Marisol
hey, i'm sorry i shouldn't have said what I said to you yesterday.
8:30 pm, sunday
Penny
Maybe. But I needed to hear it.
8:31 pm, sunday
Monday morning, Marisol called me.
"Hey... wanna walk to school together? So we can talk?"
I paused. My brother usually drove me to school. Then again, he hadn't been in much of a talking mood. He was angry with my parents. And with me. I figured a car ride would be needlessly awkward.
"Sure," I said.
I stopped by her house. She rushed out the door and locked it behind her, bounding down the steps.
"So, uh, I'm a little confused. First off, I just wanna check, are you still mad at me?" Marisol asked.
I shook my head. "At first I was, but I had all weekend to think about it, and I realized how much of a bitch I was being. It wasn't fair to you or Sarah or Jessica or Ashlynn or Kate."
Marisol let out a breath. "I was worried you'd still be mad at me. And as sorry as I am, I kinda meant what I said. I wanted to be your friend, but I heard some nasty things about you. As we became closer I realized you were a nice person... but sometimes you were cold."
I hung my head. "Yeah. I'm sorry I was mean to you all those times. I just... I can't explain myself. I'm sorry."
Marisol smiled. "It's okay, you're forgiven. So... I was wondering..." She quirked a smile. "Do you want to sit with us at lunch?"
I went pale. "They hate me! I understand why now... but still. I wouldn't want to be friends with me either. I'd make a fool of myself."
Marisol stopped and gripped my shoulders. "You're being too hard on yourself. It's okay to make mistakes. Maybe you were mean in the past. Maybe blowing up at them was a big mistake. But now's the time to make up for that. At the very least, you could apologise."
I nodded, thinking of Ashlynn. I really hurt her. She was probably over it by now, but she was my closest friend out of the group. I wanted her to know that I didn't mean it.
We continued walking to school, talking and laughing like we normally did. It was nice, and I could finally admit it. I did need Marsiol. I needed friends. I couldn't be alone anymore. And I wasn't going to.
With that thought in my mind, I walked into school, beaming.
My smile dropped third period when I walked into my precalc test. Shit, I had spent so much time thinking about my old friends that I didn't even study. And I really needed to study.
I dropped into my seat beside Marisol and smiled over at her. She gave me a smile back and whispered "good luck."
Mr. Lenn handed out the papers, leaving one face down on my desk. I flipped it over and started in with the first question.
I got my pencil out and scribbled equations in the margins. I vaguely remembered this stuff, but I didn't really get it. As I turned the pages, it got harder and harder. The words swam before my eyes. I couldn't focus, I was too busy thinking about how lunch next period would go. I was going to apologise. I was going to actually talk to my old friend group. The thought of it made my palms sweat.
The bell rang, pulling me abruptly from my thoughts. I looked down at my paper. Half of the questions were unanswered.
"Last call! Turn in your papers now," Mr. Lenn said.
I rushed to the front of the classroom, handing him my test. I would have cared, but I was too busy imagining what would happen. I was going to go to the cafeteria. I could get laughed out of there by everyone.
I took a deep breath, put on my backpack, and walked into the hallway with Marisol.
"Do you know what you're gonna say?" She asked me.
I maneuvered around students walking through the hall. I had been pondering what my apology would be like all day. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't come up with anything good enough. "No, I'm just gonna wing it," I said.
Marisol laughed. She was so pretty when she laughed. "I never thought of you as a winging-it type."
"I'm not, usually." I looked at her. "But I've been in a throwing-caution-to-the-wind mood lately."
Marisol grinned. "It suits you."
I blushed the rest of the way to the lunchroom.
When we got there, Marisol grabbed my hands and pulled me to the table. There were my old friends. Jessica, Kate, Sarah... and there was Ashlynn.
"Hey guys!" Marisol said. "This is Penny."
Jessica laughed. "We know." She looked at me. "Hey Penelope."
"Long time no see," Kate added.
I laughed. "You could say that."
"So what's up?" Sarah asked.
Wow. They were being nice. Like nothing happened.
"Uh..." I stammered. "I..." Damn, I should have planned what I was going to say. "I'm a bitch," I blurted.
Jessica burst out laughing. "We knew that."
I went red.
"So is that what you came to tell us?" Sarah asked.
"Well, that and... I'm sorry."
Kate raised an eyebrow. "You're sorry now?"
"Uh... yeah?"
Sarah laughed. "It's been years. We're kinda over it."
I sighed, rubbing my temple. "I should have apologised sooner. I just..." I glanced at Marisol. "I've had an epiphany recently."
Jessica giggled. "Marisol, you really bring out the best in everyone, huh?"
"That's why we love her," Kate said.
I felt a twinge in my gut, but tried to ignore it.
"So yeah, do you guys forgive me?"
"Sure," Jessica said. Sarah nodded.
"No duh," Kate said.
We all looked at Ashlynn. She shifted uncomfortably, then got up from the table.
"I... have to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back," she said, then left the cafeteria.
Why did this always happen.
"Me too," I said, and ran after her.
I caught up to her in the hallway and tugged her shoulder. "Ashlynn--"
She spun around. "You know, we were best friends, right? Sure, we were a group, but you were my best friend. You threw that away, and then mocked me for something I told you. I trusted you, and you threw away that trust. That hurt." She tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. "Yeah, I'm over it, but I don't trust you."
I looked down at the tiled floor. It was silent in the hallway. "I deserve that. I know I hurt your feelings. In reality, it was mostly because I was..." I paused, not knowing if I should say it.
Ashlynn raised an eyebrow.
"I was insecure. I was a stupid kid, and I know that's no excuse. I wasn't confident, I was too harsh on myself. So I projected that onto others. And I'm really sorry. I've recently realized how stupid I am, and I was wondering if you'd give me a second chance...?"
Ashlynn sighed. "It takes guts coming back to us and apologising two years after something happened."
My ears turned pink.
"If I'm being honest, I still don't trust you. But, I think I'd be okay if you sat at our lunch table. Just don't be upset if I tell Jessica a secret and not you or something--"
I squeezed Ashlynn into a hug. "Thank you so much."
She laughed, and then hugged back. "So are we gonna get lunch or what?"