Chapter 17
Kiss me like you wanna be loved
You wanna be loved
You wanna be loved
This feels like falling in love
Falling in love
We're falling in love
-"Kiss Me" by Ed Sheeran
"Hey Sage-" I stopped in my tracks as I saw the cigarette resting between his lips. Since when did he smoke? I'd seen pictures of him doing it before, or in movies, but I'd always assumed he was smarter than that. And this entire summer, I'd never seen him smoke, so why was he doing it now?
And most importantly, why did smoking, something that slowly kills you, look so good when Sage did it? I shook my head. It was probably the fact that he looked like he was in a magazine photoshoot; he was standing at a balcony, and his hair was gently blowing in the wind in the way that only celebrities could make look good.
"What." He asked, not even looking at me. He was obviously very irritated at something.
"Um, maybe you should put that away. I have Rose with-"
"No."
I blinked, then took a deep breath, calming myself down. I had dealt with Bad Guy Sage a billion times before, I could do it one more time.
I cupped my hand around Rose's face and mouth, as if she could actually breath, and said "I just wanted to ask if you had already fed Rose."
But he only shrugged. "I don't know. You do it."
Okay, maybe I couldn't deal with him one more time. "Well fuck you too then, asshole," I said, not bothering to censor myself, then turned around to walk out.
"No, Avery come back." There was a hand on my arm, stopping me from leaving. I looked up at Sage and rolled my eyes.
"Look, I don't know why you're angry at life or if you have regrets or something but do not take them out on me, okay?" I said.
He sighed. "I'm sorry. I'm not in the best mood." He took his hand off of my arm then turned around and went back to the railing.
"I can see that," I said and followed him. I tried to think of the best way to approach the situation. "So what's the problem?" Okay, maybe that wasn't it.
He turned to me and raised his eyebrow. "Why?"
I blinked. Why was I asking him? I had thought about the incidents of the diaper shopping trip a lot, and how it seemed that Sage had a magical power to make people do things for him, and I had rationalized it with the fact that he was famous and attractive. But this was different. Seeing Sage sad made me sad.
"Because... I'm your friend, and friends ask each other stuff like that. We are friends right?" I asked, kind of afraid of the answer. I thought of Sage as a friend, which is why I wanted him to be happy.
But he only stared at me, his expression unreadable, but it seemed like there was a little sarcasm there.
"Sage, we are most definitely friends, whether you like it or not," I said finally, and it was sort of true. All of us on the show were friends, even though we fought a lot.
He looked away from me, and didn't say anything for a long while. "Today's a bad day," he finally stated.
I stayed silent, trying to think of a way to respond to that. I almost wanted to scold him for taking it out on me, but that would accomplish absolutely nothing. "You're being extremely cryptic," I said.
He turned to face me, still looking kind of sarcastic. "Maybe because I have no desire to tell you anything, and the only reason I'm talking is because I know you won't leave me alone until I do."
I smiled. "You know me," I told him.
He sort of smiled back, except I could tell he was still sort of sad. After a beat, when it seemed that he wasn't going to say anything, I spoke again.
"So are you just gonna stand there and look out to the world all melodramatic-like or are you gonna tell me what's up?" Not my most tactful moment, but maybe it was necessary.
"You're so pushy," he muttered.
"And you like to avoid conversations like this," I shot back almost immediately.
He sighed, and I could see the Bad Guy Sage beginning to return. "I'm gonna keep this really short and simple. Five years ago today my mother went into a coma and she has yet to come out."
My shocked silence didn't get the chance to last very long, because he started walking inside. I quickly grabbed his arm and held him back. "You are not leaving me with that," I told him defiantly.
He groaned out of frustration, but pulled me inside with him, stomping out his cigarette on the way. He sat down on his bed, and I sat down next to him. "So," he finally said, not looking me in the eye while I stared intently at him. "You know how I'm a terrible person."
"No you're not," I said.
He gave me a look. "Avery."
"Okay, so you have your days," I said.
"Well, take me and all my terrible qualities, and times that by a million. That's my dad."
I opened my mouth to interject, then closed it back. He'd probably close up again if I spoke.
"My dad was an alcoholic, and the biggest dick you could ever meet. I still can't understand how my mother had children with him." he continued.
I took note of the fact that he said children, meaning he had a sibling. I just wondered if it was older or younger.
"He was a terrible person. So, naturally, I started to be just like him," he said.
"Don't say that," I muttered. No matter who his father was, Sage had a good heart.
Sage shrugged. "I started going to parties and drinking and drugs and just doing terrible things. And this was when I was like thirteen. My brother was the same as me, and he was older than me. I would tag along to his parties, and since I looked a good two years older than I was, no one questioned it."
I pulled my knees up to my chest then rested my head on them, wrapped up in his story.
"My mom didn't like the path we we're going down and tried to get us to stop. She signed us up for a bunch of auditions and stuff to fill up our time so we wouldn't party, but that never worked on my brother. I actually went to most of them because I actually thought they were fun. Anyways, one night when I was like sixteen and my acting career was starting to take off, my brother was driving home from a party, he was drunk, and he crashed his car. He died instantly, along with the three other people in the car."
I put my hand up to my mouth to stop the gasp that wanted to escape. His reason for being messed up was already ten times worse than mine.
"That night, when my parents found out, I ran away. I was gone for three days, and the only reason I came back was because I saw a mugshot of my dad on the news. He'd beaten my mother to the point where she was almost dead. I turned myself in to the police station, and they let me see my mother in the hospital. She looked terrible, and all I could think was that I let that happen to her-"
"Sage, no, you couldn't have-"
"I could've!" He exclaimed, but not in an angry way. He seemed more frustrated. "At this point my brother and I didn't let our dad hit us and our mom as much as we used to. We stopped him from hurting us, especially my mom. Running away on a night like that? Running away on a night where he was most likely to do that to my mother? That was the stupidest thing I've ever done. That's my biggest regret."
I stayed silent as Sage took deep breaths, calming himself down. Then I put my hand on is back and started running circles on his back. "Sage your brother just died, you had every right to get freaked out."
He shook his head. "Not like that. Not when my mom was vulnerable like that. She's got scars all over her body you know, for the rest of her life. Anytime I go to visit her I'm reminded of what that bastards done to her, what I could've stopped."
"Sage don't think like that," I said. "You've probably made your mother so proud. You're acting. You're one of the most famous actors in America. In the world."
"Yeah, well I wish I could know that for sure," he said, and this time when he got up, I let him.
When I heard Bryson and Emma start, I jumped out of my bed and proceeded downstairs. Sage was there, and it kind of surprised me. Of course, it was a nightly thing, but after the events that occurred today I expected him to avoid me at all costs. I had almost regretted making him tell me, as I really believed it would end the sort of relationship we had.
I grabbed the cup of coffee that was waiting for me and nodded a thank you to Sage before sitting beside him silently.
I didn't know what to say. What he told me today had been a game changer. Sage was no longer the moody guy for no reason, he was now the moody guy with reason. For someone to go through all of that, and at that age too, was terrible.
"Did you put her to sleep?" Sage finally asked.
"Yes," I answered with a nod of my head.
"While Bryson and Emma were going?"
"Uh-huh," I said with a laugh. "It's kind of weird, but I think the noises are soothing her somehow."
"That's so disgusting," Sage said, looking at me. Then he laughed, "You've raised a sex baby."
"I've raised a sex baby? I think we were both a part of the raising of this child."
He rolled his eyes. "Sure, we've raised a sex baby."
I cracked up. "What if she never goes to sleep unless she hears people doing it?"
"Can she even hear?" Sage asked, laughing again. It was reassuring to hear, because it meant that he wasn't too preoccupied on the events that occurred years ago on this day. "That would be so hilarious. Especially if Bryson and Emma decide to stop."
"Guess her parents are gonna have to get going," I said laughing, then realized who her parents were. Me and Sage.
He had also stopped laughing now. What was wrong with me? I just don't know when to stop do I? We were actually talking and joking with each other and I had screwed it up.
"Well, I've just made things awkward," I said, trying so hard to lighten the mood.
"Yeah," Sage trailed off, not making it any easier for me to do so.
I snuck a peak at him and saw that his expression was unreadable, just like always. But he must have felt me looking at him, because then he turned to face me. I realized at that exact moment that everything I had said about Sage being my friend was complete bullshit. The last thing I wanted was to have a platonic relationship with this guy.
And then somehow, against all odds, Sage for once in his life wasn't pulling away from me, but he was moving towards me. And then our lips (lips!) actually touched.
There was no confusion on what to do. My arms wrapped around his neck and his wrapped around my waist. He deepened the kiss then licked my bottom lip. I immediately opened up. It was like I had a chance to explore heaven. I needed to get a taste of everything before the dream ended.
When we finally parted for air, we rested our foreheads on each other, still only inches apart. My breathing was heavy and I was in shock.
Had that really just happened?
Sage looked like he was asking himself the same question, so before he could back out, I put my lips on his again, and he kissed me back in what was possibly the hottest way ever, doing an unexplainable thing with his tongue. This was probably the most emotion I'd ever seen Sage show.
We were kissing again when we heard the familiar creek of the stairs. The both of us turned super human and jumped away from each other so fast I didn't even believe it had actually happened.
Suddenly, Bryson and Emma were in front of us, both with sheepish expressions on their faces. They didn't even notice how disgruntled and messy Sage and I looked.
I narrowed my eyes at them. "What did you do?" I asked slowly, and honestly I was surpised I was able to breathe, let alone speak.
"We didn't mean it!" Emma exclaimed before anything could be said.
"We uh, we broke your bed," Bryson said.
"What?" I seethed. "How-"
"I don't know! Bryson's bed broke first, and all we did was sit on your bed and it just fell apart," Emma explained. "I'm really sorry!"
I doubted her story (there was no way they just "sat" on my bed), but it was hard to stay mad at Emma for too long. "Where am I supposed to sleep?" I muttered.
"You can sleep in our room for the night, they'll probably fix it by tomorrow, right?" Emma said, looking at me with puppy dog eyes.
"Yeah, you can sleep with Sage, he won't mind right? I mean you guys have slept on the couch together before," Bryson said, nodding towards the man himself.
Sage glanced at me then back at Bryson. "Sure," he said, no emotion in his voice whatsoever.
Had Good Guy Sage Who Liked To Kiss Me already turned back into Bad Guy Sage Who Didn't Like to Kiss Me? Did that really happen that fast?
Sage walked up the stairs, me Bryson and Emma following behind him. I glanced at Bryson to see him giving me a look of pity. I glared at him, but he only shrugged in an apologetic way.
Yeah, right.
I continued stomping up the stairs, angry and confused at everything. Sage and I had kissed, like for real. But with the way he was avoiding me, it seemed like he didn't like it.
But I had liked it. A lot.
Obviously, to Sage at least, this didn't matter. He had gone back to being Bad Guy Sage in just ten seconds. Whatever we had had when were kissing, it was gone now. I might as will forget about it.
No. I couldn't just forget about it. I liked it and I wanted to do it again. And again and again and again, whenever I pleased. I wanted Sage to be mine.
We needed to talk about this.
I walked into my room and glanced at my bed, momentarily forgetting about Sage. My bed was indeed broken. The short beams that supported the bed at the foot of it were completely broken, making the head of the bed higher than the foot. My previously tucked in blankers were crumpled all over the bed. I shuddered, thinking of what had just gone down in that bed. I made a mental reminder to ask for an entire new bed frame, matress and sheets.
I looked at the bed once more then shook my head; how had they done this with two beds? I walked into my new bedroom and found Bryson and Emma already on their bed, fast asleep. Sage was standing next to his-our- bed too, about to pull his shirt over his head, his back to me.
"No!" I exclaimed.
He slowly turned around to face me, his eyebrow raised, but he didn't look amused like normally. He'd definitely gone back to Bad Guy Sage.
"Um, while we're sleeping together, er, sleeping in the same bed, I think we should keep our clothing on," I stuttered.
If I couldn't even get that out of my mouth, then maybe I should wait to have this talk with him.
He sighed like he accepted and I breathed a sigh of relief. But then he continued to lift up his shirt.
"What're- oh," I said as I realized that he had a white undershirt on underneath.
It didn't cover much. I could still see every plane on his muscled stomach and his shoulders. They were so broad and manly. Who knew how great shoulders were? The wife beater totally defeated the entire purpose of keeping clothes on. Plus the fact that his sweatpants hung dangerously low on his waist made that little V thing that boys have very visible.
"Can I take my sweatpants off or is that forbidden too?" He grumbled, saying it in a way that made it seem like he wasn't really asking, but I knew that he was. Bad Guy Sage or not, he was still a good person.
"Um," I started, then paused. I really wouldn't be able to sleep with him taking them off, but it was the middle of summer in California, I didn't want to be that rude. "You can take them off."
He glanced up at me before stepping out of them, leaving him in his boxers. He got onto the bed, close to the wall. He left half of the sheets for me, then turned to face the wall.
Okay. There was no way our bodies weren't going to touch in this bed and no way I was sleeping if they were. I looked around, and an idea came to me then. I looked at the bed and the amount of unnecessary pillows that Sage had thrown on the floor. I picked up three and climbed on the bed. I made a make-shift barrier in between us. Meanwhile, Sage had turned around to see what I was doing, and upon realizing, started looking at me in a "wow you're pathetic" type of way.
"Done," I whispered when I felt satisfied with my work.
"Good luck with that," Sage said and turned back around.
He didn't believe in me, but that didn't matter because I believed in myself. It might take me longer than normal, but I could sleep with this.
I got into the bed and encountered my first problem.
This bed was not big enough to fit all these pillows, Sage and me. It was made for one person, and we were definitely not one person.
And then I encountered my next problem.
With the pillows, the blanket wasn't big enough to stretch over everything, so along with half my leg sticking out over the side of the bed, it was also not receiving any warmth. But I refused to move these pillows.
Lie.
"Fuck it," I muttered and threw them off the bed, aiming specifically for Bryson and Emma.
Sage immediately took the opportunity to move into the space that the pillows has previously occupied. "Fina-fucking-ly," he said, turning his body around.
"Uh, hi," I said, when he realized that this movement put him right next to my face.
His eyes showed some surprise, then his expression went back to being cold in a second. He didn't say anything, but I knew he wanted to turn back around. He was just too prideful to do it.
I stared at him, and he stared back. I realized that if I just moved forward a little bit, I would be kissing him again. I looked back up at his eyes, wondering how I ended up looking at his lips anyway, to find that he'd been looking at mine also. Maybe he didn't regret it.
He turned around.
Or maybe he did.
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fuck school man.