Josh was messing with my head.
It had been a few days since the meal with everyone and almost immediately I knew something was up with the way he was behaving. And then he just had to go and throw in the Shrek reference. On top of all that, I already knew via Oscar that he was watching kid's movies to impress me. What exactly was going on with him and why couldn't he just say it all to my face?
Josh's antics notwithstanding, I was still going to continue with Noah and give him the proper chance he deserved, despite the doubts lingering in my mind.
My second week at work was uneventful but enjoyable nonetheless. I barely saw Josh, though one evening when I returned from setting up the community hall for the following morning, I could perceive noises filtering from his apartment, making me wonder if he was babysitting Oscar that evening and watching another kid's movie with him.
Dinner on Friday night almost turned out exactly like the week prior with Josh making quips here or there, ensuring I had his undivided attention occasionally. Though he'd been adamant to drive me again, I had a plan. I'd already discussed it with Noah.
Maybe then I'd be able to determine whether Noah was truly the right guy for me or not.
During the week I'd missed seeing him and possibly I'd overcompensated that with messaging him more than usual. He didn't seem to mind, however. That I was thankful for because I don't think I've have been able to handle being dubbed clingy. Regardless, I missed him, and I missed his kisses and the way he held me sometimes.
In the middle of dinner, when he placed his hand on my thigh, I relished in the contact, shooting him an easy smile. Whether Josh noticed, I was unsure. Frankly, I didn't really care. Okay, that wasn't quite truthful. I was attempting not to care what Josh thought, but for some reason it continued to niggle at the back of my mind relentlessly.
Afterwards when we lingered in the parking lot, Raegan and Vincent waved at us before approaching Raegan's car. Josh gazed expectantly at me as he was clueless to the plan I had concocted with Noah. Shooting a quick signal to Noah to inform him to give me a few minutes, he nodded and settled himself in his car.
"I'm going back to Noah's," I told Josh.
Josh's face seemed to cloud over by darkness initially, his jaw clenching. His gaze rose above me and I suspected he was observing Noah before lowering to meet my eyes. His expression softened and he nodded.
"I'll see you later," was all he said.
Slightly dumbfounded, though I don't know what I expected anyway, I ambled to Noah and leaned over to kiss his cheek when I sunk into his car seat. He smiled at me but offered nothing verbally before we followed Josh out of the parking lot. I couldn't help but notice the way he harshly pulled out of the parking lot, ignoring the churning of my stomach. I honestly wasn't completely certain with myself about all of this.
Then Noah replicated the way Josh exited the parking lot, causing my heart to spike and adrenaline to rocket instantly through my body as I was forced back against the seat with the restraint of the seatbelt. A minor gasp escaped me, but it was drowned out by the screeching of the engine.
What the fuck was that about?
Was Noah jealous of Josh or was he trying to prove something? A part of me speculated whether Noah felt threatened by Josh, and as much as I wanted to dismiss that thought as ludicrous, it may have held some truth to it.
Okay, if he was, I could understand that. Josh was bigger than Noah was, and all of it was muscle which he wasn't afraid of flaunting like he was now with his form-fitting shirts with either short sleeves or no sleeves. And don't get me started on the skinny jeans he wears where they cling to his thighs.
There was everything right about Josh and everything wrong with me for checking him out so shamelessly while my boyfriend stood beside me.
Maybe I was just as bad as Josh. Actually, I think I could confirm that. I was as bad as Josh. There was no way I could possibly deny that.
Despite the qualms I experienced, I willingly followed Noah and continued to talk to him during the journey as if nothing was wrong. Well, I suppose much wasn't wrong. After last week when I confided in Josh that I didn't feel as though Noah was the guy for me, this past week has proven me wrong. Noah's been genuine with me and we call some evenings and talk before we go to bed.
I just wasn't experiencing that push that made me want to sleep with him.
That I suspected was just a barrier I would have to complete. How, I don't know.
At Noah's—a small but respectful two-up two-down house—he offered me a drink almost immediately. Accepting, I asked for a soda. When he returned to me in the lounge, I was astonished to see him clutching a bottle of beer, though I don't know why I expected different. He could drink whatever he desired.
Last time I was at Noah's house was my first time at his. We stuck on a movie after dinner and somehow ended up in his bed, though we barely took it past the stage of shedding our clothes, much less intimately touching one another. Clearly, I had some unresolved issues leeching onto me from my past, curling tightly around my bones and joints and manipulating their movements, but I just wasn't ready to fuck him.
And tonight, I was adhering to that same sentiment. I wasn't going to fuck Noah tonight.
We stuck on some random Netflix movie I didn't even bother learning the name of because it didn't seem that interesting before turning to one another. By this point Noah had quickly drained his bottle of beer while I'd only taken sips from the soda that were both deposited on the small coffee table in front of us.
Noah brazenly slipped his arm around my shoulders, creating a warm fluttering feeling to blossom in my stomach. As I turned to him, a blush creeping up to mar my cheeks, his lips twitched into a smirk before he leaned in.
His lips were soft against mine and while I abhorred the taste of beer, it wasn't overpowering enough for me to cease kissing him, even when he slipped his tongue through the seams of my lips and across my tongue. While one hand knotted in my hair, the other fell softly against my thigh just like he had done when we were in the Shake Shack. His hand seemed to sear against my scorching skin, but I cherished the contact as it tantalised me further.
Clueless to how long we'd been kissing for, he drew back, resting his forehead against mine and gazing at me through half-lidded eyes, almost obscuring his teal eyes completely, but not quite. Just a silver remained visible through his forest of long lashes. "You want to take it to my bedroom?" he asked hoarsely.
My gaze dipped a fraction and his erection was visibly straining through his jeans. The flush intensified against my skin. "Yes," I told him.
Slipping his hand into mine, he guided me away from the awful Netflix movie and to his bedroom, abandoning his empty beer bottle and my virtually full soda in the lounge. The voices filtering from the speakers in the lounge slowly began to recede as we ascended the stairs. When he shut the door after me, it almost drowned out their voices entirely. There was just a constant muffle emanating, incoherent and faint.
Noah dipped his head to kiss me slowly, pushing me back gently against the closed door. His hands pressed against my hips before his fingertips began to dig into my skin. As he parted his lips against mine, my hands reached up to cup his cheeks, grazing back until my fingers knotted in his hair. Despite the slightly sour taste of his lips and mouth, I loved the way he held me in his arms that were now snaking around my waist, drawing me away from the door and pressing his stomach flush against mine so my back arched.
Somewhere along the line, Noah was shuffling backwards until he fell back against the bed, my body collapsing into his. Before I could completely lose my balance, Noah shifted us so I was straddling his hips, our bodies perched on the edge of the bed.
With his muscular arms wrapped tightly around my body, he reclined back, our lips never parting. My hair curtained our faces until I felt his hands brush up from my back to my cheeks, parting my hair behind my ears. In the next second, our bodies had swapped positions, mine now writhing underneath his.
Leaning on his forearms, he settled himself between my legs. His lips lowered from mine to kiss along my jaw before leaving hot, open-mouthed kisses on my neck, eliciting small gasps from my lips.
In that moment, as his fingers skimmed my breasts, I wondered why on earth I'd missed out on this for so long with Noah. With his hands exploring my body it felt so heavenly and I desired to lap up every second of it. My mouth watered at the thought of what was yet to come.
It was only when his hand slid under the hem of my dress and immediately cupped my sex through my panties when all the air seemed to leave my body in that instance. My eyes widened and my body felt paralysed.
Why were we rushing it?
Rushing, for me, wasn't something I could deal with. Physically. After the wound that was five years ago cut my skin, I've been left untreated and have scarred. Rushing meant that all the memories of that night were resurfacing at alarming frequency and distinction.
"Noah," I whispered, squirming in a vain attempt to lose his hand on me.
He nestled his face into my neck, his hot breath smacking against my skin. It made me wince, suddenly wondering how I could have ever desired more mere seconds prior to his hand placement.
He groaned against my neck, pressing his hand harder against my sex before dragging his fingers across my clit through my panties.
I had to bite my lip in pain.
I wanted so desperately to give him the benefit of the doubt here. Maybe he didn't realise it was hurting me and that it was making me feel uncomfortable. When I whispered his name, maybe he believed it was me moaning. I should have been clearer with what I said. So I tried again.
I made myself and my intention clearer. "Noah, I can't do this. Please."
A groan rumbled through his body, vibrating against mine. "I promise it'll feel good, Madeline. Just relax."
He dragged his finger again before covering my body almost completely with his. Suddenly I felt like I was trapped, and I was about to fucking lose it.
It was so fucking difficult to breathe. My chest felt heavy as though there was a billion-kilogram weight pressed against it. My stomach struggled to expand and deflate, and my skin was becoming flushed. It was getting too hot in here. So fucking hot. My body was writhing and squirming with evident discomfort, small gasps escaping me as that was all I could manage in regard to breathing.
I was blinking furiously, images flashing in front of me. It flashed from Noah with his lips parted and eyes shut to my fucking algebra homework and the stuffy, suffocating feeling of being clammy under my duvet, screams begging to be released. Thumps echoed in my mind—a memory or my blood thrashing in my head and against my ears? Or my heart pounding against my chest? Could Noah not feel it?
He dragged his finger harder against my clit.
This time, I shrieked.
With a spike of adrenaline rocketing through my body, I was able to push Noah's body off mine after several failed attempts. He lost his balance from resting on his forearms and slipped off the edge of the bed, muttering a string of profanities as he collapsed to the ground in a heap of limbs.
I pushed myself off the bed, falling onto quivering legs and stumbling to clear Noah's body. He sat up immediately as I neared his bedroom door, my eyes still wide and perspiration leaking across my forehead. My hands felt clammy and my skin felt flushed.
The memories of the algebra homework and distant thumping were slowly receding from my mind. I was going to be okay. That's just what I had to keep chorusing to myself. Those were just memories.
They couldn't hurt me. Not really. Not anymore.
"Madeline, what happened?" Noah asked, a hint of concern traced in his voice, though it was heavily outweighed by the annoyance he failed to disguise.
"I – I," I stuttered, unable to form actual words and convey my trepidation and fear into a confession.
I couldn't tell him about what happened five years ago. That much was evident.
"I thought you wanted it." This time, his voice took on a hard edge as he draped his arm over his bed, still sat on the floor. "You can't just lead me on and then suddenly decide to stop. I've been going so fucking slow for you for almost two months and you're not giving me anything. I deserve something, don't you agree?"
I swear my jaw hit the floor at his outburst-fuelled declaration. For the second time tonight, all the air vacated my body. In that moment, I became acutely aware at how much my ankles were beginning to throb from my heels I was still wearing and that perhaps my dress was bunched around my thighs.
After a long pregnant pause, Noah seemed to realise his mistake with his words and his face crumpled. "Shit. I'm sorry, Madeline. I didn't mean it like that, okay?"
"I can't do this," I managed to whisper, but with the way he was planting his face in his palms and rubbing at his skin, I don't think he heard me.
When he raised his face, my body still securely close to the door so I could make a quick getaway while he struggled to stand up, he continued with his apology, but I knew it was much too late to take back what he said. "Talk to me. I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry. I just thought... I'm a jerk, I get it."
"I can't do this, Noah. I can't do any of this with you." My words were rushed, and I was so fucking breathless, but I had to keep talking. I had to say everything. "I don't think we should see one another again. I'm sorry, but I need to go."
Without waiting for anything else from him, I burst through his bedroom door and scurried down the stairs, snagging my small clutch from the sofa where I'd abandoned it before I was battling to open his front door. Clumsily I stumbled outside, shutting his front door behind me. I managed to jog halfway down the sidewalk from his house when I faltered to a standstill.
Noah hadn't raced after me.
For that, I was thankful.
Attempting to regulate my breathing and slow my heartbeat down to a normal pace, I flattened myself against the wall that bordered a nameless stranger's house. The crisp evening air cooled my skin, evaporating the thin sheen of perspiration that I hadn't realised had been released.
When I knew the memories of algebra homework and thumping noises were the farthest thing from my mind, I rummaged through my clutch to extract my phone. It was later than I expected, but I didn't hesitate with my following action. I did the first thing I thought of.
I called Josh.
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Author's Note:
How did you guys feel about this chapter??? What do you guys think Madeline's memory of 5 years ago is about with the algebra homework?? And how do you guys think Josh is going to react in the next chapter?? Stay tuned to find out!!!
PS I was meant to update yesterday but I've been so busy this past week (I'm in my final year of university so I'm flooded with writing my dissertation and conducting experiments/tests for it lmao) but hopefully can get back on track with editing this story to post for you guys! Also trying to get ahead on writing my new story outside of Wattpad so it's ready in time for when this story finishes lmao :)))))
Thank you :) x