Chapter 21
Liam’s POV
“Wh-wh- what?” I stuttered over my words in disbelief. Georgia’s face remained emotionless.
“You heard me.” She jerked her chin up, jaw clenching. “This, Liam, this me and you, it just isn’t working out anymore. I don’t want anything to do with it, anything to do with us anymore.” She continued, holding up her hand when I tried to interrupt. “You’ve gotta accept that.” Her voice, surprisingly, wavered on the last word. Her face was a void, but in her eyes I saw sorrow battling the blankness. I, on the other hand, was in complete shock. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to articulate what I was thinking at that moment. I do know that the room spun more than a bit and my knees weakened, that I fought hard to stay on my feet.
“But why?” I couldn’t help myself. I scuffed my shoe listlessly on the ground, still clutching the door in my hand. Then, it happened. The simple question slipped to the forefront. “Aren’t you... happy with me, Georgie?”
Damn it. Now I sounded pathetic. Don’t do the puppy dog eyes. I sighed. No taking it back.
After a moment of silence, I glanced, stupidly, up at her. For a split second there was a look of heartbreaking sadness on her face. The baby blue in her eyes was completely shattered, and her shoulders slumped, mouth down turned, tears quivering on the edge of her eyelashes. She looked more beautiful, more tragically broken, than I’d ever seen her. Then, in a split second, it was gone. Her features hardened, sharpening her features and wiping anything sympathetic from her face.
“I was.” She answered. I understood immediately, emphasis on the was.
“Oh.” Brilliant, I know. But I felt numb, like my mouth was disconnected from my mind, and my body wasn’t going to cooperate either. I didn’t know this person standing in front of me, this girl with the cold eyes. She wasn’t Georgia, at least not the Georgia I knew. This person was all stone and ice, where my Georgia was sunlight and warmth. This person had none of her kindness, her gentleness or patience. I couldn’t imagine this girl laughing her silent laugh, shoulders shaking, bent over from the waist. Pain shot through my chest as the reality of everything set in. I was going to lose her. She was the best thing in my life, and she was going to be replaced by this person. All of her, lost. And that’s when I panicked.
“What can I do? What can I say to you? If I tell you how much you mean to me, how much I- well, how much I love you, will you feel feel nothing? Georgia.” I reached out to take her by the shoulders, but I couldn’t force her eyes to meet mine. “This is me and you we’re talking about. We’ve been through enough things together. We can work this out. We can work anything out. Can’t we baby?” My voice broke, so I settled for a whisper. “I can’t l- lo- lose you again. I love you so much.” I hastily dropped my gaze, studying the carpet.
“Liam.” She sighed shakily. “It’s not going to work. I can’t explain it any other way. It’s- run its course. I suppose I’ll always love you, in a way, though.” She finally looked at me. My final glance at her, and I didn’t even recognize her eyes. “Take care.” She said coldly, and I thought again how this person was a complete stranger to me. She went up on her tiptoes, kissing me familiarly on the cheek. A shudder ripped through me, because there was still warmth when she did that, and despite everything, her kiss still affected me.
Slightly paralyzed, it wasn’t until she’d disappeared around the corner when my instincts kicked in. Running after her, I yelled, not caring who I disturbed. “Georgia!! Georgia!!! Don’t go!”
She got in the lift, and the doors closed just as I reached them. I slammed into them, pounding on them, resting my head on them. “I love you.” I whispered pathetically, before sprinting for the stairs. I wasn’t thinking, except I knew in my heart that I couldn’t let her leave. Blind panic set over me. I hurtled into the snow-dusted evening, only to watch her get in a cab and drive away.
I deflated, finally giving into my weakness and sinking onto my knees, right on the powdery sidewalk. I’d thought I’d caught a glimpse of her through the cab windows, shoulders shaking, not in laughter. But I couldn’t be sure, and I couldn’t give myself that type of hope.
I don’t know how long I knelt in the snow, letting the fresh flakes dust me with a fine layer. Georgia would have called this type of snow “magical,” with enormous flakes that gave everything a muffled quality, and quickly covered the ground with a slippery layer. When I finally came to my senses, I couldn’t help but agree. The snow was magical, which only seemed even more cruel.
The doorman was tapping my shoulder, and that might be the only reason I got up at all. As it was, the knees of my jeans were completely soaked through, and, unbidden and unrealized, my teeth were violently chattering. From the cold or the incident I don’t know, but I’d wager both played a part. I glanced up, looking into a grizzled face. He had white hair and a close trimmed white beard, with deep wrinkles by his eyes, suggesting a life of good humor. His name was Charles, and he was saying something, but I couldn’t make out his words. Finally, he pushed me on the shoulder, surprising me, then grabbed my arm and hauled me onto my feet, stronger than his stature and apparent age betrayed. I shook my head to rid it of the cobwebs that remained, trying to concentrate on his deeply voiced words.
“You alright boy? You’ll catch your death out here without a warm jumper at least.” He growled at me, pulling his own long brown overcoat more tightly around his brittle shoulders. I looked at him blankly. “Well, come along, boy. I’ll fix you up straightaway.” I noticed how properly he pronounced every syllable of his words, but the words themselves meant little to me. All the same, when he turned and began briskly hobbling back into the building, leaning heavily on a solid wooden cane, I compelled myself to follow him, trudging slowly.
He was waiting for me in the lobby, tapping his foot, eyes filled with dismay. He took me by the arm again, dark eyes searching my face, scowl on his face. “It’s that girl, isn’t it?” He asked me, sounding genuinely concerned despite his expression. When I nodded slowly, for it was all I could manage, he tsk-ed. “It’s always a girl, boy. Follow me, I have just the thing for a day like this.”
He hobbled away, obviously expecting me to follow after him. I shrugged my shoulders. With nothing to lose, I followed him down a hallway I’d never seen before, hidden between the front desk and the lift. Just as my curiosity was piquing, he rounded the corner, entering a deserted break room. It was warm and cozy back in there, right beside the boiler room and filled with worn couches and overstuffed patchwork chairs. There was a card table and four folding chairs in the middle of a kitchen area, along with a small television and radio. It felt as if this was home to a lot of people, and judging by the ease with which Charles moved from cupboard to cupboard, I suspected he spent much of his time here.
He gestured for me to choose a seat, which felt strange because though I’d greeted him plenty of times, I’d never gotten more than a grunt of acknowledgement out of him. He neared me, holding out a blue knit blanket, and it was only then that I realized how much I’d been shivering. I thankfully wrapped it about my shoulders, and he turned back to the kitchen counter.
Several minutes later, he placed two blue ceramic mugs on the counter. They smelled of cinnamon and steam rolled off their contents, which were dark and thick, and I picked mine up thankfully, just to feel the warmth.
“It’s just hot chocolate, boy, but I doctored it up a bit.” He took a sip of his, waiting for me to do the same. I raised it to my lips, swallowing the warmth. It tasted amazing, almost as good as Georgia’s version of hot chocolate, and the warmth spread through me, instantly making me feel a little better. I smiled at him wanly, sure that it was more of a grimace, but it seemed to satisfy him. “I’ve always said that hot chocolate is good for the soul. Can fix anything.” He shifted in his chair and straightened his knee with difficulty, grunting a bit with pain. I nodded at him vigorously, because frankly, he scared me. He laughed. “You look frightened, boy. Why don’t you tell me a little about yourself, and we can go from there.” He sipped his drink calmly, eyes expectant, but sparkling with good humor.
“Well... ok.” I set down the mug on the card table, drawing the blanket close around me, fiddling with some loose threads. Finally, I took a deep breath and began. “My name is Liam.”
“I know that boy. I do see the people with the big cameras outside shouting your name all the time. I know quite well about that part of your life. No, I want to know about you. There is a you under all those spotlights, isn’t there?” His voice held a challenge. I thought about what he said for a second. No one ever asked just about me. Everyone wanted to know what was going on in my life, and did I meet so-and-so at such-and-such party last week, but no one ever asked about me. And the more I thought about it, the more I realized that the only people who really knew me were the lads. And her. Always her.
“Well. I like to sing.” I started off. Then told Charles everything I could think of about myself. From Disney movies to Lord of the Rings, football to pranks and dogs to traveling. And he listened, and seemed to really take whatever I said in. I had a feeling that if he took a quiz on me at the end, he would score higher than I would. By the time I ran out of things to say, he’d run through half of his mug and mine was getting cold. I hastily drank some.
He nodded, thinking. “That’s all very nice, boy. There’s only one thing I want to know.” I looked up at him. “What’s your fault? Your biggest fault. Tell me about that, and then maybe you’ll find some answers.”
I was taken aback by his frankness. Somehow, I knew this should correspond with what had happened just outside. At the same time, I was uncomfortable, and I felt like he’d taken a peek about my brain, only asking me what I should be asking myself. It was unsettling, but before I knew it, the whole story came tumbling out.
“Well, there’s this girl, Charles. And she’s caused me a lot of trouble. But I think she’s worth it all, and more.”
I started when Georgia rounded the corner at the airport that day, how I’d felt when she’d shaken my hand, and how her eyes had captivated me. How I knew there was immediate attraction between us. Then I explained how it all got messed up by Sadie and then Alex and we’d spent months having to pretend like we didn’t know exactly what was going through the other’s head. I explained about my birthday and Hoot, which made me wonder again at her thoughtfulness. Then I told Charles about the night of the gala, when it was all looking up. He actually cheered and slapped me on the back when I told him that I punched Alex. I told him all about Sadie and the brokenness I’d seen on Georgia’s face. The guilt I felt but the pure inability I’d had to do something about it. I told him about the concert, about that night when I finally mustered up the courage to tell her everything I couldn’t for so many months. And then the past almost five months, of laughing and late nights and the way she felt. The way she took care of me when I couldn’t take care of myself, the way she handled all of the bad press and attention with good-natured laughter. I found myself telling little stories about her, times when she captured my heart. Finally, I came to today. In as few words as possible I told him about today. I ended with myself on the pavement, completely wrecked.
To my dismay, tears were forming more rapidly than I could blink them away. A few rolled down my face.
“And so,” I said, sniffing and holding myself together, just barely; “All of this goes to say that I’m a coward. With Sadie, I couldn’t hold onto her, so she found other people. A lot of other people. And I didn’t do anything about it. With Georgia, she always gets away from me, and I’m stuck behind, to paralyzed with fear to run after her, like I should, and tell her how I really feel. I’m too afraid.” I admitted with great difficulty. I don’t even know what made me say it. Something about this man made me spill out everything. I’d never told the whole story before, but something about seeing it all in front of me made me realize how good Georgia and I were, and how much I already missed her.
“Well, son, it sounds to me like you’ve got yourself a bona fide catastrophe.” Charles said. “I mean, I know this girl. Only a little, but I know her. She sometimes brought Alan , you know, the lad who works the front desk, and I coffee or pastries, just because. She did have a certain light about her, didn’t she?” I nodded miserably, slumping down in my chair. “But,” He continued, and I looked up at him; “I don’t think you’re a coward, boy. No. I don’t think you could’ve stopped her from doing what she did today, even if you wanted to.”
“W-what do you mean?” I was puzzled.
“She wasn’t herself when she walked through to begin with. She barely even acknowledged Alan when he greeted her. Then, when she came back through just minutes before you banged in, shouting and whatnot, she was... upset.”
“What do you mean, upset?”
“She was crying and shaking her head, muttering to herself. I had a cab waiting outside, and I offered it to her. She hugged me for a minute, sobbing a little bit, then got into the cab and barely choked out an address in west London. That’s when you came out.”
I couldn’t believe it. Why would she do this to me? To us? If Charles told me the truth, then she was just as upset as I was. Then why? There had to be a reason. Maybe it wasn’t me after all.
“She doesn’t live in west London.” Was all I said. This was a mystery I was going to have to put to the lads for deep thought.
Maybe I wouldn’t lose her after all. And I knew that I was going to do everything I damn well could to make sure that I wouldn’t.
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A/N I KNOW I'm so behind on updates but! Volleyball ended yesterday and so now we should be back on the routine weekly schedule. Let me know what you think of this chapter! Do you think Liam is going to find out? Hehe. Love you all so much. xxx