Right so, I asked you guys if you wanted more books for the Pantomath au, and overwhelmingly you said you wanted a sequel so I got to writing it and got like... maybe three words in before realizing despite knowing roughly what would happen I completely had writers block for which scene to start it with, so here you go..... a prequel. Ahahah hahah ha hah haha ha.... ahhh... sorry, sequel is coming... soon. Hopefully.
Hope you enjoy this next book anyway, and sorry to disappoint,
-T.A.L.A.
(An: trigger warning, the beginning chapters of this story contains mentions of suicide, suicidal thoughts, self harm, underground fighting rings, human trafficking, among other things, actually this whole entire book has a lot of sad parts.)
If anyone asked, no one ever did, but if they did ask, Izuku Midoriya would say that he was an optimist. But a realistic one. He knew what the statistics were and what society seemed to think, but if he really put the effort in and stayed determined, why couldn't he become a hero? It was for that dream that he pushed on. Even when his father left. When his mother told him to give up hope. Despite his classmates' jeers and shoving. He always stood strong and tried to smile, tried to hold his head up. And while he didn't always succeed and his smile would never be considered All Might worthy he tried and stood his ground against a whole world of adversity.
Why couldn't he become a hero?
Why shouldn't he?
...Why wasn't he able to be?
Why... why... why had he been born defective?
Why was he so useless.
The truth was however, Izuku Midoryia was not an optimist nor even a realist. He saw the faults of the world. The problems. The barricades that towered over his small form; that stood impossibly strong and unbeatable in his way. Inescapable. But he quickly found that no one was going to stand beside him. ("I'm sorry Izuku, I'm so so sorry") No one would hold his hand and tell him how it was done. No one was on his side.
If the world was against him, he couldn't afford to be against himself too. That was what he told himself, like a mantra he constantly reminded himself that he could do it, he was worth something, he mattered... but deep down he knew even he didn't stand on his own side.
Yet he fought on even when he never understood why.
Izuku stood alone a full three inches shorter than his four opponents a trembling smile on his face. The most notable, as seemed to always be the case, was Kacchan, standing straight and confident his blond hair sticking up as if to prove that even against gravity itself he would not lose.
All the same he met the other's scowl head on as he spoke, "That wasn't very nice Kacchan! You shouldn't use your quirk to hurt others!"
"What would you know you useless Deku, you don't even have one!" Kacchan let his quirk rise up to the surface of his palms creating sharp pops; a display for all to see his strength. As if in automatic response smirks grew on the other three's faces, their own quirks showing for all to see.
Izuku just smiled ignoring the tears that gathered in his own eyes. No one would reach out to help a worthless nobody like him, even on school grounds. He stood no chance, but that wouldn't make them go any easier on him once he was down.
"Still! You can't be a very good hero if you're always attacking others!" He shouldn't be provoking them.
"What was that!? I'm going to be the very best hero! Better than even All Might and nobody is going to get in my way, much less you!"
With a growl of frustration at his continued defiance the blond, red eyed boy charged forward like a bull, his arms extended as once more explosions bubbles forth. The other's quickly followed their leader's actions and leaped forward to take part too.
Sometime after he had fallen to lay in a curled ball his yellow backpack, beaten up and burnt already despite having just got it at the start of the year, had been dumped out sending his supplies tumbling to scatter in the grass beside him and slide onto the sidewalk. He opened his eyes just in time to see the one item he would do near anything for Kacchan not to see come to a halt neatly at the tip of his right shoe. Like an act of fate. Considering his situation maybe that wasn't too far fetched although one had to wonder what he had done to deserve their ire.
Before he could formulate or even think he was moving, scrambling to all fours and reaching to grab hold of it. Pull it away from it's inevitable doom. Clutch it tight no matter what they did or shouted and never let go. It was his life, his future. His hand was nudged lightly to the side with one foot only for the very same foot to come barreling down to land unflinchingly on his hand. Crunch. Only Izuku flinched, Kacchan was as unreachable as he had always been.
Still smoking fingers reached down and picked the book up. Kacchan scoffed as he read aloud, "What's this?! 'Hero analysis for my future', you don't actually think you could ever be a hero do you? My god, you really are a Deku. Let me get this through your thick skull now, you can't and will never be a hero! In fact if you want to be a hero so bad I'll tell you what, why don't you do us all a favor and take a swan dive off the roof. Maybe in your next life you'll have a quirk."
Without a second of hesitance Kacchan sent him one more disgusted look even as he pressed the previous notebook in between his hands scorching it beyond repair as it caught fire. A few pages that had been torn or ripped sometime before Kacchan got his hands on it slid out when he snapped it shut between them falling onto the walkway before drifting out of his reach forever on the open wind. (Despite his near perfect memory later it always bothered Deku that he could never remember what those pages had held)
"Here, let me help you get rid of this fire before you burn your quirkless self with it, it's not like it was ever going to be useful for anything anyway."
With that said the notebook was discarded, tossed with practiced carelessness over the other's shoulder so it landed with a splash in the previously calm fountain not far from where they were. Seemingly too disgusted with him to even be bothered to further poke at him they landed only a few more kicks to his side before they walked off talking as if nothing had even happened. Leaving the unusually small child curled, his head of wild, green hair covering his watering green eyes surrounded by his scattered belongings and broken pride. His smile remained, thin and wobbly as ever.
Yet, he rose after only giving himself a moment to gather his wits, because for the five of them nothing had happened. It was as much a ritual as greeting a friend or eating dinner although Izuku didn't have much experience with the former anymore. He pushed himself up on shaking arms and swept his supplies together as quickly as he could, gathering it together before shoving it into his bag. Only then did he hurry towards where his thoughts had remained and tried to rescue his notebook.
It was no use.
Feeling more empty than ever he began the trek home, he stuck to the less used routes in hopes to avoid running into anyone and avoid the bustling crowds. He knew it would only leave him feeling worse. The silence would almost be considered peaceful if it did not leave him alone with his thoughts. For even against the world his own mind didn't stand behind him. He heard their voices.
Useless.
Waste of space.
"Do us all a favor and take a swan dive off the roof."
Weakling.
Walking accident.
Helpless.
Dive.
"Izuku why don't you take a look at this- don't you think it's time to look into a more realistic career?"
Idiot.
"You need to be realistic in your dreams Midoriya, you know, your mommy told me you help her out a lot around the house, did you ever think of doing something like that? Sounds fun, right? Here why don't you join them playing house."
Dive.
Die.
"Die you damn Deku!"
"We don't want to play with a quirkless loser!"
"Why even bother living Deku!"
He didn't realize the slime monster sliding up behind him until it was too late and once more he was fighting for his life, vision going dark. His limbs went limp even though he still had the breath to continue the fight as he realized something; why was he still fighting?
He never knew why he kept living, he wouldn't have minded if he had just dropped dead. Sometimes he even found himself hoping for it. Yet he still lived. Why? Why hadn't he taken Kacchan's advice before?
Routine he realized. He just kept going in the same pattern that made up his life like a cog in a clock. And just like he had come to live his life by long established patterns, he would die in it. For when had he ever stood up against Kacchan with anything but words? The realization hit him anew, even in a room filled with everyone in the whole world including himself, no one in that room would support him, no one wanted him to live. He would never even attempt to fight back physically.
His arms went limp as his mouth fell open letting his breath leave him.
What was worth living for in this world anyway? Maybe he would be less useless in his next life. Maybe he'd be lucky and wouldn't be given the chance to mess another life up too. That was all he could do anyone; ruin things for others.
His vision fell black.
He woke to the one sight he that he had only ever dreamed of being able to get the honor to see so up close in person. He could recognize them easily even without their hero outfit on. He would be able to recognize them anywhere easily. A n y w h e r e. It was All Might himself. Unbidden he felt hope rose up within him again.
Vaguely he almost thought it was worth it. The attack, every miserable moment in the last five years of his life, Kacchan. Everything. As long as it all led up to this moment. But he knew, deep down in the little part that had for so long screamed that not even he was on his own team, he knew that he was selfish. Just meeting them would never be enough for him. he needed to ask the question that now plagued his mind. That had haunted his life for all of his years.
"Th-Thank you, thank you so much,"
"No problem my boy! Now you must excuse me, I must-" They picked up the bottled sludge villain and made to go with it clutched in their grip.
They didn't think just as they had not when they tried to save the notebook, only moved, and next they were aware of they were soaring across the sky tightly gripping onto All Might's leg, "No wait-!" It was an oddly freeing moment being up there. Free as a bird, wind rushing through his hair.... death just one tiny slip away.
When they landed words once more evaded them as they tried to catch their breath, but the same could not be said for the pro hero, who began lecturing them the moment they touched down.
"P-please, I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking, but there is something I must ask you! Can- is it possible...! Can someone without a quirk become a hero! I know it would be hard, unheard of really, but... but if they were truly determined and would give it their all and be willing to face whatever obstacles came up, is it possible?"
The hero was silent for a half beat, watching them as though they were sizing them up. As if judging their worth, their fate, "No, I'm sorry, it is challenging enough for people with great and awe inspiring quirks to become a hero. For someone completely without a quirk it would be a impossible.... But I'm sure with that determination there is plenty else you could become, like... a police officer or... a politician! These are also very important jobs, and far more realistic. Now! I must go!" The last part was added as if some cheap, plastic consolation prize, given without meaning or hope.
The symbol of peace held up the bottled slime villain and took off once more with a single bound, "I am now exiting...like a hero!"
Like a hero. The words echoed quietly in Izuku's mind in the dead silence that followed.
It hurt. They didn't watch where their idol had bounded off to, just stared forward with empty, heartbroken eyes. The voices rushing back to the forefront of his mind, for the first time only barely recognized. For the first time, his spirit had been broken. Izuku stood alone, on the roof, dead already.