May 10, 2016
It has been exactly 10 days since Cecilia last spoke to me, or even acknowledged my presence, she had even gone as far as ignoring me during class, which led to a lot of half slept nights trying to catch up on her course seeing as she would not even give me room to ask questions in class.
She would be explaining something too fast for me to understand, I would raise my hand to ask her to repeat, and as if I were invisible, she would ignore it altogether, turn around and find an excuse to write something on the board.
10 days of being ignored also meant 5 classes of not having a single one of my queries answered.
I was swamped with books to read. I would have to try very hard not to fail on her next test seeing as I had already gotten a pretty shitty grade on the first one—60 out of 100, which for me, was unacceptable.
I also had to deal with the aftermath of that horrendous day.
I was left to try and find a way to apologize to Nay although I had no idea what for at first.
After all, are people supposed to apologize for the things their subconscious think? Are people even to blame for their subconscious?
Those were valid questions, but Nay did not even know it was my subconscious who had led her on in the first place. I did not even know for sure if my subconscious was the only one to blame.
Nevertheless, it took me a whole weekend to grow some female balls and talk to her.
I had gone to the same place Nay and I had first met. I did not even mean to go there, my driving just ended up taking me there. Maybe it was my subconscious once again.
The first thing I saw was Nay on the track vigorously biking, she was doing every single turn a little too harsh, every jump a little farther than her usual. It was enough for me to know she was taking it all out on the mud.
I had done it so many times before, it was not hard for me to read a frustrated biker taking their anguish to the track. Once she noticed me though, that was it. She did not get the bike to turn left in time for her not to drift. And just like that the bike was down and so was she.
Nay got herself up and started pacing forcefully in my direction, which then led to her hand landing very heavily on my cheek. I deserved it. I figured it would help her getting-over process.
But then she dropped to the floor beside my car, sitting like some kid who just found out their mother is not buying what she had promised earlier that day.
"I never had a chance, did I?" She looked up to find my eyes. I sat in front of her, hugging my legs and resting my chin on my knees.
"Honestly, I have no idea what's going on in my head, all I know is, I really liked being around you, and you made me feel as if my feelings weren't all over the place." She touched the side of my leg, almost pitying me.
"I'm sorry if it made you feel like I was leading you on. Also, I really need you to know I wasn't sleeping with anyone else while we were together, or even before that, and after that for that matter." She laughed right on my face, I probably looked as lost as she was hurt, and for her, it seemed like an even situation.
"It's not your feelings that are all over the place, you know. It's your acceptance of them that are." I did not quite get it, so she went on.
"Babe, you really need to open your eyes and see that your professor slash neighbor slash friend and you yourself, are very much into each other, and very much in denial about wanting one another. I should've known better than to get in your bed, I knew it the moment I saw her waiting for you that first day we met."
I felt so guilty in that moment, and I am sure it was written all over my face.
Nay moved closer to sit side by side with me, putting her arm around my shoulder, while looking ahead to the sunset starting to show in front of us.
"Look, you're smart, and nice, and you really care about the people you let in your life, also... You're very hot." She bumped my side with hers, before continuing with a small smile on her face.
"That woman, she is so into you, and the worst part is, she's so adamant about not letting her feelings show, that she is with someone else just to cover that up."
Nay had never truly interacted with Cecilia—all their encounters were brief moments on the elevator. Which also meant she had never truly interacted with Miranda long enough to see I was no match for the doctor—who was rich, smart, and around the same age as the professor. Easy to see how hard it was to believe what Nay was saying.
I was brought back, by Nay's finger poking my cheek, "You okay, there? It feels like your brain just stopped working all together." That made me laugh, to me it seemed like it had been the other way around.
"You meant yours, for sure. Nay, Cecilia is dating a very smart, very rich, and very well-known neurologist, who also happens to look thirty-something even though she's on her forties, so you see, I'm a nobody, compared to her."
Could she really not see how insane what she was saying was? Was all I could think back then—until she spoke again, that is.
"I'm serious here, okay? I may not be close to her or her well-known doctor, but I've seen those two interacting, and every single time I saw them, they were either arguing or the doctor... Miranda's her name, right?" she asked but didn't wait for an answer.
"I'm pretty sure you're the 'hot brat friend' she was always complaining about to your professor, the same hot brat friend, Cecilia is always saying to this Miranda woman not to mess with, in a very protective tone." It was all a lot to take in, and she could also be pretty much wrong about it all, there was just no way to know for sure, and still I felt hopelessly falling for that crap.
And funny enough that was how my friend became my love interest, my love interest became my wingwoman and my neurologist became my competition. Because life is never easy when you are a lesbian.
After we talked, and sorted things out, Nay became almost as much of a close friend to me as Amy, which felt amazing. I was never one to make friends easily, so to now have two close friends I could confide on, was sort of a small miracle.
Also, it meant Nay was still coming over to mines frequently, just now, it was just as a friend. She had made it her personal mission to try and record the professor and the doctor's elevator arguments, just to prove a point.
She never quite got the chance to record it, though she did still get her chance to prove me she was not making anything up.
Yesterday, after we got back to my place from the mall, we ended up stuck with Cecilia and Miranda on the elevator.
I had never felt more uncomfortable than in that moment. Cecilia and I had not exchanged two words since that Friday, and Miranda and I had only talked about my treatment after I pretty much scolded her.
When the four of us got stuck together in the elevator, I felt like, out of desperation, I had managed enough willpower to order my body to die right then and there.
I could feel Nay was loving it, especially when she felt the elevator stop in between floors, meaning we would be there for a while.
Cecilia on the other hand, started to frantically hit the emergency button and before I could prevent it, Nay was introducing herself to Miranda, which led Cecilia to freeze on the spot.
"It seems like we'll be stuck here for a while. I'm Nay, by the way." She smiled nodding towards Miranda, "Miranda. You're Remi's girlfriend I assume." I rolled my eyes, always so nosy about my personal life. It was annoying.
"I wish." Nay had looked straight into Cecilia's eyes, before turning back to Miranda with a devilish smile playing on her lips. "You see, Miranda, we could say I fit the wingwoman criteria better than I do the girlfriend one."
From that comment on, I truly, honestly, started to pray in my head for the elevator to start moving again.
"My dear friend here is head over heels for this girl she met a few months ago, and they'd be the annoying cute couple we always see in movies if it wasn't for the fact the girl is dating someone else just to cover up how she really feels about dear sweet Remi here."
Needless to say, I wanted to die right there and then, and it would not be very hard to do so seeing as Miranda seemed ready to help me as she choked me to death with her glare.
After two seconds of the stare contest between us, I felt another pair of eyes on me.
When I turned a little bit to the left to stare back at them, I saw a very confused, hurt, and hopeful professor looking at me.
And just like that the elevator started moving again.
Miranda pretty much yanked Cecilia out of there as soon as the doors opened. I felt like a very torturous chapter of my life was ending and a new and brighter one was starting.
Once I got in my apartment though I made sure to slap Nay on the back of her head.
"What the fuck was that all about?" I asked even though I knew what she had intended to do with that.
"I needed to show you what was right in front of you. Whatever Cecilia painted to you 'bout their relationship, it's clear she lied, or at least left unsaid the part where her girlfriend can't even fathom to accept you two as friends, 'cause she can see she's losing big time to you."
Amy came out of nowhere, out of my room to be precise—I knew I should never had given her a key—, to chip in on the conversation, "You two better tell me what this is all about."
That was how my night ended up with my two friends gossiping about my failed love life, while I got back to my books to try and make sense of whatever it was Cecilia was teaching in class.
Remi
Funny how I thought the new chapter of my life would be a brighter one when it involved someone so afraid to follow her own heart, she ended up breaking three.