Warning(s):
Explicit language
Explicit sexual situations
Mentions of drug abuse
----------
1981
"...Shh." Nikki chuckles out in a smile, his hand over my mouth as he comes up for a second so I can calm down. "If your parents hear you, I'm fucked."
"I'm sorry, you've been going down on me the past hour, I'm really sensetive right now, and I thought you didn't care." I whisper, quoting him from something he's said before.
He just smirks.
"I thought about it and decided if we get caught, I won't be able to do this..." He tugs my nipple with his teeth for a moment, causing me to gasp out. "...or this..." he pushes two fingers into my slick cunt and I arch my back, the delicious friction causing my body to crave more. "...or this." He goes back to where he was, his tongue working at my swollen clit.
I take in a sharp breath, trying to keep from moaning too loud as he devours me and every last drop of sticky-sweet running out of me.
"Oh, fuck, daddy." I whine out, my hips bucking up, grinding against his feasting mouth, only causing him to move his tongue faster and more deliberately.
He hums at the sound, his dark eyes glancing up at me, his hands keeping my thighs spread wide open as he sucks at my clit, making my eyes roll back, my toes curl, and a wanton moan leaves my lips as my pussy tenses and relaxes repeatedly, wanting to be filled and abused.
Nikki finishes licking the cum from between my legs, before laying beside me as my exhausted body tries to wind down.
"You don't want me to do anything for you?" I ask him, taking deep breaths, blinking slowly at him.
He shakes his head, giving me a little smile, before pulling the covers up to my chin so I don't have to.
"No, Viv, getting to eat you for over an hour straight is repayment enough." He chuckles and my face burns red.
"Quit saying it like that." I cover my face with my hands.
"That's what I was doing, was it not?"
"I guess, but you don't have to be so..." I wrinkle my nose for a second. "...I don't know."
"Oh, so you can call me 'daddy' but when I call it 'eating', it's the end of the world?" He looks at me and I narrow my eyes at him.
"I don't know what you're talking about." I deny his accusation and he raises his brows.
"Oh, please, Viv, you scream it out like a bitch in heat almost everytime we fuck around."
"Fine, then, I'll stop." I shrug and he snaps his attention to me.
"I didn't say I didn't like it, it's just amusing to hear it from you, of all people, Saint Viv."
"Shut up, Devil Spawn." I shove at his arm.
"Ow." He complains, rubbing his hand over where I hit him, pretending to be hurt.
I roll my eyes and he mocks me, causing me to shove at his arm again.
"Do it again, see what happens." He threatens and I, spitefully, do it again.
I don't have time to react before he's snatching me onto him, grasping my wrists in his hands as he tickles at my stomach, causing me to double over and try to keep from waking my parents.
"Okay, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" I whisper yell and he stops, allowing me to catch my breath and he laughs arrogantly, his rough palms rubbing up and down my thighs, calmly, his smile slowly starting fade as he looks up at me.
"What is it?" I ask him, self-consciously pulling the covers back around me to cover my chest.
"You're beautiful." He says lowly, his hand coming up to brush my red hair from my face.
"Don't be weird." I say in regards to whatever the hell is happening between us.
We've only messed around a handful of times and I've been trying not to get attached because there's no point. I don't need him bullshitting me just for the hell of it.
"I'm being honest, Viv. You are."
"So is every other girl you have fun with. We're already fooling around anytime either of us wants it, you can stop trying to tell me nice stuff so I'll let you between my legs, Nikki." I laugh it off, but the sting of the truth strikes through my body.
"The other girls are nice to look at, but are grade-A hangers-on. They could give less of a fuck as long they're getting boned by a rockstar, they don't care." He replies.
Apparently the look I give him is one of doubt.
"I'm always right." He states sarcastically with a toothy grin. "So if I say you--despite being a pain in the ass--are beautiful, then there's no arguing about it." He adds and I try not to make my overjoyed smile obvious, instead leaning down, pressing my lips to his.
1987
"Another vehicle, Nikki, are you kidding me?!" I scream as he simultaneously says, "don't fucking start, Viv!"
He can't be serious.
"Do you not remember that notice we got about the $5,000 a day in heroin being spent, Nikki, or did that just fly over your head? We have bills, we have have things that we need to prioritize and what do you do?! Buy another car!"
He just ignores me, grabbing a paper bag from the fridge.
I give up on fighting, tears of frustration rolling down my cheeks as I grab my car keys to just get the hell out of here.
He had gotten a brand new Mercedes Benz after I had asked him to wait until we got more money from the album and the tour. He decided we had enough money and went for it.
I angrily wrap packing tape around the cardboard box packed full of Steven's things, seeing him flinch each time the tape let out a squeak from me manhandling it.
"You good, Viv?" He asks me cautiously and I glare at him.
"I married a junkie who's mission is to damn near give me a heart attack anyway he possibly can whether it's with his drug abuse or simply spending money we don't necessarily have." I state. "So, no, Stevie. I could be better."
"Oh...I'm sorry." He mumbles.
"It's called D-I-V-O-R-C-E. They're perfect in situations such as your's and could really benefit you and him." Izzy sarcastically let's out, raising his brows and I slowly turn to look at him with a death glare. "Or suffer, that's a good option, too." He shrugs.
"We don't want that." I state as Duff comes in the living room from the kitchen.
"Not what I've heard." Izzy scoffs back. "Sixx talks when he's smacked out."
"And what exactly does 'Sixx' say?" I ask, raising my brows.
I can feel Steven making motions to Izzy from behind me, and I turn to look at him only to see him pretending to rub the bottom of his jaw with his knuckles.
It's obvious he was just running his hand against his neck in a "stop" motion to Izzy.
"Uh, n-nothing." Duff puts in as an unsettling tension settles in, like the three of them are on a level of understanding that I'm not aware of.
"Guys, seriously, what does he say?" I ask.
"It's not really what he says as much as what he does." Izzy let's out carefully and Duff glares at him.
"What does he do?"
"Cries." Duff states.
"Yeah." Steven adds.
"Like a little bitch." Izzy sighs.
I look at them for a moment before deciding to not ask anything else.
"Okay, Steven, here." I finish taping his box of stuff.
"Thanks, Viv." He replies, picking the box up, and suddenly every nude magazine he owns is spilling onto the floor from the bottom of the box.
"Aw, dude, that wasn't suppose to happen." Steven states and I hand the tape to Duff when he offers to retape it, before plopping down beside Izzy.
The difference in Fred, Mick, Duff, Steven, Izzy, Slash and Axl keeping the Vanity situation from me, and Tommy, Vince, Doc, and Tansy, keeping it from me was that Vince, Doc, Tommy and Tansy were protecting Nikki.
Everyone else thought they were protecting me, instead they would constantly down Nikki about it, trying to get him to stop his shit.
It would have been nice for someone to tell me instead of having me looking like an absolute dumbass in front of God and everyone.
But I can see why they would think I couldn't handle that information at that time.
"Baby, c'mon, Tommy and I leave in a couple hours." Nikki pleads with me over the phone.
"Okay, so just days ago I was a 'psycho cunt' and you bought a brand new car a couple days ago just to spite me, and now I'm 'baby' again?" I question him.
"We fucked last night, Viv." He states and I sigh.
"We have sex because we're horny, Nikki, not because either of us are sorry for whatever we fight about." I point out and he groans.
"Just get down here and tell me 'bye', please?" He asks and I let out a breath.
"Fine, I'll be down there in a few minutes." I tell him, rolling my eyes.
How Nikki's logic worked:
Sex = apology.
I had accepted that, but a few months into '87, I realized sex didn't fix anything. It just swept it under the rug and allowed the both of us to pretend nothing was wrong.
The rug was starting to have so much dirt swept under it, it wasn't even laying flat on the floor anymore.
I shut the door of my car, Nikki waiting for me outside in his sunglasses, despite it being night out, his cocky smirk plastered on his lips at the fact that I came when he snapped his fingers, like always.
He holds a cassette out to me and I raise a brow, unamused.
"An apology for being an asshole." He tells me.
On the label reads "You're All I Need."
"Remember that song I wanted to write for you?" He asks and I nod, not necessarily knowing how to feel.
"I'll see you when you get back." I let out, giving a tight smile, opening my car door but he shuts it quickly, turning me to face him.
"That's it? No 'thank you', no 'goodbye' kiss, no nothing?" He questions me.
"I'm still upset over our fight Nikki."
"We always have bullshit fights, Viv. We say shit we don't mean all the time."
"Okay, but we're getting too comfortable saying hurtful things to each other, are we not?" I point out, and he sighs, shaking his head a little.
"We tried therapy, it didn't work, so. I don't know what to tell you."
"We went to a handful of sessions, Nikki, before you refused to go after Nona passed away." I remind him.
"Because we were both miserable in those sessions."
"Well, it's nearly one year later and we're still miserable." I state and he furrows his brows.
"Being married to me makes you miserable?" He hisses out.
"I didn't mean it like that, I just mean--"
"--Great, well, I'll see you in five days." He cuts me short, hurt over what I said, stepping to the door.
"That's not what I meant, Nikki." I follow after him and grasp at his wrist. "I meant the both of us are getting more and more unhappy."
"I'm fine." He pipes. "I'm sorry if you're antidepressant stopped working or something but I'm fantastic, Viv."
"You're fantastic?"
"Yep."
People who are doing "fantastic" don't self-medicate but okay.
"I'll do better." He says to me, smiling down at me reassuringly. "Alright?"
I nod, and he looks me up and down for a moment before catching my lips with his.
His Jack flavored tongue meets mine, eliciting a soft hum from me as his hands hold at my waist, my fingers lacing in his hair.
We take a few steps back and I feel my legs hit the front of my Corvette. I drop the tape to push his jacket off his shoulders when he nudges for me to sit back on the hood of my car, already knowing where this is going.
His lips trail down my neck, his teeth nipping at my hardened nipples through my dress, causing me to giggle and moan simultaneously, my fingers running through his teased hair.
He stands up straight to unbuckle his belt, the sight of his prick desperate to get out of his pants has a wave of pleasure sweeping up my back, my hand pulling my dress up to run over the soft fabric of my panties, the toe of my heel gently traveling up the inside of his leather covered thigh.
He stops me just before I can trace over the bulge in his pants, his hand gripping my ankle, his fingers of his other hand untying the lace of his pants.
I sit up, reaching my hand out to free his cock, but he grabs at my jaw, forcing me to look at him.
"No, no." He wags his finger at me with a slick smile and my mouth waters when he pulls himself from his pants, precum already beading at his tip.
He sees me eyeing it, purposely wrapping his fist around his shaft to jerk of a couple of times, causing even more of the liquid to leak from him.
"Go ahead have a taste because every last drop is going in that pretty pussy so you remember who's you are while I'm gone."
My core tenses up, evidence of my arousal wetting my panties at his words and I don't hesitate to swipe my thumb across his tip, enjoying his jaw tensing at the contact, before making a show of sucking my thumb into my mouth to lick it off.
He stares at me and I blink up at him, taking my thumb from my mouth, waiting for him to make the next move.
And oh, does he.
He's impatiently pushing my dress to my hips and yanking my panties off, holding at one of my legs as his fingers trail between my legs to my clit.
I let out a harsh breath when he lightly runs the pad of his thumb over the sensitive nerves, watching my face.
I have to bite my lip in order to keep from cursing at him teasing me, and he licks his lips before taking his dick in his hand, rubbing the head against my clit, watching as my eyes close and a whimper leaves my lips.
I feel my pulse in my core, and the ache of utter need has me giving him my best "fuck me" eyes I can muster up.
"Does my little slut wanna be fucked?" He asks and I nod, looking at him with my eyes half-open.
I shudder when he drags his tip to my hungry cunt, slowly, agonizingly, sliding into me.
My back arches as he gives me the time to feel his girth stretching me, and he grins, his head falling back, his hands pushing my thighs against the hood of the car.
"I will never get over how fucking tight you are." He tells me in an almost moan, pulling back out again and slowly sliding back in, time looking down to see himself thrusting in and out of me.
"So good." I let out softly, my hands pinching at my nipples through my dress and he starts to pick up the pace, causing me to gasp and moan with every thrust as he goes deep into me, hitting my cervix.
I remember where we're at and I put my hand over my mouth to keep from drawing attention from the street incase anyone can hear me.
Nikki doesn't like that.
"Keep your fucking hand down." He orders, pulling my hand from my mouth. "I want them to know you're getting fucked, I want them to know who's fucking cock you're taking inch for fucking inch." He states, and I moan quietly at his words, still not wanting to draw attention.
My walls tighten and loosen around him as he continues to drive into me, my sounds of pleasure getting louder and louder with my loss of control and Nikki's determination.
His fingers quickly go back and fort against my clit, causing me to let out an unexpected cry, my hand holding at his wrist to try to get him to stop but he won't.
"Good girl." He praises me for not trying to hide my pleasure, grunting at the feeling of my pussy tightening around him.
The wet sound of him moving in and out of me mixed with my cries and he cursing fills my ears.
"Harder, Nikki, please." I beg, a masochistic part of me not wanting to walk right for a couple days.
I don't have to ask twice, his hand's around my throat, his fingers roughly stimulating my clit while his prick mercilessly starts pounding into my weeping cunt, only causing me to moan the best that I can with him choking me.
The two of us look at each other in pure ecstacy and I smugly grin before opening my mouth, sticking my tongue out.
His hand grasps at my throat a little tighter as he leans forward and spits in my mouth, only letting his grip loosen briefly so I can swallow it.
Our bodies are now drenched in sweat and I'm growing closer and closer, squeezing around him so tightly I think he's having to force himself not to finish before I do.
I'm probably looking up at him like he's a god, mesmerized by the sheen of sweat covering his chest, his thumb of his hand around my throat softly swiping the skin of my neck, sweetly contradicting his roughness.
"Oh, daddy, I'm gonna come." I gasp out. It's been a while since I've called him that in bed and it's only motivating him to go harder. "Fuck!" I mewl, squeezing my eyes shut as I tighten around him even more before my orgasm hits and my pussy's spasming in hopes of getting every last bit of his load.
He groans from the sensation before I feel him push back into me, forcing himself against my cervix, hot cum coating the inside of me.
"What the fuck?!" Tommy screams in a high pitch, and Nikki and I startle, looking in the direction of the door to see Tommy and Vince standing there, just walking out, but being met with Nikki inside me, with his hand around my throat and me moaning.
I'm horrified, Tommy's traumatized, Vince is probably wishing he had his camera, and Nikki's...well...
"Hahaha!" Nikki let's out, pulling my dress down my legs so I don't flash Tommy or Vince. "Sorry." He says next, tucking himself back into his pants, picking his jacket up off the ground as I scramble to get off the car, wincing at the feeling Nikki's cum about to start running out of me.
My face is bright red and Tommy looks like he's about to cry.
"I came out here to tell you 'bye' and-and..." he can't finish speaking, disgust on his face.
"Nikki was telling you 'bye', too." Vince laughs out and I glare at him.
"I'm sorry we fool around, T-bone, jeez." Nikki chuckles.
"'Fooling around' is a blowjob. This," he grabs his own throat and pulls his own hair. "Is something I don't want to see Viv in."
"She's the one who's into it." Nikki argues and my eyes bug as I feel even more embarrassed.
"Nikki, what the hell?!" I ask him as Tommy looks even more worried.
"Aww, man, this is great." Vince sighs out, grinning.
"Viv, I love you, I'll see you in a few days." Tommy let's out, avoiding eye contact with me.
I don't want to face him at the moment either.
"Love you, Tommy, bye." I reply as he heads to their car that just pulled up.
I grab the tape from the ground and my panties, and Nikki takes the skimpy undergarment from my hand and puts it in his jacket pocket.
I just look at him.
"What?" He asks. "It's a token of your affection to remind me of you when I miss you on those cold, lonely nights."
"You'll be gone less than a week, Nikki."
"You want me to think of you or not?" He points out and I can't hide my smile, chuckling at his bullshit.
His eyes shift to the tape in my hand, and his face falls for a second as if he regrets giving it to me.
"Everything alright?"
"Yeah, um...just...don't take lyrics too seriously." He tells me and I raise my brows.
"What?"
The car honks the horn and he looks at them as Tommy's standing out of the sunroof.
"Dude, c'mon, we're gonna miss the flight!" He tells Nikki.
Nikki turns back to me, giving me a little smile, kissing me sweetly.
"I'll call you when we get to the hotel." He assures me, kissing me again.
"Okay, be careful." I say.
"I'm sorry, Viv, alright?" He says next, and I think he's apologizing for the "Wild Side" ordeal and buying a new car we could barely afford.
I'm about to say "I am, too" but he cuts me off, kissing me yet again.
"See ya, Sixx." He whispers, smirking to me.
"See ya, Sixx." I reply in the same tone.
With one last kiss, he's telling Vince 'bye' and making his way to the car.
I rub my lips together, noticing Vince has this amused look on his face as I step to my car.
"What, Vince?" I ask.
"Nothing. Enjoy the song." He tells me before walking to his bike.
I go home, clean myself up, change and head to the Franklin Plaza where Duff, Axl, Izzy, Slash and Steven are staying currently.
The second Steven opens the door, I'm waving the tape.
"He doesn't hate me!" I exclaim, handing the tape to Axl--who bet $50 that Nikki and I would divorce this year--as he's smoking his cigarette.
"'You're All I Need'." He reads the title, looking at Duff and Izzy who're on one of the suits' couches. "What, is it an ode to heroin?" He asks and I cut my eyes at him.
"Seriously, man?" Slash questions him, unamused.
"No, Axl, it's not." I state.
"Well, let's listen to it." Stevie excitedly says.
Soon enough we have it playing, hearing a beautiful piano ballad backed with Mick's guitar, Nikki's bass and Tommy's drums.
"The blade of my knife
Faced away from your heart
Those last few nights
It turned and sliced you apart
This love that I tell
Now feels lonely as hell
From this padded prison cell"
The lyrics of the first verse sound as with each passing second, everyone's looking more and more confused, glancing at each other while I try to make sense of whatever metaphor he's using.
"So many times I said
You'd only be mine
I gave my blood and my tears
And loved you cyanide
When you took my lips
I took your breath
Sometimes love's better off dead."
He can't be saying what it sounds like he's saying.
"You're all I need make you only mine
I love you so I set you free
I had to take your life
You're all I need, you're all I need
And I loved you but you didn't love me."
"Umm...Viv...I don't think this is about how much he loves you." Izzy speaks out.
"Laid out cold
Now we're both alone
But killing you helped me keep you home."
"I-Is he singing about killing me?!" I ask, nearly at a loss for words.
"I guess it was bad
Cause love can be sad
But we finally make the news."
"This bastard is singing about killing me!"
"Dude, didn't he actually try to kill you?" Steven asks me and I raise my brows.
"Tied up smiling
I thought you were happy
Never opened you--"
Duff stops the tape, snatching it from the player before tossing it on the floor and stomping it to pieces with his cowboy boot.
There's a long, long silence between all of us, and I force myself to cry in front of all of them.
"I guess that fifty bucks is still on the table, then?" Axl shatters the silence.