One Year Later— 1961
I stare in the mirror.
A rose-coloured blush is swiped across my cheeks, a matching-tinted gloss over my lips, and a beaded pearl necklace sits atop my collarbone.
It feels surreal— it all felt so surreal.
Today is my wedding day.
I am anxious, I am scared, I am nervous— but even more so— I am excited, I am happy, and I know I will never regret this decision— I just know it.
Charlie was made for me. I don't know how, and I don't know why, but I was one of the lucky few who found their soulmate; billions of people on this earth and I found the one person who makes my heart skip a beat, the one who never fails to give me butterflies or make me smile when I'm down, the one who makes me feel so beautiful and loved always, the one who was made for me— and only me.
And that is how I know that I won't have any regrets. I could live another million years, and I would never meet another Charlie.
I would never want to.
We were still in college; we were establishing our careers and embarking on our newfound adulthood. Some may think it strange, that Charlie and I were to be wed at our young age, but I was happy— we were happy. Besides, if Neil's death taught me anything, it's that you should always live your life how you want to live it— and screw what anyone else thinks.
Neil, quite literally, died for that cause. He refused to live his life any other way than his own way. To Neil, life wasn't worth living if it wasn't to be lived.
And today, despite my wedding day jitters, I was living life for Neil, but mostly, for me— and I knew he would be proud.
"You look beautiful."
I spin on my heel, Charlie is standing behind me. His hair was neatly and perfectly combed into place, his skin bright and glowing, his lips fell into their usual goofy grin, and his black, pressed tuxedo looked amazing— he was so handsome and he was all mine.
"Charlie!" I scold lightly, "it's bad luck to see the bride before the wedding."
Bride... I still can't believe I'm saying that.
"I don't care," he says, dismissing the fable and stepping closer towards me.
"Your dress," he breaths, running his hand along my hip, gently grazing the beaded-lace fabric.
"You're breath-taking, Vi."
My cheeks tinted rose— even rosier than my blush, no doubt. Charlie never failed to make me feel like the silly schoolgirl with a crush— just as I had been when we first met.
"You don't look so bad yourself," I grin, slapping his wandering hand from my hip.
"Save it for the honeymoon, slick," I scold, causing his chest to rumble with his deep chuckle— to think I would spend the rest of my life listening to that laugh— nothing could make me happier.
"Oh, I will," Charlie smirks, his lips hovering over my own— dangerously close.
A throat clears behind us, causing our heads to snap in its direction.
"Ugh Knox! Way to be a buzzkill," Charlie groans exaggeratedly, to which Knox rolls his eyes.
"It may be your wedding day, but I'll still hit you," Knox countered, stepping into the room.
"You look beautiful, Vi," he whispers, pulling me tightly into his chest.
"Thanks, Knoxious," I smile. "You don't look so bad yourself," I giggle, while straightening the slim black tie around his neck.
"You're sure you want to spend the rest of your life with him, right?" Knox questions, jokingly referring to Charlie whose standing right behind him.
"Hey! You're my best man," Charlie pouts, though a smirk tugs at his lips.
"I'm pretty sure, Knox," I laugh.
"Pretty sure?" Charlie cocks a teasing brow.
"Geez, I'm glad you're just as excited for this wedding as I am," he chuckles lightheartedly.
"I am, more than you know," I smile— and I meant it more than anything.
If someone told me a year ago I would feel even a fraction as happy as I am right now, in this very moment, I'd never believe them. Truthfully, when Neil died, so did I— or at least I wanted to. I didn't think I would ever feel genuine happiness again, because every ounce of joy was squashed by the realization that my best friend in the whole world was gone, forever. I'm not sure where Neil is, but I imagine somewhere watching over all of us, with a big goofy smile on his face as he does. Even though I may not be able to see him anymore, I can always feel him and for that I am blessed.
"I love you," Charlie mouths discreetly from behind Knox.
"I love you more," I mouth in return, the biggest grins spreading across both of our faces— this was happiness; and I had a lifetime of it to look forward to.
The boys depart as the ceremony nears; I sit at the vanity, glancing between the mirror and my vows scribbled across a small piece of paper. I had written and re-written them so many times, I could recite it from heart, but as Knox said, "better to be safe than to be sorry, Vi."
Yet, as I stare at the words, a sense of anxiousness washes over me.
A soft knock sounds at the door, pulling me from my thoughts.
"Can I come in?" Todd asks softly, stepping inside and closing the door behind him.
"Wow," he breaths, "you look beautiful."
I smile for the hundredth time today, running my fingers along my lace gown.
"Thank you."
"Still working on those vows?" He smiles, and I see a bit of Neil in him.
"Yeah, I guess I just don't know what to say."
"—Yes you do," Todd spoke with the same sternness Neil would.
"Just speak from your heart; you love Charlie, so tell him why."
"Thanks, Todd," I smile earnestly.
"He would be really proud of you, and you know how badly he would want to be here."
A single tear slips from my eye and down my cheek. Screw my makeup; Neil deserved at least that, because Todd's right, he would've loved to be here.
"I think he is here," I smile, tapping the powderpuff gently against my tear-stained cheek.
"I mean not physically, of course. I know it doesn't really make any sense, but I've felt him somehow today. Like he's been here with me, watching me, smiling down on all of us and wishing he could be here to share this moment with his family." I shake my head slowly, setting the makeup tool back onto the counter.
"Trust me, I know I sound crazy but—"
"— you don't sound crazy," Todd clarifies swiftly.
"I feel him too." He gently grabs my hand, holding it securely in his own.
"Besides, you didn't think Neil, of all people, would miss his best friend's wedding day?"
I smile.
I laugh.
I feel genuine happiness for the first time talking about Neil. I'm not sad, my guilt no longer consumes me. I'm content, excited, eager, and every other positive adjective you could possibly think of.
"Thanks, Todd," I smile, pulling him tightly against my chest.
"I love you," I whisper against his shoulder. I haven't told Todd that nearly enough— but I did, I truly did.
He pulls back slowly, a look of surprise washes across his features for a split second, before a warmth settles onto his face.
"I love you too," he responds earnestly. I remember when I first met Todd; he was so shy and timid. It was as though his own shadow could scare him. And now, he is the bravest person I know— and I think he's always been that. Perhaps Todd felt the deepest pain when we lost Neil. I had Charlie, he helped me, he cared for me, he loved me. And while Todd had all of us, Neil was like Todd's Charlie. And I couldn't imagine getting through what I had without one.
A soft knock at the door pulls us from our moment.
"Come in," I say, slowly pulling myself from Todd's embrace.
"Violet," the feminine voice breaths softly. Her wavy blonde hair pulled back into a loose updo. Her small pastel handbag clutched tightly under her arm.
Todd gives me a weary look, to which I smile, nodding to let him know that I'm okay— and I was okay. I was more than okay.
"Lucy," I smile, hoping to ease the tension building between us. Lucy and I made up after the whole... Charlie incident— but our friendship hadn't remained the same. Though, I sincerely love and care for her, it wasn't until I met the boys that I discovered what true friendship consisted of.
"You look stunning," she smiles shyly, twirling a loose strand of my hair around her finger.
"Thank you," I grin, watching Lucy timidly take a seat atop the stool that Todd had previously occupied.
"What's the matter, Luce?" I ask knowingly. Admittedly I hadn't spoken to Lucy much over the last year, especially since Neil's death. But I know her; and I know her well. She is vibrant, outgoing, confident, and the centre-of-attention anywhere she goes. Perhaps she is trying to award me the spotlight on my wedding day; but this is Lucy after all.
"Nothing, why do you ask?" Lucy lies, fiddling anxiously with her thumbs.
"Because I know you," I respond, gently placing my hand atop her fidgeting fingers.
"So, what's wrong?"
Lucy sighs, her eyes nervously dancing around the room.
"I brought a date to the wedding," She states all too seriously.
"Lucy, that's great! Who's the lucky guy?" I tease, a smile stretching across my face, though not across her's.
"Well... that's the thing..." Lucy lets her words trail off into the uncanny atmosphere of the room; and suddenly my nothing-can-get-me-down-today attitude is slowing fading.
"It's Jack."
I sigh.
Then I chuckle.
Lucy gives me a strange glance.
"You're laughing?" She asks timidly— and I laugh even harder, even louder than before.
In a way, it felt like a lesser degree of déjà vu. Perhaps we just have a similar taste. I laugh some more at the thought. I'm happy; I'm truly and utterly happy. And more importantly, I love Charlie. I love my friends. I love my life right now. I'm happy for her, I'm happy for Jack. I don't even feel an ounce of jealousy— I mean, how could I?
"I'm happy for you both," I say, once my laughter has died down.
"You're not angry with me?" She asks slowly.
"Why would I be?" I question sincerely.
"I'm getting married today, Lucy. You could show up with any man in the world and I wouldn't feel any envy." Admittedly, that came out harsher than I intended— but I didn't care; today is my day.
Lucy smiles, no she grins. "I'm really happy for you too, Vi."
She pulls me into her arms, careful not to ruin my recently-styled hair. "I miss you, you know," she says earnestly, her bright eyes welling with tears.
"I miss you too." And I do miss this.
Lucy has her flaws, but who doesn't? She wasn't the perfect friend; sometimes even far from it. But she was Lucy, and I had to take it or leave it.
"You didn't return my calls after... you know."
I sigh.
"You can say it, Luce. I'm okay now. But you're right, and I'm sorry."
"—no, I'm sorry. I've been a shitty friend," she laughs, but her tone is sincere.
"Well, you can make it up to me." She eyes me oddly, taking a moment before replying.
"Anything."
"Be in my wedding," I say eagerly. I didn't exactly have a maid of honour anyways, Charlie and I split the boys on each side.
"Remember how we used to plan it when we were kids," I laugh; "It'll be fun."
"Are you serious!?" Lucy beams excitedly.
"I'd be honoured."
I smile.
Today is happy.
Today is good.
Today is my wedding day.
Today is the first day of the rest of my life.