Pari woke up in the morning to find the right side of the bed empty, the bedsheets crinkled into a mess witnessing the love that she and Siddharth had made last night. Pari knew that Siddharth must have woken up and had gotten out of the bed, she getting up, sliding into her underwear and then dressing up in one of Siddharth's shirts that he had left for her beside the dresser, which almost came to her thighs, walked around the house but Siddharth was nowhere to be seen. She felt relief wash over as Pari was not sure how she would have had faced him after last night. Last night was everything she had ever wanted and probably everything that Siddharth had wanted too but somewhere deep down she knew that she couldn't afford to get herself tangles in emotions again and for that very reason whatever happened last night was not to happen.
Walking inside the kitchen Pari saw a note stuck to the refrigerator with a magnet, with a doodled heart in one corner and bearing Siddharth's name at the bottom.
"Hey, beautiful. I had an early morning interview. I didn't want to wake you up so left without saying anything. There is breakfast on the dining table. By the way, you look so pretty sleeping peacefully. Can't wait to be home to you."
Pari automatically smiled to herself and blushed reading his little note but she felt a pang of guilt too as her thoughts wandered to what had happened last night between them. She had never meant any of those to happen, even though she had dreamed about its innumerable times, her little erotic dreams but yet it had happened and she had no idea how she was going to look Siddharth in the eye after having disappointed herself. Pari felt like she had broken the promise she had made to herself long ago.
Freshening up, Pari made her way back to the kitchen, deciding to have the breakfast that Siddharth had left her. After the breakfast, she strolled around his place, taking in the details that she hadn't noticed on her few visits there and a little after noon she headed back over to her place. Pari's head was still hurting from last night's hangover so she decided to take a long bath.
Later that day, Pari saw some missed calls from Maddy which I ignored, deleting them instantly without even taking a look. She was in no mood to listen to her accusations or her apologies, whichever it might have been deciding that it was time to leave people being who didn't want her in their lives. There was also a text from Siddharth asking how she was feeling that morning, which she ignored as well.
I didn't want to ignore Siddharth but I didn't know how to be able to face him either.
Pari was making dinner when she heard the front door bell of her apartment ring, she wished with all her heart that it wouldn't be Siddharth as she walked to the door but fate was never her friend. She opened the door to reveal the man she had feared, still opening the door wide enough for him to walked past her and seated himself in the couch.
"Cooking dinner for us?" He asked looking at the kitchen and sniffing the aroma coming for the direction.
"No just me." Pari stated flatly.
Siddharth was quick to sense her nonchalant tone and knew that something was wrong cause, deciding for what he was thinking, he finally asked her. "Is something wrong? Is it about last night?"
"Whatever happened last night was just a mistake." Pari said her tone harsh and voice raspy, breaking Siddharth's heart. Pari too didn't fail to notice that Siddharth looked heartbroken by her words and she could see his eyes welling up a little, but he quickly controlled himself. She too didn't bother to explain herself or justify actions, knowing that it would pain Siddharth further but she didn't want to give him false hope. She was not going to indulge herself with Siddharth and she dint want Siddharth hoping the same.
"No, it wasn't. I wanted it, and you wanted it too." He said his voice loud and clear echoing through Pari's apartment. He sat up straight, composing himself and then finally speaking up from his heart. "Damn Pari, I had wanted it for so long now."
Pari remained silent because she knows he was stating facts, he was speaking from the bottom of his heart, baring his soul Infront of her. He was saying all the things that he like her had felt for too long but had them repressed. Pari knew Siddharth was being vulnerable and she didn't want to interrupt him either.
"And you know what?" Siddharth continued his voice now cracking, almost like he would break down any moment. "I fucking feel for you. I won't say I love you because I know those word mean a lot and I shouldn't be going around saying it, but I fucking feel for you and you, you make me happy. You make me happier than anything or anybody else here. You make me a better person and I feel like myself whenever I am around you, not pretending to be someone that I am a not. I always wait to be around you, to be with you Pari. I fucking feel so much for you."
Siddharth's revelation shocked Pari and rendered her speechless. She looked at him blankly unable to say anything but finally after it had been a few minutes when she spoke up again. "Siddharth, I think you should leave now; I just want to be alone for some time."
Siddharth looked back at her perplexed and then as his brain comprehended what she had said, smiled at Pari faintly, nodding in understanding. He sighed heavily, running his finger through his hair and then speaking up.
"Yes, take all the time you need. Just know that whatever happened yesterday was not a mistake. We both have feeling and Pari, I hope when you do make up your mind, you consider my feeling." Saying this he took one look at Pari, longing her to be in his arms and then left her apartment.
Pari sat in her apartment, thinking about everything that Siddharth had said. Her thoughts kept going in circles, once at what Siddharth had said about their feelings being involved and the other about what had happened in her past, because of her feelings being involved and what it led her to. She thought her last decade of life and how it had moulded her and she finally reached the only one conclusion she feared.
Pari decided that couldn't stay there anymore and she had to go back to London. She had to escape from whatever feeling that she was feeling at that moment or what Siddharth was feeling for her, even if that means that she ends up hurting herself or him. But she knew that she leaving from there would be the best thing that she can do for him or his life, because all she would bring to the table if they were ever together is tons of baggage and insecurities from her past life.
Pari immediately called Daniel and told him that she didn't want to be there but he didn't want to listen to her at first but when Pari broke down crying and begging. it helped her grab his attention and the urgency that she felt. Pari asked him to make reservations for her to return to London as soon as possible and he reluctantly agreed, his caring side taking over his determinant side
Keeping the phone, the first thing Pari got to was paying off people who were to be paid for the stuff and services they provided her with. Then she got to packing my stuff that she needed to take back instantly, then packing her documents that she would require to go back home. Pari left the unimportant stuff because she knew she would have someone pick them up later for her until she had apartment on lease which was for the next three months.
It was a little before midnight when she received a call from Daniel.
"Your reservations are on the day after tomorrow." He said his voice stern.
Pari thank him immediately then disconnecting the call, getting to the remaining of her work instantly. Later Daniel emailed Pari all the details regarding her trip back home and Pari couldn't be happier but she was upset too in the corner of her heart.
The next day Pari ignored Siddharth and he must have thought that she was taking her time and space so he didn't bother her or try talking to her, but what he didn't know that Pari was leaving, leaving forever.
It was early in the morning that Pari called Manish to drop her to the airport. He was waiting in the car, having already helped Pari put her luggage in the back of the car and telling her how much he would miss her and what a great time he had serving her.
Pari took a look around her apartment knowing that it was the last time she was standing there, she was reminded of the days that Siddharth and she had spent painting the rooms and when they had helped a movie marathon, she safely tucked inside Siddharth's arm. The memories brough a smile onto Pari's face, finally shaking her out of her memories. She was locking up her apartment one last time when she turned to Siddharth's door. Pari slowly walked up to the door and placed her ears on it hoping to catch one last sound of him although she knew it was highly unlikely. It didn't happen and she had known he was sleeping probably thinking that he would see her again and ask for what she feels.
Pari had already boarded the flight when she heard the last call being made, she quickly grabbed my phone, remembering of the very good friend that she had made here, and how he had always been there for her and texted Aparshakti goodbye, she knew he had been a very good friend and I was going to miss him a lot.
Goodbye Appu.
Yes, she had given him his own little nickname. After sending the text Pari turned her phone off and within a few minutes the flight took off and all she could see was Siddharth's images flashing in front of her eyes knowing that it was over now. A tear made its way down her cheeks and it was then that she knew for sure.
I love him.
.
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