Camila's POV
After speaking with Ally for hours about Lauren and Ariana, I realized what I had been doing. I had been hurting the both of them. Regardless of how much I thought I could learn to love Ariana, I couldn't and that wasn't fair to either of them. Don't get me wrong, Ariana is one of the most beautiful, kind hearted human beings that I've ever met, but even so, I haven't been able to find that part of me that is willing to learn how to love her. No matter how hard I tried, nothing would work. Sure, she would make me forget about things whenever she was around but that never felt like enough. It always felt like something was missing. And that very thing was love. More specifically my love. Ariana had given me hers but I had not done the same back and quite frankly I don't think I ever will. If I could choose though, I would choose to be with Ariana. It's not because I genuinely want to be with her, but because I knew she was the right choice, the safe choice. I knew that Ariana would never hurt me, but at the same time, even if she didn't know it, I would be hurting her.
When I really sat down and thought about it I realized that I've been hurting her ever since we started dating and that was because my love for Lauren never diminished. It stayed....deeply imprinted in my heart. And ever since then, I had cheated on Ariana. I had cheated her out of love. And shit I've actually even cheated on her physically. If that doesn't show you that we shouldn't be together then I don't know what will. But all I do know is that I love Lauren, I really do. And that is never going to change.
As much as it pains me to hurt Ariana, I know that this is the right choice. I know that this is the safe choice, for her.
I knew what I wanted to do. And what I needed to do. I need to break up with her. But how? How could I possibly tell a girl who's totally infatuated with me that it was never her who I wanted to be with...who I needed to be with? But more importantly, that I cheated her out of love metaphorically and literally.
After Ally had fallen into the arms of slumber, I spent the last few hours of my sleep, trying to find a way to subtly break up with her. First I thought, maybe I could send her say it before class started or leave a note on her windshield...okay those are both stupid ideas. She needed an explanation. She at least deserved that. But in what way? Throughout the night more stupid ideas floated through my head, but as my heavy eyes began to close...I gave up and realized that no matter what I would choose to do, it walkways sounded like a terrible idea. I felt like I needed someone else's advice, or at least discuss it with someone. I needed to hear an idea confirmed by someone else before I actually go through with it. Because with my luck, if I wasn't careful, things could get ugly and that's the last thing I wanted. But Ally was asleep and I didn't want to waker her up. So I decided to the thing I never thought I would do;Discuss it with some of the people I love most in the world...my friends.
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A/n: I'm updating either later tonight or tomorrow. Don't worry guys. Thanks for reading.
Love,
hoplessromantic143