gone and won't see me leave, I turn the car back on and carefully drive out of the hotel parking lot, heading the opposite way the car had gone.
This made me have to circle around to get back to the house but I easily navigated my way back. Once I pull in, I get out immediately, not wanting to be outside for too long with my anxiety at its peak. I lock the car, jogging up to the door. I put the key in, unlock the door, and turn off the alarm. I close the door, quick to rearm the system. When I turn around, Mandy and Ash are looking at me, worry in their eyes.
"You look anxious, what happened?" Ash is the first to ask. I run a hand through my hair, moving to look out the window.
"Ian?" It's Mandy this time. I clench my teeth, slowly turning around.
"I got tailed." Both of their worried expressions only grow more and there's even a hint of fear. I shake my head. "I made sure to lose them before I got here. Bryan probably thinks I'm still at the hotel because that's where I lost them."
Both of them release a sigh of relief. Ash looks between Mandy and I. "No more leaving. We stay put until this is over." Mandy and I just nod wordlessly and I lean on the window sill. I look down, twiddling my fingers. My anxiety was still high, something I had certainly adopted as a kid.
Ash's hands find mine and she kneels in front of me with a worried expression. I nod at her. "I'm okay," I say. She doesn't look at all convinced. I run my thumb over her hand and nod again. "I swear. I'm okay. But you should go rest. You look worn out."
She did, truthfully. I guess I hadn't entirely noticed it before but now that I was aware of her being sick, I noticed the bags under her eyes and the loss of sparkle in her eyes. She nods without another word and stands to leave. She puts a hand on Amanda's shoulder first. "Take care of him," I hear her whisper. Amanda gives her a nod before Ashley leaves.
Mandy's attention turns to me. She still looks worried. But she doesn't approach me. She must think I'm still mad. I take a deep breath before meeting her eyes. "I'm sorry."
"You scared the hell out of me, Ian. Just leaving like that? You don't have a phone, you idiot. What if something were to happen, huh? I would have no idea if you were hurt or possibly even worse. Do you have any idea what would happen to me if I lost you? What about Max? She'd be losing her aunt and her dad. All because you were being stupid and left."
"I know, I'm sorry."
"Sorry? For which part, Ian?" She questions, her hands on her hips.
"For leaving," I answer. I hadn't even realized that her worried expression was also one of anger. She was angrily worried about me. God, I'm such a dumbass.
"If something had happened to you, I don't know what I'd do, Ian. You're all I have right now-"
"That's not true," I interrupt, standing up. "You have your parents. And you have Becca and Randy and little Andrew."
She closes her eyes. "Look around you, Ian. Where are they? They're hiding out on their own." She opens her eyes, locking them with mine as she walks up to me. "Right now it's just us. You're all I have. So, please, for Christ's sake, never scare me like that again."
I look at her, sighing in defeat. This girl was going to be the death of me and she knew it. I reach out, grabbing her by her arms and pulling her to my chest. "Okay, I'm sorry." She hugs me tight, melting into my hold.
I wasn't sure what would happen in the future but I was sure that now was all I needed.
When she looks up at me, her eyes remind me of something and I'm taken back.
"Thank you for dinner, Ian. It was amazing." I smile at her. Without answering, I lean over, pressing my lips to hers. It's a short and tender kiss. One that doesn't say 'goodbye' but 'see you soon'. She keeps her eyes closed even after I pull back. "I wish you didn't have to go back."
I sigh, pushing her hair behind her ear. "I know. But I can't leave Max. If I could just run away, I would. But things aren't that simple."
"Will life ever be?" Her eyes flutter open, an intense gaze staring at me, waiting for an answer. I put my words together before I decide to speak.
"Promise me something, Mandy."
"Anything."
"Promise me that whatever happens, we'll always be there for each other. That one day we'll be married and we'll live in a nice house with little versions of you and I running around. Maybe we'll host a Fourth of July party and the whole neighborhood will come out to celebrate with us. Promise me that. That we'll stick by each other through the bad parts so that we can get to the good parts." By the time I finish, I realize a tear has fallen down her cheek. I reach up instinctively, wiping it away. She leans into my touch.
"I promise, Ian." I lean over to kiss her once more. This one lasts a little longer and we pull apart slowly.
"You should get inside before your dad kills us. Or me, specifically." She laughs at this, grabbing her purse and opening the door. She hesitates getting out. She leans over quickly, pressing another quick kiss to my lips before sliding out of the truck. I watch her as she walks up to her front door, waving to me as she reaches it. I wave back before pulling out of her driveway and away from her house.
When I reach my house, it's silent. Too silent. I had an eerie feeling as I entered and all of the downstairs lights were shut off. I slowly make my way upstairs, on high alert every corner I turned. When I reach my room, my mom is sitting on my bed, presumably waiting for me. She has a glass in her hand and judging by the color, it's whiskey. When she hears me open the door, she turns to me.
Her eyes are puffy and she looked like she'd been crying for hours. She doesn't move towards me, but just stares at me helplessly. My eyebrows knit together in confusion and I slowly approach her.
"Mom? What happened? Why are you crying?" I question. She looks down at the glass in her hand and then back up at me.
"Your father. He took Max. I don't know where. He knocked me out." My eyes flicker to the fresh bruise on her cheek. I wince just at the look of it. Anger boils inside me. That fucker has no right. He's never been the father she deserves and he never will be.
Just on time, my dad comes into view at the doorway. He looks confused also until he realizes my mom's state. Then he looks up at me, noticing the fury in my eyes. I run up to him, punching him in the face before he can get a word in. He falls backwards, taken by surprise.
"Where is she?" I shout the question at him as I bend down, grabbing his collar in one fist and cocking the other back. When he doesn't answer, I hit him again. The fucker actually starts laughing, spitting out the blood in his mouth. This only makes me more angry. "I won't ask you again. Where is my fucking sister?"
He still doesn't respond. My nostrils flare in anger. "Ian?" I hear a small voice which directs my attention down the hall. My sister is standing there, looking petrified. Out of shock, I loosen my grip on my father. He pushes me off of him and I stumble back but I don't fall, watching my sister the whole time.
"We went to the park. Last time I checked, it wasn't a crime to take my daughter out." I realize the mistake I've made but it's already too late. I can see that fire in his eyes. Hell, if I'm going down, I'm not going without a fight. I glare at him.
"And last time I checked, you also have a son but you don't give a fuck about that, now do you?" The fire grows in his eyes but I'm not done. "You have no right to call her your daughter. You have been no father to her and certainly no father to me."
Without tearing his gaze from me, he speaks. "Max, go to your room." Max immediately obeys, closing the door behind her. "Mary, go downstairs." I slightly gulp. He had never ordered my mother away. He always let her watch. And she usually liked it.
She obeys, too, brushing past me on her way out. Without warning, he puts his hand on my chest, shoving me backwards into my room. I fall back, landing on my bum. He steps inside after me, shutting the door. When he reaches me, he hovers over me for a few seconds with only a glare.
Then his fist connects with my face.
And again.
And again.
And again.
Until everything eventually goes black.