Now that you thought of it, your mother had made many mistakes while raising you. While it was expected of every queen not to dote on her children and instead give them to nurses and such for education while she was busy with her responsibilities, you had missed her so much that you swore when you had children, you would make sure they knew how much you loved them.
Even if she wasn't around all that much while you were growing up, your mother still taught you many important things. Never crying in public was one of them, you could still remember the scolding you got when you were seven years old. How to look elegant while taunting the people you hated was another.
Another lesson you had learned from your mother was to never let the public see you ill, and you were beginning to think it would be the hardest one among them.
You still felt very faint, every time you stood up from the bed you still had some difficulties, your chest and all your bones hurt terribly and you still couldn't raise your voice all that much due to your throat being very sore, but this was so boring that you thought you would actually lose your mind.
You were by the window in a very comfortable chair in Ivar's bedchambers, with two furs thrown over your shoulder –Ivar seemed to believe cold was as much of a threat for you as poison was, for some reason- with your knees pulled up to your chest, staring out of the window. There was a figure that seemed to be busy with building some sort of a monument while Gala walked around the room and the guards that seemed to watch your every move did not even move as they waited by the door.
Before a knock reached your ears, making you turn.
"Y/N, are you decent?" Hvitserk's voice reached inside, making you smile.
"Yes, come in please!"
Hvitserk stepped inside, taking a look at the guards. "You may leave."
One of the guards stole a look at you, "King's orders, my prince. There is to be two guards here at all times."
You rolled your eyes, "They only leave when I take a bath." You told Hvitserk, "In a completely irrelevant note, I started taking three baths a day. I'm afraid Gala will try to poison me if I keep that much longer."
"Oh please don't say that my queen," Gala still looked visibly shaken by what had happened to you and you pulled your brows together, but was distracted by Hvitserk.
"I take it you're already tired of staying here?"
"When Ivar left I was taking a bath, he was just here now, and I was on my second bath. I tried to convince him my fever keeps the same water warm for hours but he didn't believe me, it's the small entertainments I have nowadays."
A shadow of a smile crossed his lips before he pulled a chair beside you, "How suspicious of him to be this protective."
"Hvitserk, please," You mumbled, "It wasn't him."
"I'm just saying, he has done it before."
You arched a brow, "He poisoned somebody before? Ivar? Ivar poisoned somebody?"
Hvitserk shifted his weight, "Well not poison, but he hurt somebody very dear to us. Someone he claimed to have cared about."
You frowned, "Wait, what? Who?"
"Why don't you ask him? You surely seem like you trust him completely."
"And you seem like you don't trust him at all."
"With good reason."
You heaved a sigh, making a face at the pain and Hvitserk looked almost guilty.
"I should not tire you out," he said and you shook your head,
"No, do stay." You insisted, "Tell me what is happening. I will lose my mind if I stay in this room any longer."
"Everything is the same," Hvitserk shrugged, "We're still hunting down who the culprit was, people are still in the Great Hall, and a lot of people are worried about you. People of Kattegat, people who weren't at the feast."
"People of Kattegat?" You felt the need to repeat and he nodded.
"Don't look so surprised, princess," he said, "They like you."
A small smile warmed your face and Hvitserk sighed.
"What else... As far as Ivar is concerned, everyone in that hall can be held responsible for the incident so Bjorn and Ubbe had to talk to him for about two hours to convince him not to kill everyone who was present at the feast."
"Hvitserk, you can't let him-"
"I have nothing to say to Ivar," he cut you off and you blinked dumbly,
"You don't mean that."
"I do mean that. Everyone around me may be naïve enough to believe that his fury proves him not guilty, but-"
"It wasn't him." You insisted and Hvitserk frowned.
"And how would you know that?"
You opened your mouth, then closed it again, heaving a deep sigh.
"I've been trying to remember what happened that night, and I keep reliving it." You said, "I...I have an idea."
"What idea?"
"I need to be sure first." You said, "But trust me. It wasn't Ivar."
Hvitserk looked like he wanted to insist, then decided otherwise, but your mind wandered off to your dream once again. You kept thinking about it for some reason, it gave you warmth that was lovely.
Lovely to think it could ever happen.
"I didn't come here to..." You trailed off, "To wither and die."
Hvitserk scoffed, "Well, looks like Ivar is being a proper husband, huh? What with tattling on people to his wife."
"No one is-" You started, then stopped talking immediately as soon as what he had said downed on you.
Tattling.
Hvitserk had actually said it to Ivar.
"I-" You stammered, the disbelief taking over you, "We- what? No, you mustn't fight, Hvitserk. Really, it's not the time for that."
It wasn't a dream.
Ivar was actually there, that night.
Holding your hand, praying by your side, pleading you to come back.
It was real.
"Maybe he's not as ideal as you seem to make yourself believe." Hvitserk sounded almost sulky and you cleared your throat, trying to focus.
"Ideal?" You repeated, "How naïve do you take me for?"
"With the way you look at him?" he said slowly, "Very naïve, Y/N."
You held his gaze, a mocking smile playing on your lips before you turned your attention to the window, "Who's that?"
"Who?"
"That man, building those things."
"Floki." Hvitserk said, "He's um- he was our father's friend. The best boat builder in the world."
"He's building a boat?"
"No, those are for the Gods," Hvitserk stole a look at the falcon beside your bed who kept her unblinking gaze on him, as if questioning him. "It was Bjorn's idea. It's to show... our gratitude for letting you survive the poison."
"How come I never met this Floki?"
Hvitserk took a deep breath, "He told Ivar that he wouldn't step a foot here if he married a Christian."
Your eyes narrowed, "I'm not a Christian anymore, remember? That was specifically written in our...agreement."
Hvitserk only shot you a suspicious look and you took a deep breath, pinching your lips before your gaze wandered off to the falcon.
"She just stares at me and does not fly- Should I name her?"
Hvitserk shook his head, "She will want to fly away eventually," he mumbled, "You can't tame something that wild, Y/N. Regardless of how much you may want to."
For some reason, you had a feeling that it wasn't about the falcon anymore.
"I should leave you be." Hvitserk said, "I will make sure to send you books to...keep you entertained."
You smiled up at him silently, "Thank you."
"Get better, princess." His fingers brushed over your shoulder only for a moment before he walked out of the room, and you frowned slightly, then turned to Gala.
"What happened that night?"
"My queen?"
"You haven't been yourself since then. What happened?"
Gala shook her head, "Nothing, just- Everyone suspected of everyone."
"They suspected you?"
"Everybody, including me," she said, "And um- Prince Ubbe questioned my...whereabouts. That whole day, and I swear to you my queen-"
"I know it's not you." You shook your head, "What- Ubbe scared you?"
"What may happen if they found me guilty scared me." She said, "Prince Ubbe... everyone knows he's the calmest of his brothers but he can be- quite intimidating."
"What may happen?" You insisted and Gala gulped.
"When the king finds that person," she said, "I would not want to be in the room."
***
Gala seemed to gain her natural cheerful self back as the time passed and the night fell. By then, both of you were more than merely bored out of your minds, so the things you found for entertainment got more and more ridiculous.
And that was exactly how you ended up on your feet even if your bones still hurt, throwing knives that you borrowed from the guards at the door.
"I used to be better at this!" You insisted as Gala giggled beside you, and threw the knife only for it to hit the door and fall. She rushed to take it back and you took a small breath, -deep breaths still hurt your chest- and closed an eye, tilting your head before you threw it at the door but the door opened, making both you and Gala let out a scream as soon as the knife flew by Ivar's face and got lodged into the wooden door, the handle trembling. Your hands shot up to cover your mouth and you moved way too fast towards him, your breath getting caught in your throat as a spark of pain shot through your ribs.
"Are you alright?" Both of you asked at the same time and you gawked at him.
"I almost killed you!"
"It happens, you shouldn't be standing up."
"Ivar!"
"Everyone under this roof almost killed each other at one point or another, why are you standing up?" he asked as he pulled the knife back, then turned to the guards.
"This is how you're standing guard then?"
"I ordered them to give me their knives." You said, your heart still beating in your ears and he heaved an annoyed sigh, then turned to the guards,
"Out," he said in his language, "You too Gala."
All of them cleared out the bedchambers and you shifted your weight as Gala closed the door behind her, and Ivar turned to you with his brows raised, an amused look crossing his face.
"You ordered my guards to give you their knives so that you could play with them, hm?"
"I'm afraid cabin fever will drive me mad,"
"It seems that it already has."
You shook your head, "I need to get better and go out."
"Didn't you grow up confined in your court?"
"But Ivar, that was before. I happen to like Kattegat!"
"You happen to- Y/N, the physician said you are not to tire yourself."
"What's happening outside?" You insisted, making him heave a sigh.
"Sit down," he insisted and you wetted your lips, then sat down on the huge bed, crossing your arms.
"You'd lose your mind as well if you had to stay here for two days, with no entertainment." You pointed out and Ivar scoffed.
"Your baths aren't entertaining?"
You narrowed your eyes at him, and he shrugged,
"Perhaps that's a good thing, I thought you'd shrink even more."
"Shrink even-" Your jaw dropped, "I cannot be held responsible if you ancestors were from...from a giant's bloodline."
Ivar shook his head slightly and you bit on your lip, swallowing thickly. You had no idea how you would approach the issue, nor did you know whether you should actually approach the issue, so you cleared your throat.
"Ivar?"
"Hm?"
"I had a dream, that night." You said slowly "When- when I was poisoned. It felt very real."
"Dreams feel real most of the time." You could basically hear the defensive tone in his voice and you pushed a strand of your hair behind your ear, Ivar's bright blue eyes following your every movement.
"And you're certain I never woke up?"
"Not that I remember, no."
"Oh," You mumbled, the disappointment spreading over the pit of your stomach. It wasn't as if you expected him to tell the truth all of a sudden, but it still made you feel sort of unhappy to hear him denying.
"I have a question for you too." Ivar's voice pulled you out of your thoughts and your head shot up.
"Yes?"
"You're certain you have no idea who did it?"
You were absolutely sure that the same look of caught guilty that you had just seen on Ivar flashed over your expression as well, before you could control it.
It was only for a moment, but Ivar had definitely seen it. An almost smug smile spread over his lips, as if you had just proved his suspicions without saying a word.
Lie for a lie.
"I-" Lying had become completely natural for you ever since you were a child, but when Ivar was the one who was asking you the question, for some reason you stammered, "I will- I'm thinking about it."
"And?"
"I will be certain in the future, very soon."
Well, that was not an exact lie, was it?
Ivar's tongue dragged over his bottom lip while he kept his intense gaze on you for a moment before he pulled back slightly.
"I should go back to the Great Hall." He said and grabbed his crutches before he walked to the door, "Don't tire yourself."
You fell back to the bed with a sigh as soon as the door closed, and you whined, pressing the pillow to your face.
***
A sharp, very sharp scream woke you up from your deep sleep and you jolted up in the bed, sitting up way too fast and holding your breath when the pain shot through your ribs.
"What-" You looked around as your heartbeat sped up, and the door opened and Gala rushed inside to light a candle.
"Nothing to fear, my queen. Go back to sleep-"
"Nothing to fear- someone is screaming outside!" You pushed the heavy covers off of you and stood up, making a face. Gala attempted to help you but you shook your head, licking your lips.
"Is Ivar okay?"
"Yes,"
"Hvitserk? Ubbe?"
"All of them are alright."
"Then what is happening?"
Gala averted her eyes, making you frown.
"What is it?"
"My Queen, please go back to-"
"Tell me what is happening." You stressed each word and she swallowed thickly,
"I can't-" she mumbled, "I- I think it's better if you go back to-"
"They've found who it is." The idea struck you so fast that your head spun, and you covered your mouth, "It is- the man who's screaming, it's him?"
Gala's silence was more than enough for an answer and you grabbed the nearest fur to swing over your shoulders, then walked to the door, trying to ignore the pain spreading over your body with each step.
"Your majesty-" Gala started as you swung open the door to take a step, but the guards immediately blocked your way.
"Step aside."
The guards exchanged glances and one of them spoke in their language while the other one turned to you.
"My Queen, we cannot."
"I will not ask you again." Thankfully, your voice was much sterner than how you felt. "Step aside. Now."
"The king said-"
"I don't believe I've made myself clear enough, perhaps it's because of our language difference," Your eyes narrowed, the same expression that your mother had when she saw something displeasing, "You have seen what happens to men who displease me. Step aside, or the next step you take will lead you to your doom."
The guard pressed his lips together, then nodded at the other one and they stepped aside. You gritted your teeth, and walked past them with your nose up in the air, trying to control your expression in order not to show the pain you felt through your bones, especially on your ribs.
You were as quiet as a mouse as you passed through the hall that would lead you to the Great Hall, and stopped before anyone in the Great Hall could see you. You leaned your hand to the frame, peeking around the corner with your back against the wall.
Almost everyone was silent as if in trance, other than the man screaming in the middle of the Great Hall, but you didn't see him at first. It was perhaps because you had never seen anything nearly as bloody or brutal as the figure, with Ivar standing behind him, both their backs turned to you while Ubbe and Hvitserk stood by his side.
And as soon as your brain recognized the view, you saw the black dots filling your vision, your heart slamming against your ribs hard enough to hurt and you felt yourself almost losing your balance before someone covered your mouth from behind and pulled you back to slam you against the wall. You took a deep breath to let out a scream, digging your fingernails on his hand, but froze when you saw who he was.
Bjorn pressed his index finger on his lips, then once he was sure you wouldn't scream he lowered his hand.
"You should be resting."
"Resting?" You whispered, the tears filling your eyes and you took a step, but he grabbed your arm to pull you back.
"Y/N..."
"No, somebody must- Bjorn-"
"Come on, I'll take you to your bedchambers."
"He can't-"
"Don't look," Bjorn pulled you closer to shield your eyes from the view, and steered you back into the hall that would lead you back to Ivar's bedchambers. He opened the door so that you could walk inside and ordered something to Gala and the guards in their language, making all of them leave the room. You felt yourself sit down on the huge bed, the bloody view not leaving your eyes, no matter how much you blinked.
Bjorn handed you a cup filled with water, while you tried to fix your breathing, trying to subdue the sobs.
No. No way.
No way, you wouldn't cry. Not in front of anyone.
Your mother had taught you that much.
"He- I-" You tried to speak and Bjorn pulled a chair across you so that you could see him.
"We call it a blood eagle."
"Blood eagle? Bjorn, his-"
Bjorn nodded, "If you scream, you cannot go to Valhalla. But he wouldn't go to Valhalla anyway, he was a-"
"Bjorn, his lungs!" You could feel the bile climbing up in your throat but you wiped at your eyes, trying to focus, "Ivar- he carved them out?"
Ivar had told you. That morning, when you first woke up, he told you he would.
"Whoever is responsible for this, I will carve out their lungs and bring them to you."
Blood eagle. He had planned it back then.
"Y/N, I'm going to need you to listen to me-"
"Why is no one stopping him?!" You sniffled, "Bjorn, I know what happened, I know somebody tried to poison- but-"
"It's not the first time." Bjorn said, "Ubbe and Hvitserk will not stop him, because Ivar has done it to our father's killer as well. King Aelle."
Where had you heard that name before?
You were sure-
Oh.
Ivar had told you that as well, when you had cut your hand with his axe. "I blood eagled King Aelle and he didn't make half as fuss as you."
And you had never asked.
"It's not the first time I've seen it either." Bjorn's voice sounded far away for some reason, you couldn't focus at all, "An Earl betrayed my father. My brothers weren't born yet, and I-" Bjorn paused, "I still remember that Earl. You know, I was actually thinking about him yesterday, his bride was poisoned during a feast. His brother poisoned his cup and she accidentally drank it, and he became... fixated. On her. He said he would never forget her screams on her deathbed, and in fact he-" Bjorn hesitated, "I shouldn't talk about it, you already look like you will faint."
And just like that, you froze. The sudden realization hit you so fast that it almost made you vomit once again, but you managed to push the urge back and your hands covered your mouth.
Oh God.
"I have heard many things about your marriage." Bjorn said, "That you bewitched him with magic, that your beauty is an illusion that comes off at night, and many more ridiculous rumors. But there's one thing all my brothers can see, Ivar is much more dangerous since you stepped a foot in Kattegat. That's exactly why no one back in that Great Hall is stopping him, Y/N. His fury was threatening enough back when he had nothing to lose, and now he has you."
Three days ago, you would've begged to hear at least an implication of this.
"I should leave you to rest, I hope you will feel well enough to join us tomorrow." Bjorn said and pushed his chair back, then walked to the door but you managed to find your voice.
"He wouldn't go to Valhalla?"
Bjorn stopped and turned to look at you, "Hm?"
"You said he wouldn't go to Valhalla anyway."
Bjorn shrugged "Valhalla doesn't exist in his faith," he said and stole a look at you "You would know."
And just like that, in that second, everything made sense in your head.
Oh.
"Good night, Y/N." Bjorn said quietly, then walked out of the room, leaving you there with your thoughts, and a clear, very clear idea about who was responsible for that poison.
"Yeah," you whispered as the falcon started flying in the room for the first time in days. "Yeah, good night."