─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
August 22, 2017
"Sing for me please." Jessica says to Billie through the phone over FaceTime, laying her head on her pillow. The girls have been talking for about five hours straight. It's currently 10 pm on Jess's side of the country and she's drifting in and out of a light sleep.
"What do you want me to sing?" Billie asks the tired girl, who just barely shrugs her shoulders. "Something I haven't heard before" Jessica mumbles, the warm glow from the fairy lights shining calmingly in the background. A harsh contrast from the glow of Billie's red lights, that make her look oh so beautiful.
"I have just the song." Billie says, leaning over to grab her ukulele from her dresser. She starts to strum a tune unfamiliar to Jess and begins singing with a soft, melodic voice. "Wait a minute, let me finish. I know you don't care, but can you listen?" She starts out.
The brunette pokes her head up when she hears Billie beginning to sing, and smiles slightly bobbing her head to the strum of the ukulele. "So I think I better go, I never really know how to please you. You're looking at me like I'm see-through." She continues, strumming on the instrument in her hands.
"I just never know how you feel. Do you even feel anything?" She sings out the last words, setting the ukulele down on her bed next to her. "That was beautiful." Jess says, halfway asleep. "Did you write it?" She mumbles out slowly.
"Yes I did." Billie states proudly. "What's it called?" Jess questions, wanting every detail of the song. "It doesn't really have a name." Billie answers, suddenly getting and idea. "You name it!" She tells the sleepy girl.
"I think it should be called see-through, but when you put it on your album, call it 8. Your fans will love it!" She says with a lazy grin. "Why 8?" Billie questions. "If it all works out the way my sleep deprived brain is thinking." She lets out a tired laugh.
"Then it will be the eighth track on your album." She finishes her though, Billie smiles at the idea of a full length album. "Jessica." Billie says pausing, waiting for her response which is a nod and a small hmm. "You need to sleep. You're tired." Billie tells her.
"Sing me too sleep." Jess demands. "I just sang for you." Billie says with a small groan. "But I hadn't heard that one and I wanted to stay up to hear the end." She says with a pout. Jessica begs one more time before Billie agrees.
"Ok, Jessie what do you want me to sing?" Billies asks the tired girl on the screen. "The end of the world." She says with some sort of half grin.
Billie start out with a strum on her ukulele."Breath the air again, it's a beautiful day. I wish this moment would stay with the earth." She sings, with Jess slowly drifting to sleep. "Would I, could I, make you happy?" Was the last thing Jessica heard her sing before she fell asleep.
Billie watched her for a second with a smile on her face. Saying a quick and quiet good night followed by an I love you to the peaceful girl, hanging up the phone. The same smile stayed on Billie's face the rest of the evening.
September 28, 2017
"I got the tickets!" Jessica shouts excitedly from the screen. Billie's face breaks out into an uncontrollable smile. "I'm so excited to see you eilish." The brunette girl says to her best friend. "Me too Jess, you have no idea." Billie says with a grin.
The younger girl bought a plane ticket to California to see her best friend in person for the first time since they met, earlier that year. She was going to meet her family, and friends and finally be reunited with Finneas.
She was excited especially since she was going to be attending Billie's first show that will kick of her tour for her new ep. Jess was finally going to see Billie preform live and she couldn't be more excited.
Billie on the other hand was nervous as hell. She'd never preformed on stage in front of Jess and she didn't want to fuck it up. Plus she was going to be playing an all new set of songs and she hoped everyone was satisfied with dont smile at me.
She was also nervous to officially introduce her best friend to her parents and friends, while she was sure they already liked her, sometimes meeting someone in person is different than talking through the phone.
Another thing Billie had to worry about, she loved Jessica but a whole week together, after only meeting once in person. That was a little nerve racking, and that's saying a lot. Billie doesn't get nervous, she doesn't feel these types of things.
Jess had her own set of worries, like flying across the country alone, and getting on a plane for the first time ever. She also was nervous to see Billie's day to day life and meet everyone close to her best friend. It was a lot for the girl.
What if she made a fool of herself? Or no one liked her? What if Billie and Finneas decided she wasn't worthy of the their time and friendship? Just that thought alone terrified Jess.
"I'm taking a red eye flight and I leave tomorrow." Jessica squeals out, even though she seems excited, something doesn't seem right. "Well technically the next day because my flight is at 3 am." The brunette adds.
"Why the fuck are you taking a red eye?" Billie questions Jess. "Well I'm paying for the flight myself and it was the cheapest. Plus I figured there would be less people in the airport and less people on the flight so it would probably make it easier on me." She explains softly. Billie nods letting her friend know she understands.
Billie takes in Jessica's appearance, slightly messy hair, the same sweats she saw the brunette in yesterday morning, bags under her once bright blue eyes from lack of sleep, and chipped nail polish which indicated she'd been picking at it.
Something was up, Billie also noted the song playing in the background, a cover of Mr. Brightside by Run River North. It was Jessica's depression song, when ever she was sad or feeling down, that song would be on a constant loop. Billie was concerned especially since Jess just told her she was coming to visit.
"Are you okay, Jessie? Like really okay." Billie questions with an intense gaze. Jessica thinks about her question. Why would she ask that? "You seem off, and you're listening to that song." Billie notes. The brunette also recognizes that Billie called her Jessie, something she only does when she's worried about the girl.
Jessica doesn't answer Billie's question, let alone look at her concerned friend. She should've turned that stupid song off, of course Billie noticed it. She knows Jess more than anyone.
"I'm ok, I've just been busy with school. I'm trying to graduate early." Jessica says unconvincingly. Billie takes note of the way Jess's collarbones protrude when she moves her neck, something she doesn't remember them doing.
Which concerns the silver haired girl very much. She needs to ask what's going on but Billie can't seem to do it. She doesn't want to push and she fucking hates that Jessica seems to be in some type of pain.
"I'm a little worried about you." Billie says carefully. "Relax Eilish, I'm fine." She says with a laugh, trying to discount Billie's worries. "You look like hell, like you haven't slept or eaten in days." The blue eyed girl says trying to get her best friend to talk.
Her smile falls at this revelation, was it that noticeable? She thinks to herself. "Bil, really I'm fine. Just a bit stressed that's all." Jessica says reassuring Billie, although it didn't work. She decides to drop it, Jess clearly isn't in the mood or ready to talk.
"Look I gotta go, it's late here and I need to be up early to pack. Love you." Jess says in a rushed tone, not even letting Billie say goodbye before hanging up. "Love you too Jessica." Billie says to the blank screen with a sigh and slight anger.. What was up with her?
September 29, 2017
Jess's Point of View
**TW mentions of eating disorders**
I never meant for this to happen. I didn't even think I had a problem, at least not a big one. I was at the park with my family and our dog, penny, when all of a sudden I feel light headed and the next thing I know I'm waking up in the hospital with a needle in my are and a tube up my nose which I've since learned is a feeding tube.
"Jessie, honey when's the last time you've eaten?" My mom asks, eyes red from crying. I can't answer that question honestly, because I can't remember, so I just blankly stare at her.
She takes my silence and exactly was it was; I couldn't remember. My poor mother starts tearing up, what have I done to her? I start feeling guilty and I start to tear up too.
All of a sudden the door opens, and a man in a white doctors coat walks in my hospital room. "Hello, Jessica. I'm Dr. Evans." He greets me with a warm smile. "Hi." I say quietly, that being the first word I've said since waking up.
"You know why here today?" He asks me with a questioning look. I weakly nod, placing my hands in my lap fiddling with my hospital bracelets. This is a nightmare.
"Your mother and I've discussed various treatment plans and we think an inpatient treatment will fit your needs best." He says to me, following up with an explanation of what that is. My mother let's out a small chocked sob.
"I don't wanna do that. I don't have a problem!" I say, getting slightly angry. "Sweetie you do." Dr. Evans says softly, trying not to further exasperate me.
"Dr. Evans is right Jessica, you need help and this situation we're in proves it." My mom says firmly. grabbing my hand to comfort me. After about 20 minutes of me refusing help and my mom and Dr. Evans pleading, I accept.
Even though I don't really have a choice seeing as I'm a minor. "When do I go in?" I ask the dreaded question. "Oh, as soon as possible, tomorrow or the next day at the latest. In fact I need to go make a few calls." The doctor tells me, I'm sure I've turned ghostly white at the mention of theses dates.
"No, not tomorrow!" I say before Dr. Evans can leave the room. "I have to be on a plane tonight. I'm going to California to see my best friend." I tell him. "Oh no honey you can't go." My mom says. "Your mom is right Jessica. You aren't well enough to fly." He explains. "You don't understand I have to go! Can't this wait until I get back?" I say, starting to cry. "I'm sorry, your health is more important." Dr. Evans says, leaving the room.
"No it's isn't." I mumble, tears streaming down my cheeks.
Later that day
Jessica and her mother just pulled into the driveway of their home. She was scheduled to leave bright and early tomorrow morning for the treatment center and she was scared. She of course was going to have to tell Billie, Jessica couldn't lie to her.
Telling Billie meant she had to accept what was happening, which was something she hadn't fully done. It also meant that she wouldn't be able to go visit her best friend which in Jessica s opinion would do more harm then good.
This was a nightmare that she wished she could just wake up from, but that didn't seem possible. The blue eyed girl felt like she was drowning and she hated it, this was not her life. It couldn't be.
"I'm going to go pack and try to get my money back from the flight. I also have to call work and tell them I won't be in for a bit." She says sullenly to her mother, getting out of the car and walking sluggishly to the front door.
As Jessica starts walking to her bedroom she starts to feel the effects of everything, all of it starts registering in her brain and she can't handle it. She's afraid to be away from home, away from her family, and her bed.
She doesn't want to go. The young girl starts to sob which causes her to collapse to her bedroom floor, and it doesn't stop, the tears keep flowing and Jessica can't see an end to all of this.
After about an hour of silent sobs, Jess finally picks her self up off the ground and decides she needs to keep herself busy. No matter how much she wants to crawl in bed and hide from the world, she can't. There is too much to do and Jessica will be dammed if she doesn't get it all done.
She starts frantically packing a suitcase, throwing in a wide range of things, like sweats and jeans, shorts, tops, and sneakers. She grabs a photo of her and Billie that Finneas took that day at the mall, she also throws in a photo of Finneas as well.
Next she calls her work, her poor job that she has to either quit or beg for time off. She was lucky her manager understood and allowed her as much time as she needed. Jessica made another phone call, to the airport.
She decided to spill her guts to the man on the other line who reluctantly, gave her a full refund on her ticket. Jessica was pleased with this, however that quickly went away when she realized who she needed to call next, Billie.
The brunette girl pulled her laptop out of her suitcase and sat in her bed, clicking Billie's contact name. Her best friend answered right away.
"Hey Jess, how's it going?" Billie greets, automatically know something was wrong with the girl on the other side of the screen. The brunette just shakes her head and tries to hold back her tears. No I won't cry she thinks to herself. Just rip the bandaid off and tell her.
"I'm awful. I can't come see you." Jess says, starting to cry, something she didn't want to do. She didn't want Billie to pity her, she wanted Billie to tell her how she felt, but she didn't need to hear Billie's reaction, her face said it all. She was disappointed, confused, and a little angry. Billie needed to hear her friend 's explanation before she blew up on her.
"What? Why not?" Billie asked, emotions surging through her. Jessica doesn't say anything and Billie's face visibly softens. "What's wrong Jessica? You can tell me anything." She says reassuringly, trying to make Jessica feel comfortable and safe.
"I have to go to an eating disorder treatment facility tomorrow. I'm going to be doing the inpatient treatment and I'll be there for 5 weeks." She tells Billie with a sigh, tears flowing down her cheeks.
This is not the reason Billie though Jessica wasn't coming. "Jessie, why didn't you tell me?" Billie asks with a sad look on her face, eyes welling up with tears. "I'm so sorry, I couldn't accept it. I'm sorry." She tells her friend, repeatedly apologizing.
"It's okay baby, you have nothing to be sorry for. Everything will be ok. I'm here for you always." Billie says with a warm, reassuring smile. "I love you, take your time. You can come visit anytime, your health is the most important." She continues, Jessica nods her head wiping her tears, not fully believing that her health is more import.
"What did I do to deserve you? You always know what to say." Jessica says, the first part mostly to herself. Billie just smiles at this, not really know what to say. The brown eyed girl hears her name being called by her mother and she reluctantly tells Billie she has to go. They exchange "I love yous" and Jessica hangs up the call.
Billie stares at the blank screen with an even more blank stare, wondering how this happened to Jess. She puts her head in her hand and let's out a loud groan. What would she do now? Jessica told Billie she could explain what was going on to her parents and Finn, she thought it was better to be honest than try and come up with a lie as to why she wouldn't be coming. Billie decided she needed to tell them sooner rather than later.
The silver haired girl was worried about her best friend, and she hoped more than anything that Jess could beat this. That she would be okay. It was all to much for Billie and she couldn't even begin to wonder how her friend felt. It wasn't fair, and that was something both girls agreed on.
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
Author Note!
Hiya! This chapter was pretty heavy and I hope everyone reading this is staying safe and healthy. Please be kind to yourselves and remember your feelings are valid! If anyone needs to talk please pm me I am always here for you!
This chapter does mention a very sensitive topic, and while have dealt/am currently dealing with slight disordered eating and minor depression I am still not as educated on these matters as I could be. Please lmk if I've offended, gotten something wrong, or if there is anything I can add or remove from this chapter. I want to be as respectful I can.
If you or anyone you know is suffering with any type of mental illness please take care of yourselves. I will put some crisis hotlines down below incase you need them.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 800-273-8255
National Eating Disorders Center Helpline (800) 848-9595
Please take care I love you all! You're not alone, I know this time can be scary and stressful for some people just don't give up!