Slowly my eyes opened to see a ceiling covered in Quidditch posters staring down on me. For a moment I wondered if I was in Alia's room (which every inch of was covered in posters) until I felt an arm draped around my shoulders.
I looked up to see Draco, already awake with a faint smile on his face. Everything came flooding back from the night before, all of it... Sirius and Jia were dead, I was in charge of the fate of the wizarding world, and I had a breakdown in front of Draco...
"Morning--well afternoon really." Draco said quietly. "I was going to wake you soon. We need to go back to school."
"Right." I said quietly, sitting up for a woolen blanket to fall onto my lap. It was grey and frayed in many places, but it was thick and had a musky scent that I associated with Sirius. "Where did you find this?"
"It was on a chair." Draco said, removing his arm from around me, which left me feeling isolated somehow. "I also found some biscuits in the cupboard we can eat before we go--I think your sister left them."
So we sat there in silence, eating biscuits even though they tasted like glass sliding down my throat. But I knew if I didn't eat, Draco would worry I was going back into my summer depression, and I didn't want to admit to him--or myself--that my mind seemed to be slowly and inevitabley heading there.
"I'm glad you finally saved your memories." Draco said, gently lifting my hand up. "I thought you were going to risk losing everything."
I remember in my haze of instability, I didn't want to save these memories in my mind, I didn't want to remember the pain of what had happened. But Draco had persisted and persisted until I started to cry, and he started to cry--so eventually I had to.
"I still want to." I said blankly, moving my hand from his grip. "I don't want to feel this emotional pain anymore. If there is another time I lose somebody--I won't hesitate to try and erase memories from my head."
It sounded terrifying, but I was willing to. The guilt and grief weighed on me so heavily, I knew without a doubt I'd not save my memories in order to try and erase the guilt. Draco frowned, and looked almost worried.
"Well just remember that I love you, that fact has to stay in your head." Draco said, lightly brushing his finger over my forehead, before lightly squeezing my hand.
"I'll remember for as long as you give me a reason to love you." I declared. "And that's not going to happen for a long time, right?"
"Sure." Draco said almost uneasily. "Right, so shall we go?"
Once I'd gathered the blanket around me, I allowed Draco to hold onto my hand and lead me from the bedroom. I shut the door behind me, a feeling of cold finality going through me. I pressed my palm onto the door, and ran my hand down the wood.
"Goodbye, Sirius." I whispered.
And then everything was flames.
* * *
Draco and I walked in silence towards the hospital wing where all my friends were, our hands linked. There seemed an odd distance in the air, but I accounted it for Draco giving me space during my grief.
"I'll see you soon." Draco said as we reached the doors. He gave my hand a squeeze, running his finger over the palm of my hand. "Remember what's real, okay?"
"I will." I said distanty. "Bye."
Slowly, I opened the hospital wing door, only to be pounced on by Alia. I staggered back with the weight of her, and allowed her to warm my heart and take away a slither of the pain that resided there.
"Hey, Ali-cat." I whispered, gently pulling on one of her curls. "You okay?"
"I was once I used a stupid hair pin to free myself." Alia huffed. "But of course by the time I did that, everybody had flown off into the stupid sunset."
"You wouldn't have wanted to come." Harry spoke up, appearing in front of us. "It was awful."
"Hey, brother." I forced a smile, moving Alia to my side. "You okay?"
Harry shrugged. "Where did you go?"
"To clear my mind, break a few things." I replied. "It was just... a little too much to deal with."
"Well you can deal with some happy news instead of shit news." Alia said bluntly, and dragged me down to the other side of the hospital wing. "See! I told you she hadn't been eaten by wolves!"
Nearly everybody was crowded around Ron's bed, and looked up as Alia announced my presence. Ron was sat in bed while Hermione perched at the end with a newspaper, and Ginny curled up with her broken ankle on Hermione's bed.
Neville was wedged between the two beds, while Luna read the Quibbler upside-down, not seeming too interested in what's going on.
"It's good to see you." Hermione said, relieved. She patted for me to sit next to her, and I did, curling the blanket around my shoulders for security. "You wouldn't believe what the paper's been printing."
"Where's the others? I heard everybody was okay?" I interupted, pulling on a thread of my jumper worriedly.
"Dumbledore wanted to see Sam about something--she's been up there for hours." Alia said. "But she wasn't in the mood to talk in the first place apparently. Gennie's on bed rest and is asleep over there--" She waved in the general direction of a curtain covered bed, "--And of course, my brother is with her."
"That's good." I said, a feeling of tension releasing from my stomach. "So, what's the paper saying?"
"Fudge has admitted Voldemort is back." Hermione said. "And that the Dementors are rebelling in Azkaban. They're also sending out protection leaftlets soon."
"Because if we have leaflets nobody can hurt us." Alia muttered bitterly. "If only you could wave a leaflet at him, maybe then he'd finally leave Sam and Cole alone."
"So Cameron is still out there?" I said. "And Mark?"
Hermione gave me a sympatheitc look, nodding. "Well Sam nearly beat him to death after--well you know what happened--but then Mark appeared from nowhere, stunned Sam and dragged Cameron away."
There was a silence in the air, that was broken thankfully by Alia. "Also, the papers are back to calling Harry the 'Boy who lived', and Rory 'The girl who survived.'"
"Trying to get back into our good books." Harry muttered. "They're only being nice now because there's proof."
"Oh, and there's an exclusive interview with Harry on page nine..." Alia peered in the paper. "When did you have the time to creep off to reporters, eh?"
“Daddy sold the interview to them,” said Luna vaguely, turning a page of The Quibbler. “He got a very good price for it too, so we’re going to go on an expedition to Sweden this summer and see if we can catch a Crumple-Horned Snorkack.”
Hermione seemed to struggle with herself for a moment, then said, “That sounds lovely.”
"So is everything back to normal now Dumbledore's back?" I asked. "I'd like some good news for once."
"Yeah," Neville said. "It's all settling down again."
"Apart from Filch," Ginny said in a whisper. "He says Umbridge is the best thing to happen to this place."
Her eyes were fixated on a certain point, and I followed her gaze to see Umbridge sat on a bed opposite us, her stare blank as she looked at the ceiling.
"She hasn't said a word since she got back," Alia whispered. "Madam Pomfrey says it's shock. I hope she never speaks again, that bat."
"If only." I muttered. "Nothing goes right anymore, does it?"
Ron and Harry exchanged a look, that I suspected was about my current mental stability. "Just think, at least nobody got to see the stupid prophecy things."
The words of the prophecy floated back into my head, and the feeling of dread came back over me again, making me feel sick. "I'm going to visit Gennie," I said blankly.
I slipped behind Gennie's curtain, taking a seat on the side of the bed. She was asleep, paler than I'd ever seen her. There was a long scratch down her face, which I highly suspected was from Cameron. And next to her of course, was Cole. He held onto one of her hands as he slept, his hair tousled and lip ring hanging out from clear stress.
"Rory, is that you?" Gennie whispered, squinting around the cubicle. Her voice sounded weak and small, making me feel quite sick.
"Yeah, I'm here." I said, pulling the chair closer to her. "How you doing?"
"After being practically stabbed in the stomach and seeing blood pour out me? Not so good." Gennie said. "Sorry. Insenstive considering what happened to you."
"Nah, it's not. You getting stabbed is more important than my grief." I said, reaching out and holding her hand. "I lose people all the time, so it's nothing new."
"Rory..." Gennie sighed. "I'm so sorry this happened to you."
I shrugged, pulling the blanket closer around me. "Well it's happened now, there's nothing you can do about it."
"There's one thing you can do," Gennie said quietly, squeezing my hand. "You can remember Sirius."
"It hurts to." I whispered. "Everything hurts, Gen--worse than it did with any of the other people I've lost. Kayley, Jenna, Cedric---that was childplay compared to this."
"Listen," Gennie said quietly. "It hurt me when I was old enough to realise my mother wasn't alive, that she'd died for a cause I didn't understand at the time. But I never got to know her, I didn't have any memories of her to keep to my heart. I had pictures, but they don't speak as loud as memories. You got to know Sirius, you got to physcially and emotionally know him. Even though I know your heart must be aching and palitpating, try to remember the little things about him. His laugh, his scent, the waves of his voice. Just remember the best times you knew him. Just remember he loved you no matter what."
Closing my eyes I thought of Sirius' throaty chuckle, his hugs that held me so close I could smell him and the way he'd drum his fingers on the table at dinner when he was bored. All those little things that made up Sirius Black, my godfather.
"This was his." I croaked out, feeling tears starting to roll down my cheeks. "I went to his house. I... I wanted to make sure this was real."
"Hey now, don't cry." Gennie chuckled, brushing her hand up to my tears. "That's the first step into grief, you'll make it."
She lent forward to hug me, but at the last moment whimpered in pain and retired back to the bed, her face pale. "Are you okay?" I asked worriedly.
"Fine." Gennie grunted, clenching her eyes shut. "The wound is still fresh."
"There was so much blood..."
"True," Rory said. "It wouldn't stop bleeding for hours. Madam Pomfrey said I was touch and go for a minute..." she laughed lightly. "I thought I was going to die, but I held on somehow. I'm glad I did. There's so much I still want to get out of life..."
She sighed, pushing her hair over her shoulder. "I'll get a nasty scar, I suppose. It'll probably beat your puny lightning scar."
I couldn't help letting out a small laugh, which was refreshing for a moment. Gennie looked over at Cole, moving hair out of his eyes as he slept on the side of the bed. "I probably sound stupid, but I'm actually worrying more about him than about myself."
"You're right, you do sound stupid." Cole declared, sitting up. "What? Did you actually think I'd sleep when my girlfriend is recovering from a stab wound? Not bloody likely."
He kissed Gennie on the cheek, and lightly ran his fingers over her arm. "You are allowed to worry about yourself Gen, you did nearly die."
"Well you were tortured as well." Gennie said quietly, wrapping a piece of hair around her finger. "I'm allowed to worry about you."
Cole shrugged and didn't look her in the eye as he pushed his lip ring back into place. "Just a bit of readjustment. I haven't been hurt like that in a while." He grinned. "But don't worry, next time I see him, I'm going to kill him. I will kill him for all the times he's hurt the people I love."
The tone of his voice was so serious I felt a chill go up my spine. A part of me prayed for Cole to do it, stop the trail of bodies and hurt Cameron was leaving along the road...
"It's not your fault, any of it." I spoke up, the two of them looking at me. "Jia being killed, him forcing himself onto me, hurting Gennie--not even him escaping Azkaban. None of it's your fault."
"Well I was the trigger for his evil side, so it probably is." Cole laughed, though there were tears in his eyes.
"Right, you two have got to listen to me." Gennie said sternly. "Voldemort is officially back, so we have to stick together. There are no more secrets or lies between us. We can't let guilt or grief destroy us, because it's harder to fight back and end this."
"Right, so the three of us against the world, huh?" I laughed bitterly.
"Well that sounds like a slogan for a threesome or something, and I'm not in for anything tha weird." Cole said, raising his hands up.
Gennie laughed, and I forced a smile. "Come here, my two idiots."
I half-climbed onto the bed, and Gennie wrapped her arms around the two of us. She kissed Cole's head and lent onto my shoulder, looking up at me with a smile. "I promise you both, things will be okay. It might take a bit longer than you would like to feel okay, but it will happen."
* * *
Hermione and Ron left the hospital wing after three days, but Gennie had to spend a further week in order to heal and recover. Cole hardly left the hospital wing, he only did so when Arthur forced him to go to lessons.
But Gennie was perfectly fine now, the only hint that she'd been hurt in the first place was the long jagged scar that ran along her stomach.
Sam on the other hand was making a point about being hurt. Her hand had been broken by Cameron in the struggle, but she refused to let it heal. She kept saying that letting the hand heal on it's own, she would be able to heal inside.
Arthur informed us that she kept saying things like this, she wasn't coping with Jia's death. She didn't enjoy lessons anymore, and she didn't smile--she just held onto the necklace she'd taken from Jia's body.
Oddly the next month for me became the shaky start of a recovery of sorts. I had expected cloudy skies and dark thoughts, but somehow it'd been a bit easier than the last time. Draco had been amazing, taking me on dates and kissing me until I forgot everything bad in my life.
He was even nice to my friends, and my friends tried to be nice to him. Arthur even carefully cut out a small section of Sirius' blanket for me to carry around for comfort, and all of this combined helped me deal with the nights.
I still had flashbacks and nightmares in the nights, but I just took sleeping potions and held onto Minnie to pray I'd make it through until light came.
"I still can't believe you haven't packed!" Gennie shook her head on the last day of term. "You'll miss the feast!"
"Well I'm not so thrilled about going back to Privet drive, to be honest." I shrugged, putting one of my jumpers carelessly into my trunk. "I'd rather just stay here. Things are happy here."
Gennie gave me a small smile. "You can try to make happiness wherever you go, Rory. Just hold onto the fact you'll be back here soon. I always did that, when I first went home from Hogwarts.... Forget about my internal problems, do you want me to stay? Need help?"
"Go to the feast." I urged. "I won't be too long."
This year seemed worse than ever to leave Hogwarts. The past two years had been easy to leave, but now, I just wanted to cling to Hogwarts and never let go. I packed everything slowly and carefully, hoping that if I took my time, I could stay here longer.
Picking up a pair of socks, I was shocked when a large shard of glass slipped out. Frowining, I picked it up, until I realised what it was. The useless piece of glass of Sirius'... Even the sight of that was making my heart hurt.
A piece of paper was stuck to the back, and I peeled it off hesitantly. It'd been in my drawer for months, untouched...
This is a two-way mirror. I’ve got the other. If you need to speak to me, just say my name into it; you’ll appear in my mirror and I’ll be able to talk in yours. James and I used to use them when we were in separate detentions.
I thought of how I heard a laugh from the mirror one time--it must have been Hollie passing the mirror on the other side.... If only I'd used it, I could have spoken to him before everything escalated... A slash of sharp pain startled me, and I was shocked to see I'd slashed the glass over my finger.
A feeling of dark guilt at hurting myself came through me with twisting guilt, and I shoved it to the bottom of the trunk, wiping the blood from my hand.
Leaving the rest of my items I walked through the halls, wishing, wishing I could talk to Sirius again. I just needed to know he was okay..,. A ghost passed me, and I wondered for a minute, for a second if he'd come back as a ghost....
But no, if he'd wanted to come back, he would have by now... Ghosts who didn't have any business stayed away. Sirius had a hard life, he wouldn't want to come back just to satisfy the gnawing feeling of guilt in my gut...
He would rather see my parents again than me, and I felt the same way, I understood.... But it still left me sad and empty inside, that there was no chance of me seeing Sirius again.
"Oh hello, Rory." Luna's dreamy voice came from down the corridor, bringing me out of my thoughts. She was posting notices on the wall.
"Why aren't you at the feast?" I asked her once I'd approached. "I thought there'd be pudding there."
“Well, I’ve lost most of my possessions,” said Luna serenely. “Peopletake them and hide them, you know. But as it’s the last night, I really do need them back, so I’ve been putting up signs.”
She gestured toward the notice board, upon which, read off several items, including clothes and books.
"Well that's just mean, why do they do that?" I asked with a frown.
“Oh . . . well . . .” She shrugged. “I think they think I’m a bit odd, you know. Some people call me ‘Loony’ Lovegood, actually.”
"They're just jealous of how you're a wonderful person, and they're not." I told her encouragingly. "Do you need any help finding the stuff?"
“Oh no,” she said, smiling at him. “They’ll come back, they always do in the end. It was just that I wanted to pack tonight. Anyway . . .why aren’t you at the feast?”
"Wasn't in the right frame of mind to pretend everything's okay." I shrugged.
"No, I don't suppose it is." Luna said. "That man, the one the death eater killed--he was your godfather, wasn't he? Ginny said he was."
I nodded, wrapping my finger around the fabric in my pocket. "You can see the thestrals as well, can't you? Did you know somebody--you know who's gone now?"
“Yes,” said Luna simply, “my mother. She was a quite extraordinary witch, you know, but she did like to experiment and one of her spells went rather badly wrong one day. I was nine.”
"That's really sad."
“Yes, it was rather horrible,” said Luna conversationally. “I still feel very sad about it sometimes. But I’ve still got Dad. And anyway, it’s not as though I’ll never see Mum again, is it?”
"How will you see her again?" I asked curiously.
"The voices behind the veil. You heard them too, didn't you?"
I couldn't help smiling. "I suppose we'll see them all again, won't we?" I paused. "Are you sure you don't want my help? I could get Alia to beat people up for your stuff back."
“Oh no,” said Luna. “No, I think I’ll just go down and have some pudding and wait for it all to turn up. . . . It always does in the end.. . . Well, have a nice holiday, Rory.”
"I hope you have a great holiday, Luna. You deserve it."
* * * * * * *
The journey home the next day was subdued. Sam, Cole, Alia, Gennie and I had a compartment to ourselves, and nobody was talking very much. Gennie was lying across Cole's lap as he casually played with her hair, Alia was reading from a book and I was makin music come from my wand quietly, leaving soft instrumentals travel through the compartment.
"I might not come back to school next year." Sam said abruptly, all of us looking up simultaniously.
"Jesus Christ, you've been here for half a term." Alia said. "The school can't be that bad."
"The school's fine, I'm not." Sam shrugged, playing with her necklace.
"It's because of her, isn't it?" I said quietly. "You don't want to deal with the memories of her."
Sam nodded her head, avoiding eye contact. "Bullshit." Cole spoke loudly, and everyone looked at him.
"Excuse me?" Sam hissed. "This is my choice, Cole."
Cole brushed Gennie off his lap and knelt by Sam's feet, holding her hands reluctantly. "I get it, you probably made some stupid deal with Dumbledore that gets you revenge for Jia. You get to be the hero, die in blazing glory and kill my brother in the process. But you can't leave to do that."
"Cole..."
"We're all in this together, okay?" Cole said loudly. "The five of us have been through some shit this year--partly because of me not having any meds--but we can't seperate now. You can't let Cameron control you like this, otherwise he'll drown you without even being close. I should know. I almost drowned a couple times, until people pulled me out last minute." He looked over at Gennie with a smile, before his attention was back on Sam.
"Does this mean you're pulling me out?" Sam whispered, playing with her hands.
"Yes." Cole said firmly. "Just stay for us. The five of us are family, and that means nobody gets to walk away when things get tough."
Sam gave a half-attempt at a smile. "I suppose I should carry on with my studies, I do want to beat Hermione in NEWTS..."
And even though Sam was smiling and talking more on the journey home, for some reason she kept shooting me sad looks which made my stomach turn into knots for the rest of the journey.
* * *
After giving out hugs to my friends as we exited the train, and getting a cake from Cole's mother ('An apology for my идиот worrying you so much in the hospital last Christmas) which lead to Cole turning bright pink, I turned around to try and find Harry.
He was stood with our Uncle and Aunt, who seemed to be getting a lecture from Moody and Lupin, which was a sight for sore eyes. Forcing a smile, I started to head over--until somebody blocked my way.
Draco.
"Hey!" I exclaimed, kissing him quickly. He didn't respond, which gave me a funny feeling, but I kept a forced smile on my face. "I was trying to find you."
"Probably because I was looking for you." He said stiffly.
"Right," I frowned. "Well I just wondered when you want to meet up in the holidays. I think we should try to have the best summer ever. We deserve it after the year we've had."
"Nothing." Draco said blankly.
The butterflies in my stomach increased, and I laughed nervously. "Why's that?"
"Well I'm breaking up with you, exes generally don't hang out with exes."
The butterflies in my stomach manifested into big dirty moths. My breath came out short and anxiously, and I took a step back from Draco. The world was spinning. Was this a nightmare?
"What?" I choked out, my throat closing up from shock.
"Are you deaf?" He snapped. "I just broke up with you. Do you understand that? Are you going to leave now?"
"Why." I spat out, my hands starting to shake. "Tell me why. Why are you doing this?"
"You weren't useful." He said simply, shoving his hands into his pockets like this was a normal conversation.
"Not useful at what?" I spat out. "Not being a loyal girlfriend for over a year? Not doing nasty things for your pleasure? Because damn it Draco, I've never done anything wrong by us."
"You didn't give me the information I needed." Draco spat out. "Not about the secret societies both inside and outside of school, the damn prophecy or anything about Dumbledore's plans. You made it a long and boring year and half to be honest."
"Stop talking riddles." I whispered, shutting my eyes. "What are you saying?"
"That my father came to me almost two years ago, saying I needed to get close to you. Romantically close. Make you care for me, love me. Then there'd be a high chance you'd spill all the secrets about Dumbledore you knew, all the things The Dark Lord needed to know." He said simply. "But God! Even when we got together you didn't trust me enough!"
"All of it--it was a lie?" I whispered, the world spinning again. "Right from the start? Right from the Yule Ball?"
"Oh my God, did you seriously expect a romance to be so perfect to start with?" Draco laughed cruelly. "All those near kisses, and a confession of love under the snow before I promise to stay with your broken mind? That's what you wanted to hear, it was created for someone niave to believe when spoken the right way."
"But you said.. You promise you'd be here.."
"You actually believed me!" Draco laughed. "You thought I cared about your whining about depression and mental breakdowns? Honestly, it all got annoying after the twenty-seventh time you came crying to me."
I could almost feel the strings keeping my heart together undoing as my hands shook, staring at the smirking boy in front of me. "Please, Draco." I said, my voice strained. "If you're doing this to protect me from something, stop. Please. It's hurting me."
Draco laughed, turning away from me. "You idiot, have you gone deaf?" He paused for a second before turning around, his eyes full of malice. "It wasn't real!"
Everything built up in my mind at once, the buzzing in my head reaching a peak as my eyes blurred with tears. "Well you know what?" I shouted. "It was real to ME."
And then I was running as fast as my legs could carry me, everything burning and my voice in broken sobs. I felt arms catch me, my brother, holding me close, asking if I was okay.
"You were right." I choked out. "He used me the whole time. It wasn't real."
I turned my head over Harry's shoulder as he held me, seeing Draco turning away from me, without looking back once. And then, he was gone, taking my heart with him.
- - - - - - - -
A/N So, um, this happened. DON'T KILL ME, EVERYTHING IS HAPPENING FOR A REASON I'VE PLANNED THIS FOR TWO YEARS.
The Bulgarian word means idiot, btw.
Book three is almost finished, the epilouge will be up soon with a new POV. Infor about the sequel will be in the next part as well as a playlist