"Doctor! Seer!" Clara shouts.
"She's asking for a doctor" a crowd gathers to watch Clara jumping in the air.
"Doctor! Seer!"
"Now then, that's enough noise. We don't want to attract attention, do we?" Jenny asks.
"I'm looking for the Doctor and the Seer. Do you know about them? The Doctor and the Seer?"
"Doctor and Seer who?"
*Vastra's home*
"Do not attempt to escape or you will be obliterated! May I take your coat?" Strax asks, Clara hands him her coat, Vastra is in the conservatory, sitting in a peacock chair and surrounded by exotic greenery.
"Sit," Jenny says.
"There are two refreshments in your world the colour of red wine. This is not red wine" Vastra says.
"Madame Vastra will ask you questions. You will confine yourself to single word responses. One word only, do you understand?" Jenny asks.
"Why?" Clara asks.
"Truth is singular. Lies are words, words, words. You met the Doctor and the Seer, didn't you?" Vastra asks.
"Yes."
"And now you've come looking for them again. Why?"
"Take your time. One word only" Jenny says.
"Curiosity" Clara replies.
"Snow."
"And about them?"
"Yes."
"What do you want from them?"
"Help."
"Why?"
"Danger."
"Why would they help you?"
"Kindness."
"The Doctor and the Seer are not kind."
"No?"
"No. The Doctor and the Seer don't help people. Not anyone, not ever. They stand above this world and doesn't interfere in the affairs of its inhabitants. They are not your salvation, nor your protectors. Do you understand what I am saying to you?"
"Words."
"They were different once, a long time ago. Kind, yes. Hero's, even. Savers of worlds. But they suffered losses which hurt them. Now they prefer isolation to the possibility of pain's return. Kindly choose a word to indicate your understanding of this."
"Man."
"We are the Doctor and the Seer's friends. We assist them in their isolation but that does not mean we approve of it. So, a test for you. Give me a message for them. Tell them all about the snow and what fresh danger you believe it presents, and above all, explain why they should help you. But do it in one word. You're thinking it is impossible that such a word exists, or that you could even find it. Let's see if the gods are with you."
*TARDIS*
The telephone rings. The Doctor answers it, I look up at him as I was currently sitting on the floor.
"Yes? What? We're trying to read" the Doctor says.
"Miss Clara and her concerns about the snow. I gave her the one-word test."
"That's always pointless. What did she say? Well? Well?"
"Pond. Strax has already suggested where to start investigating.
*Institute*
"Danger. Danger."
"What's wrong?"
"There is danger here. An intelligence. An intelligence beyond anything else in this time and place."
"Doctor Simeon, sir. There are two people demanding to see you."
"No callers, not in here, not ever. Did they leave their name?"
"Sir, it's Sherlock Holmes" a figure in a hat, cape, walking cane, and with a Meerschaum pipe, unlit walks in followed by another figure.
"Oh, nice office. Big globey thing. Now, shut up, don't tell me! I see from your collar stud you have an apple tree and a wife with a limp. Am I right?" the Doctor asks.
"No" Simeon replies, I shake my head.
"Do you have a wife?" the Doctor asks.
"No."
"Bit of a tree? Bit of a wife? Some apples? Come on, work with me here" the Doctor says.
"I enjoy The Strand magazine as much as the next man, but I am perfectly aware that Sherlock Holmes is a fictional character. Get out!"
"Do you have a goldfish named Colin?" the Doctor asks.
"No" the servant replies.
"Thought not. Now, ooo. I see this is one of your business cards. It says so on the front" the Doctor takes the card from my hands.
"Who are you two, and what are you doing here?"
"This. Wakey, wakey!" the Doctor hits the globe with his cane.
"That is highly valuable equipment. You must step away now" I walk up to the Doctor.
"We are the Intelligence."
"Ooo. Talking snow. We love new things" I say.
"You both are not of this world."
"Takes one to snow one" I look at him.
"Right, let's see. Multi-nucleate crystalline organism with the ability to mimic and mirror what it finds. Looks like snow. Isn't snow."
"You both must leave here now."
"Shut up, we're making deductions. It's very exciting" the Doctor says.
"Now, what are you, eh? A flock of space crystals? A swarm? The snowmen are foot soldiers, mindless predators" I say.
"But you, you're the clever one. You're Moriarty. So, you turn up on a planet, you generate a telepathic field to learn what you can, and when you've learnt enough, what do you do? You can't conquer the world using snowmen. Snowmen are rubbish in July. You'll have to be better than that. You'll have to evolve" the Doctor says, while the Doctor was talking, I had soniced the doors locked.
"Sir, it appears to be stuck!" the servant says.
"What have you done? Have you locked the doors?"
"You need to translate yourself into something more, well, human" I say.
"Kick it down," Simeon says to the servant.
"To do that you'd need a perfect duplicate of human DNA in ice form. Where do you find that?" the Doctor asks.
"Sir?"
"Get in here, quickly!"
"I've got a master key somewhere, sir."
"Now, let's see. Most opened file, most viewed page" I say tossing Simeon's scrapbook in the air, and it lands open at a newspaper cutting headed Tragedy at Darkover House "you know, you really should delete your history. Governess frozen in a pond. Gotcha!"
"Got it, sir!"
"Get in here! Take them downstairs" but the Doctor and I have already left by the French windows.
*Outside Darkover House*
"Body frozen in a pond. The snow gets a good long look at a human being, like a full body scan. Everything they need to evolve. Pond. Good point, Clara. What are you doing here?" the Doctor asks turning around to look at Strax who is holding an alien weapon.
"Madame Vastra wondered if you two were needing any grenades?"
"Grenades?" I ask.
"She might have said help."
"Help for what?"
"Well, your investigation."
"Investigation? Who says we're investigating? Do you think we're going to start investigating just because some bird smiles at us? Who do you think we are? The Doctor asks.
"Sherlock Holmes."
"Don't be clever, Strax. It doesn't suit you" I whisper.
"We're the clever ones, you're the potato one," the Doctor says
"Yes, sir."
"Now go away."
"Yes, Mister Holmes" Strax starts laughing.
"Oi! Shut up. You're not clever or funny and you've got tiny little legs!" the Doctor shouts to Strax who's walking away, we see Clara watching from a window. She waves and we wave back, and the Doctor turns away.
"Ok, just tell her you're both leaving, you're not going up. Leaving. Not going up" the Doctor turns back around, but his hand says five and gives the thumbs up "what was that about? Five minutes, where did that come from? You" I chuckle as we leave the pond, and the ice begins to crack.
"Am I going to have the nightmare tonight?" Francesca asks.
"How do you know?"
"Because someone's coming to help."
"Who?"
"You wouldn't believe me if I told you."
"Is it one of your stories? Your definitely true ones?"
"Ha! All my stories are true."
"Like how you were born behind the clock face of Big Ben?" Digby asks.
"Accounting for my acute sense of time," Clara says.
"And you invented fish," Francesca says.
"Because I dislike swimming alone."
"So, what's this one?" Digby asks.
"There's a man called the Doctor and a woman called the Seer. They live on a cloud in the sky, and all they do, all day every day, is to stop all the children in the world ever having bad dreams" Clara explains.
"I've been having bad dreams," Francesca says looking down at her hands.
"They've been on holidays. But I am confident they have now returned to work. And as a matter of fact, their right here" the candle flickers as the door opens "aren't you, Doctor? Seer?" a woman made of ice enters. The children scream "bloomin' hell!"
"The children have been very naughty."
"Get back. Now. Quickly" Clara says.
"You're doing your other voice," Digby says.
"Yes love, did you notice?"
"Naughty, naughty children."
"Run!"
"What do we do?" Digby asks.
"In your head. Melt her."
"Franny, Franny, imagine her melting," Clara says.
"What?"
"I can't!"
"I'm getting impatient!" the ice women forces the adjoining door open "you have been very naughty!"
"What about the man and women? You said the man and women were here, the cloud man and woman" Digby says.
"Well, they're not, are they?" Clara responds.
"Where's the Doctor and the Seer?"
"I don't know!"
"Doctor? Seer? Doctor who?" the Punch puppet aims the sonic screwdriver at the Ice Governess, who shatters, the Doctor and I pop up "that's the way to do it" Punch kisses the Doctor "Oi. Ow" I shake my head.
"Where did she go? Will she come back?" Francesca asks.
"No, don't worry. She's currently draining through your carpet. New setting. Anti-freeze. And you're very welcome, by the way," I say.
"I'm very grateful. I knew you'd both come" Clara says.
"No, you didn't, because we don't. Because this isn't the sort of thing we do anymore. Next time you're in trouble, don't expect us to..." the Doctor is distracted by his reflection in a mirror.
"What is it? What's wrong?" Clara asks.
"Sorry, it's just. Didn't know I'd put it on" he straightens his bow tie, while ice forms on the windows "old habits."
"It's cooler," Clara says.
"Yeah, it is, isn't it? It is very cool. Bow ties are cool" the Doctor says.
"No, the room. The room's getting colder" a bulge forms in the carpet.
"She's coming back!" Digby says.
"What's she going to do? Is she going to punish me?" Francesca asks.
"Er, er, she's learnt not to melt. Of course, she's not really a governess, she's just a beast" I say.
"She's going to eat you. Run" the Doctor says, they run down the stairs.
"Children, what is the expla... Who the devil are you two? What are you doing in my house?" Latimer asks.
"It's ok. We're your governess' friends, and we've just been upstairs..." the Doctor looks to me.
"Kissing! Yep..." I whisper the last part nodding.
"Captain Latimer. In the garden, there are snowmen! And they're just growing out of nowhere, all by themselves. Look!" Alice runs through ringing a bell she goes to the front door to answer it.
"Good evening. I'm a Lizard Woman from the Dawn of Time, and this is my wife" Vastra says, Alice screams and runs into Strax.
"This dwelling is under attack. Remain calm, human scum" Alice screams and faints.
"So, any questions?" I ask.
"You have a gentleman friend?" Latimer asks looking at Clara who sighs.
"Vastra, what's happening?" the Doctor asks as he and I run to the window.
"The snow is highly localised, and on this occasion not naturally occurring."
"It's coming out of that cab parked by the gates," Jenny says.
"Ma'am. Sir, one pulver grenade would blow these snowmen to smithereens" Strax says.
"They're made of snow, Strax. They're already smithereens" I say.
"See, Clara? Our friends again" the Doctor says.
"Clara? Who's Clara?" Latimer asks.
"Your current governess is, in reality, a former barmaid called Clara" I reply.
"That's the way to do it!"
"Meanwhile your previous governess is now a living ice sculpture impersonating Mister Punch. Jenny, what have you got?" I ask looking at her, Jenny throws a little ball that creates a forcefield at the top of the stairs.
"That should hold it."
"Ma'am, Sir, this room. One observational window on the line of attack and one defendable entrance" Strax says.
"Right, everyone in there. Now. Move it. You, carry her" the Doctor says.
"Nice to see you two off your cloud and engaging again," Vastra says.
"We're not engaging again, we're under attack," the Doctor says.
"You both missed this, didn't you?" the governess batters against the forcefield.
"Shut up" the Doctor, Vastra and I run into the study.
"Strax, how long have we got?" I ask.
"They're not going to attack. They made no attempt to conceal their arrival. An attack force would never abandon surprise so easily, and they're clearly in a defence formation."
"Way, aye, aye. Well done, Straxy. Still got it, buddy" the Doctor kisses Strax on the top of the head.
"Sir, please do not noogie me during combat prep."
"So, there's something here they want," Vastra says.
"The ice woman," Clara says.
"Exactly," the Doctor says.
"Why's she so important?" Jenny asks.
"Because she's a perfect duplication of human DNA in ice crystal form. The ultimate fusion of snow and humanity. To live here, the snow needs to evolve and she's the blueprint. She's what they need to become. When the snow melted last night, did the pond?" I ask.
"No" Clara responds.
"Living ice that will never melt. If the snow gets hold of that creature on the stairs, it will learn to make more of them. It will build an army of ice. And it will be the last day of humanity on this planet" the Doctor says, the doorbell rings "stay here" the Doctor and I walk out followed by Clara "oi, I told you to stay in there."
"Oh, I didn't listen."
"You do that a lot?" I ask.
"It's why you like me," Clara says looking at me, I squint stepping back.
"Who said I like you?" I ask, as Clara comes face to face with me and kisses me, the Doctor looks down.
"I think you just did."
"You kissed me" I say.
"You blushed."
"And we just."
"Shut up," the Doctor says as he opens the front door.
"Release her to us. You have five minutes" Simeon says and turns away, the Doctor closes the door.
"We need to get her out of here but keep her away from them" I say.
"How?" Clara asks, the Doctor takes an umbrella from the stand.
"With this. Do I always have to state the obvious?"
"Those creatures outside, what are they?" Latimer asks.
"No danger to you, as long as we get that thing out of here. You, in there, now" the Doctor says as I go up the stairs and sonics the forcefield.
"What are you doing?" Clara asks.
"Between us three, we can't wait to find out," the Doctor says as he pulls Clara up to me, the forcefield turns off then reforms behind them.
"Right, if you look after everyone here, then I can. Clara!"
"Doctor" we all duck under the Governesses arms and run up the stairs.
"That was stupid" I say.
"You were stupid, too."
"I'm allowed. I'm good at stupid."
"That's the way to do it!"
"Why does she keep saying that?" Clara asks.
"Mirroring. Random mirroring. We need to get on the roof" the Doctor says.
"This way!" Clara says grabbing my hand.
"No, I do the hand grabbing. That's my job. That's always me!" the Doctor shouts.