“So what do you think?” Cory asks, tugging on my hand. I snap my head over to where he is standing right next to me. I have no clue what he was talking about, and judging from the slightly annoyed expression on his face I’m guessing he’s had to repeat himself already.
“What were you saying?” I try for a sweet smile, so he won’t be annoyed that I didn’t listen. Ever since Brad and I kissed, it’s all I’ve been thinking about. This confused me, because I was technically cheating on Cory. I still hadn’t told him, and I didn’t think it’d be a good thing if I did. Even if it was only a onetime thing, I think Cory would like to know; but I just couldn’t bring myself to tell him.
He sighs impatiently. “I was saying that I could drive you over to your house instead of you walking. If you want.” He looks over at me and I notice for the first time that he has a dark shadow under each green eye. I wonder for a few seconds why he wasn’t getting enough sleep.
“Oh, no that’s okay. I was planning on walking home.” I squeeze his hand before letting go and stepping away. Something flashes in his eyes before he smiles back, and I notice that he is freshly shaven.
“If you are sure. . .I’ll see you later?” Cory questions; and I pretend not to hear the hopeful tone of his calm voice. But right now, it makes me shiver. I feel guilty, but brush it off and nod vigorously. It wouldn’t happen again; I wouldn’t let myself kiss Brad while Cory and I were still together. Even if it felt like we weren’t sometimes.
I walked away quickly, hoping the redness that surely covered the back of my neck would disappear. I hadn’t really thought about what kissing Brad, and liking it, meant. Did it really mean anything? Or was it a moment of weakness? Should I just forget about it? I decide not to worry about it as I make my way closer to my house. The streets are surprisingly empty even though everybody is usually walking towards the bakery since its Friday and school just got out. When I knock on Ms. Leigh’s door to get Alice, I wonder when the moment I decided I could actually like Brad was. How did I not consciously notice something like that? I felt like I blind-sided myself, and that was a weird feeling.
“Hello Iris.” Ms. Leigh opens the door and I hear little feet running on the wooden floor. I’m not surprised when I feel a weight run into my legs, Alice.
“Hi Ms. L, thank you so much for watching her. I have no idea when my mom will be back.” I send her an apologetic smile as I scoop up Alice in my arms. It was true, mom hadn’t called me in a few weeks and I still haven’t figured out where she went. I didn’t know if she had a job and she was leaving for that, or if she left with a guy. All I knew was that she was paying the rent for the house and I still had money for groceries.
The lady, who had to be at least in her mid 50’s, gave me an odd look. “Why don’t you try calling her?”
I give her a stunned look. “I’m sorry if it’s annoying that I ask you to watch Alice, you could say no.” I have to admit, I am offended. If she didn’t want to watch her for me, then why did she agree? She could say no if she really wanted to.
She gives me a blank stare. “That’s not what I meant. Don’t get offended, she’s not any trouble. Just figure it out.” before I could answer further, she shuts the door. I didn’t mean to snap at her, and I hoped she knew that as I walked next door to our house.
“Cake!” Alice shouts as I unlock the door, she automatically runs to the kitchen where I put the cake on the counter. She couldn’t reach, considering she was still a few inches shorter than the counter. But she did try, and it made me smile that she was so eager. Opening the box, I hand her a slice on a plate and I grab one for myself too. She sits at the table in her little booster seat that she usually doesn’t like to sit in. Her legs dangle, so she waves them back and forth excitedly as she chews on the vanilla flavored cake. I smile at her, proud of the cutie pie she is. As I watch her, I try to remember giving birth to her or any of the nine months I had her inside of me. But I still can’t recall anything, and I start to get a headache from trying. I wondered if that was normal, it didn’t make sense because from what I heard it had been a safe birth. A quick knock saved me from thinking about it further, and I finish the slice quickly before answering it.
“Hey, Iris.” Brad smiles at me, his blue workout shirt that’s lined with light perspiration makes his blue eyes stand out. He’s dressed to be running, with his iPod secured to his arm.
“Brad, what are you doing here?” I look around the lawn, as if Cory would pop out and claim that he knew about our kiss. I was paranoid and feeling guilty, to say the least. “Come inside, its cold.”
He holds a grin on his face as he steps through the door, and Alice comes out of the kitchen. She runs over to him and he picks her up, once Alice is secured on his hip, she picks up a headphone dangling on his chest. The look on her face is priceless as she settles the tiny ear bud in her ear.
“What are you doing here?” I ask him, I cross my arms over my chest; hoping that would stop me from wanting to hug him and possibly kiss him. How could I think this way? I had a boyfriend, even if he didn’t act like it sometimes.
He looks over to me. “I wanted to see you, and the only way I could without seeming suspicious is to tell Cory I’m going on a run.” Brad shrugs and walks closer to me, Alice still wrapped in his arms. If anyone saw them in public next to each other, they would instantly know that Alice is Brad’s daughter.
“I don’t feel right. Things are tough and weird with Cory right now but that doesn’t mean I should be off kissing his brother. I’m so paranoid and worried that he’ll find out and he’s such a good boyfriend and what if he ends up hating me? I can’t handle that, he’s a great person in my life.” I pause to take a breath and Brad starts chuckling a little bit. “What’s so funny?”
“You,” he says as he walks closer to me. “You worry too much, don’t sweat it. That was a moment of weakness. I do like you, but I realize that you are in a relationship with Cory and I shouldn’t have put you in this position. If you want him to know, then I’ll tell him I kissed you.”
I didn’t know what to say, I was almost speechless. “But . . . I kissed you too. And I liked it.” I didn’t even notice what I said until I saw Brad’s grin get bigger.
“He doesn’t have to know that. It would probably hurt his ego.” With that, he switches his attention to Alice. She still has the ear bud dangling out her ear. “What are you listening to?” he mumbles as he puts the other ear bud in. I thought about it for a moment, did I really want Brad to take fault for it? I would probably feel even guiltier because it was 100% truth, and if he knew in the first place, shouldn’t it be the truth?
“I don’t know.” I tell him, repeating it over and over. It was like I was hoping I would know what to do the more I said it which didn’t work like I wanted it to. Running my hands through my long blonde hair just stressed me out even more. “What do I tell him? Oh, god.” I mumble.
Brad puts Alice down and whispers something to her, she runs off before he walks over to me. He wraps his arms around me. “It’s going to be okay. You’re freaking out over nothing, I promise. What do you want me to do?”
“Have you stopped smoking?” I sniff him, which sounds creepier than it actually is. He smells lightly of cologne, mixed with sweat, but I don’t smell the usual odor of cigarette smoke on him.
He smiles. “I quit after you let me see Alice for the first time, it was a dirty habit and brings back unhappy memories.” I smile back at him, proud that he did. I don’t know if I could stand it if he still smoked.
“Thank you.” I mumble, not sure if friends thank each other for quitting a bad habit. I assume not, but I could care less. Were we friends? We couldn’t be more, obviously, since I was still dating Cory. “What if I break up with him?” I didn’t even need to say a name, obviously.
Brad looks thoughtful, his eyes trained on a random spot on the carpet. Alice was in her room, probably playing with something. “I don’t know. I want to be with you, but I realize if you need a break.”
Did I want to be with Brad? It was so weird, thinking of dating someone when we started off definitely on the wrong foot. But that was the effects of a not so sober night, for both of us. I could forgive, but I could obviously not forget. I could see myself with him every day, and it would be good for Alice. But how would mom feel about it? I think even further, I think she would be okay with it just because it’s my decision and she supports it and whatever else moms are supposed to do.
“I do want to be with you.” I realize that I mean it, all of it. Looking down at my hands, I realized I would be a little sad not to see Cory’s fingers laced between mine. No cute little notes during boring history. But it would be okay, because Brad wouldn’t act weird like Cory had. I can’t blame him for that, because his response was totally normal.
Brad smiles, grabbing my hand between his and I realize this is probably the best decision I’ve made since keeping Alice, even though I couldn’t remember that decision so clearly.