Chapter 4 | Needing You The Most
"He misses you"
"I think he needs you the most right now"
Jaemin's mind is consumed with the words Dana told him this morning. Of course, he isn't truely convinced into what she said. She could be wrong. In this case, she is more than sure to be wrong. This is Jeno they were talking about and he didn't stand a chance to be missed or to be needed by Jeno.
But the fact that Jeno has been drinking out and staying late while overworking in an unhealthy schedule worries him. He wouldn't bare to see Jeno being sick and there is no way he can take care of the man right now. His current situation won't allow him to.
"I think he needs you the most right now"
He feels suffocated inside, almost tightening to the point where he couldn't process his mind.
Was Dana saying the truth? Or...did she assume what Jeno is really thinking? But..what would he need me for? More hate to bury on? Because I ran away without taking more blames from him? Do I really deserve more of his hatred? Am I doing something wrong...again?
"I don't know what you think about me but...please take care of yourself Jeno-ah.."
If anything happens to you, you will break my heart even more.
🥀
"What do you think of this Injun?"
"It's pretty cute but I like this moomin one better"
"Yeah of course, you chose that!"
"But that's what you asked me to do!"
Yangyang sighs looking at the two. They have been arguing nonstop ever since they arrived back from the mall. While Jaemin argues from the bed he's been sitting on, Renjun talks back from across the room. They are acting like two kids having a quarrel but won't leave each other's sight in case something happens to the other. They are being like this probably because Renjun was absent for a week from Jaemin due to the family meet-up across the town. They probably missed each other.
"Baby..calm down..You know Jaemin is pregnant and he often gets mood swings like this" Yangyang pats Renjun's soft hair and pecks on the top of his head.
The Chinese cools down a bit. He wasn't angry as much as he sounded like. It was just natural to argue with Jaemin.
"So Jaemin..You sure these are all the things you want to send to Jisung?" Yangyang turns to ask.
"I don't know what else I need more." He carefully checks the item in the box and folds the moomin pajamas neatly again while placing on top of the pile.
"I am sure these are more than what he needs" YangYang walks to the bed and seals the box while carrying in his hands.
"Babe you staying or coming with me?"
He asks the pouting Renjun as he walks pass by him.
"Staying"
"Okay..I'll be right back. Anything you need?" As Renjun shakes his head, he slowly kisses him on the lips and turns to Jaemin. "Jaemin?"
"Nope"
"Okay. Don't argue too much. The baby can hear all of what you two are saying" Yangyang chuckles and leaves the room.
Just as the silent is about to consume over the room, Renjun walks over the bed as if they didn't have a fight a few minutes ago.
"Jaemin..move your legs" he pushes the leg gently and lies down on the vacant spot in the edge of the bed.
"I am a pregnant person here" he complains but moves anyways for Renjun.
"So...I was out of town last week right?" He starts slowly and Jaemin senses a bit of hesitation in his voice.
Jaemin decides to follow along and hums a response.
"I..saw Jeno"
Renjun lifts his eyes up to check his friend. He knows that he shouldn't bring up the heavy topic Jaemin isn't ready to openly discuss but he believes that Jaemin has a right to know the information he's about to share.
"Yangyang took me and his cousins for a dinner that night. At first I didn't recognize him. He looked different."
"Different?"
Even though Jaemin is trying to busy himself by picking up things around him to concentrate, Renjun knows that his attention is all on his words.
"Yeah..He definitely gets thinner. I think he was with his business partners because everyone was in formal suits. Luckily, he didn't see me because he faced his back toward our table."
He gets thinner? So..Dana is actually saying the truth? Is he not taking care of himself? What is going on Jeno?
"When we were about to leave, I peeked at their table again and it was definitely Jeno. He didn't look like how he used to but yeah...he probably aged"
Renjun adds a handful of sass in the last line but Jaemin seems to be disconnected with the world around him. Renjun worriedly sits up and crawls beside Jaemin with his messy hair.
"Jaemin..are you okay?" He touches his shoulder to call his attention back.
The soft face shows up with sadness written all over him and Renjun weakens into it.
"Jaeminnie.." he calls with his brows frown.
"W-what..if he's really sick? What if he is really not taking care of himself?"
"Jaemin..ah"
Renjun regrets mentioning about his encounter with Jeno. He didn't expect Jaemin to be this worried about Jeno. He thought it would just be something to share since he saw him. He forgot the fact that all Jaemin has been thinking about ever since he left from that house was about Jeno.
"Last week, Dana..said..he..he has been drinking a lot these days..and he isn't even taking care of his sleep and diet"
Only then Renjun begins to connect the dots in his head. Jeno did seem like he's been going through a harsh time when he met him in that restaurant. It was all shown on his face. He thought he looked different but now he kind of understand what has been making him look that way.
"Jaemin ah, I can't really stop you from doing anything. I know you are worried about him all the time but if you choose not to be with him, you need to release the grip. Worrying him like this will not do anything. It will only end up hurting you more from overthinking."
Renjun slips that through this conversation intentionally because Jaemin keeps one-sided thoughts and never intend to let the other person know. Renjun has no will to sugar coat anything of the matter. He sounds bitter and aggressive but that will really help Jaemin.
"Not only me, but even you dad and mom respect your decision. It was hard for us to understand you. Even though we disagreed with some of the things you did, we kept them to ourselves to give you your personal space you deserved. But if you choose to decide on one thing but cares for another thing at the same time, you are making yourself more suffer without getting anything done. "
Renjun softly caresses Jaemin well- defined round stomach and looks at him.
"You see..you have this baby who is relying on you. You love her. We know it. So..instead of thinking what has been in the past, what about we start planning for her future with us?"
Jaemin smiles to the mention of his baby. It was hard for him to digest the fact that he will have to take care of the child alone but Renjun reminds him that he's not alone in this journey. Renjun proves him right. He has his parents, Renjun and YangYang, and even Jisung and Dana for him.
Loneliness may come but that's temporary because there are actually people who support him for what he does.
🥀
"Shit! This is too sour!"
"A thank you would be much appreciated but yeah..it's supposed to be sour" Donghyuck remarks with a side eye and drops another lemon tea for his husband, Mark.
Jeno frowns to the taste of the beverage but he drains down all, knowing that this really helps.
He is so used to with Jaemin's carrot or apple ginger juice for him whenever he had a hangover in the mornings. Only when he comes to think of it, Jaemin really was full of kindness for him even thought he treated him like he was worthless. In one of the nights he was drunk, he forcefully took him without control but he woke up to a nice breakfast table with Jaemin who wasn't complaining about anything at all. In fact, he was all cherry and smiley in front of Jisung.
Jaemin is his biggest lost and he actually deserves that.
"Mark you need to stop taking Jeno to bars! If you are seriously going to behave like this, I don't want to live with you"
Mark feels like those words kick out his dizzy headache. He snaps his mind back in and looks at Donhyuck who is really serious about the matter.
"Love I am sorry..please..please don't say something like that ever again. I won't do anything you dislike..so please Hyuck"
Mark pulls Donghyuck on his lap swiftly and apologizes.
"Hyuck..It wasn't Mark's fault.. I called him out for the drink" Jeno feels like he needs to resolve this because he doesn't want to be stone in the shoe for his friend's marriage life.
Donghyuck sighs and loses his temper after the apology and eyes on his friend.
"Jeno..when are you going to act like youself again? Are you not worry about Jisung? He's a child and if you act like this, it's really a bad influence for him."
Hyuck scolds but in a more mature way.
Mark also looks at his husband, realizing that he lacked to see the widerview of what he was supporting.
"I was never a good father for Jisung" his emotional eyes look down in shame. "And I even blamed and mocked Jaemin for taking care of my own son when I wasn't even qualify enough to be a father."
"Reflecting yourself is a good thing Jeno." Haechan starts while taking a seat on the chair beside Mark after hoping off from Mark's lap.
"But blaming yourself for everything without actually resolving is just a waste of time Jeno"
"Hyuck is right, Jeno.."
"I disliked how you treated Jaemin and I understand how he wanted to separate himself but he deserves an apology Jeno. You need to make him know that you are sincerely feeling terrible for what you have done and that you are regretting"
Jeno remains silent but he sure is convinced by Donghyuck's suggestion.
"He may not forgive you but you need to respect his decision."
Mark proudly stares at Donghyuck. He married this man, well-prepared that he will always be ready for dealing with Donghyuck's adorable childishness. He rarely gets to see this mature side of him and he makes him fall in love all over again.
"Should I...try to see him?"
🥀
There has been a war in the kitchen for no reason but Dana is dealing with it well until her phone in the living room rings.
She runs to pick it up and smiles when she sees the caller ID.
"Hey Jaemin!"
She greets cherrily.
"Hi are you busy?"
She looks back at the kitchen and sees the curry needs a little more heat to be done.
"Busy but not so busy"
"What's that supposed to mean Dana?"
"Oh how I miss you here handling with all these work perfectly"
She remembers the time when she has lesser work than this just because Jaemin aces it anything he does. Not only he finds himself time to publish books as a writer, he also makes sure he has time for Jisung, Jeno and house work.
"Oh right! I wanted to ask you about the baby. How's she? Am I still one of the contestants alongside with Renjun for coming up with the name?"
"Haha..for that matter yes. Renjun hasn't give up yet. He has been searching for names and meaning behind them for like everyday."
"Good because I don't want a weak opponent. How are you doing?"
"I am doing fine. A bit uncomfortable because my stomach keep getting bigger. I get tired very often but I still manage to do some exercises."
"Be careful though. I am glad that you are doing well."
Dana walks in to the kitchen to plug off and stir the curry a bit.
"How about you and Jisung?"
" I am fine but a bit busier. Nothing interesting happend. I sent off Jisung to school with the driver this morning."
"Y-you did? Why? I-Is Jeno...sick?"
She senses a definite worries through the voice but chooses not to point it out because it will just turns out to be awkward.
"He..wasn't back since last night.. I don't know where he went but I am sure he's fine"
"O...oh"
To be honest, Dana expects more reaction, concerns or questions from him but Jaemin seems like he chooses to restrain himself from asking out more.
"Oh! Jaemin ah! I will call you back!! I forgot to add some salt to the soup and I need to keep stirring."
"O-Okay—"
The calls rushly ends and Jaemin smiles. That girl is almost always careless and she surely isn't a great multitasker so he needs to wait a bit.
"Crap! I forgot to tell her about YangYang arriving there soon" Jaemin quickly hits his head and redials the number.
The incoming tones calm him a bit but for some reason, he gets nervous without any reference.
After the beep, the ongoing seconds show the phone was picked up and he quickly has to deliver the main message before he went off-topic like the last time again.
"Hey Dana..haha...I am sorry..I forgot to remind you that in a few minutes..um..probably around ten minutes or so..yeah..my friend, YangYang will be there to drop out things I bought for Jisungie. I bought some clothes, school supplies and other stuff I think he will ne—"
"J-Jaemin?"
A deep voice that he knows too well unexpectantly answers and Jaemin shockingly looks back to his phone screen. It was the right number he called.
Not knowing what to do, Jaemin quickly ends the phone and throws the device to the side. He holds his hands tight together and curls up, tears already forming.
It was the voice he missed all the time.
Even though it was just his name that he called, it was strong enough to waver his heart. He trembles in a way that triggers the memories back into his head.
"Na Jaemin whatever I do to you... remember that it's because I fucking hate you"
"H..He hates you Jaemin..don't ever want to go there again..You are not prepared for it..and your baby is more important at this moment" he reminds himself and tries to remember everything Renjun has taught him.
I don't want to be hurt again Jeno.
🥀
"J-Jeno-sshi..i-it's"
"Dana, I need you to tell me the truth. How long have you been contacting with Jaemin?"
His strict voice comes out aggressively but the desperation in the tone is glaring.
Dana struggles to keep herself not to panic. It was her fault for carelessely leaving the caller ID with Jaemin's name. She should have just picked up the phone earlier even before Jeno walked into the kitchen out of nowhere. She didn't expect him to be back this soon.
"Please..Dana..I need to know"
"Since o-one week after he left this house"
Jeno closes his eyes and let the heart strucking feeling painfully passes through him. He feels like one of the viens in his body has been awfully bursted. It hurts him like hell.
He has been taking care of people he loves and I don't deserve to be one of them.
"H-how is he?"
Dana looks up, completely startled. She expects a much more aggressive reaction from him. At least, she readied herself for getting threatened or scold her for hiding this from him. However, Jeno weakly questions, almost not daring to ask about Jaemin.
"He is..doing well.."
"Is there anything else that you are hiding from me?"
He softly forms the question, paying attention to every word he speaks out.
"No..." he has your daughter in his stomach.
She only speaks that in her mind. She doesn't want to break Jaemin's trust. She already made a huge mistake from her careless habit.
If Jaemin decided that Jeno doesn't need to know, then it really should be that way.
________________Sneak Peek》》》
"Dada..Jisungie needs to tell Dada something important"
"What is it Jisung?"
************
"Young man I want to talk to you"
"I want to take responsibility. I want be part of his family"
"I understand everything you've said but I will leave it on my son's decision"
***********
"Because I love you Jaemin. I love you"