How about you? Do you feel the same way?
Don't just look at me with that unknown expression
Do you not understand what I mean?
It's because I cared about you
.
.
[Flashback...]
[9 year old Seokjin, Prague]
It was around spring with pleasant weather when Seokjin and his mother had a fine and lovely afternoon tea. Seokjin's father, an architect, had a project to build KIM Hotels & Resorts there in Prague, and took the family with him for half a year. It was around spring with pleasant weather when Seokjin enjoyed the traditional Czech kolache sweet roll with hot chocolate and his mother enjoyed a piece of babovka with mint tea, in the outdoor seating cafe in Stare Mesto, Old Town Square of Prague.
Seokjin and his mother enjoyed their afternoon tea as they waited for another people to join. Seokjin's mother had a close friend who took visit into some places in Europe for vacation, and when this close friend arrived in Prague she invited her for a lovely afternoon tea with them. Seokjin mother's friend had son named Hyosang that already be friends with Seokjin since they were babies.
As they waited, Seokjin just looking around as he munched his precious kolache. Seokjin was just looking around, and then his gaze glued to see this certain person. A handsome boy, probably same age with him, wearing a fancy brown turtleneck sweater, and was reading encyclopedia with serious expression.
They were separated by the pavements street, in the different outdoor seating cafe. And Seokjin just stared into the handsome boy like he finally found someone perfect to be friends with. As homeschooling student, Seokjin got a feeling that this handsome boy must be cool and fun. The perfect one type. Not that this handsome boy has no flaw, but the perfect one type, that is not his childhood friend, Hyosang. This handsome boy was somehow totally charmed him.
Seokjin way too focused with his intense staring, made this handsome boy realized that someone was watching at him, and the handsome boy looked around for a while before he found Seokjin. Their eyes met. The handsome boy stared back, and after some moment in silence, this handsome boy smiled. A smile that revealed those adorable dimples.
A smile that revealed those adorable dimples, that made Seokjin blushed and chewed his lips, forgot the delicious kolache.
They were staring each other, and the time just seemed to stop. The time has stopped to celebrate their meeting.
"Seokjinie!"
Seokjin jolted when a distracted cheerful voice greeted him and he got a warm hug.
"H-hyosang? You already here?" Seokjin didn't even know why he stuttered.
"I bought you something." Hyosang said as he handed a whole package of Tatranky Hazelnut.
Seokjin received it happily. "Whoaaahh." Those wafer bars were one of his favorite.
"Hyosang, you are already this tall and getting more handsome?" Seokjin's mother patted the boy's head lovingly.
As the others were all talking together, Seokjin turned his head once more to see the handsome boy accross the pavements street. Found the other one gathered his encyclopedia and stood up. And Hyosang distracted him once more.
"Yeah, what?" Seokjin halfheartedly listening. He just needed to see this handsome boy accross the pavements street, but when he turned his head, the handsome boy already walked away.
For some moment, Seokjin's eyes just followed the handsome boy left the crowd and disappeared.
It was around spring with pleasant weather when Seokjin and his mother had a fine and lovely afternoon tea. It was around spring with pleasant weather when Seokjin enjoyed the traditional Czech kolache sweet roll with hot chocolate and his mother enjoyed a piece of babovka with mint tea, in the outdoor seating cafe in Stare Mesto, Old Town Square of Prague. Seokjin shrugged his shoulders as he bit his lower lip, and later he smiled.
Seokjin smiled. Only for some couple of seconds, the handsome boy was someone important for him. Only for some couple of seconds, the handsome boy was his whole universe. Someone perfect to be friends with. The perfect one type, that gave him warm feelings and happiness. The perfect one, and the only one, that for some couple of seconds made his world a fairyland.
Seokjin was only 9 year old, and the handsome boy smiled at him. And it was somehow enough for him.
.
Do you not believe what I say?
Maybe my feelings for you were too much
.
[7 year old Namjoon, Prague]
Namjoon went to Prague for a family vacation while his father monitoring the KIM Hotels & Resorts project. Once in a while Namjoon's father took a monitor visit and this time he went there with his family. Namjoon spent his one week vacation mostly with his mother while his father always busy with his works.
It was Namjoon's last day in Prague and his mother wanted to have afternoon tea in Stare Mesto, Old Town Square before heading into the airport. He didn't have any problem with it. As long as his mother happy and he had encyclopedia in his hands, he would be okay to stay in a crowd.
Namjoon was peacefully reading the encyclopedia when he felt someone was watching at him. He looked around for a moment and then his gaze glued to see this certain person. A pretty boy, probably same age with him, was wearing white crochet sweater, and munched a kolache sweet roll cutely. Their eyes met, and after some moment in silence, he gave this pretty boy his warmest smile. A smile that revealed his dimples.
A smile that made the pretty boy blushed and chewed his plump cherry lips.
They were curiously staring each other, the pretty boy was kinda shy, and the time just seemed to stop. The time has stopped to celebrate their meeting.
At that certain innocent moment, Namjoon felt like he found his own universe. A whole adorable and magical universe. This 'universe-ish' wasn't a creepy thoughts as he was only 7 year old boy. It was somehow 'to be friends with this pretty one would be more interesting and lovely than be friends with books and being nerd' kind of feelings. And it was the very first time for 7 year old Namjoon to felt that way. He loved books after his mother, more than anything, before his eyes met this pretty one's soft beads.
He smiled, and caught the pretty one blushed.
"Namjoonie, we have to go to the airport now."
"Huh? Right now?"
Namjoon wanted to stay longer, but he had no choice. He turned his head to find out the pretty one being hugged by another boy. He tilted his head with the thoughts 'maybe wanted to be friends with this pretty one way too much' and he could only stared for a moment before he gathered his belonging and stood up to join his mother walked into the parking area. He shrugged his shoulders as he walked, but something stopped him. He turned to see this pretty one once more. He captured the beauty and kept it inside his mind. He smiled. He smiled and gave the pretty one an innocent flying kiss.
It was Namjoon's last day in Prague and his mother wanted to have afternoon tea in Stare Mesto, Old Town Square before heading into the airport. It was around spring with pleasant weather when Namjoon met his universe. And the innocent flying kiss was something the pretty one would never realize.
Namjoon was only 7 year old, and the warm smile he gave for the pretty one was sincere. His smiled has been received with adorable cute blush. And it was somehow enough for him.
.
I hope you know when it's spring again (I hope you know)
Even if I'm not there (even if I'm not there)
Please know me
My heart has waited for you until now
.
.
[22 year old Seokjin, Seoul]
Seokjin ended the video call with Hyosang and took a vintage journal from his drawer. The following day would be his graduation day. And he was ready to be brave for the sake of his feelings.
Kim Namjoon...
Seokjin blushed as he started to write things on his journal.
Seokjin saw this person the very first time when he was in his second year in the university. He saw this man in the library and was always staring the man from afar since then. This person took an engineering major a year later counted as Seokjin's junior. Seokjin knew the name and such about Namjoon from people around, this young man was quite popular for having such reputation. They called him, Kim hot genius.
Seokjin wanted to be friends with this Kim Namjoon, to know the man better, up close and personal. But, this Kim bloody Namjoon was out of his league. Hyosang might came from a family of doctors, but Namjoon came from family he would never have the opportunity to touch.
After the graduation, Seokjin had some lecturing assistant project and also had to go to study abroad. He didn't know what a future could bring for him. He fell in love, his heart was stolen by this man named Namjoon, and Hyosang told him to confess. He better confess or he would regret because Namjoon would never know that he even exist.
Hyosang was right, so he prepared a handmade handkerchief as a graduation present for Namjoon. Totally ignored the myth of Shakespeare's Othello he once read, since he always believed handkerchief is a romantic gift.
Seokjin was ready to confess. He wanted to tell Namjoon about his feelings. He could only wish to see Namjoon at the graduation party to give the handkerchief, along with love letter. He wished, he could get the chance to talk to Namjoon.
Seokjin smiled with the thoughts that he could finally speak up about what he felt, though he actually didn't really write daily journal anymore since he entered the university, he even wrote love letter. Seokjin only write daily journal when he felt like he needed to. And that night he wanted to write it down. He grinned as he started to write. Whatever the result, even if Namjoon reject his confession, he would be fine. At least he tried, and Namjoon would know that Kim Seokjin does exist. Seokjin was ready to confess. He needed to be brave for the sake of his feelings.
... I met him when I was 20
Seokjin added a heart sign and closed the vintage journal. Hid it in the corner of his drawer.
.
.
[End of flashback]
.
.
Seokjin wanted to treat himself way more soft. And he wanted to forgive. Forgive himself for anything happened in the past. Forgive his feelings. Forgive for being tough and locked his heart so anyone could never enter. He wanted to forgive himself, for not letting Myungsoo get the truth about the father, nor call Namjoon as 'daddy.' Forgive himself for everything. Forgive, so he could make his soul way more peaceful. As for anything, Seokjin wanted to heal...
He only needed to see Namjoon and tell the man. They are friends.
Seokjin dragged his feet to get closer. Forced himself to see. The moment Seokjin opened the fabric cloth cover, he screamed Namjoon's name and cried his heart out.
Slumped on the cold tiles, Seokjin cried and shook his head in frustration.
"Namjoon, let's be friends..."
Seokjin sobbed as he ignored the gently patts Bomi gave him on his back, as the young lady tried to calm him. Ignored Hyosang that carefully helped him to stand up.
"Namjoon, please..."
Tears streamed down like a waterfall on his cheeks, blurred his vision. His mind went unclear and foggy. And all he wanted was a little miracle. That's it...
"Please don't leave..."
.
That I wish you when spring comes (I wish you)
Before I leave (before I leave)
You'll know me
And my heart has waited so far
.
.
A/N:
The italic lines were lyrics of "Spring Again" by Golden Child