Chapter 34 ― Louis
What had I done? I was a bloody idiot. I left her there, crying because I was a coward and selfish arsehole. I should have stayed there with her but instead I went away, taking the easy way out but at the same time, the most painful one. My chest hurt so much it was almost unbearable, I was in my car but I didn’t feel capable of moving. I was numb and everything seemed unimportant. The contest, the band, the fans, everything. I had left Havi and in that moment whilst I was thinking of what I really did, I realised I couldn’t just accept what I had done. It was a mistake. My biggest mistake.
I let Eleanor walk away once and now I was doing the same to Havi. If it hurt me so much when it happened to me, I could perfectly understand what Havi wanted to say. I hadn’t done the right thing, I just made another mistake and I felt worse for this one.
I remembered the pain in Havi’s voice and the way she looked at me before I walked away, the hope in her eyes, wanting me to say that I was going nowhere, that I was staying with her. That was what I should’ve done.
How on earth did I just say goodbye to her? To the girl who made me happy again, the girl who had taught me that I needed to think of my happiness too and that I couldn’t just avoid the greatest things in life for fear of someone ruining it.
I had made a mistake, I knew that the moment I crossed the door and I needed to fix it, but she wouldn’t listen to me if I came back in that moment, so I had to do something different. I couldn’t just tell her that I was an idiot and promise her that I wasn’t leaving her again. Why would she believe me after what I did? I needed to prove to her that this time I was staying and I was able to stand up against the whole world for us. And I could only think of a way to do it.
Screw management. Screw our fans. I was going to fix this.
* * *
Of course Havi wasn’t in the station and Joy didn’t want to look at me. She avoided me all the time as if I had a contagious illness. I didn’t blame her. The boys were also mad at me saying that I shouldn’t have done that to Havi, but when I told them what I was going to do, they gave me all their support saying that whatever the consequences were, we were going to stick together.
We had already met all the winners of the contest and all of them were nice and lovely fans. Some of them cried, some of them froze and some of them acted normally. It was fun to recognise each girl from the calls and I was really happy with the ones I picked. The four girls I had selected during the weeks the contest lasted were Louise, Sophie, Mishal and Cat and the four of them were adorable. All of them had asked me about Havi and how she was doing, saying that they were really sorry about what had happened. Sophie also showed us some pretty good dance moves. She was the one that wanted to become our background dancer.
We hadn’t talked about it yet, but it was an idea that the lads and I had and we were going to ask management to let us get what we wanted: all the winners of this contest to appear in our next music video. We wanted real fans, not models and actresses, for our next single.
We were behind the small stage they had prepared for this gig when Joy walked there to introduce us. I was nervous for what I was going to do, but I was sure it was the right thing.
“Everyone, please welcome One Direction!” Joy exclaimed and we walked to the stage greeting all the girls we had already met. They clapped and screamed loud, incredible because they were only twenty girls.
“Before we start,” I said calmly though I was shaking inside. “I want you to hear this and please, someone record it and make sure to upload it on the Internet because I need all our fans to see this. This is me doing the right thing,” I added taking a deep breath.
I felt my friends behind me, giving me all their support. I had to do this not only for me, but for all of us. Our fans needed to understand once and for all.
“We love our fans, we owe you where we are today but that doesn’t mean you own us. We have lives and we have the right to have our personal lives, to be with whom we want. You need to learn to respect our decisions and trust us. We are capable of choosing our girlfriends because we get to know them. We are in the relationship, not any of you. Our music is for you, all our hard work is for every single one of you, but our lives outside the studio and stage belong to us and only us,” I said calmly and looking at the small crowd. There were several girls recording this and I saw George at the back freaking out for what I was doing, but I also saw the proud expression on Maquita and Joy’s faces and the fans getting emotional. “Last night one fan attacked Havi and I know I never confirmed this before, but we were together. I love Havi with all my heart but this girl hurt her badly and she ended up in the hospital. How can that be okay? How can it be okay that the same people that claim to be our fans send hate not only to us when we make the tiniest mistake, but to all those we love? How? Every time any of the people we love get hurt because of what some of you say to them, we get hurt. No one wants the people they love to get hurt. We are people like you and we want to protect our families and friends. Please, I’m begging you: stop.”
I stopped to look at everyone. I felt the hands of my friends on my shoulders and I knew I had everyone’s attention.
“Please, stop sending hate and respect our decisions. I’m not asking you to become fans of the people we are with or to love them. Just leave them alone, don’t hurt them. They are part of our personal lives, not of our jobs,” I carried on. “Please, don’t hurt the ones we love because you hurt us along the way and sometimes you even drive us to lose those we love. Harry and I are best friends. We are not a secret couple no matter all our silly games and because many of you can’t understand the difference, our friendship is in danger. With your obsession over something that is not real, we are forced to put distance between us. Do you really want that? To ruin our friendships?”
“We are more that what you all see,” Harry added, his hand squeezing my shoulder gently. “Please, from the bottom of our hearts. Stop.”
“Stop,” Liam joined.
“Stop before you end up hurting more people,” Zayn said.
“Stop,” Niall finished and by that moment, I saw many girls crying in our little audience. George had a resigned expression but I could also see him proud for what we had done.
Joy was the first one to step forward and clap. Soon all the other girls did the same and like that, the almost thirty people in the room were applauding and showing their agreement. I just hoped that all those words could make a change for the good and I just hoped Havi would see that I did that for her. If she accepted me back, I was going to stay next to her and I was walking away again.
After that it took us a couple of minutes to put ourselves together again and finally start with the gig. I felt somehow lighter, like I finally had let go of that humongous weight on my shoulders. I focused on the music, on feeling it again remembering why I started with this, why I looked for this dream: because I loved music. It wasn’t the fame. It wasn’t the money. It had always been the music, even if I forgot that in the way.
I felt like that little performance had been our best one since we started more than three years ago.
We even sang more songs than planned and everyone seemed so pleased when we walked down the stage. Joy came running to us and hugged me first. “I’m so proud of you, Louis,” she whispered in my ear before hugging all the other guys. The winners of the contest were still clapping and all of them had huge smiles on their faces. I was going to fight to get all of them in our next video.
After hugging Joy, Harry walked away, passing next to the guards and getting to the back were Maquita was watching our performance. Right there, in front of everyone, he kissed her. I saw the fans gasping surprised but in a matter of seconds all of them were cooing when they saw the way Harry hugged the black-haired girl.
I wished the best luck to my best friend. I hoped he would never make the mistake I made.
“Louis,” I heard someone calling me and I recognised that voice immediately. I turned around and I met her hazel eyes. She was smiling at me and I could see so many emotions on her face. “I saw what you did,” she said and I knew that everyone now was paying attention to that moment.
I walked towards her until mere inches divided our bodies. “I did it for you,” I told her. “You were right, I never should’ve walked away leaving you alone. I should have stayed there with you. I’m so sorry,” I carried on and she was still smiling.
“You’re an idiot. You know that,” she said with a soft chuckle. I heard the winners of the contest giggling but I tried not to pay much attention to the fact they were listening.
“I am. The biggest idiot ‘cos I told you goodbye when I should’ve said that I was never leaving your side,” I replied and her smile was so precious.
“You should’ve said that indeed,” she agreed and I was dying inside. She was smiling but she wasn’t saying anything about forgiving me. Maybe she wasn’t going to. Maybe I had hurt her too much. “When I saw what you did I had a fight with my mum,” she told me confusing me.
“Uh?”
“Yeah. I told her I needed to come here immediately, but she didn’t want to let me. She told me I shouldn’t move yet and that you weren’t worth it after what you did. But do you know what I told her?” She asked me and I shook my head. I still didn’t know what to think about the situation. “I told her I had to come and talk to you. I told her that you made a mistake but you realised that and you were trying to fix it. I told her that you are just a guy, like any other guy and therefore you also make mistakes. You’re not perfect and that I love you like that, with your flaws and virtues. And because I love you so much I had to come here and tell you this in your face.”
“Tell me what?” I asked me, my heart beating with hope.
She stepped closer and with her left hand, she cupped my face softly. “That I forgive you just with one condition,” she said softly looking me in the eyes.
“Anything.”
“Never do something like that again. Never try to leave me because it’s the best for me because it won’t be. If you’re gonna leave me, do it because you don’t love me anymore. Do it because you found someone better, but never do it because you think I’ll be better without you, because I won’t. I can’t be better without you because all the bad things that come with you– all of them are worth it because of you. Can you promise me that?” She asked and I stepped closer wrapping my arms around her small waist. I pressed my forehead against hers.
“I promise you that I’ll never do something like that again. I promise I’ll stay with you and whatever it comes, we’ll face it together,” I replied and her smile was so precious it made my heart skip a beat. “Because I love you, Havi.”
She didn’t reply, she just slid her fingers to my neck and pulled me until our lips finally met.
* * *
With the end of the contest many things changed. We got the winners of the contest to be in our music video. The video of my speech went viral and soon many other famous people joined us. Soon it became a whole campaign to stop cyber-bullying. Our fans had changed, they respected us and our choices. There were still some stubborn ones who didn’t want to understand and they kept sending us all sort of things, but our real fans stood up for us and told them to back off. If they wanted to believe something that wasn’t real, they could do it but they didn’t have to force the rest to be as wrong as them.
We all were proud of how much our fans had grown up after the end of the contest.
But the biggest change in my life started with a radio interview, the day I met Havi and after the contest we just grew stronger. We had each other and that was all that mattered in the end.
-:-:-:-
And that's it. The last chapter of Radio Interview. Did you like it? Was it too cheesy? I'm sorry if it was too cliché or you were expecting something else. I just wanted a happy ending for Louvi, I think they deserved it. There's still an epilogue, though!
As I couldn't pick someone to dedicate the last chapter, I'm dedicating it to Havi, after all this story started because of her as my present to one of my best friends. It was a lovely experience to write this for her.
Again, thank you so much for sticking with me through this story. Thanks for bearing with my mistakes. I can't say how grateful I am that you are part of this. Thank you.
Bel, xx