I paced around the kitchen, biting my nails, and at a complete loss as what I should do. I looked at the clock on the microwave; it was only seven in the morning. I couldn't go back to my room, Jared was still there and that's where my problem was.
I was getting too deep into this and I didn't know what I was supposed to do. Well, I knew what I was supposed to do, but I wasn't sure what I should do.
I was falling for a werewolf. And because of that, I was questioning everything I'd learned.
I paced a bit more before pulling my phone out. There was only one other person I knew that had gone against The Organization. Well, she hadn't gone against them exactly, she just sort of stopped.
I tapped my sister's name and put the phone to my ear, listening as it rang out.
It seemed to ring forever, and I was about to hang up when I finally heard her groggy voice.
"This better be good. Today was my day to sleep in," Sarah said sounding slightly irritated.
"I- I have a question."
Sarah could hear it in my voice; she could tell that something was really off with me.
"What is it?"
I took a deep breath. "I was wondering. Why did you stop?"
There was complete silence on the other end. I thought she'd hung up until I heard her sigh loudly.
"Electra, I really don't want to get into this again. I don't want to have another argument with you because we disagree on-"
"No, that's not it. I really want to know why you stopped. I want to listen."
I could almost hear the shock in Sarah's silence. Me, listen? That was the last thing I was known to do when it conflicted with my beliefs.
"Why? Did you tell dad?" She asked cautiously.
"No. I didn't tell him and I don't plan on telling him. No one here knows except for me."
I could tell that she was still trying to decide if she should tell me or not. Apparently she'd decided to indulge me.
"I just couldn't do it anymore."
"Why not?"
"I don't see it all the way The Organization sees it, like dad sees it, like even you see it. To me it isn't all black and white. They've painted this into an 'us and them' thing and it doesn't sit well with me. It's hard to explain it really.
"They say all those creatures are evil, but most of them didn't chose to be the way they are. Not all of them chose to be an undead monster. Most of them didn't choose to be a human that occasionally turns into a wolf, or a partial wolf I guess. The thing is, I believe there's a lot more to this issue than The Organization says and either they don't know it, or they refuse to tell us about it."
I kept silent, hoping she'd say more on what she believed. I completely understood what she was saying right now, and I just wanted to hear more of it. I wanted to know that I wasn't alone in this.
"That's part of the reason I wanted to become a doctor. I didn't tell you this before, but I don't just want to help patients. Human patients that is. I actually want to study what makes these things what they are. To figure out what causes the change from human to vampire. What is it in a bite or a scratch on the full moon that turns a human into a werewolf, or how is it that witches even exist? There has to be a reason to all of these things, and I'm hoping to find it so I can inform a new generation.
"I don't doubt that there are those evil creatures that The Organization speaks of. I mean beliefs are based off of some fact somewhere. Either a book or real life accounts. We know that mom was killed by one of them, but we hear about human homicides all the time on the news. I just think things would have been a lot simpler if dad would have just kept us in the dark about what happened to mom-if we never would have found out about this secret world."
I completely agreed with that. If I hadn't learned all of this stuff about hunting would I have still had the same reservations about Jared? I mean, I hadn't found out what he was until recently, and I had still been hesitant before that. I wasn't sure how many of my reservations stemmed from having to keep my life secret though. It was hard to get close to someone when you had to keep the majority of yourself from everyone.
I was cautious and untrusting. I knew I was, but was that because of my mother's death, or was it because of what caused her death and what I learned after?
I still would have known something was off the night I felt his fangs at my throat. I may not have known that it meant that he was some supernatural creature, but I would have known that sharp teeth weren't normal. The whole encounter would have gone completely different though, that was I was pretty darn sure of.
"...Electra?"
"What?" I hadn't heard a single thing Sarah had said to me.
"I asked where all of this was coming from."
"I- I just-"
I didn't know what to say to her. I couldn't really tell her that I was having the same thoughts. I'd never questioned any of this before, and if she heard that, she would want to know why. She would know only something big could make me start questioning what I was doing. Hunting was essentially my entire life, and if I were to stop, or if I were to start questioning what I was doing, she would know something big had happened.
I couldn't tell her about Jared. I could tell her about the person, but I could never tell her what he was. I couldn't tell anyone. I couldn't trust that even Sarah, who wanted to get down to the bottom of vampirism and all the other paranormal creatures, would accept the fact that the guy I liked was one of those creatures. What he was, was something best kept to myself.
"I was just curious," I finally said.
"Are you sure everything's alright?"
"Yeah, it's all good. I've just been working on ammunition for dad, he's out at some conference or something. I guess I just really needed to talk to someone. I thought I'd try to understand why you wanted to stop."
"Well you know you can talk to me anytime."
I knew she was trying to get me to open up to her. She knew there was something going on deeper than what I was saying. She wanted to know why I had called her. I was actually impressed that she wasn't pressing me about the issue harder. Sarah knew that I wouldn't say anything until I was ready to though. No amount of pressing would make me talk; in fact, it would only shut me up further. She was trying to wait it out, hoping that when I was ready I would go to her.
"I know," I said. "Hey, I have to go. I'm really busy today."
"Alright. It was good talking to you."
"Yeah, you too."
The line went dead and I set my phone down on the counter. I heard footsteps on the hardwood floor and turned just in time to see Jared walk into the kitchen.
"There you are. I have breakfast for you." I wondered how much of that he had heard. Had he just been waiting for me to get off the phone before he came in so that it didn't seem like he'd been listening? If he had been listening, had he been able to hear Sarah too, or only me?
"Really?"
He didn't give away any signs that he'd heard anything, but then again that didn't necessarily mean anything.
"Yup, and I spent forever slaving away to make it just for you," I said turning around and placing a bowl of dry cereal in front of him and pouring milk on top.
He looked up at me with his brows raised.
"What? I can't cook. I don't have the patience or ability for that."
"You can wait around, stake out a place and kill a group of werewolves or vampires but you can't cook?"
I had stiffened at his words. It didn't seem like his words had been laced with venom or hate. He hadn't seemed angry, just that he was stating a fact. But for some reason it had put me on edge. What we both were was something that was going to take a lot of getting used to. I was trying to work on my end, I was trying to learn about what he was and what all of the creatures in his world were about, but that didn't change the fact that I killed a lot of his kind.
I managed a tight smile and sat down at the island across from him looking down at my hands.
I could feel Jared's eyes on me, I knew he was staring but I couldn't look up at him. I don't know why, I just couldn't.
"You know, you're beautiful when you're lost in thought. Well, you're beautiful all the time, but right now while you're sitting there contemplating-" His sentence trailed off and I found it hard not to look up.
"You seem to be doing that a lot lately," he said, picking himself up.
Contemplating, freaking out, wondering what in the world I should do. Yeah, I've been doing all of that a lot lately.
His hand reached out and grabbed mine. The warmth spread from my hand and up my arm. I really didn't understand this feeling that he was able to bring up in me. I understood where it came from; I just didn't understand how it never dulled. If anything it grew each and every time.
"I never even had a chance did I?" I whispered.
"What do you mean?"
"With this," I said looking at out hands. "What if we were both just normal people? What if you had never been bitten and I'd never learned about this world? You only noticed me because you knew."
"That wasn't the only reason I noticed you. And it's no point in wondering what may have been. We can't change what happened. I was attacked and you were subjected to the darkness that The Organization planted."
Jared stood up and walked around the island. I turned, following his movements until he was standing directly in front of me. He leaned over until his mouth was at my ear.
"What matters is where we go from here," he whispered. His lips pressed against my jawbone before landing on my own.
"It's so hard to keep my distance from you," he said in a low voice. "Even when we're near each other-no, especially when we're near each other-I have to fight the urge to keep my hands off you." With his last words his hands rested on my hips, his finger sliding under the hem of my shirt and touching my bare skin.
Flames licked my skin everywhere he touched me.
"Then stop trying," I whispered breathlessly.
I felt the rumble through his chest at my words and my stomach flipped as my arms wrapped around him, clasping at the back of his neck.
I bit my bottom lip nervously. I knew I was asking for trouble. There would be nothing but trouble, and that excited me.
Jared's eyes darkened and he captured my mouth with his. I felt his hands slide up a little further before moving around, resting at my back. The flames traveled with his hands, leaving a tingling trail as they moved on.
His hands moved down until his hands dipped into my back pockets. His tongue flicked out asking for permission. I hesitated, unsure.
I gasped as Jared's hands moved lower, lifting me up onto island's counter top. My legs wrapped around his waist as his warm body pressed close to mine.
My fingers ran through his hair as he took advantage of the moment, his tongue slipping through. His hands moved to my thighs and I could feel the dulled flames ache within me from the contact through the fabric. I could feel the heat of his skin through my jeans. His skin was always so warm.
His mouth moved down to my neck, leaving small kisses as he went along. His teeth grazed the sensitive skin and I let out a soft moan. I heard him groan against my neck and a wave of shivers washed through me.
I felt as his teeth started to come into place and the claws pressed hard into my thighs through the thick fabric of my jeans.
Fear spiked through me as well as desire. The feel of his sharp teeth pressed against my skin made me go still as I fought the urge to reach for a weapon.
"Jared, please."
I wasn't sure what I was asking him. Was I asking him to stop, or to do it? I couldn't think through anything.
Jared stopped, holding completely still. It was as if we were a pair of statues frozen together, the only movement coming from the rise and fall of our chests. My cheeks hot with a pink flush, my heart pounding loudly. There was no sound save our ragged breaths that seemed to match perfectly in time.
After a long moment Jared's lips moved, placing a light kiss on my neck before leaving another on my mouth. When he pulled back I saw the last tinge of yellow leaving his eyes.
"I find it so hard to control myself around you Electra. You coax out what I've spent two years trying to contain. You tempt it all."
I stayed silent. I had no idea what I was supposed to say to that. I couldn't think of a single thing. Jared was still pressed close; his face a mere inches from my own. I breathed in the scent of him and my arms tightened around his neck, pulling him in for a hug. I could feel the fear clench in my stomach as I went in. He was unpredictable, unstable. His wolf had surfaced yet again, it had been close to sinking fang into my neck and I hadn't made any move to get away from him.
That fact alone, the fact that I hadn't tried to run or fight him, was something else that frightened me. Where was my instinct? Was it just that I trusted him not to bite me or was it that I had wanted the bite? There was no way I could have wanted it. I had no idea what would happen afterward, there were no guarantees.
"I just wish this were easier," I said.
"I like a good challenge."
Jared reluctantly stepped back and I dropped my arms.
"I need to go," he said looking down at his phone. "My sister's been blowing up my phone with calls and texts."
He looked back up at me one more time, placing a soft, hot kiss on my lips before making his way to the door.
I watched him walk off, and when I heard the door close after him I finally hopped down. I couldn't believe what I'd done. The full weight of it started to press down on me.
I had gone against everything I'd learned. Had my plea been for him to do it? Had I wanted him to mark me in that moment? No, I hadn't wanted him to mark me and he had known that. He had stepped back for that very reason.
I could still feel the haze when I thought back to it though, the moment when I hadn't known what I wanted. All I knew was that everywhere he had touched me every cell had burst into that blaring heat.
It wasn't like those stories that girls read where it sent shocks through my body, no. This was something completely different from that. This was a fire that he kindled, the warmth of his skin burning mine, the heat bringing my body to life and thawing out the ice that had built up over the years. It was like the numbness was melting away.
The longer Jared had been gone, the more my heart rate slowed and I felt the flush drain from my cheeks. This was going to be extremely tricky. I needed to figure out what I wanted and how I was going to do what I wanted.
******************
So Electra is falling deeper, and Jared's admitted that he has a hard time keeping control around her. We will have to see where this goes from here I suppose.
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~Red