There was something soothing about the woods.
Maybe a mile from civilization, the modern world seemed to fall away between the oaks and maples, the bramble and the weeds. An ageless creature wading between the now and the then, Ari liked knowing it was there, an ageless place.
Some people said the woods were scary. And it could be, for those who spent their lives so far away from the lawless wild. But, when accompanied by the right guide, Ari had yet to find someone who didn't find it soothing. Storm was no different.
He'd been holding back for a long time, maybe years. When he finally let go, sobbing wordlessly in Ari's arms, that cold shell that seemed to hold him upright broke. When his tears ebbed and his breathing evened and Ari gently stood him up, he looked a bit lost. Holding his face gently in both hands, Ari looked the young man in the eyes. Ringed with raw red, the slivers of green in his amber eyes seemed to shine. He sniffed once, pressing his lips together. He looked so scared.
"I'm proud of you." Ari folded him gently into a hug.
"For what?" Storm's voice was choked.
"All of it."
"Tch." He half-sniffed, half-scoffed. "You're so full of shit."
"Feeling's a lot harder than fighting." Looking into his eyes again, Ari held him by the shoulders. "Believe me, I know."
Storm rubbed his arm over his nose. "You know about fighting?"
"Yes. I do."
Storm looked up. "Can you show me?"
Ari's brow arced, a piteous look sliced with pain. "It won't make you feel any better."
"Not having this happen anymore," Storm gestured to his bruised eye "that would make me feel better."
Drawing a breath, Ari patted his shoulder. "Come on. Let's keep walking."
And so the woods soothed. Ari pointed out more plants and flowers, telling stories about how they got their names—their histories, their roots. Some of them were true, some of them were legends, some Ari no longer knew the difference.
For long stretches, they just walked together. Dead leaves crunched, green leaves licked at their heels, and the scent of wet, earthen air was everywhere.
Then, "It was David."
Ari turned their head. "What?"
Storm stopped abruptly, taking a deep breath. "It was David. I—he..." Storm shook his head. "He kissed me. Then—everything was different."
Ari tilted their head towards two large rocks on the edge of a stream. Ari sat down on the larger boulder, dipping their dirty, black-painted toes into the water and watching the mud drift away. Storm sat down on the other, drawing his knees up to his chest.
"What was different?" Ari asked. They didn't look at Storm. Through the air somehow, they knew Storm didn't want them to.
"It was just—" Storm sighed, a sound almost like a growl. "I knew I shouldn't of been friends with him. Everyone told me not to be friends with a fucking queer."
Ari let the comment drop into the water and wash away. They knew it didn't come from hate.
"But he was..." there were a thousand words that could've ended that sentence "nice."
That was the one that counted.
Ari watched the baby fish circling around their still feet, their fragile bodies like glass with black marks.
"We had fun. It wasn't some bullshit competition, like with the track team. It wasn't like chasing girls, with all the fucking games. He's just, just a, a—good person, you know?"
The words good person seemed to stick in Storm's throat. But once they were out, he meant them more than anything. "Yes," Ari said solemnly. Suddenly, with a sharp pain in their heart, they thought of Mahla. "I do."
"I was such a fucking asshole to him. But he acted like it didn't matter." Storm's voice got soft. "Like I didn't meant it. And I didn't."
"You became friends?" Ari asked.
"Yeah." He sniffed and his voice got stronger. "Yeah. We'd hang out. You know, just doing whatever. Video games. Hanging out after school. Smoking in the park." He laughed quietly. "He'd never smoked weed. He got so stupid."
Ari glanced sidelong. The smile on Storm's face was the happiest Ari had yet seen him.
"We'd talk all the time. I'd be texting him at three in the morning. I thought it was crazy but—only sometimes. Sometimes, I..." He stopped.
"It's okay."
"I shouldn't."
"Storm. Who am I gonna tell?"
"The others."
"I didn't tell you their stories. I won't tell them yours. Everybody's story is their own."
Storm was quiet a while. Ari knew he would go on. He wanted to tell someone. He had to. Ari suspected it was the only happy thing he'd shared in a while.
"I thought about him. All the time. I just wanted to be with him. But, like, not just that." He paused. "Like, other stuff. I, I, didn't—I didn't know... I'm not gay. I just..."
"It's okay."
"Then he kissed me." Storm took a deep breath. "We were in the park. Smoking pot. I showed him how to blow smoke rings, you know?"
Ari nodded, the corner of their lip turning. A hundred years ago, they still remembered every detail of Mahla's dark lips as she breathed smoking, black-magic hula-hoops into the air.
"We were close. I knew he was gonna do it. And then he did. And it was—great." The word almost disappeared.
Ari sighed softly. They knew what came next.
"I wish I didn't do what I did." His voice wavered on the bladed edge of tears. "I was such an asshole. God, I was such a fucking asshole to him." Storm's voice cracked.
Turning just a bit, Ari watched the young man scrub angry tears from his eyes. They thought about extending a hand, but didn't. After all these years, Ari didn't always know when to be close, but they did know when to stay away. Ari knew shame better than anyone. Knew how close it was to anger.
"I don't know why it was so hard," Storm's voice was thick with tears, "to just say 'I like you. I like you. You're wonderful and I like you.'"
"I'm sorry, Storm."
"I don't hate gay people," Storm said, after a while. "I don't. I didn't hate David, you know? There's other gay kids, I don't care. It's just, I..."
Ari let the words hang for a while, waiting. Storm fell quiet, not sure how to finish. Maybe he didn't know what he was afraid of. Ari had some idea. "Who did that to your face?" they asked softly.
The stream tumbled over rocks for long seconds, a sound that knew nothing, assumed nothing.
"My dad. It wasn't just him, it was me too. It was the stupid hair. Now I wish I never fucking did it."
Ari blinked. A needle of surprise broke through their aged expectations. "The hair?" Not David?
"He said I looked like a girl. I told him to fuck off. We fought. I hit him, he hit me. He thinks he's so fucking tough, but the next time he comes at me, I'm breaking that beer bottle over his fucking head."
Ari took a breath. They could almost taste Storm's anger. For a while, they looked down into the stream, thinking, letting the waters dull the shards of Storm's anger.
"Do you like your hair?" Ari asked finally.
It took Storm a moment, as if he had to decide. "Yeah. I do. I just... I just wanted to do something different, you know? I like long hair. I dunno. Not 'cause it's girly or whatever. Fuck, I just like the color." He sighed. "Didn't think that was just a fucking problem."
Pulling their feet out of the water slowly—trying not to disturb the cradle of brand new fishes—Ari swiveled around on the rock to face Storm. "It's not a problem. It looks cool."
Storm scoffed. "Of course you like it. You're a non-binary or whatever. Looking like a girl is part of your thing."
Ari stood up, their wet toes gripping the warm rock like a lizard's, and they looked over the serene, dangerous forest from their tall vantage. "Short hair and manliness. No. Short hair and power. What a crock of shit. The strongest people I've ever known have long hair. Where I came from—what I can remember of it, at least—we had long hair. So I do too. And I love it, I love every beautiful inch of it." Closing their eyes and filling their chest with the forest, they ran a hand through the thick tendrils of their black hair, loving the caress through their fingers. Looking back at Storm, finding his previously-reddened eyes wide and white with hypnotism, Ari smiled. "If you like it, keep it. End of story." They stepped off the rock, thorned sticks snapping under their bare feet. With long black hair framing their face, they trained steady eyes on Storm. "Don't let anyone tell you who you are. Never ask permission to live."
After a moment, they gave a small smile and extended both hands. Ari expected another scoff.
Storm laid his hands over Ari's and, for the first time, Ari saw his dirty, black-painted fingernails. Storm smiled—a small thing, but only the second smile Ari had seen from him. "Thanks," he said.
As Ari pulled the young man off the rock, another needle of surprise pierced their heart. Storm started back through the forest and Ari looked down at the crystalline, black-painted nails on their hands. The image of ten impeccable nails on longer, darker fingers held their bleeding heart so gently.
Oh, Mahla.
Not again. Please, not again.
....
Author's Note
Quick writing question—Did anybody get a bit lost in the beginning? Like the first 2 paragraphs talk about Ari and Storm walking in the woods for a bit, then the narrative jumps back in time a few minutes to when they first entered the woods. I've seen books do this and I don't find it confusing, but people have told me they get a little lost, so I"m not sure. Any thoughts?
Also, hopefully it's evident that Storm's a little in crisis about their feelings.
He's dealing with a lot of low-key internalized homophobia (that "I don't dislike gay folks BUT I'm gonna shit mean stereotypes into your ear for years" shit that a lot of fucking people, media and PARENTS do). Sometimes it feels like everybody is always super certain of everything, but not everybody is—and it's okay. It's a process, and sometimes you act like a dickhead in between, and that's NOT okay, but maybe it's possible to make amends if you can get a little help healing, which is what Storm is gonna do. This isn't one of those "gay and ashamed" tropes, I promise. It's just that sometimes it takes time to sort shit out and sometimes it means fighting people you love and respect, and learning that you actually don't love and respect them that much—and that can hurt worse than fighting them. Anyway, hopefully all of this will be explained later, so bear with me, ja?
Also, I know it's tough out there right now, for some more than others. Hang in there. One step at a time. We're gonna get through this.