They all used pickup lines....don't @ me
Tanjiro Kamado:
Pure
-
"Do you mind if I walk you home? My mother always told me to follow my dreams."
You guys were about to leave from a date. Then Tanjiro came out with a pickup line, wow, what a guy.
"I-I....y-yeah..sure." You said, trying not to get noticeably flustered but you failed.
Tanjiro chuckled and took your hand, stroking it with his thumb. You could feel your face get even warmer after his chuckle.
"Hm? Are you okay? Was it too much?" Tanjiro asked feeling concerned.
He put his face closer to yours to get any hint of your current emotions. That action only fueled your burning face.
"Yup! I'm great! Let's just go home!" You said, trying to avoid any further embarrassment of any sorts.
Tanjiro smiled and nodded.
"Let's go." He took your hand and lead you.
Zenitsu Agatsuma:
Not pure
-
"Did you get your clothes on sale? Because at my house, they'd be 100% off."
You just came out of your house to go on a date with Zenitsu [idk what's up with the date plots] and he pulled that move. I know right, omg Zenitsu.
"W-What?" Your face turned into a literal tomato.
You tried to give a reply but kept stuttering. Eventually, you put your hands on your face to cover your embarrassment.
"Y/n-chan/kun?" Zenitsu got worried that he went too far.
You sighed and began to calm down.
"Yeah? Let's just go on with our date, alright?" You suggested with a smile.
Zenitsu smiled and nodded.
"But that wasn't a lie." Zenitsu mumbled and you heard him.
"E-Excuse me?" Your face turned red again and you couldn't get out of it this time.
"N-No no! I'm sorry!" Zenitsu apologized after you couldn't stop blushing.
You squealed and covered your face by hiding it in Zenitsu's chest.
"I-It's okay!" You mumbled.
Inosuke Hashibira:
Not pure?
-
"Know what I'd do if I could rearrange the alphabet? Put the D in U."
You were trying to help Inosuke with writing and reading since he...you know, grew up in the mountains. When you finished going over the alphabet for the 10th time, Inosuke pulled that out of somewhere.
"First of all, that is grammatically incorrect. It should be D and U, not D in U. And secondly, why must you be like this?" You looked at Inosuke whom was smirking.
"Or is it correct?" You began mumbling and trying to make sense of Inosuke's sentence.
He only looked at you and frowned.
"THAT'S NOT THE DAMN POINT, [Y/n mispronounced]!" He yelled.
"I THOUGHT YOU COULD FINALLY SAY MY NAME CORRECTLY!" You retorted.
Inosuke groaned and went closer to you. He leaned close to your ear and whispered,
"I'm sure you still get the point, don't you?"
Then, he began to- actually, you guys can just imagine what happens next (͠≖ ͜ʖ͠≖).
Giyu Tomioka:
Pure
-
"Did the sun come out or did you just smile?"
This happened on a day where Giyu had decided to train outside. In the end when he stopped, you were there so you both decided to just stay outside and admire the rising moon. You were about to fall into a comfortable slumber on Giyu's shoulder - with a smile knowing Giyu was there and safe - when he spoke. Your eyes immediately widened and you began to blush profusely. You looked away but your blush didn't die down, matter of fact, it increased. You heard Giyu chuckle at your action and he extended his arm and pulled you closer to him. He hugged you and laid down on the fresh grass with you.
"Are you comfortable on the ground?" He asked.
Your blush ceased and you smiled.
"Yeah, I am." You went closer to Giyu and fell asleep with him.
Sabito:
Pure
-
"Are you Australian? Because you meet my koalafications."
Sabito, Makomo, Giyu, and yourself had gone on a trip since Oyakata had given you guys a break. You all ended up going to the zoo and when you all reached the koala exhibit Sabito thought of that pickup line. Giyu heard what he said and, oh man. He speed walked towards Sabito whom was grinning from ear to ear from his clever line. Giyu grabbed Sabito by the collar of his shirt and spoke angrily,
"What the hell are you trying to say? What if she/he didn't meet your 'koalafications'? What then, hm?"
"I-I didn't mean it like that!" Sabito insisted.
"G-Giyu! Let him go!" You said as you walked to your brother and gripped one of his arms.
Giyu huffed and let go of Sabito, dropping him on the floor. He walked away to another part of the zoo while you looked at Sabito and chuckled.
"I'm sorry about that." You smiled and extended your hand towards Sabito.
"Heh, yeah it's no problem." He smiled.
Yushiro:
Not pure cuz my I'll get triggered if it's uneven ಥ ͜ʖಥ [I'm so sorry Yushiro]
-
"Are you a drum set? Because I want to bang you."
You looked at Yushiro and squealed. You began to blush.
"What is it? Did I say something wrong?" Yushiro asked being concerned for you well-being.
"Y-Yushi, do you know what that means?" You asked, trying not to stutter too much.
"Well, not really. I came across this website with pickup lines so I tried one out." He said.
"Too pure." You thought and smiled a bit.
"Well, don't say that please, for both our sakes." You giggled awkwardly.
Yushiro lifted one of his eyebrows in confusion but decided not to question it.
"Okay." He nodded.
Muzan Kibutsuji:
Not pure
-
"Let's play carpenter. First we'll get hammered, then I'll nail you."
You were laying with Muzan on the floor, bored out of your minds. Muzan didn't have any missions for you so you asked him what you could do in the mansion. Muzan shrugged and just decided to lay with you on the floor to try and come up with an idea to cure your boredom. He eventually blurted out a pickup line without thinking. When you heard Muzan speak the first part of "playing carpenter" you thought to yourself,
"He had me in the first half not gonna lie." You sighed.
"You know? Mad coincidence, I just got tired so I'm just gonna go to my room and sleep. Goodnight Mu-sama." You smiled and bolted out the room before any sinful activities happened. [Damn, you cockblocked yourself ಥ ͜ʖಥ]
Kyojuro Rengoku:
Pure
-
"If you were a veggie, you'd be a cutecumber."
You were cooking in your kitchen when suddenly, Rengoku came up behind you, wrapped his arms around your waist and said that to you while resting his head on your shoulder. The pickup line elicited a small giggle from your lips.
"Thanks Ren-san." You said and continued to cook.
"No problem, Love." Rengoku smiled and just stood there, hugging you until you finished.
"Alright. Eat up!" You smiled as you finished setting up the dining table for yourself and Rengoku.
Rengoku's mouth watered at the sight of the delicious plates so much that he walked over to you and pecked your cheek with a kiss and said,
"You're the best, Love."
You smiled and replied,
"And so are you."
[A/n: So like, I took my time writing something and thought you guys deserved something meme-worthy after waiting like a week for my slow ass to write so here it is, enjoy: Shadow the Hedgehog's a bitchass motherfucker, he pissed on my fucking wife, that's right. He took his hedgehog fucking quilly dick out and he pissed on my fucking wife. And he said his dick was tнιѕ вιg and I said that's disgusting. So I'm making a call out post on my twitter.com Shadow the Hedgehog you got a small dick it's the size of this walnut except way smaller and guess what? Here's what my dong looks like B-BWAAAAAAGHHH
That's right baby, all points, no quills, no pillows. Look at that, it looks like two balls and a bong. He's fucked my wife so guess what, I'm gonna fuck the Earth. That's right, this is what you get MY SUPER LAZER PISS.
I'm not gonna piss on the Earth
I'm gonna go higher, I'm pissing on the MOOOOONN. How do you like that Obama?! I pissed on the moon you idiot!
You have 23 hours before the piss drrrrropulits hit the fucking Earth now get out of my fucking sight before I piss on you too. ]