Chapter 2
Age 22
“Peter Bentley… Lucy Bright… Maria Carter…” the monotone voice floods my ears, the applause rattles my chest blocking out my own pulse beating so wildly, so loudly in my head as I stare down at my hands. I clutch them in my lap over the green satin, it’s a horrible colour, an olive green that didn’t fit against the college logo coating the large hall. I play with the tattoos on my wrist tracing every one and avoiding looking up until our row is called to stand.
“Hey dude… don’t be nervous.” I hear a voice whisper next to me and I jump a little turning my head so that the black fringe swooping out from under the stupid cap I had to wear to look at the kid I’d only spoken to once in the 3 years we’d been studying. I give him a shy smile, and nod but I can see him shaking himself, he kept twitching and looking behind.
I just drop my head again and wait for the ‘I’ section to begin. Name after name I sit and just fiddle with my hands in my lap trying to stop them from sweating, all I had to do was make it up there and walk back down, sit for 5 more minutes and leave. That’s it, I would go and not be seen again. A small smile appears on my face for a second but that’s it before I fall back into my tranquil state.
“Penny Heywood…” I stand and we move to the stage in one row, it’s like having a ball and chain around my ankles and one big prison walk to the stage.
“Good luck mate.” The guy in front of my smiles and I give him a small nod in reply. The crowd in front of us gets louder as people take their time, they all cheer and blow kisses to their family.
“Ryan Humphries…” the guy in front of me then takes the stage on wobbly legs, he strides across his takes his diploma and gives a wink to his family all sat crying and screaming before dismounting the stage to the other side.
“Frank I-aire- orea-o…” the Dean of Monroeville’s community college calls out and I take the three steps up onto the platform, the five steps to the man who said my name wrong and I turn to face the camera as it flashes in my eyes. It’s silent. The whole hall stills with not a single clap or utter of voice, an awkward cough and a quick reminder to move has me startled as I stare out into the crowd at the only empty space. The space I had been told to smile and wave for in rehearsals this morning.
“It’s Iero, dick.” I grumble as I move off the stage and slump down in my seat where I listen to the rest with my head resting on my hand in my lap where I just stare down at my diploma, three years of work for one little piece of paper to say ‘hey you made it, now you’re out on your own ass!’
I just knew tonight I would go home to the boxes packed outside my apartment, I’d make a hideaway and stay there until I could go out and find a job… it was that or the inevitable. I would trace all my tattoos and scars, I’d tie my favourite pair of converse and snuggle into the warmth of a brown hoodie that was once black.
“So I give you the graduating Class of Monroe College! Please say your final goodbyes and join us on the field for pictures.” The dickwad that had pronounced my name wrong announced and I released a breath. Everyone stood up and cheered, flashes rained on us from every angle and cries from the students around me filled my ears before to countdown began.
“1!... 2!...3!” they sang and a full hail of green hats flew into the sky. I yanked mine off and stepped out of the gown letting them fall at my feet. The people around me cried and sobbed into each other shoulders, guys whooped and cheered giving their final handshakes and fist bumps; parents, family and partners crowded round as a confetti coated the air and the people in the shabby hall. I stood watching as people embraced, as parents kissed their children on the forehead and grandparents pulled at their cheeks, pictures were taken in a proud stance and a soft buzz of voices filled the room with praise.
I stepped out of the ruffled fabric at my feet, I turned and began to make my way out of the hall, leaving behind the chaos I had once been excited to consider. I felt the tissue float down and tickle my cheeks with the tears that had begun to fall. Not tears of sadness or disappointment but tears of hope even if it was for a slight second.
“Frank wait!” I heard the soft voice behind me and I turned slowly as he caught my arm stopping me, I wiped the tears away and turned my muddy bloodshot eyes towards the green ones I had come to know. “I know you didn’t want to do this but I just wanted to say congratulations.” He says giving me a serious but sympathetic look from behind his glasses. My teacher, Professor Walker, was the only one who believed in me, he had known something was up a long time ago and he helped me to use it to get this far. He was one of the reasons I was qualified as a nurse, he had gave me this opportunity and I respected him for it.
“Thanks, I was just planning on going home, I’m not one for crowds.” I say gesturing to the sight behind us where all his colleagues spoke fondly of their students.
“I’m sorry about what happened up there, I just didn’t want to see you go without giving you this.” He pulls a folded slip of paper out of his pocket and thrusts it in my hand, it’s slightly worn like he had it stuffed into his pocket for a long time. It was a paper clipping with a smudge of red pen outlining an ad for a live in carer.
“Thanks, I guess I’ll see you around.” I pocket the clipping and turn away for the final time. I guess even with the hope of something that could give me a life off the streets I was still set on my ways. Even the rain wouldn’t stop me tonight as I lay listening to the sound of it beating against the ceiling.