It was almost a pleasure seeing the boring white and red building of John Harmon High on Monday morning. Even though the dreary event of my mother's death anniversary was coming this week, I couldn't help feeling a little happy to come to school. Leaving aside the hell that Parker and his friends might put me through, I had the joy of looking forward my friends, Hanna, Jackson and surprisingly, Blake, who still doesn't see that I'm nothing, but a lost cause.
I shouldered my messenger bag and walked in through the blue door, into the blissful chaos of Monday morning, with the chatter of people exchanging their memories of the weekend, or lack of thereof and the sleepy complains of other people, who just couldn't be bothered to get up today.
Hanna was near my locker, talking to Jackson. As soon as I came up, she turned to me. "What actually happened when Parker left the party shirtless, behind you?" she asked, concern and amusement in her voice. I looked to Jackson for help, but he just shrugged, smiled and nodded for me to give him girlfriend an answer. She was probably bugging him about it all weekend.
"Nothing," I told her, putting my books into my locker, "He just came and turned off the tap for the water tank, like he usually does when my dad's not around."
Hanna eyed me, but she didn't say anything. "Fine," she sighed, "But next time, you're calling me and telling me everything, right after it happens, OK?"
"OK," I nodded to her, smiling, as she walked away, giving me the signal that her eyes were on me. I made a mental note to actually tell her, since I'd been putting off boring her with bits and pieces of my hardly exciting life. I turned to see Eric, staring at me from across the hall, the smuggest grin I've ever seen him where plastered on his face, eye-humping me like the world would end this very moment. I rolled my eyes, disgusted by him, wondering what it took to change a guy like that.
"Hey, Blue Eyes," Blake said, coming up to me, smiling looking way too bright for a Monday morning.
I eyed him suspiciously, a smile on my face. "What's got you so happy?" I asked him.
"What's not to be happy about?" he countered, "Sun's shining, the bird's chirping and you're here."
I blushed and ducked my head, hoping he didn't see the colour of my cheeks change almost instantaneously. "Hey, I've got to run and meet coach," he told me, like he hadn't just flirted with me, "I'll catch you in class, OK?"
"OK," I nodded.
"Great. Bye, Alex," he said, placing a hand on my shoulder, making shocks run through it.
That's new.
I took my books out and started walking to class, when Dylan's voice caught me. "Hey, Alex," he called from across the hall, "That was great."
He ducked his head down to meet Bryce's and both of them laughed. I was confused and Eric was nowhere in sight to actually do the explaining to me in his crass manner. I shook my head and walked off to class, leaving the two cackling hyenas behind me. I went to class and sat down, suddenly wishing that today would be over soon just because of two of the most childish people in the Senior class.
Morning announcements took up the most time of homeroom, and everyone basically ignored Principal Wilkins unless he had something exciting to say, which was almost never. Today, however, there was a jump in his voice, which meant that either he was going to drop a bomb on us, or there was something that was going to happen.
"And finally, I'd like to remind the Senior class that they are required to do some fundraising for the senior class trip and what not," he drawled to us, an unusual kick in his tone, "And this weekend, we will be hosting a car wash and we hope to see all the seniors there for some fun in the sun."
He laughed at his little rhyming joke, but it was drowned out in almost every senior in the school whooping about another excuse to get out of the house and not do homework. All the cheerleaders were excitedly whispering about the bikini shopping they got to do this week. I rolled my eyes, turning to Hanna, who gave me an excited smile. I caught Blake's eye and he smiled at me, winking. I smiled back.
"OK, people," Mr. Porter droned from the front of the classroom, "Let's settle down and take attendance, shall we?"
*
Lunch rolled around, taking it's own sweet time, like there weren't thousands of ravenous teenagers staring at the clock behind their teachers' heads, waiting for it to go just one more - just one. I practically threw myself out of the class when the bell rang and made a hasty beeline for my locker, shoving all my books in where I could find space. I heard chuckling from my side. Blake was standing there, laughing at my haste.
"Where are your books?" I demanded.
"In my locker," he grinned. I rolled my eyes and slammed my locker door shut. I didn't get to go very far because Dylan's voice caught up to me again.
"Hey, Alex."
I stopped and turned, waiting for him to say something. He and Bryce looked like they'd just got knighted. "What?" I snapped.
"Why so snappy?" Dylan had the gaul to ask, "I'd think you would be happier after the weekend you had."
"Excuse me?" I asked, placing my hands on my hips, cocking an eyebrow to them.
"Like you could ever forget," Bryce said, chuckling. I was aware, now, that people were listening, while horribly trying to hide the fact that they were listening. Beside me, Blake seemed intensely curious to see what they were talking about. So was I.
"Forget what, Bryce?" I demanded.
"How Dylan and I made your night the other day. All. Night. Long," he replied, smoothly in a voice loud enough for everyone, who had stopped their conversations, to hear, a smug smirk adorning his face. Realization suddenly dawned on me, and I understood what they were implying. I gasped, my mouth dropping open.
"What the hell -" I couldn't even think of anything to tell them, I was so disgusted. There was a stinging behind my eyes, but I wouldn't let them have the satisfaction of seeing me cry.
"Oh, we'll never forget it, either," Dylan assured me, leaning against his locker, "Your voice when you said my name. Damn! Music to my ears."
I bit down on my lip, knowing that I wouldn't be able to stand it any longer. I brushed past everyone in the hallway and headed for the stairs. I could hear the faint laughs of some people. I didn't even want to think of the expression on Blake's face. As soon as my foot hit the first stair, I broke into a run, climbing two steps each until I reached the third floor. I hardly even registered the panting and the speeding of my heart. No one went to the bathroom on the third floor because it was just too far away. That was the perfect place for me to gain some kind of solitude.
I burst in through the door, tears freely falling because I had absolutely no control over them now, but it seemed like I wasn't the only one who was acquainted with the fact that the third floor ladies room was a private place, because there, in complete lip lock were Parker and Chanel. Parker almost looked like he was struggling for air beneath Chanel as she had him pinned to a sink as she stood between his legs, pressing herself to him, one hand on the wall behind them. Parker had his hands on her waist.
When they heard the door, they pulled away. My heart did a weird flop in chest, like it dropped to my stomach and shattered all over the floor. My tears accelerated in their suicide drop down my cheeks, onto my chin and finally on to the floor to be a companion to the pieces of my heart that it would find down there. I never knew my heart could hurt me so much.
As soon as they saw me, I turned on my heel and left, but not before I caught Chanel's smug smile. She had the upper hand. She looked fabulous and she was making out with the hottest guy in school, while I had rushed into the toilet to pour out tears on to my shirt and I probably looked like a mess. I knew where I had to go, though. I ran across the hall into the boys' room, rushed into a stall and locked myself inside. I slid down the wall on to the floor, wrapping my arms around myself, in the hopes of protecting myself as I shook from the shame and from the shock I had encountered, all within a very short time frame.
Tears fell in waterfall of salt and emotion, blurring my view, wave after wave, forming freshly every time some drenched my shirt. My breath was shallow and my nose was starting to run. I probably looked like a swollen rose-apple. I broke off a tissue and held it up to my nose and blew, hoping to rid some of the heartache with it. It was impossible.
"Alex!" I heard Parker's deep voice echo through the empty walls of the boys' room, resonating into my heart, forming fresh tears. I breathing hitched and my hiccups stopped. I stayed quiet, not knowing what to do.
"Alex, come out," Parker urged.
I tore off another tissue and blew my nose. I pushed myself to my feet, wiped the tears off my face, trying to gulp down the lump in my throat that threatened to bring me more tears and unlocked the door. I kept my head down as I emerged from the stall.
"Why in God's name are you crying in the boys' room? Are you freaking out of your mind?" he asked me, standing a few feet away from me. There was no coldness in his voice, but there wasn't concern or sympathy either. I didn't respond.
"For God's sake, look at me," he demanded and slowly, I raised my head to look at him. His brows were knitted together, clouding his eyes, his jaw was set and his mouth was slightly turned down.
"What are you doing in here looking like that?" he asked me, not making any efforts to comfort me, console me or even ask me what's wrong. That brought a whole new strain to my composure and tears fell without a warning as my mind took me back to the image of him and Chanel.
"Why don't you ask your friends, Parker?" I asked him, flatly, trying to show him that I had no emotion towards him, just like he had indifference towards me, tired of him hurting me and not wanting him to see me cry, "Just get out, Parker. It's not like you care, anyway."
Without waiting for a response, I turned around and walked back into the stall, locking myself inside it. Parker didn't make any effort to try and get me out of there or console me like he used to.
There was a time, all through elementary and middle school, when guys with bad intentions wouldn't come near me because of Parker. He never knew it, but he had always had the respect of his classmates. Everyone, even the nerds, didn't hang on to every word of his because he was good looking. It was because he was a stand up guy, always wanting to do the right thing; always wanting justice.
Tears fell all over again at my memory, drowning me in my own tears. Life was playing its cruel game and I was hopelessly losing. Everything about today made me cry. I had so wanted this day to be good. I had wanted to be happy when I visited my mother's grave on Wednesday and not a wreck of a daughter.
Over and over I broke down, but it was hardly because Dylan and Bryce and played a cruel, childish, vulgar trick on me, but because the one person I had counted on the most in my life; the one person who had promised over and over again to always be there for me no matter what, was gone. In that moment, I knew, as I wept hopelessly into my own lap, that I had crossed a line I never even knew I had come to in the first place. I knew.
I was hopelessly in love with Parker.
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