I can see her falling for you, just like I did
27th January 2013
I twisted and turned, the sheets getting tangled between my legs. I buried my face further into the pillow and pulled the sheets above my head but it was no use. I just couldn't get back to sleep.
The sunlight that streamed through my bedroom window was determined to get me out of bed. Oh, how I wish I hadn't been so drunk last night that I forgot to pull close the blinds. I would do anything to get back to sleep right now, desperate to escape the reality that had dawned on me last night.
Even though I was wide awake, I stayed in bed. It was nice, peaceful with only the light buzz of the New York traffic outside. I had grown so accustomed to it that I was able to drown out the sound.
If not for the thoughts whizzing around in my head, it would have been perfect. It would have been more than perfect if Caylus were here with me right now, but knowing him, he had probably gone back with Taylor to her apartment.
They would have spent half the night making passionate love, and the other half asleep, wrapped up in each other's arms. How perfect for them, I couldn't help but think bitterly even though I knew it was not their fault.
It was no one's fault that Caylus didn't love me back. Not even his.
I couldn't force something that wasn't there, despite how much I was desperate to do just this.
I can't help but daydream about him all day and now I lie awake at night, too, just thinking about him and what we could have been. He would always plague my mind and own my heart. It had been like that my whole life.
A tormented sigh escaped me. I was awake and couldn't get back to sleep. I cursed the sun and its rays of sunshine once again. At least when I was asleep, I wouldn't be thinking about him, though I suspected that he reigned my dreams just as he did my life when I was awake and conscious.
The clock on my phone read 11.16 am.
This was later than I was used to waking up. Though I had drank a substantial amount of alcohol last night. I was just glad that Ashley had forced us all to eat some food at a nearby 24-hour burger place before we headed home for the night. While my head was still buzzing a little, it was definitely much better than a ranging hangover that would dictate my whole day.
Pulling open the top drawer of my bedside cabinet, I popped two painkillers into my mouth and washed them down with the water from the water bottle that I always kept on my bedside table.
Pulling back the covers and swinging my legs over the side of the bed, I couldn't help but wander if Caylus was home. Slipping my feet into the cute bunny slippers he had gotten for me a couple of weeks ago, I wondered if he had spent the night at her place or if he had come home alone. How I wished the latter was true.
Judging by the blanket of silence that resonated through the apartment, he was either still asleep, or he wasn't home. This time, I wished the latter wasn't true.
Ready to hurt my own feelings, I grabbed some pain killers for Caylus as well as a new bottle of water from the fridge. If he was in, then I would leave them on his bedside table and leave. But if he wasn't in, then I wasn't sure what I would do. Not that there was anything that I could do.
Knocking on the door with the hangover supplied in hand, I waited for an answer. When there was none, I knocked again and waited briefly before opening the door.
I didn't know then but less than a moment later I would have sincerely wished that I hadn't even bothered in the first place.
Surprisingly, he was home, but what came as even more of a surprise was that he wasn't alone.
Caylus never brought girls home, so that was not something that I had considered before entering his room this morning.
He lay wide awake with his chest exposed, spooning the same blonde from last night – Taylor, him being the big spoon. He must have been so engrossed in watching her sleep that he hadn't heard me knocking on the door.
Either way, I was majorly embarrassed.
The whole situation was absolutely mortifying. If I walked away now then that would lead to a very awkward conversation with Caylus later. But if I stayed a few moments now, then I would have too stand here knowing that they had slept together last night, and in the room next to mine as well. That just made things much worse.
I was hurt and surprised at the same time. But I also felt bad. I should have knocked louder, or knocked more, for that matter. I never should have thought about bringing him some painkillers for his hangover under the ruse of checking to see if he was home or not, or even opened his door like that.
I felt bad, and it was evident with the way the words came rushing out of my mouth. "I'm sorry." I apologised. "I knocked but," my voice trailed off, suddenly parched.
Caylus sat up in bed, making sure that they covered his female companion. If I wasn't so mortified then I would have been surprised that she hadn't awoken yet. "It's okay, you didn't know." He offered a small smile, his face reddening just slightly. "Are those painkillers?"
I winced visibly. "Let me leave these with you and I'll leave."
I left the tray on his bedside table and left the room quickly before closing the door behind me. I didn't dare look back.
It was a hidden blessing that Taylor wasn't awake to see me embarrass myself like that.
I went to the kitchen, holding onto the black marble worktops to stop my legs from giving way. I was feeling so much at once.
I was embarrassed at what I had just seen though I was happy for Caylus. Ultimately, he was my best friend and I wanted him to be happy, especially after seeing the way he was infatuated with her last night. Though I couldn't help but wish that it had been that he was spending so much time with last night in the club. I wished that he was spending the morning in bed with me, and not with her. I barely knew anything about Taylor, yet I found myself extremely envious of her, just because she had managed to catch Caylus' attention and not me.
They may have just met for the first-time last night but it seems that they are really happy together. With the way they were looking at each other, anyone would assume that they had been involved for a long time. It wasn't even like Caylus knew that I was in love with him. I had never been able to gather the courage to tell him that, and now with Taylor around – and by the looks of things, she would definitely be around more often – I doubted I would ever be brave enough to do so.
In hopes of distracting myself and the whirlwind of thoughts and emotions that I was undergoing, I started breakfast. A big English breakfast would be a great way to say sorry and move past it all.
I was in the midst of making scrambled eggs when Caylus came into the kitchen. This time, he was fully dressed in pyjama bottoms and a top. Good. That made things less awkward.
He pinched a sausage from the ones that I had already made and leaned against the counter next to me as he ate it.
"Someone's hungry." I noted aloud, a teasing smile on my face.
He couldn't help but grin. "Yeah, I'm starving." He grumbled.
I raised an eyebrow in question and laughed. While I did find it funny, it stung.
He cut me off. "About before, don't sweat it. It's not like you knew what was behind that door anyway." He shrugged and pinched another sausage.
We both laughed at that but mine was more half-heartedly, not that he noticed.
I divided the scrambled eggs onto three plates. "So, what happened last night?" My tone was light, not really giving away that I was prying.
"I don't kiss and tell."
I placed the pan that I had used to make breakfast, in the sink and ran it under some water. One of us would wash it after breakfast. "By the looks of things, it looks like you guys did more than just kiss."
"Nothing happened."
"Didn't look like nothing to me."
He three his head back and laughed. "Nothing gets passed you, huh?" He chuckled. "You're right. We might have done more than just kiss." He grinned. "We had sex." He finally admitted. Caylus did always like building suspense; he was dramatic that way.
"No, shit!" I rolled my eyes.
He grinned and shoved my shoulder. "I really like her. She's special. I feel like we really connected like night and that doesn't happen often for me." He had a goofy grin on her face. "She agreed to go out with me tonight."
"That's exciting." I grinned, even though I didn't feel like grinning. "Where are you taking her?"
He looked me at me sheepishly. "I was hoping you could help me with that. I just want to get to know her some more."
"You should take her out for dinner. Perhaps get a secluded booth or table so you could really be alone and get to know each other." The words felt like sandpaper in my throat. "Maybe you could take a walk later."
"That sounds nice. You think she'll like it."
"Yes." I didn't know if Taylor enjoyed that sort of thing, but I knew I did. But he wasn't taking me out. "Maybe you could take her to Bella's?" It was my favourite restaurant.
"They're food is great."
"Yeah. She should like it there."
"Thanks." He gave me a hug, pinched a piece of bacon and retreated back to his room to wake Taylor up so we could all have breakfast together.
I exhaled. I was happy for him, I truly was. But I felt so unhappy inside. I wanted Caylus to be happy, even if it wasn't with me. But it truly saddened me that I couldn't make him happy the way he needed.
His happiness was my pain.
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NOTE - not edited
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Layla Knight
14.02.2020