"To my dearest sons,
"If you are reading this, then God must have taken me. I hope with my passing, you do not mourn too much and were able to settle affairs as quick and efficient as possible. With Silas and Tobias there, I believe there would be no problems.
"However, before I bless one of you with the title, I want to make it clear that I love every one of you and consider you my own blood and flesh.
"To Silas: my eldest son, I've always seen my Father in you. A stern, wise, yet unhappy man. You strive to meet the expectations required of you and in return, forgo your own feelings and likes. While raising you, with my own Father peering over my shoulder, I questioned and doubted myself many times if you would be happy as an adult. Now that you are one and I'm not by your side, I want you to focus on the things that you truly want, not those easily labeled by society as success or happiness.
"To Tobias: my second son, I've always seen myself in you. If Silas accepted Father's teachings, you were like me—you feared it. We grew up somewhere on the line of society and on the line of being men who only concentrated on wealth and status. We were confused, and I felt sorry when I saw you. I always wondered if I could've changed the way you grew up and helped you live the life I unconsciously desired.
"To Eugene: my third son, my nephew, you have no idea how much of a joy it was to raise you. With the tragedy of Daniel's passing, I felt like I was alone once more, but you were a godsend. You were a blessing not only to me, but to my sons—you showed them a beautiful part of the world, a part even I couldn't teach. You made sure they knew the importance of life, from small ones to bigs ones, the beauty in common things, and the transience of every day. With the breaking of your legs, my heart also broke, because you had changed too. You became a Beardsley that day—instead of seeing hope when I looked at you, all I saw was despair, and how much being in this house has changed you.
"To Augustin: my fourth son, I have always thought of you as my true son. You were the only son I brought up without Father's influence, as I brought you up after his passing, and unlike Eugene, you were raised here by me. You turned out different from them all, cheerful and charismatic with an open mind. Although you were restrained, you found a door to the outside world through books, and by reading constantly, you never gave up hope.
"To Valentin: my fifth son, I knew that you disliked people and in a way, resembled Tobias and I. While you always hated socializing and hid from society's eyes, you have your own great points that I wished you knew about. For example, although you might not know, but there were times your older brother relied on you, and the honesty you showed reminded me of Eugene before the accident.
"For Elias: my sixth son, you were the last son I expected. I always pitied you for never allowing your Mother to see you, and you to see your Mother and sister, but I was determined I would not let you become the fall of the house of Beardsley, not let you become the next person who they would point at and blame, call sinful and damned to hell. I was determined that I could give you a better future, but I did not know whether by breaking a family I achieved my purpose.
"For Olive: my seventh and surprise son, I knew I must take you in once I saw you talking to Elias despite the adults around you warning you of Elias and the other Beardsleys. You didn't care for such rumors: you were untainted and would bring to Beardsley a whole new light. I thought of you as a replacement for Elias's absent sister, too, as your smile reminded me greatly of hers that one time I saw her at her christening."
By the end of this, Beth was crying into her hands, and Elias and teared up.
Adam Beardsley was not the monster whom we thought he was. He was also a victim, but most of all, a father too.
Elias was weeping, and Valentin took him in his arms.
"I never knew Father thought of us like that," Augustin said, smiling through his tears. "His was a man who didn't believe in showing his emotions, nor his love, but now I can see he loved us more than anything."
"Yes," Eugene said. "Even me, his adopted son. I never felt like an intruder in this house, and I have him to thank."
"He was a strange man," Rachel added. "Maybe Judith saw a glimpse of the man he might've been if not for—" She held back her next words, instead putting on a grave expression.
"Well, shall I move on to the next letter?"
"Yes, please," Silas said.
Only Tobias remained silent throughout the ordeal, although he was different from Silas. Silas was completely untouched by the letter, but the letter had touched Tobias to the point he was deep in thought, so deep that nothing stirred him.
Rachel Mondeschein swallowed and picked up the third, and last sheet of paper, before she began reading. We were all on tense, aware of the importance and impact this letter carried.
"To chose only one of my son to carry on my name was no easy task, but I must've always known. Named 'Adam' after God's first creation, with three sons, I couldn't help but see the parallels between the story of Cain, Abel, and Seth. If Silas was Cain, the jealous, Abel was Tobias, the murdered, then only Seth, Eugene, had any hope of achieving what the former two could not."
There were gasps, but I couldn't hear it or place each voice to each person.
My eyes were on Eugene, this whose mouth fell open and he turned to give me a full smile before Rachel continued.
"Eugene Beardsley, I've appointed you heir of the House of Beardsley and to carry on the name. I've told you the tale of the Koi fish a long time ago, and ever since the accident took place, you've given up, but I hope one day you realize that you are a Koi fish and if you swim upstream, you'll become a dragon too.
"Truth is, maybe somewhere in my heart, I am doing this out of guilt for taking the position of heir from my elder brother all those years ago, but I've also grown to see you as a different person from Daniel, Eugene. You have the same ability to love, the same softness to forgive, and yet firmness to chase after all that you want, but I believe that unlike Daniel, you will not choose anything over the house of Beardsley. You will take this house and change it into something I will be proud of."
I gasped.
Of course, my wish came true. My wish—the wish I had secretly despised, secretly wished wouldn't come true, that wish that had both been my chain and what kept me going.
"Eugene!" Augustin jumped up, and was leaning as close as possible to him. "You've done it!"
"I'm glad, truly," Valentin turned to look at him too.
"I can't say I'm not pleased," even Rachel said, then looked at Beth and Elias. "For Judith and for these children, too."
"So I can see Mother?" Elias asked.
"And I can still come here?" Beth asked. "And see the girls? They aren't fired, are they?"
"Of course not!" Eugene was laughing, shining like a star in the table where people were standing up to grab his hand and congratulate him.
"Oh, oh, I never imagined this day would come!" Matheus was crying, yet stood as tall as he could. "I feel as though he's my own son! What an imprudent thing for me to say!"
"Nonsense!" Eugene laughed and pushed himself up on his cane. "Come and hug me, Matheus! This wouldn't have been possible without you!"
Matheus walked over and hugged him, then clapped him on the back before pulling away, and others rushed to him.
"What type of house will it be?" Rudy asked.
"Can you fire Phillip now?"
"Can you kick Silas out of the house too?"
Those came from Clo and Beth, almost at the same time. Eugene only laughed.
"Let's first remove the stigma and start with balls," Augustin suggested.
"It'll be hard," Valentin argued, "we have to do things slowly."
"Yes. Father had such high hopes for me, I don't even know if I can fulfill them," Eugene said bashfully. Then he turned to me, who still stood by the wall. His smile, unrestrained and vibrant smile, suddenly ceased.
"Shuyan?"
He said my name so softly. Like he was afraid of hurting me.
Why?
Then I felt it.
I looked down at my hand, where a teardrop had traced down my cheek and dropped from my chin and onto my knuckle.
I raised a finger to my eyes. Strange—had I started crying?
Despite knowing all this time I would never be with him?
"I'm sorry."
My voice came out foreign.
"I can't keep our promise, Master Eugene." I couldn't meet his eyes as I spoke. "I couldn't listen to what you promised to tell me after everything was over."
"What? Why?" He pushed himself up on his walking stick, and then walked to me as I pressed myself to the wall.
I wished I could run away from him than answer, but I knew if I did, he wouldn't quit trying to find out why, so I whispered,
"I have to leave, Eugene." I could only look at his chest, not daring to raise my head any higher in fear of seeing his expression.
"Leave? What?" He shook his head. "Why?"
"If you are heir," I said, "I would leave the house of Beardsley and never return."
"Shuyan!" Eugene grabbed my hand, and my head jerked up without me telling it to. His fingers were wound around my hand tightly. It hurt. I turned up to speak.
I stopped.
For the first time since I saw him, Eugene no longer hid his sadness: it was evident from his expression, from the grip of his cane as though it held his life, the desperate plea in my name.
I had always been focused on my suffering, I never realized how much I would hurt him.
I opened my mouth.
The words didn't come out.
"We promised, Shuyan!" he said. "You promised you would hear what I would say after everything is over! After I—"
"No, Master Eugene—" I shook my head. "It simply cannot be."
"Shuyan, I love—"
"Don't say it!" I shouted.
"I love you!"
Hearing it was different. I could no longer pretend I wasn't aware of it.
Eugene loved me, and I loved him.
And yet I couldn't even say it.
That hurt the most.