Doc S kept warning me that I might be in for a shock when I saw Be but I thought he was exaggerating. Then he said she's been on cortisone and my heart plummeted. A friend once told me to always avoid the stuff because it would make a person swell up and cause your bones to become so brittle that just laughing could cause you to break your ribs. I felt my stomach contract into a tight knot and the hallway grew fuzzy. The only thing my eyes focused on was Be's door a few doors ahead. I was scared for my friend. Who knew what she was feeling.
My hand reached out and touched the chilling metal that was the door handle that would lead me into unknown territory. But I was not prepared for the image that met me when I stepped into the room. Be lay in her bed with beads of sweat dotting her forehead. Her beautiful tan had turned a lifeless grey colour and her eyes, they seemed dull and dead. But here she was. She was motioning me nearer with a weak hand.
She didn't have to ask me twice because I broke down in sobs and ran to her bedside. "Be, I'm so sorry. Why you? I'm sorry." I couldn't help but sob while clutching her weak hand in my own.
"Mands, please. I'm ok." I looked up into her clouded eyes that were filling up with tears of her own.
"If there's anything Be, I'm here for you and even though there are enough nurses in here I won't leave your side." I couldn't bare the thought of leaving her alone after she had just woken up after all this time and now had to deal with the fact that her body was giving up on her and refusing the treatment.
"Thank you Amanda. Please stay. I don't mean thank as in thanks buddy. I mean thank you as one ill broken person thanking another struggling person for helping me. I don't think I can go through this alone and I'm just so scared." She really did look scared and so vulnerable.
After this, Doc S told us we needed to sleep seeing as it was almost midnight. This might not seem all that late to a normal teen but to us it was extremely late. Be laid down in her hospital bed and I curled up on the chair beside her bed. "Thanks Amanda." She looked at me with eyes so sad that it broke my heart. Their shine was gone but I Knew her, she was going to fight this. "I'll do anything to help you Be. I promise you."
We said our final goodnight and went to sleep after an excruciatingly long day. Who knew what the next day would hold for us.
***
I woke up the next morning all alone in the room and with an extremely stiff bad. When I noticed Be's bed lacking a person in it and was already made, I was wrought with worry. Where could she be? Deep breathe Amanda, don't get too worked up and make yourself sick. My mom always said that. You could say that being sick resulted in me being emotionally numb or having the emotional capacity of a guinea pig, as people at school said when everyone cried in some lame movie we had to analyze for film study. I had to learn not to get too excited or too mad or any other kind of emotion.
Think logically and rationally. Well, it's 8am so... breakfast!
Sometimes all I needed was a good old creepy pep talk by that little voice in my head. So, with my little voice making sense and a new found determination to find my friends, and of course food, I trudged down the halls to the cafeteria the way one trudges to the fridge even though you didn't want to stand up off the couch.
There they were; Gavin, Trevor and Belinda, sitting around our usual table that we have occupied every morning of our treatment. The only thing that was new was the wheelchair the Be had occupied. I felt awful that I wasn't there to help the morning if she needed me. And even though I wish I could go home, I wouldn't trade my time meeting this special group of new friends for anything in the world.
It felt like my feet were cemented into the floor and I was pretty sure my mouth was slightly ajar but I couldn't help it. The feeling I was feeling right now was so surreal and indescribable. The words to describe the feeling of seeing my three friends laughing together like old times did not exist and yet it was still a feeling known to me. Familiar yet strangely new. I stared at them; afraid to blink in case it was all a dream and I would wake up and find Trev afraid, Gavin tired and an empty shell of a girl that I once knew as Be. I wanted to see them happy like this every day.
I must have zoned out because I came crashing out of my thoughts by the feeling of the hem of my shirt being tugged on. I looked down to see the smiling face of Trev.
"Manda, look, Be's awake and now we can be a family again." Trev had no idea how accurate his words were. But I didn't want to suck his joy with my dreary thoughts. "So buddy, what's on today menu?" Food, the world's greatest distraction of all time. 'PANCAKES!" He was so excited about his pancakes that I couldn't help but laugh as I let him drag me to the table. "You didn't eat all the pancakes did you Trev?" He pulled me down so that he could whisper something to me. "Gavin almost ated everything but I saved you some." Cute, little guy was worried about feeding me.
When we got to the table and I greeted the others, I caught Gav's eye while Be and Trevor were cutting shapes out of their breakfast. And in that one moment it was as if he knew my fears and I knew what his smile and eyes were translating to me. It might not be okay today, but someday it will be. What he didn't know was that I wished that today could be my someday.
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A/N: Thank you guys so much for your patients. And thanks for getting me to 1k on my reads. Lets how much further we can boost that number.
Also, if you're looking for a good read; here's some great stories I've read recently. "Zara's Safari" by JoWatson, "The trouble with kissing Conner" also by JoWatson and then also "Hey there Delilah" by MP13Girl. You won't regret it I promise.