Conner felt a familiar body in his arms. The details were sketchy, but he knew which bed he was in. Despite their argument and the harsh words spoken, Jason had reached out to him in his moment of need. Maintaining the status quo seemed like the best solution. Pushing boundaries had revealed very undesirable side effects.
"Are you developing a new strategy?", he heard muttering from his front.
"How did you know that?" he asked.
"I heard the gears of your brain turning." Jason turned around so they could be lying with their faces to each other.
"I'm sorry about yesterday," Conner said. With his thumb, he swiped over Jason's split lip.
"I wasn't happy with your response, Conner, but honestly, I'm the one who crossed the line." Jason smiled sadly. "What are you going to do today?", he asked consciously changing the subject.
"Working. I'm probably going to be late today." Conner rolled out of bed. "Do you feel like going out to dinner?"
Slowly blinking his eyes, Jason nodded at this unexpected proposal.
" Let's go around eight. I'll send you the details." Conner looked at the clock. "I have to hurry, or I'll be late. I'll see you tonight."
By the time Jason walked up the stairs, Conner was long gone.
"Done arguing?" Karen informed serving him breakfast.
"Not really," he confessed honestly. "It would be best to leave him alone and force him to find an alternative solution to his nightmares."
"Did you think he hadn't tried this yet?"
"What do you mean?"
"Conner has been suffering from nightmares for months. He tried a lot of things, but nothing really seemed to help." Her hand stroked his cheek. "You're his miracle cure."
"That only makes it worse. How can I abandon him?", Jason pouted.
Karen examined him closely. "I know you're doing this for Duncan and me too. Like I said, we appreciate this enormously, but none of us want you to get into emotional problems."
"Are you crazy?", Jason waved almost nonchalantly. "I'm an artist. Suffering feeds my inspiration."
He quickly ate the rest of his breakfast to avoid further questions, because just as always Karen looked right through him.
"I'm leaving. Safe travel and send my best to Maud and Mr. Murtaugh."
With a hug, they said goodbye.
Jason avoided Natalie and Alex on his arrival, but knocked on their door after an hour or so.
Natalie looked at him with sympathy. "Are you all right?"
"It's going," he nodded conservatively. "What about you?"
She shook her head. "I saw a new side of Alex yesterday. For the first time in our relationship, he showed jealousy." Her eyes shined. "Our night was extremely spectacular."
Jason suppressed a broad grin. "Alex was jealous because Conner paid you so much attention."
Natalie nodded in agreement. "It also seemed to work the other way round."
Not understanding, Jason frowned.
"Conner was angry because Alex was flirting with you," Natalie clarified. "It was really obvious."
He put his hands in front of his face. "This is really getting too complicated," he sighed.
"Sit down, I'll make tea."
"How did you see Conner's behavior?", asked Jason on the couch.
"In a world where almost everything is new to him, he turned to a trusted source, namely a woman he could use without worries." She smiled. "Alex has fully charged himself on Conner's energy. All that raw passion," she confided to Jason.
Involuntarily, he touched his lip.
"That's probably why you can't put him aside, Jason. You feel his potential."
Jason shook his head. "That will never happen. His resistance is too great. He can't even give me a simple kiss," he said, pointing his lip. "The aversion to homosexuality and especially sexual intimacy between men is very deep." He took a sip of his tea. "Conner says he makes no secret of me being gay, but his mates are concerned about advances on my part. He hung up a whole story to find out if I would actively look around. It makes me extra curious about tomorrow when I see his mates."
"Are you afraid for your safety?", asked Natalie concerned.
"Absolutely not," he said firmly. "I get your point, but Conner wouldn't tolerate violence against me."
"You see him as your protector," she nodded.
Jason pursed his lips. "I can take care of myself."
"That's not what I was referring to and you understand that very well," Natalie rightly pointed out.
"It's just uncomfortable for me to be in the stereotypical 'girl role'. Especially now that I've been maneuvered there by Conner."
"Oh?", she observed him closely, "Do you have trouble showing your vulnerable side?"
"Yes," Jason nodded. "Especially since I already know the outcome."
Natalie knocked on his hand. "Still, this doesn't stop you from playing the game. As a man, you are too far from his perception as a potential partner. Maybe you should introduce him more to your 'inner woman'."
Dismayed, Jason gasped for breath. "What a disgusting comment!"
Natalie laughed warmly at his outrage. "I know. But if it works?" She giggled at the total dislike on his face. "Relax, Jason. There's no one to suggest you wear high heels and a dress."
Relieved, he blew out.
"Men are hunters. They love having to work for their catch."
Jason nodded. "Conner did tell me that he likes to woo girls." He shook his head despondently. "The fact remains that I'm not a girl!"
"Conner is jealous when other men give you attention. Strong men he sees as a threat."
"Because he wants to play my great protector," Jason corrected her.
"Ask yourself why?"
"Because he doesn't want me to get hurt," he said looking at the ground.
"I'm telling you, Jason. Conner has feelings for you, but needs help to find this out."
For the rest of the day, he spent time in his studio, with sketchbook at the ready, staring out.
The phone brought him out of his trance.
"I'm done earlier than expected. How about a movie before we go to dinner?" Conner said.
"I'd probably be snacking so much at the movie that dinner becomes superfluous," Jason said. "Can we do an early dinner instead followed by a movie?"
"If I can pick the movie, you have a deal," Conner shouted enthusiastically. "See you later."
Jason stared at his phone. He doubted any action would help change Conner's mind. The only thing that would help is if he could tell him how important it was for him to get his own life back on track. Languishing for an impossible love was not the message that would help Conner move on. He needed to create distance between them and he wanted independence for Conner. A small purchase would take a step in the right direction.
After a delicious meal and a good movie, Conner unlocked the front door in good spirit.
"I'm going to take a shower. Do you want another nightcap later?", he asked over his shoulder to Jason who was dawdling by the car.
"Good idea," Jason nodded.
As soon as Conner was out of sight, he opened the trunk to smuggle in his most recent purchase. After a super-fast shower, he walked dressed in his pajamas to the living room where Conner waited for him with a bottle of red wine and two glasses.
"Please," Conner told him handing him a glass.
Jason nestled in the bench and took a sip.
"Hmm," he said, enjoying it. "What a delicious wine."
"Good," Conner grumbled. "The salesman helped me." He leaned back. "The house seems bigger now that Duncan, Karen and CJ aren't there."
Jason nodded. "It feels different." He bit his upper lip. The evening had gone so smoothly, there was literally not a bad word between them. It was therefore difficult to take the next step, no matter how necessary it was. He was glad his purchase was already in the bedroom so he had no way of changing his mind.
"Conner? I have to tell you something. After our dilemma, I bought something that I hope will help you in the future."
Conner raised his eyebrows frowning. "Okay. What?"
"A bodypillow."
To Jason's surprise, Conner froze on the couch.
"I thought we had a good time today?"
"We did," Jason agreed.
Conner put his glass down with a bang.
"Then I don't understand why you refuse me access to your bed. This action feels like punishment."
"No, no, no," shook Jason in terror. "Please, don't see it that way, Conner. I'm not refusing you anything." He shoved his glass on the table and turned to Conner. "I'm trying to help you regain your independence. It is impractical to think that our sleeping arrangement can continue indefinitely."
"Impractical to have me in your bed," Conner sneered. "That tells me enough. You just want me gone to make room for your next lover. And you have enough candidates, don't you? Nick, Drake, Alex," he said bitterly, raising his fingers.
Jason veered up.
"I am a man with needs and desires. It's unfair to blame me just because you're not willing to play that role."
Conner wanted to stand indignant, but Jason pushed him back.
"No, Conner. This is not to blackmail you or to talk you into feeling guilty. This is in line with our conversation to get our lives on track and move on. Helping you is helping myself. That's my goal!"
Conner looked at him dissatisfied. "How long do I have for my recovery?", he asked scowling.
Jason shrugged. "I don't know. We'll see how it goes."
Slightly tormented, Conner raised his hands. "Come on, Jason. You can't let me hang like that. How long?"
Pressed in a corner, Jason answered. "A week. Or so you want seven nights."
Conner faltered upon hearing the deadline. "Why seven nights?"
"I'm going to France next weekend. Richard invited me," he made up on the spot.
"You could just take me," Conner blamed him.
"I could send you to your room with the new purchase, but I'm not going to," he rebounded. Resolutely, he looked at Conner. "You have seven nights to regain your independence."
"Okay," Conner nodded. "Let's start."
He stepped up to Jason with the obvious intention of kissing him. In a reflex, Jason stopped him. "What do you think you're doing?", he asked reluctantly.
"My payment," Conner responded indignantly.
Jason shook his head. "No. No more payment. No more make-up kisses. No more hugs," he said.
"No more touchy feely stuff," Conner sighed with satisfaction. "Finally some good news."
"It's nice to be of service to you," Jason said wryly. "I'm going to bed," and emptied his glass with a big gulp.
Jason had put the bodypillow outside to get rid of the packaging smell. He now placed the pillow behind him so that it also acted as a partition wall.
Conner laughed as soon as he saw the pillow.
"You look like a prudish bride in one of those old-fashioned westerns. Didn't they sleep with a rolled blanket between them?"
"You can laugh however you want," he said without turning around. "I just hope it works."
Conner stepped into bed. "The pillow is cold," he grumbled.
"Put it against you and it'll warm up," Jason advised.
"There's a strange smell on it," he whined.
"Conner, stop complaining and try to sleep," Jason said sternly.
Determined not to focus on the lack of Conner's strong body against him, he tried to get to sleep. Half in slumber, he felt how Conner was tossing behind him. He turned to him. "What now?"
"I can't sleep," Conner said.
Jason raised his eyebrows. "What kind of lame excuse is that? You always sleep like a log. Even during your nightmares, you had no problems sleeping in."
"Well, yes. Now I do," Conner said combatively.
Snorting, Jason returned to his side and closed his eyes.
"Aren't you going to help me?", Conner asked.
"I'm your pacifier for nightmares, not for insomnia," he said sternly.
"Pacifier?", Conner repeated the word with a revulsion.
"Go to sleep!", Jason grumbled.
His own dreams were full of turmoil and colors, until a sense of satisfaction suddenly overcame him. A slight tickle in his neck aroused him enough to feel Conner's warm body behind him. "What do you think you're doing?", he asked half awake.
"Protest whatever you want, lady. I heard that sigh," Conner scoffed pulling him closer to himself.
"Put your arms around the pillow!", he commanded poking Conner with his elbow.
"But then I'll miss you," Conner pouted.
Jason sighed angrily. "Put your arms around the pillow, I'll spoon you, okay?"
"Not my first choice," Conner grumbled.
"Take it or leave it," Jason snorted.
It took him a while to find the right fit. Conner had loudly grumbled at the placement of his hands and his crotch until they had finally found a desired position. That's how they fell asleep. Until the early morning, Jason unwittingly turned around and slept on his favorite left side.
A dark cloud suddenly slid over Conner's peaceful face. His breathing became more labored and he sank away in a troubled dream. Looking for something to hold onto, he pushed closer against the warm object in front of him. His nose was looking for the smell that always reassured him. A deep inhale gave such a disappointing result that the lack, so intense, woke him up.
The alarm clock told him it was five o'clock in the morning. Carefully, he rolled around until he was right behind Jason. Their bodies just didn't touch each other. Jason had made it clear to him that he didn't want hugs and kisses anymore, and he was happy with that. He really was.
However, he had no idea how to explain the wave of pure joy when Jason seemingly unwittingly settled against his body. A deep inhale of Jason's scent produced a feeling he had no words for. All his worries melted away and peaceful sleep overcame him. Neither of them stirred until Jason's phone rang.
Conner was awake a fraction earlier than Jason and slid quickly away from him. Because of his upward movement, Jason didn't notice any of this.
"Hello?", he muttered sleepy.
"Good morning, sleeping head," Nick said with a laugh. "Have you probably forgotten something?"
"Argh, shit!", he shouted with a jerk sitting upright. "Our breakfast appointment with Steve Sorrow."
"It was a complete success, don't worry," Nick reassured him. "I'm at your door with breakfast so I can catch up with you."
"What door?", asked Jason to look at Conner.
"The front door of your house," Nick hesitated at Jason's strange tone.
"I'll open it," Conner said quickly rolling out of bed.
In his sleeping clothes he ripped open the front door and gave the unwanted visitor an unwelcome: "Come in."
He preceded Nick and was unaware of the shocked expression on his face.
"Why do you smell like Jason?", it sounded unexpectedly behind him.
Conner sharply turned around. "What?"
Nick scrutinized him from head to toe. "You look like you just got out of bed. Jason has slept in and his scent hangs all around you," the man said. "What conclusion do you think I'm making now."
Conner took a menacing step towards him. "None of your damn business," he bit at him.
Carefree, Nick inhaled deeply. "Oh, that delectable bed smell of him. It brings out a lot of memories." He shoved past Conner and walked on to the living room where he put the bag containing breakfast on the dining room table.
Over his shoulder, he glimpsed over the glowering Conner who looked ready to hit him. It only spurred him on. "However, it doesn't hold a candle to his sex smell. Now that is really spectacular." Defiantly he added: "I was really addicted to that smell. Couldn't get enough of it. Luckily for me, Jason was more than willing to feed my addiction," he grinned cruelly.
He saw what his words were doing to Conner.
"The word to remember is 'was'. You talk about the past tense," Conner snapped at him. "And believe me when I say, Nick, it's best for you if it stays that way."
"Oh, yes? And why is that, Conner? Don't you like sharing?", taunted Nick.
In a quick motion, Nick lay long out over the dining room table with Conner's hands clasped around his collar.
"I don't like having to say things twice, Nick!", he threatened.
Nick blinked at Conner's raw passion. In an impulse, he grabbed his head and kissed him.
Jason chose this unfortunate time to step out of his bedroom. Conner immediately let Nick go and took two big steps backwards.
"This is not what it looks like," Conner said in a caught tone.
Nick stared at Jason's face and non verbal communication with absolute fascination. Guilt, recrimination and betrayal sparked between the men. To Nick's confusion from both sides.
Conner tore his gaze from Jason. "Tell him, Nick. I wasn't kissing you."
Jason's blue eyes demanded a statement.
Nick innocently shrugged. "What can I say? I took advantage of the opportunity." He bowed to Jason with overly raised eyebrows. "Conner was convincing me quite physically that I had to stay away from you."
Conner cursed evading Jason's inquisitive gaze.
"I'm going for my run," he said with deflecting hands. He stormed into his bedroom just seconds later to walk past Jason and Nick. The front door closed with a bang.
"Wow," Nick said. "I think you saved me from a big beating."
Jason raised his finger at him.
"I'm sure you deserved that. What did you say to him?"
Nick took the coffee and croissants out of the bag and put them down for Jason.
"I asked him why he smelled like you."
Jason inhaled sharply.
"He refused to answer."
"So you provoked him more," Jason added. "What did you say?"
"I reminded him that we have a history," he said, taking a sip of his coffee while observing Jason. "He took it badly." Nick pursed his lips. "Maybe you can tell me what's going on between you, because I don't have a clue."
"Nothing. Nothing's going on," Jason responded angrily.
Nick laughed incredulously. "Shame on you for trying to fool me." He tapped the table. "Conner had pinned down on this table while he verbally and physically threatened me to stay away from you. He doesn't do that for nothing, Jason."
For a moment, it remained quiet. "I promised not to say anything. I'm not going to violate that trust. All I can admit is that we don't have an intimate relationship," Jason said.
"Despite the bed smell?", Nick fished.
"Despite the bed smell," Jason agreed.
"So you admit you're sleeping with him?", nick asked with an open mouth.
"It's complicated," Jason sighed.
"Isn't that always the issue?" Nick nodded understandingly.
Eating his breakfast, Jason looked at him guilt-consciously.
"I'm sorry I forgot our appointment."
Nick waved nonchalantly.
"Mrs. Sorrow would have liked to have met you and was very impressed with the art you have chosen. The 3D presentation you had made as preparation rounded the whole thing off nicely." He grabbed his phone. "The agenda for next week looks favourable. Fortunately, their people who know what they want. With a bit of luck we can start the decorating after the weekend."
"Thank you for all the effort, Nick. I'd forgotten about it completely."
"Does the situation with Conner keep you so busy?"
Jason nodded coyly.
"Do you want to be here when he comes back?"
He contemplated the situation for a minute. "No. If I thought we could talk it out, I'd stay, but that doesn't seem possible."
"Okay. If you dress, I'll take you," Nick said firmly.
When he came walking out of the bedroom after only eight minutes, Nick looked at him in awe.
"That's impressive."
"Learned it from Conner," he nonchalantlyshrugged.