prompt came from my instantgram @ lucid.and.damned ! also i'm not sick of his name is happiness, it was just..way longer than i thought it was gonna be. i didn't update for a few days... sorry :/
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"Well, a long time ago, I was dating a girl-"
"Mom, right?"
"Yeah. At the time, I just thought she was really pretty and really strong. Most of the other boys in the village didn't have girlfriends, so I bragged about her a lot. She really loved me. She did stuff for me all the time, and she told me she loved me whenever she had the chance. We were together for a really long time, too, so I guess I just got used to her doing all that and took her for granted. I was smart when it came down to all the training I'd done as a ninja, but I'd never been good with people, especially girls. I just kept showing off and making the other boys jealous, letting them know I was better because there was a girl who really loved me in my life."
"Mom lived with you, right?"
"Yeah. Even though she was on the same team as me, going on missions, training hard, and going out with friends, she was always the one doing the housework. All on her own... I was okay with that back then, because it gave me more time to train or spend my time doing things more fun than that. I really was stupid... I hadn't realized just how amazing your mother truly is back then, but I don't think you'll ever have that problem. You see the value in everyone, don't you, Sa?"
"What? What do you mean?"
"Hm... What I mean is, when someone says they love you, you already know whether you love them back or not. Is that right?"
"I guess so."
"That's good. I'm sure Tema's said I broke momma's heart, and it's because I wasn't like you. One night, she told me she felt like I didn't love her back, so we- Uh, well, we did something that couples do when they love each other. We did that a lot, actually... The problem with that is that there's a risk of the woman getting pregnant, and momma did, but we didn't know."
"Right. Because momma only found out when she got here, right?"
"Mhm. I just kept thinking about how she thought I didn't love her, and the more I thought about it, I understood why she thought that. She was great, but I never did anything for her. So, being the stupid teen I was, I came to the conclusion that maybe I didn't love her, that she was right. One night, when she came home from an evening out with friends, I told her I didn't love her. She spent the night at her own compound that night, I believe that's when she sent the letter to Gaara that said she would be moving here."
"And you? Tema used to just get mad at this part and talk about how awful you were, and Kankuro always just left off when they get the letter and momma moves here, and Gaara just talks about the letter too much..."
"Well, it was the first night in a very long time that she wasn't with me, and I realized just how quiet it was without her. The bed was cold, too... And no one wished me sweet dreams, or said good night, or whispered I love you before I went to bed. I think that was when I realized what I'd actually lost."
"So you did love momma?"
"I did. A lot. I've never been very good with people, though. I've never... Before your mother, I don't think I'd really loved anyone."
"Anyone?"
"Anyone."
"That's really sad. Loving people is so... I mean, I don't love anyone like that, but I love you and momma, and Tema and Gaara, even Kankuro..."
"Yeah... I have a lot of people now that are precious to me, but you and your mother are the ones I love most. Back then, though, I didn't know the first thing about love. I'd already broken momma's heart by the time I realized I'd done everything wrong, and that was the worst night of my life. But god... I was too nervous and ashamed to try to talk to her again for a while. I think it was about a week later, I was looking for her all day, but I couldn't find her. The answer for that that I got was that one of our friends, Sakura, just told me 'she's gone' and left, pretty angrily. She was mad at me for a long while and I didn't know why."
"But you do now?"
"I do. I didn't manage to get any answers from anyone else for a while, either. Eventually, another friend ended up telling me she ran away, but didn't say any more than that. So I just had to learn to live with a heavy burden of guilt. Because of my stupidity and inability to interact with people properly, I broke her heart. As a result, she ran away, and as far as I knew, I'd never see her again."
"What did you do while I was growing up here? You're the only one who can tell that part of the story."
"Well, most of the time I was just training. Especially right after momma left. I didn't see a point in sitting around and being sad, so I'd just train until I was too tired to move, or... Or until I was crying too much to see. I broke a lot of practice dummies because I was so mad at myself, I focused all my rage into my attacks... Eventually, when I thought I'd gotten over your mother, I tried dating another girl, but I was just comparing her to momma in my head."
"You dated someone else?"
"Yes."
"You didn't love her, though?"
"No."
"Why did you date her, then?"
"I think it was to try to convince myself that I was ready to move on, but it didn't work. She didn't love me the same way, she was more demanding, and she just... She wasn't as pretty, or smart, or anything like momma. It didn't feel right, so I ended the relationship and told myself I'd just never date again. Y/n had run away from the village because I was an idiot, and if I never saw her again, so be it. I'd broken her heart, I deserved to have mine broken as well."
"So, you decided you'd never ever be with anyone but momma?"
"I could never be with anyone but momma, Sachihiro. I love her more than anything."
"More than me?"
"Well, maybe I love you more, but don't tell momma, okay?"
"Okay! But what happened after?"
"Well, not much that's interesting... Just normal life. Sometimes I'd look at the stars at night and wonder if momma was okay, wherever she was. Then, one day, I was assigned an escort mission. It was incredibly low-ranked, I was almost angry that it had been assigned to me."
"Wait, angry? Why?"
"Well, because I felt insulted. But because it wasn't anything difficult or particularly dangerous, I ended up going alone. I was just escorting some old farmer from Konoha to Suna, and she only needed an escort because she had trouble walking long distances at such an old age. I had a quick report to the Kazekage when I was finished, and he demanded I have dinner with him that night."
"And that was the night we met?"
"That was the night we met."
"Temari always used to get mad and talk about how terrible you were for leaving momma," Sachihiro said quietly, stifling a yawn. "But I don't think you're terrible, dad."
Neji raised an eyebrow at his son.
"Then what do you think of me?" He asked tentatively.
Sachihiro had grown up around people who hated his father, and now that Neji was here, it must've been odd, especially after hearing so many awful things about him.
"Well, you never loved anyone before mom," Sachihiro said. "I think you were overwhelmed. And maybe confused."
Neji smiled a bit.
"Maybe I was," he said softly. He stood up and readjusted the blankets on Sa's bed before kissing his forehead. "Now go to sleep, it's late. I love you."
"Love you too," Sachihiro said. "G'night, dad."
Neji walked over to the light switch and turned out the lights before walking out into the hall, and he closed Sa's bedroom door before sighing.
"You really are the worst. You know I can tell when you're eavesdropping, right?"
"We just wanted to hear your version of the story," Temari defended quietly. "Since we have no idea what the hell was happening over in Konoha."
"Well, I was simply curious as to Sachihiro's reaction to the story," Gaara said. "The story was good too, though."
"I think Y/n's broken," Kankuro stated flatly. "I think you two better go to your room and talk. We'll just..."
The three of them went to their rooms, quietly, so as to not wake Sachihiro.
Neji walked over to me and took my hand in his, gently leading me to our bedroom.
"Are you alright?" He asked. I shook my head.
"I was so mad at you for so long," I said. "But it was all because I said I felt like you didn't love me... It's all my fault."
"What? Don't be stupid," Neji said. He tugged me into the room and closed the door behind me. He leaned back against the door and pulled me close, wrapping his arms around my waist. "Why would you think that?"
"I said that... And then you started thinking that you really didn't," I said. "And then... All this, just because-"
"No," he said, his voice firm but still quiet. "That's not it. It was me jumping to conclusions because I didn't know anything about being in love. I did a double take and looked at the wrong parts of the relationship to discern what the issue was."
I just took a deep breath, inhaling his calming scent and almost melting in his arms.
"What parts did you look at, then?" I asked, curious. "What was the real issue?"
"You thought I didn't love you; I decided to think it over," Neji said, sighing. "You did all the housework, you were the only one who said 'I love you,' you were really the only one displaying any affection. What did I ever do? In the beginning, I was really only with you to prove I was better than the other boys, but I did come to care for you. I just don't think I noticed. I was only looking at 'she's the only one who cares, which means I don't love her.' I didn't actually read into it. There was guilt for not helping you or trying harder to show you, really, any sort of appreciation, but I didn't acknowledge it at all. I just thought 'yeah, I don't do as much as she does, that means I don't care as much as her.' God... I really was stupid."
And he laughed.
He wrapped his arms around me a little tighter and kissed the top of my head.
"So... You really did love me the whole time?" I asked, looking up at him.
"Without a doubt," he answered.