Everything went to shit.
The month following Jane's first switch was the most - Scratch that.
It was the second most memorable month of her life. The first being the month she spent in hospital after she broke her legs.
It had nothing to do with the phone call she was waiting for from Fiona.
No.
It was the pain. The human body never forgets pain.
Happy memories. Those faded away with time. People remember them of course. Or more like they remember the root of the happiness from which the memory stems.
The smell of the meal their mother made on their birthday as they pass a restaurant. The music coming from some teenagers' bedroom window as they walk past the house and it reminds them of that school dance when the boy they liked asked her to dance.
Those come back like a fog. They're hazy at first, but they can still picture it. The vague outline of a figure or the sight of the place they got their first kiss sends endorphins to their brain.
That tingling feeling over comes them. They smile. And their body tells them this is happy, this is a good place to be.
Pain is different.
Pain is the reason why the image of a departed loved one fades away, but the agony of having to learn to walk again, to wake and find oneself in a ditch with two broken legs and having to crawl their body from death's door because the Grim Reaper got the wrong date clearer than their own name.
That pain leaves an imprint, a branding in the skin that scars over, a tattoo never wanted but forever unable to be removed.
The pain wasn't immediate for Jane this time.
It started exactly a week after her first switch. The days following Hoseok's birthday message. The message she sent because she thought she had nothing to lose.
The Red String System was set up so that every match could communicate with the other, even if there were three or four. But Jane had 6. The event was so uncommon that the moderator sent her a personal query to ask if there had been a mistake. It took Jane two days to reply.
"It's not a mistake. Thank you for your concern."
She stared at the message board all day as her phone lit up.
A bombardment of messages filled her inbox. Each one asking her relatively the same questions. What was her name, where did she live, what language did she speak, how old was she. Heck they asked if she knew she might have more than one soulmate.
The day after Hoseok's Birthday she received a call from the Moirai Clinic.
"One of your Soulmates has granted you permission to contact them directly, would you like me to send you their information?"
Jane couldn't answer.
Someone wanted to know who she was. After that message who could blame them. Logging into the forum was a bad idea. They all now knew when she was online. Her inbox said 23. They'd sent her 23 messages in 24 hours.
"No. Thank you for telling me, but no. Don't send the details."
Jane wasn't ready for that yet. Of course she was curious to know which of them it was. Who had gone out of their way to get the Moirai Clinic to ask her directly if she would contact them. She tried desperately not to think of who it might be.
Were they older then her, were they younger? Those thoughts drove her mad. She couldn't let her mind go there.
If she had waited one more day. Just one. She would have gotten the phone call and then she could have waited to send that message. She could have paced herself, tried to come to terms with her multi-tethered status. She could have devised some plan, a method on how best to deal with this situation. She'd even woken up the morning of the phone call with a plan to read every article published on Multi-tethers. There were trio's and quads all over the world, a Quintet was announced just 6 months ago in America with a blog on YouTube documenting their life together, she'd planned to watch that, though they had two women and three men – not exactly the same.
But Jane had woken up with a determined mind. The message was her attempt at a first step. She had planned to tell them one at a time, but in her half waking state, she'd forgotten the connection was live across all matches. All 6 knew her ID now. All 6 were in the same place when Hoseok received her message. Now all six wanted to know who she was.
If she had just waited one more day-
That was when the throb behind her eyes started.
Her sleeping habits changed that week. Jane had had such unusual sleeping habits for years. High school studying kept her up late into the night. Her English teaching course was online so she used all her spare time, which was all the time as being immobile after didn't give her much else to do. And once she hits her 20's and started writing full time and decided to switch her days to nights, her parents stopped trying to keep her in regular hours. She'd claimed it allowed her to spend more time with them during the mornings and afternoons, whilst she slept during the day. They accepted it. Then.
This time around was different. It kept her mother's thoughts on her at work. It kept her father checking in on her whilst she slept. It wasn't like Jane was sleeping through her days. She was keeping regular hours these past few months while she was finalising her manuscript. And she wasn't forgetting what day of the week it was. She wasn't even wallowing in the darkness of her room like the week prior. Jane had just stopped going on her morning runs. Choosing to sleep-in instead.
Jane hadn't missed a morning run in 2 years.
Then the last week of February came.
Monday:
● Big Hit Entertainment Announces BTS Comeback Date
Wednesday:
● BTS Album Title Reveal.
Friday March 1st:
● Members Official Posters Released
Jane was ARMY. She had always been Army. And seeing the band's comeback take over social media, seeing them trend, would under any other circumstances, make her extremely happy.
They had worked their asses off for years. They deserved every Purple Heart, every vow of support, ever excited mention on twitter, on Instagram, on youtube and blog.
She wanted to show them her support. She wanted to tweet, at how much she had been looking forward to their next album. But a great sense of guilt hung over Jane. A cloud threatening her with a storm, and some sky god who would sit there watching over her, questioning her with her true intent.
Was she wishing them well now because she was Army or was it because she was their Soulmate? Was she one or the other? Was there any room for her to be both, was that even possible.
Was there even room in their lives for her?
She was caught in a conundrum. Was she was looking at their posters because she was attracted to them as Idols? Was it because she applauded the photographer in catching them at the perfect moment? Was she enticed by the Album Title and what it meant?
Or was Jane looking at them because the world was telling her she should be.
She felt like she was a teenager again. Like when Liz told her a guy in her class liked her, and if Jane hadn't been told, she wouldn't have even thought about him in a romantic sense. But now that she knew, she felt herself looking at him in class, waiting in the hall by his locker to speak with him, to ask if he wanted to walk together after school because they lived near each other.
Did Jane actually find herself attracted to them, because they were attractive men and prior to her first switch she never even fantasied about having a conversation with one of them, or was it because the universe had given her permission to do just that?
She received a message that day. She threw her phone across her bed when she saw the ID was Rkive.
Jane stared at the message for 20 minutes. She willed herself to be angry, to feel anything other then what she was feeling. She wanted the butterflies to stop making her crawl into her pillows and stare at the little Koya Icon as his ID.
But she couldn't.
Here was this person, on the other side of the world, busy with his comeback schedule, where he could be doing anything, talking to anyone. But he was busy worrying about her.
A sense of nausea hit her so fast that it sent her running to the bathroom.
She found herself in the midst of a dry heave when she was suddenly-
staring at a computer screen.
The taste of ramyeon in her mouth. Jane can still feel the toilet seat against her hands, but she also recognises the sensation of the bowl in her palm, of chopsticks in her hand, the scent of chilli in her nose.
She is - He. He is looking at something. An article. It's written in english. Jane catches the headline.
Tethers, an examination of past lives.
He hears a knock and turns. The chair he's sitting in spins. He places down his bowl and heads to the door. A head peaks around.
Jungkook! Jane's stomach does a flip.
His dark hair hangs loose around his eyes, a single earring dangling from an ear. The flannel shirt he has on hangs loosely on his frame, the sleeves reaching the palms of his hands.
Jungkook sniffles as he stands outside the studio. "Has Scarlet messaged you yet hyung?" he asked her... Him!
He notices the tiniest of smiles the maknae hides as he lowers his head, his eyes cast to the floor. That smile is his hopeful one.
"No. I don't entirely blame her either."
Jane would know that voice anywhere. Namjoon. Jane was seeing through Kim Namjoon's eyes.
He lets the younger singer enter his studio as he returns to his seat. As his chair swivels back around he can feel Jungkook hovering over his shoulder. He turns and finds the younger man eyeing his ramyeon. He smiles and proceeds to feed the younger man.
"Jungkookie, what do you remember about her?" He asked.
Jungkook finishes his mouthful before speaking, but not before licking his lips.
Jane squeezed the toilet tighter.
"I've been trying to draw her hyung, but every time I try my hand gets all shaky."
Jungkook mimics the movement before Namjoon.
Jane's stomach churns.
"Don't worry about it. Don't feel pressured. We don't want you to think we're relying on you to tell us who she is just because you saw her first. That's not your job OK?"
He stood up, putting his hand on Jungkook's shoulder.
The connection of touching Jungkook, the sensation of feeling him under her hand, even through the use of Namjoon's own hand ripped Jane from the switch. Vertigo struck her and with it went the rest of the contents of her stomach.
She lay there on the bathroom floor, the tiles a cold comfort as she started to feel like her head had been too close to a speaker.
They were calling her Scarlet.
She supposed it was appropriate since she was refusing to reply to any of their messages. They couldn't keep calling her by her Red String ID.
It shouldn't have surprised her that she understood what they were saying. They spoke Korean, so did she. She watched everything from Korea now without subtitles. There was even a moment where she thought, OH THERE ARE NO SUBTITLES ON THIS, as though her mind was trying to convince her she wasn't truly seeing them with her own eyes, as though she were watching them through a computer screen.
The fact that she was listening to a private conversation they were having, behind closed doors as far as they were concerned wasn't lost on her.
She felt like an intruder. And one who hadn't intended to invade their privacy because she learned two things she didn't think she wanted to know.
Jungkook was attempting to draw her.
She applauded him for his determination, but what made him so nervous about it? From what Jane knew of his drawing capabilities, Jungkook had always been able to draw what he wanted. She also couldn't decide if she was happy about it.
She wouldn't put it past Big Hit to have the picture analysed with some kind of facial recognition software to find out her identity. Though they did have the world to sort through so, it may take some time. Some of the guys would have to narrow it down, but Jane doubted they saw much of her face to begin with. She'd been staring into her sink by the end of the first switch. Only one person might have seen her face.
But it seemed that that person was lying to his members.
Jimin hadn't told anyone about the switch. Else why were they under the impression Jungkook was the first she'd visited?
Why was Jimin lying?
She found herself crying. Right there. On the bathroom floor.
It was like one of those scenes from a rom-com where the girl had a really bad bout of PMS. Water fountain tears, ugly crying, staring up at the bathroom ceiling as she muffles her sobbing with a towel.
She was crying for absolutely no reason. Jane wasn't the type to cry over a guy. Especially one she didn't even know.
This was Bullshit.
Her mother found her on the bathroom floor the next morning. Fast asleep.
She didn't have another switch that month, so that was good.
«~~~~~~~~~~§~~~~~~~~~~»
Four days into March she received a message from Taehyung. The only reason she read it was because she mistakenly thought it was from Fiona.
Her eyes completely missed his Vante ID.
When she saw the photos, Jane froze.
She imagined this was what it must be like for those people who watch the nightly news and see their lotto numbers on the screen. You know you've won something huge, but until you receive the phone call, your brain can't function correctly.
He had sent her a selca, with full knowledge that she might not message back. She didn't know if their messages were being monitored in regards to her, but the fact he had sent her a picture of himself, unfiltered made her feel special, and that terrified her.
She hadn't even brought herself to read Hoseok' message in reply to the one she'd sent him. She'd stared at that message notification for half an hour before sending it to unread mail.
This was the first she had read outside of Namjoons.
Her inbox now read 47.
«~~~~~~~~~~§~~~~~~~~~~»
March 9th arrived.
Jane had been dreading it for weeks.
It wasn't that she didn't want to wish him a happy birthday. It was just...
There was this constant nagging in the back of her head. A voice that was telling her "you can't send a message to Hoseok wishing him a happy birthday and not send one to Yoongi on his. And what happens if it gets to September, are you still not going to wish them a happy birthday, what about October, December, are you even going to wish them a happy Christmas, what a soulmate you are!
Jane couldn't bring herself to do it. She had received messages from him already, not that she had read any. But the Cat face icon told her it was him. That and the fact he was using his old underground rapper name for an ID.
Twitter was full of birthday wishes. In Russian, in Italian, in Spanish, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, English. And those were just the ones she recognised.
BTS's Suga was trending, and Jane, the only person, the only ARMY in the world who had a chance of getting a response back was terrified he actually would.
She contemplated just sending the birthday wish to BTS's Official Instagram page, and if the day ever came she could tell him that she had wished him a happy birthday.
But Jane didn't.
She opened the messages between them on the Red String App. She left the others as unread and typed in a new message.
There was no point dwelling on past mistakes now. Hoseok had received her message, she couldn't take it back. She wasn't even sure if she wanted to anymore. The least she could do was show Yoongi the same curtesy. Even if the idea of a reply scared the shit out of her, because it would be a direct conversation.
The only difference this time was she typed it in Korean. There would be no translation on his end.
"생일 축하해요, 민윤기씨."
The reply was instant.
"스칼렛 감사합니다."
Jane forgot for a moment, as she read the Hangul, that she had turned off the translator. Her heart gave little palpitations as she imagined his fingers typing out the words, typing out the name they had given her.
She allowed that much.
For 1 minute.
Then she put her phone down.
«~~~~~~~~~~§~~~~~~~~~~»
Her period started in the second week of March, and with it came cramps. So Jane went through her usual routine.
Honey and Lemon in hot water. Green tea in the morning. Jasmine before bed. Hot pack on her pelvis, heat patches on her legs. The bones always ached during this time of the month, a constant reminder of her period of immobility.
She'd then lay on the sofa, let her mother baby her – the only time she ever allowed it – her mother would massage her legs for her, and would marathon all the episodes of Return of Superman she'd missed the last month.
She occasionally made trips to the bathroom when she her nausea became too much. She didn't really question her appetite that week, not even when she ate less Twizzlers than the month before. She craved sweets during her period.
But when it was over, and the cramps hadn't gone away, and the delicious raspberry candy began to taste like rubber, she started to worry.
Jane had developed a head ache in those last few days, and it hadn't gone either. Even with the anti-inflammatory and pain relief she'd taken, Jane was still making trips to the bathroom to throw up.
She tried to keep it from her parents, but they caught on when she threw out perfectly good milk, because it smelt off.
It took Jane till she couldn't stand the scent of tea, to acknowledge something was wrong.
Jane was convinced it was Soulsickness.
Period cramps were different. They were dull, a constant ache that didn't go away for a week. These appeared like an intruder. They were sharp. Sporadic. Tiny little slices along her insides. She even broke her favourite mug when one hit her so suddenly, the pain so abrupt and painful the mug fell from her hand.
It had to be soulsickness, she wasn't even pissed the mug was busted.
Yet the fact it had hit her so soon after her first switch made her second guess herself. Even her mother, a nurse, thought it would be odd. Then again, Jane had yet to inform her of her multi-tether status, so that may have had something to do with her mother's diagnosis.
When Jane had spent a three days longer in bed then she should have, and noticed her PJ top had gotten bigger, she weighed herself.
She'd lots 3 kilos (6 pounds ) . In a week.
She refused to lose weight this way again. She refused to let some mythical figure spinning her life's thread in front of a spindle dictate this was how she was going to reach her goal weight.
Jane went to the pharmacy that day and bought anti-nausea medication, and she forced herself to eat three meals a day.
But she still didn't get up in the mornings to run.
The nausea eased. It was everything else that went to shit.
She developed insomnia in the third week. Which was great for binge tv watchers. She caught up on all the Kdrama's she's been wanting to watch. Including Park Seo Jun's latest, the one where he actually tethered to his co-star. She tried to ignore that it made her think of Taehyung. Or how it made her watch the behind the scenes stuff when they'd done a drama together a few years back.
But when the nights lengthened because she was sleeping less and less, and she didn't have the attention span to continue watching tv, nor have the energy to even attempt a run to waste time, Jane found herself getting frustrated.
When she threw Shooky across her room because she was angry she couldn't get to sleep, she quickly secured her plushys in her closet. For their safety.
And when flashing lights, caused her head to throb, she left her phone in her draw, where it buzzed constantly. The band seemed to be sending fewer and fewer messages, but there wasn't a day that went buy when she didn't receive a message from someone with the ID Seagull, or StreetDancer or Lamas-are-awesome.
She stopped reading all together by the third week, when reading turned her headache into a migraine that kept her glued to the bathroom floor.
By this point Jane didn't even care that half the messages were from Liz. At first she was just checking up on Jane. But when Jane hadn't answered the first 5 texts, Liz started emailing her, knowing full well that the subject line would show up in the notification.
«~~~~~~~~~~§~~~~~~~~~~»
The cramps turned into a fever on the last week of March.
Her father found her sitting in the shower with cold water pelting down on her, shivering. She had a temperature but by the time her mother came home from night-shift, it was down.
It continued to yoyo for two days.
Jane knew it was Soulsickness. She didn't know how it was possible, or why it was hitting her so badly. Most people just got lethargic, and lost their appetite. But she knew what this was.
Her father wanted her to go to the hospital, but Jane pleaded with him. It wasn't bad, just a few days. If it goes on longer than three days, she promised to check herself into a hospital.
She barely slept. She had the chills, then the sweats. She tried to eat, but couldn't most of the time. Then on the third day, she woke up feeling fine.
Fiona called her that morning. A deal was on the table.
Jane took the subway to the agency's office. She was so excited that she didn't sit the entire train ride.
The secretary saw her, smiled and led her straight to the elevator.
Fiona was beaming at her. She ushered Jane into the room where a nice white stack of papers sat on the table.
It was a three book deal. With film rights.
She stared at the advance. There were six 0's. Jane doubted even the total accumulation of all the money she'd ever had in her bank account could amount to the sum she was staring at.
It took four hours to go over the contract, line by line. Every detail ingrained in her head. She had never felt so clear in her life. This was what she had worked for.
Her hand shook as she signed on the dotted line.
Fiona insisted they go out for drinks to celebrate. Jane made it as far as the office sidewalk before her legs went out from under her.
"Jane!"
The concrete turned into a kaleidoscope. She didn't know there where that many shades of grey. Hehe. That's a book.
Jane groaned, her hand reaching for her head but the movement caught her off balance and she fell onto her elbow.
"What's wrong? Jane, Jane talk to me!"
She felt a hand reach under her forearm, trying to help her sit up.
"I'm fine. I'm just a little over excited."
Jane felt another set of hands help her to her feet. But the world decided to somersault around her.
Everything went black.
As consciousness returned to her, Jane remembered three things.
A vibrating sensation on her wrist.
"Bang", but not if she heard the sound or if someone said the word out loud.
And she remembered the distinct smell of diesel petrol accompanied by a loud rumble that made her open her eyes for a few seconds. She thought perhaps she was looking at the night sky.
When Jane was finally awake, she could hear an old friend.
A heart monitor beeping.
Bugger!
Jane recognised the antiseptic scent. She was in another hospital room.
The bed was warm, which meant she had been there a while.
Knowing they wouldn't appreciate the sudden overload as they were exposed to the light, Jane took her time opening her eyes.
A florescent light was over head. Though it wasn't on. She was grateful to whomever was responsible.
Her throat wasn't dry, which meant there was a humidifier in the room. Again, grateful.
A flickering light at the end of her bed drew her attention. There was a television mounted to the opposite wall. A news broadcast was on.
Every muscle in Jane's body went rigid.
Jane saw the date on the broadcast and burst out laughing.
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IMAGES: ALL BY ME
Korean: 생일 축하해요, 민윤기씨. = Happy Birthday, Min Yoongi.
스칼렛 감사합니다. = Thank You, Scarlet.
These are written in Jangdaemal - Formal/Polite Korean Speech because Jane didn't want him, or for a while any of them to assume she was being close with them just because she is there soulmate, so she was formal with Yoongi, which he reciprocated. In English, when Jane starts speaking Korean with them fulltime, it would just be a Miss, Mrs or Mr instead of me adding -Shi to the ends of the names.
I'm still a learner in Korean, so if anyone is fluent and picks up my mistakes, please correct me so I can fix it.
● The movie Taehyung is watching is Il Mare (not sure is the title is seen). The Lake House is the American Remake.