y/n
I stared at my computer screen blankly. I was trying to finish the review but there were so many things in my mind, thoughts of him.
I felt exhausted. He wouldn't leave my mind no matter what and I was distracted.
I typed down the last things and saved the review. I was lost in my world when I heard a knock on my door.
I opened it and saw my sister holding some bags. I quickly retrieved those from her and let her in and she fell on the couch letting out a long sigh.
"I brought some pizza. Let's dig in.", She told and immediately a smile appeared in my face.
"You are the best!", I said and we sat on the carpeted floor while spreading the food on the table.
"How was the event?", She asked.
"Good.", I said while eating the pizza.
I again got lost in my own thoughts while eating. I was snapped out of my thoughts when my sister pulled me.
"Why are you so distracted?", She asked me.
"No, no. I am good. How was your day?", I asked her.
"It went as usual. Nothing exciting.", She said.
"Oh..."
"Something is troubling you. Tell me.", My sister said.
"It's nothing.", I told.
"Don't lie. Tell me. I will help.", she said, not taking no for an answer.
I heaved a sigh. "How do you define love? How do you understand it?"
She chuckled. "Is that question troubling you? Seriously?"
I nodded.
"Well...", She paused for a while.
"You can't understand love Y/N. Love is the beginning of the journey to the centre of the heart. It's a deep sea of water that cannot be fathomed."
"You are making me more confused."
"It's something like that...well, when we try to understand love, it makes us feel more confused and lost. It's the nature of love.", She said.
"Love isn't what we see. Love is what we do, what we feel. It's like wind, you can't see it. But you can feel it.", She said.
"Then, how do you know if you are in love?", I asked.
"There are the symptoms and effects of love after all.", She started.
"It's love when you feel like you can't bear to see them unhappy."
"It's love when you want to be with that special someone every time."
"It's love when you want to be the reason of their happiness."
"It's love when you want to take care of them."
"It's love when they are in your mind all the time."
"It's love when you feel those weird tingling sensations in your stomach when you see them."
"It's love when your heart feels euphoric everytime you see their smile."
"And it's love when they are instantly in your mind while saying these things."
And realization dawned on me.
I fell in love with him....
Something about him makes me feel like I am about to fall, turn to liquid or burst into flames.
When I look at his bright smile, I feel like the world vanishes around me. When his eyes are locked on mine, I feel like I am looking at galaxies instead of pupils.
When he is around, I feel like I am home and there's no other place that I would rather be.
He never leaves my mind, he's always there, mentally if not physically.
I fell in love with him....
It happened so slowly but still fast at the same time.
I didn't even realize I had stopped breathing for a moment. I looked at my sister.
"How do you know so much about love? Do you have someone? Come on sis, you should have told me.", I said.
She rolled her eyes and huffed in annoyance.
"Well, I know about love a lot because I have done phD in wattpad. It's not like I have a boyfriend. But who needs boyfriend when you can fly to your fantasy land everyday with handsome guys?", she said and I laughed. My sister is crazy.
*****
I woke up the next morning, feeling really happy. I was like a hormonal teenager, giddy and impatient. I couldn't wait to get to office today. I wanted to see him.
After freshening up, I dressed for the day and got out of the apartment. I drove to the company. As I was quite early, I prepared coffee for myself in the coffee machine that had been set up at one corner of the company and got to my own desk.
I placed the coffee at one side of my desk and I went through some files in the meantime. After a while, I heard footsteps and I got up from my seat.
Jimin was in his black suit looking prim and proper as always. He gave a small smile to me, making my heart beat faster and I smiled back. Then, he walked inside his room and closed the door.
I can't look at him the same way I used to look at him before.
Not when I have these feelings for him.
Not when I know that I love him.
What should I do of these feelings?
I was so restless and distracted and my thoughts, it started from something else and ended with him.
"Oh God", I muttered, this was giving me a headache. Stupid love.
During lunch, I was with Soya in the cafeteria of the company.
And I was lost in my own thoughts.
"Miss Kim, Miss Kim!", Soya's voice snapped me out of my thoughts.
"Yes?", I immediately brought my attention back to reality.
"Do you need that much ketchup?", She asked me and I looked at my plate. Oh god.
I had made my burger all soaked in ketchup. I was squeezing out some ketchup from the bottle of ketchup sauce and because I was in a daze, I destroyed the burger.
"You are really distracted today. Did something happen?", She asked me.
"No, I am just...tired...", I said.
"Oh, what will you do with the burger?"
"I will eat it. We shouldn't waste food.", I said and had the burger.
After completing lunch, I was in the conference hall for checking the microphone and speakers there since we were going to have a meeting today.
I really needed to do something about this problem. Otherwise I will end up in a mental asylum.
I had been trying to avoid Mr Park the whole day because I would be a mess whenever he was near me. My heart started beating faster and all of a sudden everything in the world vanished and all I could see was him.
What the hell happened?
Well love happened.
I was about to get back to my desk when I heard someone clearing his throat. I turned back and I saw Mr Park in front of me.
Shit.
"Good Morning Mr Park!", I immediately greeted him.
He looked confused for a second.
"It's already afternoon Miss Kim.", He said.
Embarrassing.
"Oh, It just slipped out of my tongue. Good Afternoon Mr Park and I have to go to check the water bottles for the conference. Let me leave.", I hurried to get out of the room but he stopped me by holding my arms.
I immediately turned back and saw that he had an amused smile playing on his lips. He slowly stepped towards me while I stepped back. For each step he took, I took one step back and finally, my back hit the wall.
"Miss Kim", He called me.
His hot breath was fanning my face. We were only some inches apart and I could smell his masculine cologne which was seriously messing up with my head.
"Y-yes Mr Park?", dammit, I stuttered.
"Why are you avoiding me?"
"Am I?", was I too obvious.
"You told that you had to check the water bottles for the conference two hours before as well. I haven't seen you around much today and I saw you changing the paths when you saw me while I was coming from the marketing department. So?"
"Well---"
"Did I do anything wrong?", He asked.
"No, No, I wasn't avoiding you.", yes, you did something wrong. You captured my heart without my permission.
"Then, what happened?", He asked.
"Oh, I remember that I forgot to check the water bottles before. I will go to check it!", I said and pushed him back and ran out of the hall as fast as my heels could carry me.
He looked at her departing figure confusedly. What's wrong with her?
*****
"Damn, how am I going to work from now onwards? I swear to god, why are you, why are you so freaking stupid? Why did you fall in love with him? Why did you? You stupid!", I was cursing myself . Couldn't my heart just forget about him?
But......
The heart wants what it wants.
I had decided to go out for a walk after I reached my apartment. I could really use some fresh air. I was walking silently, his image lingering in my mind, and I was getting more and more frustrated.
The night was chilly and the wind was blowing pretty hard. It was cold though I was dressed up in warm clothes. I had put on a mask before going out because I seriously didn't want people to think that I had gone crazy seeing my facial expressions.
I walked along the footpath. Various street food stalls had been set up in some places. I was observing them and I decided that I would have some food as well since my stomach was growling.
I ordered fried chicken and fishcake skewers.
I wanted to eat the food in my apartment. So, I told the owner to pack it and after paying the money, I was about to leave to get back to my apartment when I heard a familiar laughter.
I stopped on my tracks.
I turned back and I saw Jimin standing a bit far from the food stall.
Am I dreaming?
Now I am even seeing him everywhere.
Great!
The hell is happening with me.
But I immediately froze when I heard a female laughter that accompanied him. She was beside Jimin and was dressed up in a blue dress. She had a denim jacket on her shoulders. She had brown eyes that looked at him with so much adoration, a bright smile was playing on her pink lips and everything about her was elegant. She was breathtakingly beautiful.
I suddenly felt like I had been splashed with a bucket of cold water.
She held his hand and he didn't mind, he let her.
They were laughing and talking, and with every giggle that escaped out of their mouth, I could feel my heart breaking....
For some reason, it felt unbearable to see him laughing with her.
Then, something even more worse happened.
I saw Jimin lean closer to her face like he had leaned closer to mine today....like he had leaned closer when he had kissed me.
And I turned back. I couldn't bear to see anything anymore.
I started walking back to my apartment, but their images kept on flashing in my mind.
And a drop of tear dropped.
The day was quite eventful.
You realize that you are in love with someone.
You suffer from these so-called effects of love.
And damn
On the same day, you get your first heartbreak as well.
Quite lucky right?
By seeing them together, not only did I have my heart break, but I also was pushed into a whirlwind of insecurity.
She was everything that I wasn't, that I couldn't be for Jimin.
Because if it wasn't, then he wouldn't have been with her.
Everything that happened between us....
Were they lies?
And was I his new game?
The game of not letting me leave.
"Miss Kim, I win each and every games. You aren't going to be an exception."
He won. And I wasn't even aware about it.
******
----How stupid of me to think that I was the only flower in that garden of yours----
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