First thing I did after waking up and finding Millie had left my trailer was -you guessed it- went to the buffet trailer. I found Caleb there as well, eating quickly because he had to film soon. We sat together, and as he ate I could tell he was nervous.
It all made sense when I remembered his today was with Winona. Everyone gets nervous when they have to act alone with her. There's just so much pressure to do as well as her.
After he had rushed off to costumes, I finished my pancakes alone and got up to leave (after grabbing a few pancakes to go of course). As I came walking out the door of the buffet trailer, I saw a flash of motion and I swear it was Finn running in his underwear. I'll be sure to ask him about that later.
Making my way back to my trailer I started to really think about everything that happened last night. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe I had kissed her.
Just as I was passing Sadies trailer, I got tackled by someone running.
I dropped all of my pancakes and fell to my knees, immediately getting back up to yell at whoever had ruined my breakfast.
Even from behind I immediately recognized her and all of my anger disappeared. I yelled her name and Millie slipped, falling on the gravel. The conversation that followed was a combination of me trying to figure out if she was okay and her, quite clearly trying to leave.
In a matter of seconds she was gone and I was left standing in the parking lot, surrounded by pancakes and wondering what the hell just happened.
***
As soon as I got back to my trailer I got out my phone (ignoring my urge to get more food) and called Millie. Not surprisingly, it went to voicemail so I texted her.
Me: Hey we need to talk.
I waited a few minutes and got no response so I sent another text.
Me: I don't know what's
bothering you but if it's
about what happened last
night I promise talking
will make it better.
After I hit send, I tried to distract myself with social media and scrolling through TikToK. After a few minutes though, I finally said fuck it and got off my ass. I left my trailer, a little two motivated for my liking but the confidence was helpful. I figured it was better to be confidant than motivated.
I reached her trailer and it turned out everything I just said was a lie. I was nervous beyond anything I felt before. Even when I had to film a big scene or do on a live talk show I didn't feel like this.
I knocked on the door and there was no response. I assumed she was ignoring me so I decided to just barge in.
Usually ends well right?
I had to use my shirt to open the door because my hand was sweating too much to turn the handle.
I opened the door a few inches and called Millie name.
The response I got was: "You're trespassing."
At least she was alive.
"Actually you don't own this trailer. The trailer is leased by Eco Lux and rented by Netflix so you don't have any right to-"
I was cut off by Millie ripping the door open so forcefully that windows rattled from the change in air pressure.
"What do you want?"
She sounded angry but I could tell form her expression she was trying not to laugh.
"Uhh... I just wanted to talk."
She rolled her eyes but let me inside.
Why does she always have to roll her eyes at me?
I shut the door behind me and followed her to her coach. Our trailers were almost identical so it brought major deja vu from last night when I sat down next to her.
She must of thought the same thing because she glared at me as if to say "If you try to kiss me right now I'll kill you"
I waited for her to actually say something before I realized I'm the one who wanted to talk.
"Look Millie..." I scratched the back of my neck. "I'm sorry about last night. If I made you uncomfortable thats my fault but I don't want things to be awkward between us and I definitely down want you to ignore me. So please, just tell me what's wrong?"
"Noah I-" She choked on her words. "I wasn't ignoring you and I'm so sorry for making it seem that way. I was just scared. I didn't really know how I felt about what happened and even more importantly I didn't know how you felt."
I nodded understanding what she was going through. I felt the same way.
"I just don't want things between us to be weird. Like right now... we are having the first serious conversation we have ever had together, normally I would have made a joke by now and you would have called me and idiot but instead... it's just kind of uncomfortable you know? I don't want that between us. I don't want our friendship to change."
"But last night wasn't uncomfortable was it?"
"No at all!" I said a little to eagerly. "I mean... it was a little awkward because of the whole, kissing my best friend thing-" She looked down and blushed as I spoke "-but it wasn't uncomfortable. If anything it was... good."
"Good?" she said looking up at me and smiling. It was the first time she had really smiled all morning and her grin made ally worries fade away. It was like a neon sign telling me everything was okay. That it didn't matter, as long as I was with her, I would be happy.
"Yeah, good"
"Well I thought it was great" She said smirking before slipping into a more serious expression. "And really I'm sorry for ignoring you that wasn't right. You're right that we needed to talk."
"It's okay." I smiled nervously and then my lips uttered the big question.
"So what are we?"
She didn't react, as if she had been expecting the question. She repositioned herself on the couch, getting comfortable like she was planning on sitting there for a while.
"I'm willing..." she stared daggers at me as she spoke. "... to give it a shot."
"Really?"
Really." She smiled at me and rather than say anything, I shifted over on the couch and just hugged her tightly to let her know I felt the same. After a moment I pulled away.
"So are we dating now or..."
"Well you have to ask me."
"Ask you what?"
"If you want I want to date you moron."
"Hey! I'm not a moron. This is my first time, unlike you"
"What are you getting at?"
"Nothing!" I said quickly. "It's just that... I'm nervous. I don't want to fuck this up."
She giggled when I swore and I took her hand in mine. A little cheesy but I don't care.
"Millie? Will you be my girlfriend?" I held my breath even though I knew she would say yes. The word girlfriend felt so foreign on my tongue. I really like Millie but she was like a sister to me. I had never though much about being her boyfriend.
"Of course Noah."
She smiled at me and holy fuck in the moments she was absolutely stunning. It was as if the teenage boy inside me suddenly realized the friend wall between us had come crumbling down and we were really dating now.
The "contain yourself Noah" part of my brain gave up as a succumbed to her beauty. I muttered a quick "Can I kiss you?" and before Millie could even finish nodding, I lunged forward, smashing my lips into hers.
Which by the way, no one tells you that can hurt.
I quickly calmed down from my initial excitement and we just kissed slowly, molding our lips together and sort of rocking back and forth on the couch.
There was no rush of nervousness like last night. The urge I had a few seconds ago faded as I accepted that we were now dating and this would probably become a normal thing. There was no fear that this could be the last time we kissed and that meant we could go slow and enjoy ever minuted of the interaction.
She played with my hair and I jokingly brushed hers in front of her face so she couldn't see. She had to pull away and tuck it behind her ear, giggling and muttering something about my stupidity. She was the only person that could call me stupid and have me like it.
Reading my mind, she spoke up,
"You may be stupid Noah, but you're my stupid."
And thus a new nickname for me was born.