Raindrops fly against the window Y/N stands in front of. She's in the common room and looks out. Her gaze flies over New York, deep in her thoughts. She doesn't know how long she's already here but her feet start to hurt, and she figures that it has to be more than an hour. Still, she doesn't want to move. The windows and the sight calm her thoughts. It's the day of the year Y/N hates the most. Days before the date of today she starts feeling depressed. Her best friend knows that and always starts to try to cheer her up but since she spends more and more time at the tower, she sees her less and less. They text each other and Y/N got several texts from her already, but she just ignores them. She finds that her friend will understand and as soon as the next day has passed, she will call her or meet up to talk to her about it. Today is the day Y/N and her brothers lost so much. On this day, years back, her parents died. Y/N feels tears in her eyes and a lump in her throat as she swallows to fight against the tears. She hadn't told the other what a day it is and up until now she managed to either get out of the way of everyone or make conversations as short as possible so that nobody caught on her emotionally mood. She's deep in her thoughts again, so she doesn't hear the steps and the laughter in the hall. Only as the door opens and the laughter fills the room, she turns around and wipes her eyes. She's met with several faces of confusion as the others caught up on her presence and the laughter dies immediately as they see the tears in her eyes. "Y/N?" Wanda makes a step to her but Y/N shakes her head. Steve and Sam exchange a look and Bucky grabs Nat's wrist as she, too, tries to step forward to Y/N. "I-I'm fine. S-Sorry." Y/N shakes her head and walks past them. Out of the room and the awkward situation and to her room. She opens the door and closes it behind her. "FRIDAY, can you tell everybody to leave me alone for today?"
"Sure, Miss Y/N."
"And can you not tell them about what a day it is today? I know that Tony already knows. He sticks his nose everywhere- Just make sure the others don't know. I don't want to be pitied."
"I can't guarantee for them to find out on their own but I won't tell them. Do you wish for me to get lunch and dinner up to your room or do you like to join the others?"
"To my room, please. Thank you, FRIDAY."
"No problem." She sighs and walks to her bed. She sits down on the edge and let silent tears stream down her cheek. She knows it's pathetic after these many years to cry over the loss, but she's still as sad as she was on the day, she got the massage. She was never really allowed herself to mourn the way she needs to because she felt the pressure and duty to care for her siblings. Normally, they would all come together at the grave each year, no matter of the weather but this year Y/N doesn't have the energy to do so. This year would be the first year when she's not going to visit them. She knows very well that her brothers will wait for her and that they start to worry before they get angry because she doesn't show up and won't give them an explanation why she's not coming. But it doesn't matter to her. She's in a hole where no one is able to pull her out of. She is depressed, and she won't ask for help because there is no one who could help her. She knows that Steve, Bucky or the others are there for her, but she's just not comfortable asking for help. So, she won't. At some point she had drifted off on her bed after laying down. As she opens her eyes its past lunch. She's not really hungry, so she just decides to stay in bed as a knock sounds on her door. She's silent but it knocks again and again and gets louder and louder each time. "Y/N! If you're not going to open, I break this door." Bucky's voice sounds through the wood. Y/N closes her eyes and breathes out before standing up and opening the door. She's greeted with Bucky's expressionless face. He holds a tray witch eggs, juice, coffee and a package of tissues. "Are you going to stare or can I come in?"
"If you have to."
"I have to." Y/N looks into his eyes and reluctantly steps aside to let him in. She watches as he walks to her bed and places the tray on the mattress. He turns around and crosses his arms. They stare at each other for a moment. No one says anything. Then she lets her head hand and looks at her feet. "You're not asking what's up with me?"
"No." They're silent again until Y/N speaks up again. "Why not?"
"Because I know how it is when you don't want to talk about something and other people pressure you to do so. I'll wait. If you're ready you can tell me." Y/N nods and walks up to her bed. She sits down and snacks the cup of coffee from the tray. "I thought you would already know what's up with me."
"I do."
"And you're still not asking?" She looks up at him in confusion. "I told you. I wait until you're ready to tell." She nods again but then she lets out a laugh. "You're kind of like my littlest brother. He always waited for the others to talk but would never talk about himself." Bucky doesn't answer, but he doesn't have to. Y/N knows that he's listening because he slowly sinks down on the mattress. "He's probably mad about me now because he and my other brother are waiting for me. But I can't go this year. Every year when we meet at this grave I- I feel like I have to comfort them. I can't mourn. And it eats me up a little more each year. This year is just- I'm just-" She bites her lip. And stares at the brown liquid splash around in the cup while her hands shake. Bucky takes it form her hands and holds out his metal hand for her to hold. But then he turns a little and holds up his other hand. Y/N stares at it but doesn't take it. Instead, she reaches for the metal one and closes her finger gently around his wrist. She feels him tense and relax again as she inspects it a little before she speaks up again. "I'm burned out. I want to see them, to visit my parents. But today I just don't feel it. I don't want this date to be always one of bad memories and decisions. I'm tired of being the on responsible for my siblings. I want to get comforted. I want to be cared for. I want- I want to just have a bit of peace." Its silent again. Then Bucky slips down into a crouch before her and lays his flesh hand on her cheek, wiping a tear away. "That's why I'm here. Steve told me to get you something to eat, to force you to get dressed and drag you down. He knows what a day it is too."
"How do you two know?"
"Tony told Steve after you left. He got there when you were just around the corner."
"Of course, he told you." She looks down and shakes her head. "So, do I have to force-feed you or are you going to eat by yourself?"
* * *
Steve parks the car and turns out the engine. He turns himself, so he can face Y/N who sits in the back of the car. "You're ready?"
"No?" He smiles kindly at her then he takes the key out of the ignition, opens his door and steps out of the car. He opens Y/N's door and waits for her to step out as well. Bucky's already waiting for her. He smiles a little and rare smile which Y/N finds suits him. Unsure of the whole thing she smiles back and follows the super soldiers into the mall. "Guys. What are we doing here?" The boys turn around. They exchange a look before each of them takes one of Y/N's arms. "It's called distraction."
"I don't need a distraction."
"Sure you do. You know, when my mother died, I picked a lot of fights to get my mind off of the fact that she won't be around anymore. Bucky had to safe me from every single one. When I thought Bucky died, I tried to get drunk. The serum made me unable to do so, but I still tried. If I had the money or another choice, I probably would have enjoyed a day at the mall. That's why we're here. You don't have to worry because Tony promised to pay for everything you want."
"But I don't want anything." Steve raised an eyebrow at her and smirks. He still drags her into the first shop he thinks might interest her.
Two hours later Y/N is laughing as Bucky tells a story about Steve from the 40s. They have settled down in a small café down the street, a little away from the full mall. "He did not?"
"He did. He's a punk." Bucky hits Steve's back of his head with his hand while laughing with Y/N. "Jerk." Steve slaps Bucky playfully on the shoulder and tries to look angry but his smile betrays him. Suddenly a strange feeling overcomes Y/N, and she freezes. "What's wrong?" Steve turns serious as he sees her tense. He sits up a little straighter and leans a bit forward to talk to her better. "Y/N? You're okay?"
"Y-Yeah. I just had a strange feeling, that's all."
"What feeling?" Bucky's leaning forward, too, curiosity on his face. Y/N shakes her head a little, forcing a smile on her face. "It's probably nothing."
What is it?"
"... I felt watched. Like someone spies on us." Bucky and Steve sigh and lean back in their chair. "Well you're out with us. It's normal that you feel this way:"
"I told you it's probably nothing. But I have this a lot lately."
"What do you mean?" Steve lays his head a little to the side and crosses his arms. Y/N avoids his eyes for a moment and starts fiddling with her napkin. "I don't know. When I go home, I feel like someone is following me. But when I turn around there is nobody. When I go grocery shopping, I hear steps behind me but there is nobody, too. And sometimes I just feel like someone is staring at me. I probably imagine most of it. I mean it's just logical that I'm not alone in the grocery store or that people are out when I go home." Bucky and Steve hum but neither of them says something. "Don't worry. I'm fine." She smiles again and this time Steve and Bucky exchange a look. "Guys, really. I'm fine. I think you were right. The mall really helped. I feel better now. Thank you."
"No problem, doll." Bucky smiles bust as soon as it came it disappears again. "Did- did you just call me doll?"
"I- Maybe?" The moment of awkwardness is interrupted of Steve's heart full laughing. He slaps Bucky's shoulder as his friend turns a little shape of pink. Y/N soon starts giggling as well. They talk for a while longer and when they finally decide to go home its already past nine in the evening.
* * *
"Hey Tony." Y/N sits on the couch in the common room the day after the boys took, her out. It's her day off. Normally she would use these days to sleep in, clean her own home or to meet up with friends. Since she befriended with the Avengers, she finds herself spending more and more time in the tower instead of her actual home. She has just turned on the TV to watch the news as Tony steps into the room. He looks like he hasn't slept for a long time, but this is a normal act for him. That much Y/N learned in the first month she worked up here. "What are you watching?"
"The news."
"Boring."
"I had no time last night. It got late." Tony raises an eyebrow but surprisingly doesn't say what he obviously has in mind. "What? Say it. You won't live long enough if you don't spit it out now." Tony grins. "Did you make fondue?" Y/N sighs and shakes her head. "No, we did not. We're friends, Tony. We went just out and it was late as we got here." Y/N closes her eyes, so she doesn't see Tony as his face went slack and his eyes fixes on the television. "Y/N."
"But I didn't want to sleep here, so I was going home."
"Y/N."
"There didn't happen any-"
"Y/N!"
"What?!" Tony motions to the television. Behind the reporter was a picture of Steve and Bucky. But there was someone else. "W-what? How-?"
"Hey guys. What are you doing? Y/N is that you?" Nat walks in and stares at the TV. Neither Tony nor Y/N answer her. It isn't necessary because the picture is clear. There she is. In the little café she sat with Steve and Bucky yesterday. Y/N turns up the tune of the TV to listen what the reporter says.
"Yesterday it was discovered that Steve Rogers, better known as 'Captain America' and his controversial friend James Buchanan Barnes, also better known as 'The Winter Soldier' were out in town. However, they were not alone. Like these pictures show they were in company of a woman. Now people ask themselves if this is just a normal friendship or something more. It seems that they are pretty close, so who is this ominous Woman?"Various Tweets with questions are shown and the reporter turns to another woman and they start to talk about them.
For a while it was silent. Nobody dares to say something. Even as the rest of the team comes into the room it stays silent. They all stares in confusion as they looked at Y/N, Tony and Nat as say sit on the couch with open mouths. Finally, Clint says something. "Since when is the weather this interesting?" Y/N whipped around and stares at Bucky and Steve before shouting in a hysteric voice. "They got a photo. I told you I felt something. They showed a photo of us, and they tell stories about us now!"
"What?" Steve and Bucky answer in one go. Y/N stares at them, then she hides her face in the pillows of the couch. "Yeah. Obviously, someone found it interesting that Captain America and the Winter Soldier were laughing on a date with an ominous woman nobody knows. The whole world knows Y/N's face now and is searching for her." Tony's gaze wanders between Bucky and Steve. "And not everybody is really amused about that." Nat sits up straight her mobile tight in her grip. "On Twitter are many tweets about that and not all of them are friendly. Actually, there are some that are really mean." Y/N groans at that. Nobody says something for a while. After a few minutes' Y/N looks up at the group. "What are we going to do now?"
"Nothing."
"What? Tony. Whole New York knows my face! I can't just go out without being seen."
"Yeah, well, then don't. You already have a room here. Stay."
"No! I won't stay. I have a life out there. Just try to calm this whole mess. I don't want the whole city to either hate me or congratulate me on a relationship with two super soldiers. Because there is no relationship. There is nothing to hate me for because nothing happened. This was just a day spend with friends." Y/N glares at Tony, and he lets out his breath. "Okay. I'll tweet against it and hold a press conference. I can't promise anything Y/N."
"Thank you." She sinks down into the pillows and closes her eyes. She misses Steve and Bucky exchanging a sad look. Then Wanda steps in. "Y/N, there's a letter for you." She passes an envelope to Y/N. She eyes it suspicious, not opening it. "Don't you want to open it?" Nat looks at her, curiosity on her face. "I... No?! I'm confused."
"Why?" Steve steps behind her leaning over the backrest to look at her. She turns her head, shaking the envelope and looking at him. "I don't know who would send me something. There's just a handful of people who know where I work and none of them ever sends me letters."
"Maybe it's an invitation?" Y/N eyes the envelope again. Then she mumbles some word before ripping it open. "Holy..." Steve stares at the thing's Y/N pulls out. Everybody comes a little closer to look at it. "Photos... From everywhere I go." There's a photo of her in front of her apartment, in front of the tower, in the grocery store, out on the street. And a photo of her with Steve and Bucky. Steve stares at it before he sees something else in the envelope. "Tony. This is bad."
"Why?"
"Because of this." Y/N looks up at the paper Steve holds up. "What is it?"
"That's..." Bucky steps up besides Steve. "That's the symbol that HYDRA uses, and if they send it to you..." Y/N looks at him. His face looks kind of scared. "Then what?"
"Then it will end bad."