My mouth was dry. Rita was staring at me in shock and confusion. Mrs. Beedham still held my hand, looking stern. She was probably trying not to make a scene. My eyes darted around the room quickly. Nobody else was looking at us, or knew of our little conversation.
"I-" I started to explain myself but I couldn't form a coherent thought.
"Michael, what's going on?" Rita finally found her voice.
"Stay out of this, Rita. This is between me and him. Let's go outside."
Brianna let go of my hand and walked to the back door. I felt the urge to make a run for it, but that would definitely create a scene. Obviously, she wanted us to settle this as quietly as possible. I couldn't ruin all that by freaking out. My heart was still thumping in my chest as I walked behind her. I wasn't scared she could get physical; I could easily take her down in a fight. I was more scared she'd get verbal. There were too many listeners here. Not to mention children. I met her sitting outside on a low stone fence which surrounded some azaleas. I stood in front of her. I couldn't risk getting too close.
"Come sit," she said coldly. "We have a lot to talk about."
I slowly walked over to sit beside her, maintaining eye contact all the way. I wanted to catch any intentions she might have. Though with her cool and collected poise, I couldn't predict the kind of person she would be.
"How long have you been having this affair with my husband?"
I did a mental count. "About six months. Our first meeting was in April."
"Really. Figures."
"I'm really sorry if I caused any problems between you two. I was just doing my job."
"Which is what? Breaking families apart?"
"I'm a whore. I got paid."
She looked at me with an expression I couldn't understand. It seemed like a little blend of surprise and pity. I continued to look at her, not smiling. She seemed to stare at me for a few minutes before she did something I couldn't expect.
She burst out laughing.
I had never been more confused in my life.
She laughed for a long time. I looked around. The only other people who were in the yard looked at us briefly, probably thinking we were sharing some joke. I waited for her to finish. I was yet to get the joke. She wiped a tear from her eyes.
"You should have seen your face," she laughed. "You were totally scared shitless."
I was surprised. Did she just swear? I would never have taken her as the type to utter a single inappropriate word. I still felt confused by everything though.
"So...you're not angry with me?"
"No," she laughed. "I should be thanking you. You probably just saved my marriage."
"How?" My fear was gone. Now I was just surprised.
"Jonathan has been so uptight for years. I used to think he was just a nervous type when we were dating but it only got worse after we got married. We were rarely intimate and it frustrated me. A woman has needs, you know."
"Okay..." I urged her to continue.
"I knew something happened in April. He came back one day, actually looking happy. The stress lines on his face had eased a bit. He laughed a lot more. Tracy enjoyed being around him for once. I even liked his attitude. But then I got suspicious. I thought he was cheating on me. So I started watching him after he came home, but he never slipped up. I never found some other woman's perfume on him, or kiss stains, or anything. So I let it go and thought 'hey, maybe he's following some self help book or something'. We still had sex very few times and I considered having an affair of my own. I nearly got into it, I mean, I had a few offers and I knew a lot of men who were interested but put off by this." She held up her ring finger. "And then last week, he tells me he's gay, and he's been having an affair with some guy named Michael."
"That would be me," I said. For some reason, I felt the urge to smile. But I wanted her to finish the story first.
"I was a little shocked for a minute. Then I felt relief. It was like everything made sense: his constant stress, the way he seemed to hurry his way through sex, even his exaggerated homophobia. Once we talked about it, we worked something out. And, no, we're not getting a divorce."
I raised my eyebrow at her. "So you're going to stay married to him, even now that he's gay?"
"Yes. Tracy loves her father regardless. Besides, he was gay from the moment I married him. And now we have Robertson." She winked at me. I frowned a little.
"Robertson?"
"He's bisexual."
I considered it. Technically, such an arrangement would work, as long as the Robertson guy was fine with it. Hell, if he was getting paid for it, it seemed like a pretty sweet deal. I perused it for a while before my thought patterns went erratic.
"Wait...is this Robertson a sex worker?"
"Yes," she smiled with a little surprise. "Do you know him?"
"Is he about 5 foot 10, jet black hair, strong facial features with a dick like an elephant?"
"Wow, you really do know him," she laughed.
"Yeah, but we all just call him Rob. Or Robert."
"It's Robertson in full. he doesn't like it, but I think it's sexy."
"And you both pay him for this, right?"
"Sure. That's the only way he shows up. It's a little weird, I know."
"Oh it's quite normal," I laughed. Brianna laughed along. I spotted Rita standing by the back door, looking even more confused than before. I waved at her, and she waved back slowly. Brianna looked up and beckoned for Rita to come. She walked to us cautiously, like she was scared we'd pounce on her.
"Why so serious, Rita?" Brianna laughed.
"Okay, what the hell is going on?" She looked like she had reached her breaking point.
"Brianna was just telling me how I had saved her marriage."
Rita couldn't look more confused if she tried.
"I'm a whore. I slept with her husband. Now they have an exciting sex life."
"Wait what? You're a...sex worker?"
"Yep." I smiled. I wasn't ashamed of it anymore. Hell, I had no problem with going inside and announcing it to the rest of the party.
"Does Swash know this?" She looked really concerned. I started laughing again. Her expression eased a little as she began to understand the situation. After a few seconds, she sat beside me.
"Swash knew from the second I stepped into his house. Hell, that's the only reason I stepped into his house."
"So you guys have..."
"No. We haven't. He hired me, but all we did was talk. We went to the same high school, you know. He just wanted to reach out or something. We've been hanging out ever since."
"Is Swash the tall hot guy with the green eyes?" Brianna asked with a playful glint in her eye.
"Yeah? What, you want him?" I chuckled.
"I won't mind," she laughed back.
"Too bad he's gay," Rita breathed at her. "And completely into our little whore over here."
"Too bad I'm taken," I laughed.
Our conversation was playful from then on. Brianna really had a wicked sense of humor. I told them about Malone - even the sultry bits - and had to suffer through their repeated swooning. I was called a lucky whore. I felt like a lucky whore. But I told them they had to drop the whore title as I would be retiring, starting tomorrow. Brianna excused herself to use the bathroom and Rita rushed back inside shortly after, saying that I had to come in for a surprise. I strolled back into the house. She had gotten everyone to settle down and they were looking at her expectantly. The children had been called down from their little party upstairs. They seemed restless to leave, but their parents kept them in check. I spotted Swash and Bradley sitting on the couch right in front of Rita. Everyone looked behind Rita as Brianna came out with a large cake that had five sparklers in it. The kids squealed with excitement. Bradley just smiled and looked up at Rita.
"Happy Birthday Bradley."
We all broke out the 'happy birthday' song. Bradley blushed shyly and buried his face in his father's chest. Swash seemed to look around and then stopped when he spotted me standing by the door. He smiled. I smiled back. I truly felt happy for the situation I was in, for Bradley, for Malone, even for Brianna and Jonathan Beedham. It almost felt like it was my birthday. We cheered for Bradley and cut the cake. Then Rita went into the kitchen and came out holding a glass bowl. A single goldfish was swimming around inside it. Bradley squealed with excitement and got off Swash's lap to look at the fish.
"I had to get him this because I didn't think you could handle having a puppy in your apartment."
She smiled at Swash who laughed in appreciation. Bradley turned around and smiled at his father. I had never seen him look so happy. I crossed over and crouched beside the other children who had gathered to look at the fish and were poking at the glass.
"What are you going to call him?"
Bradley looked at me and blinked before he realized I was talking to him.
"Michael!" He smiled at me and looked into my eyes. I looked back and smiled, before nodding at the fish.
"So, what are you going to call him?"
"Michael," he repeated. I took a while before it clicked that he had named the fish after me. I grinned. I felt something akin to pride. I looked at the little orange fish, swimming around in its bowl, oblivious to his naming ceremony. I tapped the glass and it swam towards my finger. It was almost like it recognized me. I stood up and ruffled Bradley's hair, then went to get myself another drink.
We left Rita's house at night. We had helped her bid farewell to the other guests and even did a bit of cleaning up. Bradley had sat on the dining table, admiring his goldfish while Emily waved goodbye to all her new friends who were leaving. I was sure the school environment was going to feel much different tomorrow, now that some parents were acquainted. We did the short drive home after Rita assured us she could handle the rest of the mess by herself. I felt tired, but other than that, I was happy. We got into the house and Bradley placed his goldfish right in the middle of the kitchen counter.
"You'd have to buy fish food or something tomorrow," I told Swash.
"Oh, Rita gave me some already." He held up a small bag which I hadn't noticed earlier.
"Can I feed him now, Daddy?" Bradley reached up for the bag.
"Sure," Swash smiled. "But not too much. We don't want him getting fat."
Bradley beamed as he took the bag and ran back to the kitchen. I knew he was going to have fun taking care of that little fish. And it couldn't have come at a better time. Having something else to pour his emotions into would be comforting for him after I had gone. I looked back at Swash and smiled weakly.
"I guess this is it."
"What?"
"My last day here. I have to get back to my life."
"Oh. Will you ever come back? To visit, I mean."
"Definitely," I said, smiling towards the kitchen where Bradley was looking at the fish as it swam towards the pieces of food that he dropped in different places. He was giving it some exercise, maybe. That way, it would burn some calories.
"Bradley's going to miss you."
"I'll miss him too," I said. I noticed that he didn't say anything about what he'll feel with me gone. Not that it mattered. It was even better this way. Swash needed to move on and get someone who would love him for everything that he was. And more importantly, someone who was available and didn't have a complicated history with him. I shrugged away the thoughts and went to Bradley. It was time to say goodbye.
"Brad?"
He smiled up at me. I didn't want to break his little heart, but it was going to happen sooner or later.
"I have to go now."
"Okay, see you tomorrow." I laughed to myself. He had gotten so used to me leaving and showing up the next day.
"I'm not coming back tomorrow."
He looked a little sad. "Why?"
"I have to go back home."
"Will I ever see you again?"
"Sure. I'll visit as often as I can."
He looked down at the floor. I held his chin and made his eyes meet mine.
"Hey, I'll always be your friend. Always."
His eyes glistened and he hugged my neck. An actual physical hug. I hugged him back. It was really sad, but there was no helping it.
"I'm going to miss you."
"I'll miss you too kiddo. You have no idea how much."
He pulled back and looked at me. He sniffed. I ran my hand through his gold streaked hair.
"Hey, you're five now. You're a big boy. And big boys don't cry." I smiled. I was a little close to tears myself. He smiled back at me. I walked away from the kitchen counter and past Swash, who had been staring at the entire scene with a solemn expression. I went into the guest room and got my phone. I looked at the wardrobe of clothes. I wasn't going to take any of them with me. Maybe except the Lanvin jacket I had on. It fit pretty snugly and was beautifully designed. I left the room and walked to Swash, who had not moved from his original position.
"Let's go," I said, and I walked out of the apartment.
The ride home was quiet. I stared out at the flashing city lights. I felt like a part of those lights, for once. I wasn't just some dejected soul scraping a living by fucking strangers for money. I was a human being, with the potential to make a difference. I mattered. And I felt good about myself. Even Brianna's little story had me feeling proud. It’s not every day you get to fix a marriage. I noticed that the lights had become more familiar and the rainbow-coloured banners flashed past every few seconds. We were in Boystown.
"Where's your apartment again?"
I directed him to the building. I felt okay with him knowing my address. I wasn't going to take him into my room, and I didn't expect him to want to come in either. He parked in front of it and I got out.
"Thanks for the ride." I said as I walked towards the front door.
"Wait!"
I turned around. Don't tell me he wanted to do something mushy and emotional. He got out of the car and walked towards me.
"The house key?" He looked at me.
"Oh, sorry." I fumbled through my pockets and took out the spare key to his apartment. I was never going to use it anymore.
"Thanks for everything. It was one hell of a week."
"Yeah," he sighed. I smiled and started to the door again.
"Hey, don't I even get a goodbye hug or something?"
"Fine," I breathed. I turned around and hugged him. He squeezed me a little and then pulled away, placing a light kiss on my lips.
"Take care of yourself, okay?"
"I'll try Mum. But it's rough out here in these streets," I laughed. We let go of each other and Swash walked backwards towards the car. I watched him and hoped he wouldn't trip and fall on his ass. Okay, now I wished he would, so I could get a cheap laugh.
"Don't be a stranger, Mike."
I waved at him and entered the code for the apartment. I walked in and closed the door. I realized just then that Swash had kissed me. And I had felt nothing. I felt good, for some reason. I knew now that my heart fully belonged to Malone. I opened my apartment and switched on the lights. It was like a breath of fresh air to see my personal space again. I kicked off my shoes and jumped on my bed, laughing to myself. I lay down and immersed myself in thoughts. Tomorrow, I'll resign. I'll let Dorian and Emmet know, and I'll do my final day at the Station so they can get a week to decide who gets the job on that day. I'll go job hunting on Tuesday; maybe even revisit some of the old places that had given me offers. I had a definite plan in my head. Malone was going to be so happy for me. I wanted to make him happy, and I wasn't going to do anything that would jeopardize our relationship. I rolled over and went to sleep.
I woke up at 07:50. A little late, but seriously, nobody was going to make any requests at this time. I reached for my phone. It was still off. I realized I had charged it, but didn't turn it on. I pressed the power button and it came on. I probably had voice messages, but I wasn't in the mood to check them. I got out of bed and went into the shower. I let it run for a few minutes so the cold water had rushed out before I stepped in. I felt good this morning. I took my time in the shower before I went out to change into some comfortable clothes. Fitted jeans, plain polyester tee shirt and a Lanvin jacket later, I went out to get a ride to Dorian's place. I dialed Emmet's number and waited.
"Hello?"
"Michael! What happened to your phone?"
"Sorry, battery died. Anyway, I'll be at the Station. I need to talk to you, or Dorian."
Silence.
"Finally quitting huh?"
"Yeah. I think it's time for me to move on."
"It's okay. I quit last week too. Dorian's going to be so happy for you."
"Really? I figured he'd be disappointed." I hailed a cab and got inside. I gave the cabbie Dorian's address.
"Nah. We were all hoping you'd find someone and move on someday. You always were a little withdrawn. Who are you with again? You never told me and I figure it's not that Swash guy."
"Malone," I sighed. "I'll tell you all about him later."
"You sound all lovey-dovey," he laughed. "I'll let the guys know you're back."
"Thanks Em. See you later."
"Bye Ham."
I laughed and hung up. I got out shortly after and went into Dorian's. It looked a little different. Someone had changed the office chair. It was bigger and definitely more comfortable. Also, the bed sheets were different. Someone had been sleeping here recently. I sat in the chair. It felt really plush. I turned on the computer and went to the site administrator page. As expected, there were no requests. I looked through the schedule for the week. Robert had been booked through to Sunday. I laughed to myself. In his case, he really was going to get paid a lot. I turned on the internet browser and surfed idly. I found myself on National Geographic's website, reading up some article about sperm whales. I heard laughter from the other side of the door as the door was unlocked. I turned around, waiting to look at the intruder. Someone I couldn't recognize walked in and quickly turned around to lock the door. He had his phone pressed against his ear while he talked.
"Sure, I'll see you later. Fine, in an hour. Bye." He hung up as he finished locking the door and shoved his phone in his pocket. He turned around. My mouth hung open. Not because he was incredibly gorgeous or anything. I felt like I was in some episode of the Twilight zone, or maybe some weird science fiction series. Because what I was looking at couldn't be real.
I was staring at myself.
The other me stared back for a while, then offered his greeting.
"Fuck."