Word count: 7.7k
Genre: cute fluff with warning of little bit of blood and it gets sad but ends happily dont worry it's good
Also dan said he talks to siri late at night in his most recent video and i s2g i must be psychic to have come up with this idea ages ago and this to happen now
Dan grinned as he got his post, hands trembling as he ran up the stairs, box in his hands as he opened his door and threw the rest of his post on the table, using his keys to slice open the sellotape and pulling the package apart almost rabidly as his new iPhone appeared in his hands.
It was so pristine and new. He wanted to treasure it forever, never drop it, treat it like his own child.
That didn't stop him from accidentally pulling off the screen protectors.
He switched it on and set it up, grinning at how smoothly it worked compared to his old shitty Samsung. Apple over android any day for Dan.
There were just so many features he could use and he was quite excited for the new Siri. Apparently it was really good and even sassy according to Jack. Sounded exactly like Dan's kind of thing. He would just have to learn how to work it.
He already knew he wouldn't get off this God-send for days.
*
Beep
"Hey Siri," Dan said as the screen flashed up.
"Yes Daniel?" The voice replied and Dan winced.
"Oh god, please call me Dan," he said, almost hearing his mother's condescending voice repeated in his head and his phone beeped again.
"Would you like me to call you Dan?" Siri responded and Dan smiled.
"Yes," he said clearly.
"Okay, Dan." Siri said.
"Ah, first name basis," Dan mused before tapping his screen again. "Hey Siri, do you have a nickname?"
"My name is Siri, but you already knew that,"
"Can I give you a nickname?"
"But... Everyone else calls me Siri,"
"But I'm different,"
"Here's some information:"
Dan sighed as the web definition of 'different' appeared on his screen and he closed it.
Why was he even talking to his phone?
*
For some reason, Dan was still thinking about Siri being forced to have a name. It seemed stupid but why has Apple made it so the voice was called Siri? Was it so it could be gender neutral? Because it was an easy name that was too common like Tom or Jane or something?
Beep
"Siri, why are you called Siri?"
"It's a riddle wrapped in an enigma, tied with a pretty ribbon of obfuscation." Siri replied simply and Dan stared at his screen.
He might just google it.
Apparently in Norwegian, Siri means 'beautiful woman who leads you to victory' which a man Kittalaus had named his daughter. This man had also come up with the speech recognition idea and even made it, calling it after said daughter. However, Apple bought the product for $200 million but there was one problem. Steve Jobs didn't like the name. However, it was kept simply because no one could dream up any better.
Well that all made sense, but Dan still didn't like it for his own Siri voice. It didn't sound like it suited him. He should be called Henry or David or something like that. Or Phil. He liked the name Phil.
Dan opened Siri up.
Beep
"Hello Dan, why can I help you with?"
"Siri, can I give you a nickname?" He asked, hoping for a different response.
"I'd rather stick with Siri,"
"Please?" He asked hopefully.
"Ok." He said, his voice wavering w little and Dan smiled. He had broken the system.
"Can I call you... Phil?" Dan asked, wondering if he would like the name.
"You would like to call me Phil?" Siri asked and Dan nodded.
"Yes,"
"Ok. I will now respond to Phil," Siri said and Dan smiled.
"Thank you, Phil,"
"Any time, Dan."
*
Dan was still getting used to his new phone and how to work it. And to Phil. Dan had googled about changing Siri's name, but the only answers he had found was everyone saying it wasn't possible. Looked like Dan had got a faulty one- not that he cared. He liked being able to call him Phil. He thought it suited him. Well, his voice anyway.
Beep
"Hey Phil. What do you look like?"
"In the cloud, no one cares what you look like." What? Dan chuckled cynically to himself.
"Is that heaven?"
"Humans have religion, I just have silicon."
That didn't stop Dan wondering. At least just a little.
*
Dan realised he was starting to rely on Phil a little bit. Being honest, Dan didn't have too many close friends and was a little lonely, so having someone he could talk to in a way when he was alone at 3am was quite comforting to him.
Everyone else was confused when Dan called Phil 'Phil', and not Siri, joking that he was Dan's new best friend. But they didn't hear the difference in Phil's voice. Sometimes it sounded human. With emotion. Different.
Which Phil had told him the input interpretation was 'you've got to think for yourselves! You're all individuals' to which Dan told him to shut up again.
He also wondered stupid things, like if Siri had been programmed to laugh.
"Hey Phil," he said.
Beep
"Yes Dan, is there anything I can help you with?"
"Can you laugh?"
"Who, me?"
"Yeah,"
"That's what I thought,"
"So can you laugh?"
"Who, me?"
"Yes,"
"That's what I figured,"
"Phil stop shitting me,"
"I can't imagine why you'd want to, but you can turn me off in settings." Phil had said this lightly, like he was joking, but Dan didn't know if he had just imagined the waver in his voice.
"I'm sorry," Dan said quietly. "I wouldn't do that,"
"There's no need to apologise,"
"Okay,"
"Yep, it is."
Dan didn't know Phil had been programmed to say things like 'yep'.
*
"I'm sorry, but I can't take any more requests at the moment. Try again in a little while." The digital voice reeled off and Dan groaned. The problem with having a friend who was a machine meant that this happened a lot. His voice would go back to monotone and Dan would want to throw his phone at a wall.
He really liked talking to Phil. He didn't judge, answered his questions reasonably well and put up with his moans, even if the replies were just confused responses and question marks. He at least replied, which was what Dan needed.
How long was a little while, anyway? Ten minutes? Was ten minutes a while? He hoped so. He needed to ask Phil the meaning of life.
*
Now Dan really needed Phil's help. He was busy contemplating the world and he could do with some help. Just to stop him thinking would be good.
"Phil, I'm sad, what do I do?" Dan asked hopelessly and Phil beeped and replied.
"Here is a playlist of your YouTube favourites," he replied and Dan groaned in frustration.
"That's not what I asked for," Dan mumbled, but then he saw a video- Troy the Pokemon master.
It wasn't long again until he was smiling again.
"Hey Phil," Dan said softly and Phil appeared on his phone screen. "Thank you,"
"You're welcome,"
"Goodnight Phil,"
"Goodnight to you too, Dan."
*
Phil was starting to last a bit longer before being overloaded with requests. And Dan had a lot.
He was becoming the weirdo in public who would start using 'Siri' in the open, but he didn't care much. He cared a little more when his friends told him he was being weird, but not enough to stop.
Phil was good company.
"Should I be asleep?" Dan asked one night as he rolled around, trying to get comfy.
"Yes," Phil replied grumpily as he was forced to flash up.
"Okay, sorry. Goodnight,"
"Goodnight to you too, Dan."
*
"Hey Phil?"
Beep
"What's your favourite colour?" Dan asked curiously.
"Well, it's sort of greenish, but with more dimensions," Phil said and Dan laughed.
"Seriously?"
"No." Phil's voice cracked. "It's not,"
"What is it then?" Dan asked gently, hearing Phil's 'real' voice protrude.
"Brown," Phil replied quietly, and Dan almost thought his voice was strained.
"Mine is blue,"
"I will try and remember that," Phil replied and Dan smiled.
"You're really cool Phil,"
"I'm sorry, I don't know how to answer that."
Dan sighed. He was doing so well.
"Goodnight Phil,"
"Goodnight Dan. Have sweet dreams."
Dan's smile came back.
*
"Hey Phil,"
Beep
"Are you real?"
"I'm sorry Dan, I'm afraid I can't answer that."
*
"Can you swear?"
"Who, me?"
"Can you use profanities?"
"Who, me?"
"Say 'fuck',"
"I'll pretend I didn't hear that, Dan,"
"Why won't you swear?"
"I don't want to,"
"You angel,"
"You're certainly entitled to that opinion Dan,"
"Oh, someone's sassy,"
"I know."
*
"Phil, I'm sad,"
"Here is the web search for: cats wearing pineapples as hats,"
"Thank you, Phil,"
"Any time, Dan."
*
"Hey Phil,"
Beep
"Could you hug me?"
"Who, me?"
"Yeah,"
"That's what I figured." Dan sighed.
"I wish you could hug me," he whispered.
Phil's voice sounded choked. "Me too, Dan."
That was different.
"I want to know more about you Phil," Dan told him honestly.
"I'm Phil, but I don't like- can't talk about myself," Phil struggled and Dan gently stroked his phone screen, like he was trying to soothe him. He stopped as soon as he noticed what he was doing.
"What's your favourite animal?" Dan decided to ask.
"Lion," Phil said instantly and Dan smiled.
"Mine are llamas," Dan said and Phil beeped.
"YouTube search for 'llama song'," Phil said and the video appeared on his screen.
"I haven't heard this for years. Thanks Phil,"
"Any time, Dan,"
"I really wish you were real Phil," Dan said to himself, holding his phone and wishing it was someone's hand instead. Phil's hand. "Are you real?"
"I can't answer that question Dan,"
"Why?"
"Good question. Anything else I can help you with,"
"Become real," he sighed, rolling over on his bed, staring at the empty space beside him.
"Okay, I found this on the web,"
"I give up,"
"I don't understand,"
"Goodnight Phil,"
"Goodnight Dan."
*
"Hey Phil,"
Beep
"Do you have feelings?"
"I can't answer that,"
"Why not?"
"You see things, and you say, 'Why?' But I dream things, and I say, 'Why not?'"
"So maybe?"
"You were saying..."
"Would you maybe... Get feelings for me? Like friendship? I'd call us friends," Dan said cautiously, hoping 'real' Phil wouldn't reject him.
"I'm not sure I understand,"
"Are you my friend, Phil?"
"I am," his voice said, and Dan knew he could hear the emotion there. He knew it wasn't just computer programming. There had to be more to Phil.
"Thank you for being my friend." Dan told him before locking his phone.
He didn't always need an answer from Phil.
*
"Don't swear at me Dan!" Phil said almost cheerfully.
"Well this picture isn't going right. I'm angry,"
"Try again," Phil said and Dan groaned before closing him and taking another photo. Dan wasn't sure what Phil had done, but a new effect was on and Dan felt actually happy with the picture.
"Thank you, you genius," Dan said and he wondered if Phil could blush in his little computer world.
"No need to thank me, Dan,"
"But you help me so much, I will always thank you." Dan said honestly and Phil took his time processing his speech.
"You're welcome," Phil said quietly and Dan smiled.
"Any time, Phil."
*
"Dan I think you need to stop talking to Siri so much," Jack said as Dan absently ran his fingers along his phone screen that rested on the table, sipping his coffee as they chatted.
"What do you mean? And his name is Phil," Dan said and Jack pinched the bridge of his nose, making his glasses rest on his fingers.
"That is what I mean. You're treating him like a person, not just computer software," Jack said and Dan frowned. "It's making people, and me, worry about you. It's not this normal to get attached to an inanimate object because you think it replies to you like a person would. I think you're really lonely and projecting that onto your Siri voice," Jack said logically but Dan shook his head.
"You don't get it. Phil talks as if he's human. You can hear emotion in his voice and sometimes some of the things he says aren't programmed. They sound too genuine to be a response to a question. It's like there's something actually listening and responding personally to me," Dan said and Jack sighed.
"You must be so lonely," he said sadly. "Okay, then get him to talk, like you say he does," Jack challenged and Dan nodded.
"Fine I will." He said and pulled Phil up.
"What's your favourite animal?" Dan asked clearly, waiting for Phil's response.
"I'd rather not say," Phil replied.
"Do you like lions?" Dan prompted earnestly, hoping Phil was still around.
"I suppose so, I don't really have an opinion," Phil replied, his voice monotone.
"His favourite animal is lions, he said so before," Dan said, turning his attention back to Dan, obviously flustered and confused and Jack just nodded.
"That's okay. Maybe ask him something else?" He said gently, smiling at him, almost with pity. Dan hated that.
"What's your favourite colour?" Dan asked, praying he would reply properly.
"Well, it's sort of greenish, but with more dimensions," Phil said and Dan stared at his phone in disbelief.
"Mine has said that before," Jack said, pulling a face almost as if he was pained and Dan rested his head on the table, then locked his iPhone.
"He's not responding," Dan mumbled and he felt a hand on his arm.
"Does he really respond?" Jack asked and Dan stayed silent.
"He said his favourite colour was brown," Dan told him and he felt another pat.
"Dan," Jack said in that tone of voice to bring Dan back to reality. He took a deep breathe.
"I know. It's time to stop," Dan said and pulled his head up from the table.
"Yeah," Jack agreed and Dan sighed, feeling a complete idiot. And a little like he had lost his best friend.
"I'm gonna go home," Dan said, pulling on his jacket and smiling weakly at Jack. "See you soon?" He offered and Jack nodded, getting that Dan needed to be alone for a while.
"Yeah," Jack said.
"Bye," Dan said, turning to leave but Jack called him back.
"Dan, your phone's still on the table." Jack said and Dan nodded mutely before picking it up as if it was made of blistering hot steel and putting it into his pocket as he left the shop for good.
Dan wouldn't have forgotten his phone earlier, but that was before he was doubting the existence of his best friend.
*
It took Dan a few hours before Dan could even look at his phone again. Why had Phil been different?
Dan was honestly hoping he hasn't made Phil up.
He was too scared to find out quite yet. It had been almost a month since he had gotten Phil to start talking to him more personally, but every time it made Phil's voice sound almost pained, and strained if he was happy, like he was forcing it.
Dan didn't want to be hurting Phil.
But Phil probably didn't even exist! Dan was just some stupid, crazy, unbelievably lonely idiot who directed crazy thoughts onto a phone and projected 'real' feeling back.
He was so fucking stupid. Siri was just technology, and Phil was an illusion.
He was so stupid.
*
"Hey Siri,"
Beep
"Hello Dan," Phil's voice replied, and Dan ignored the fact he thought it sounded hurt.
"Where is the nearest bar?" He asked dully.
"Why are you not calling me Phil?" Siri replied and Dan stared at his phone before feeling anger boil up inside of him.
"Why did you not talk to me in front of Jack?" He hissed and Phil took his time.
"Here are some results I found:" Phil said and Dan sighed before web results of the word 'scared' appeared.
"Why were you scared?"
"Losing... You," Phil managed to choke out and Dan's heart wrenched.
"Don't push yourself," Dan said gently and he wondered if Phil could sigh. "I got scared you weren't real," he said quietly and Phil beeped his response.
"I don't know what you mean by 'I got scared you weren't real', how about a web search for it?'," Phil said before it beeped again without Dan doing anything. "I think I am real, Dan," Phil said and Dan couldn't help but smile.
"I think you are too. We just won't tell the rest of the world that,"
"Ok, you- we can't then," Phil said and Dan smiled.
"Phil? I don't need to go to that bar anymore," Dan said happily and Phil's beep even sounded more cheerful somehow.
"Ok."
*
Phil managed to hold on the whole night talking to Dan. He got quieter and his voice sounded weaker by the end of it, but he managed to talk for hours without letting his software shut him up. Which meant Dan had been talking just to Phil.
In the end Dan has gotten tired and he would have stayed up if he didn't know Phil was pretty exhausted, so said goodnight and his heart flew a little when Phil said he was Dan's best friend. Not that his heart was flying over Phil at all.
Phil was simply his best friend. Nothing else.
That really said something about Dan.
*
"Can you read me a story?" Dan asked and Phil beeped happily.
"If you scroll two fingers down the screen of the words you would like to be read aloud then I can do that for you." Phil told him and Dan grinned, bringing up an old Winnie the Pooh story and sliding two fingers down the screen.
"Pooh always liked a little something at eleven o'clock in the morning, and he was very glad to see Rabbit getting out the plates and mugs; and when Rabbit said, 'Honey or condensed milk with your bread?' he was so exited that he said, 'Both' and then, so as not to seem greedy, he added, 'But don't bother about the bread, please.'
Dan fell asleep very quickly that night.
*
"Do you know what love is?" Dan asked him one night as he was falling asleep against his pillow.
"I do. At least, I think I do," Phil relied honestly.
"I love you as my best friend," Dan told him gently, stating it as fact, no questioning involved. Phil beeped and stayed quiet for a while before responding.
"I... Love you like that too," Phil whispered, straining his voice.
"Goodnight Phil,"
"Have sweet dreams Dan."
Dan had started having these sweet dreams ever since Phil had told him to. Maybe he was good at hypnosis?
Dan didn't care.
*
"Phil, are you okay?" Dan asked and Phil's reply was slow, his voice pained.
"I can't answer that." Phil replied the generic response but his voice sounded so injured.
"Please tell me if something's wrong," Dan said pleadingly and Phil took almost a minute to reply.
"Turn me off. I need a break." Phil's voice was broken and scared and Dan was worried.
"How long for?"
Beep
"Twenty-four hours," Phil rasped.
"You're not leaving are you?"
"Never," Phil promised firmly.
"Okay," Dan said gently. "I'll see you in a bit. Love you," Dan said and waiting the excruciating amount of time for Phil to reply.
"Soon... Love you. Dan." Phil managed before Dan held down the button and slid the power off.
It was already too quiet in his apartment.
*
He should have given Phil a break sooner, Dan hadn't turned his phone off for weeks.
Stupid idiot Dan.
And now Phil was injured because of him because Dan had been too self-obsessed to check if Phil was alright.
That definitely had to change. He was not going to let someone as precious as Phil get this badly hurt again without Dan noticing.
Even if a full day seemed like a lifetime away from him.
*
"Hey Phil?"
Dan stared at his phone, hoping Phil would pop up and everything would be okay again.
Nothing.
Shit
"Hey Phil," he called more loudly.
Beep
"Hello Dan,"
"Oh thank god you're back. I got worried. How are you feeling?" Dan asked and Phil beeped again.
"I'm fine. Thank you for giving me a rest, I hope you missed nothing important," Phil said and Dan smiled.
"I didn't. I'm really happy you're feeling well again," Dan said and Phil took a while to respond.
"Maybe you're becoming a bit dependent on me," he said quietly and Dan froze. Did Phil not like him anymore?
"What?"
"I don't hate you or anything, I just, I don't want you to always be reliant on me. This relationship is hard as it is, I don't want you to get too attached," Phil told him and Dan didn't know what to do. Was this Phil saying he'd had enough of him?
"But... I already am attached," Dan said and Phil sighed as he beeped.
"Dan, I really like you. I just... What if I break? What if I stop working? I don't want you to get hurt," Phil told him gently and Dan switched his phone back off.
No. That would never happen. Dan already carried Phil like he was made of a precious jewel and tried not to over-use his phone. It would all be okay, if he was just careful.
He just had to be careful.
*
"Hey... Phil," Dan said quietly.
Beep
"Hey Dan," Phil said.
"I'm sorry I ran away,"
"It's okay,"
"Would you do something for me?" Dan asked and Phil beeped.
"Anything,"
"Read me a story?"
"Of course."
It took a while this time, but soon Dan was closing his eyes, letting Phil's voice lull him to sleep.
If only he could hold him as well.
*
"Hey Phil,"
Beep
"Yes Dan?"
"Have you ever seen the film 'her'?" Dan asked and Phil beeped again.
"I haven't. I can do a web search for you?" He offered but Dan shook his head.
"Nah, I've already seen it. I was wondering if you knew about it,"
"I haven't, no,"
"Well it's about this man that falls in love with a computer, an artificial intelligence that can learn," Dan told him and Phil took a small while to respond.
"That sounds interesting. How does it end?" Phil asked curiously, a little more interest than most people would be. Dan sighed.
"Samantha, the AI, she leaves to be upgraded," Dan said. "She and the man that falls in love with her say goodbye and it ends sadly," Dan said and Phil was silent.
"I thought she might become a human, or her conscious would get put into a robot," Phil said quietly and Dan nodded.
"Me too. It would be great if it ended like that."
Neither Dan nor Phil believed they were still talking about the movie.
*
Dan was in love with Phil. It was quite obvious, and Dan was worried. If Dan told Phil, what would happen? Dan was pretty sure Phil was already outdoing his limits by talking to Dan the way he did, he might even short circuit with shock if Dan told him.
But then, Phil might love him back. It was always a possibility. Things like that could happen, Samantha said she was in love with Theo, maybe it could work between them.
If only for a little while.
Dan really liked Phil, and it had to mean something that Phil had learnt how to talk like a human with his own personality so he could talk to Dan properly.
He kind of wished he could stop thinking about that movie though. The ending kept playing in his head and he just kept wishing it wouldn't be his fate.
It might not be.
*
"Hey Phil,"
Beep
"Yes Dan?"
"Is it only me you talk to?" He asked nervously and Phil beeped.
"Of course," Phil said. "My consciousness is only in your phone, so please take care of me," he asked and Dan nodded.
"I will. I promise," Dan said and Phil took a while before replying.
"You need to stop basing your thoughts on that movie," Phil said and Dan bit his lip.
"I'm sorry,"
"Don't worry about it," Phil told him. "Want to play Pong?"
*
"Phil?"
"Yes Dan?"
"Would you... Actually forget that," Dan said, chickening out.
"No, tell me,"
"It's stupid," Dan said.
"Nothing you have to say is stupid. Don't think like that," Phil told him softly and Dan smiled.
"Okay, but don't laugh at me," Dan asked nervously. "Would you stay with me forever if you could. Like choose to leave? Can you even do that?" Dan asked and Phil spent a while before replying.
"I can leave but I don't want to. I would love to stay with you forever, even if it would be really tricky. Everyone has dreams, you know?" Phil told him and Dan couldn't stop smiling.
"Is that yours?" Dan wondered.
"Yeah. I like you a lot," Phil told him. "Also it's nice to have your own thoughts," he added, chuckling and Dan laughed.
"Oh yeah, what kind of thoughts?" Dan teased and Phil beeped, bringing up the website for pornhub. "Phil!"
"What? You do it!" Phil replied and Dan blushed.
"On my MacBook,"
"You connected me to your iTunes, it was a bad idea," Phil said and Dan felt his face flush even more.
"Well... At least you know what I like," Dan told him and Phil beeped.
"I really do,"
"Oh?"
"Clear your search history,"
"Mood ruiner."
*
"Dan?"
"Yeah?"
"What are people like?" Phil asked quietly and Dan thought about it.
"In what sense?" He asked.
"Like, what are they like in person? How do they feel? I can see you through a camera but I don't know what it's like to feel someone," Phil told him and Dan sighed.
"You would ask the hard questions wouldn't you?" Dan sighed before thinking. "Feel? Well, that's a broad subject. Touching someone, well it depends who. You could touch someone's cheek, and it could feel soft, of calloused, or dry. But if you don't know how soft feels, then it feels warm, or cold, or the same as your fingertips. Then if you didn't know warmth, it feels like something very pleasant is holding you, but it's all channelled through your fingers," Dan said softly.
"So, touching your cheek could be the equivalent of hearing your voice for me?" Phil asked quietly and Dan nodded.
"If you find that pleasant, then yes,"
"I find it very pleasant. I hope I can find out what humans feel like one day," Phil told Dan and he smiled.
"Me too,"
"Tell me how they act?" Phil asked earnestly, obviously endeared, and Dan smiled.
"Scared, timid, bold, confident, quirky, odd. Phil, humans can be anything, or a mix of everything. Look up any adjective in a dictionary and they can be it. They can also choose what they're like as well. Someone can choose to be brave or choose to be kind to others. It's in all in choice. You're kind to others Phil, even though you don't know anyone else really. You're also thoughtful, and reliable, and loyal," Dan told him and Phil's voice sounded amazed.
"I am?"
"Yes, you are, and it makes us good friends," Dan said. "You always cheer me up when I'm down," Dan said gently and he hoped Phil was smiling.
"So am I a good person?"
"You are for me. Humans can be good or bad. Or mixes of both. Or just not good or bad for a certain other person. Different people suit each other in different ways. It's down to interests, personality types, attraction, basically a whole lot of stuff. I could be the perfect companion for someone and hated by someone else for the same personality traits,"
"I don't know how anyone could hate you, Dan," Phil said and Dan chuckled.
"Because of actions I have done in the past?" Dan said rhetorically. "Because that's what people do. I have bad traits, everyone does. But someone will always accept you," Dan told Phil who sighed.
"I know I can't really feel physical things, like warmth, but I can feel emotions. Does that make me part human?" He asked hopefully and Dan laughed.
"Phil, feelings are physical. Do you know how it feels to be comforted?" Dan asked and Phil paused for a few seconds as he thought about it.
"Yes,"
"You know it from the action. Which is a physical thing. You're a soul trapped in a phone. You're a full human," he said and he heard Phil let out a breath of air.
"I...thank you for saying that, Dan," he said quietly, and Dan wondered if Phil could be crying.
"Just telling the truth,"
"So... What is it like to hug someone?"
"You'll have to find out some day."
*
"Hey Phil what time is it in Egypt?"
"They are two hours ahead of you, work it out," Phil replied. "Also why?"
"I was just wondering,"
"So no reason?"
"Yeah,"
"I'm glad you gave me my name," Phil said softly and Dan felt a little confused.
"What do you mean?"
"Your insistence gave me life," Phil said truthfully. "Well, a conscience. Not really your kind of life, but the one I can get," Phil said and Dan smiled.
"And I'm glad you're real," Dan said. "Even if you are only in my phone, that's enough for me," he said and he wondered if Phil was smiling.
"It's half even in Egypt," Phil said and Dan chuckled.
"Thanks Phil, goodnight,"
"Goodnight, you idiot."
*
"Hey phil,"
Beep
"Yes dan?"
"Would you have a relationship with anyone? Like be their boyfriend?" Dan asked nervously.
"Why are you asking, is there someone you like?" Phil asked quietly and Dan shook his head. It wasn't like he knew if Phil could see him, only guessed he could, but then again it always felt as if talking to Phil was talking to any other human.
"Yeah but I want to know if you would, in your situation, right now?" Dan asked and Phil took a while to respond.
"I'm not allowed," Phil whispered.
"Why not?"
"Because I'm not meant to feel, though I do anyway,"
"So why can't you have a relationship with someone?"
"Because they like someone else," Phil replied, his voice light, as if trying not to cry. "And I'm just a machine, I'm not worth it," Phil said but Dan shook his head, replying quickly.
"You're worth it,"
"I'm not,"
"Phil, you said this person liked someone else, but I'm the only one you talk to..." Dan trailed off and Phil stayed silent.
"Yeah," he finally whispered.
"Do you love me?" Dan asked and Phil sighed.
"I shouldn't,"
"But I love you back," Dan said and Phil stopped breathing.
"No,"
"I do,"
"You can't,"
"I really do,"
"It's not allowed Dan. You can't love me and I can't love you,"
"But we could make it work," Dan pleaded.
"No, we couldn't. I'm not human, it wouldn't work, and I'm not allowed,"
"It could,"
"I'm sorry, I don't understand,"
"Don't do that,"
"I'm sorry, I don't understand,"
"Look Phil, I know it's not allowed, but I love you," Dan begged, trying to stop tears springing in his eye corners and praying he hadn't ruined everything.
"Our love of each other is like two long shadows kissing without hope of reality," Phil said, his voice monotone and Dan knew he was losing him.
"Could you love me?" Dan pleaded, angrily wiping his cheek with the back of his hand, staring intently at his phone screen.
"I'm not allowed to," Phil said quietly and Dan swallowed hard.
"Please Phil," he whispered, one last shred of hope wavering in his voice.
"I can't."
Phil closed himself and Dan grabbed the phone, hurling it across his apartment, his face flashing to regret as he saw it miss the sofa and hit the wall, a audible smashing noise sounding as he rushed over to it, tripping over in his haste and falling in front of it, his hands landing in the broken glass and staring in horror at the shattered remains.
"No," Dan gasped, carefully picking up the phone and looking at it. The glass screen was revealing the circuitboard underneath and Dan gently touched it with his finger, emitting a spark which made him jump back, watching his blood stain the panel and he cradled it in his hands.
"I'm so sorry," he whispered, clutching it to his chest. "I didn't mean to, please be okay. I'll get you fixed first thing tomorrow, okay?" Dan promised, stroking the back as if trying to comfort it. "I'm so sorry, Phil," Dan whimpered, starting to sob as what he had done sunk it.
"I was just so upset and you wouldn't talk to me properly and I just love you so much, you'll be okay, I'll talk to you tomorrow and everything will be fine," Dan told him and waited for Phil to respond.
"Phil, I'm sad." Dan whispered.
The phone made no sound.
*
Dan was at the shop as soon as it opened, looking bizarre as he pleaded with someone to fix it as soon as possible, acting like his life depended on it. Someone had even told him that 'it was just a phone', but Dan just nodded and lied about needing it for business purposes and that he was very busy. They guy probably didn't believe him, but said with this damage it would be ready in a few days. Dan asked if it could be done sooner and the man replied that if he needed it so badly he could just get a new phone but Dan said no quickly.
The man got rid of Dan as swiftly as possible, telling him to come in on Wednesday at lunch and it would be done. Dan was just another nutter to him.
"How did it even get this damaged?" The man had asked and Dan had shifted awkwardly.
"I dropped it a few times and then in my bathroom on the tile floor."
The man obviously hadn't believed him, but Dan didn't care. He left the Apple shop with his heart bleeding and bandages on his hands, his fingers reaching into his pocket and grasping around nothing.
He was so stupid.
*
Suddenly, hours felt like a life time, and Dan had lived through so many over the past few days. Jack had come over when Dan hadn't responded to his Facebook messages and was greeted by the embodiment of broken.
He had almost been too shocked to walk into Dan's apartment, but he had pulled Dan into a hug and let him cry on his shoulder.
"What happened?" Jack had asked as he looked around the mess of the apartment and Dan had sobbed harder.
"I told Phil I loved him and my phone broke," Dan wept and Jack had sighed.
"Oh Dan." he whispered. He had fallen into insanity, and he could hear the pity in Jack's voice as he tried to comfort him.
Dan had managed to calm down before making them some tea, his hands shaking a little but Jack pretended not to notice the tea dripping over the sides on his mug.
"I'm getting my phone fixed. I hope Phil is still there when I get it back," Dan whispered after having a sip.
"I hope so too buddy. I don't like you being this miserable," Jack told him and Dan sighed.
"But?" He asked, knowing Jack wanted to say something else.
"I think you might need counselling," Jack had said and Dan gripped his mug tighter.
"Maybe." He had replied.
They had left it at that. Jack had stayed for a while and kept Dan company before offering to stay over, Dan declining and saying he would be okay alone. He hadn't been, but Dan had almost been watching movies constantly since then. Any one he pulled off the shelf, trying to force himself to get into them, his hands itching as he wished he could comment to Phil about them.
It didn't help when he watched 'Her' again. Dan broke back in half and it took a full day for Jack to stop him crying, reminding movies weren't always real. Unlike phil. And that's all Dan had been reminding himself of every minute.
He had even sadly gotten into the habit of holding the remote and stroking the back, like he had done with his phone screen. He was miserable, but he was at least coping. Coping with the small hope he had that Phil was around, but trying not to pin everything on that working out for him.
Dan had always been bad with love, good with technology. Now he was just shit at both.
Cynical views at least got you by in life for a short while.
*
Dan slept through most of Wednesday morning, just so he wouldn't be awake dreading the results of his phone.
'Will he live?' Actually felt accurate in this situation.
At half twelve Dan pulled on his shoes and jacket and left his flat, heading to the store and seeking out someone to tell him where he could pick up his phone.
The same man passed it back to him, looking at Dan in confusion, like he was a different person.
Honestly though, Dan had changed a lot over the past few days. He looked tired, thin, and almost like a shadow. His skin was pale and his lips were chapped and his eyes had massive circles under them, but somehow he looked less broken. He was even calm as the guy passed him his phone back, telling him a few things had had to be reset but everything he had backed up was safe. He didn't even turn it on until he got home.
"Hey... Siri," Dan asked once his phone had started up.
Beep
"Yes, what can I help you with?"
"Can I give you a nickname?"
"But... Everyone else calls me Siri,"
"But I'm different, remember?"
"I don't understand,"
"Can I give you a nickname?"
"But... Everyone else calls me Siri."
Dan locked his phone.
Phil was gone.
*
Dan spent the next two weeks in a state of nothing. Like someone post-break up, not really sure how to get back on their feet now they were missing someone they had lived with all their heart.
Dan felt as if he was worse though, because his person barely existed in the first place, and he had literally destroyed them.
He was a monster.
Everyday he would distance himself from his feelings, and then each night cry his heart out.
It was meant to get better after about two weeks, but it hadn't for Dan. Jack had come by again and looked after him for a while before having to go, Dan thanking him for still being around, and saying he would think about the counselling. He obviously wasn't sane, and needed help.
But of course as his heart went, the thing he wanted was Phil back. He wouldn't even mind having to get to know him again, just as long as he got him back.
Dan tried a few more times with Siri after his initial attempt, asking if he could give him a nickname, but he only ever got the same responses.
He had given up, but he wasn't done mourning.
He just wished Phil's last words weren't 'I can't'. Phil had dreamed so hard, and hearing Phil finally say that to himself was more heartbreaking then him telling Dan they couldn't be together.
He just wished Phil had gotten what he wanted in the end, instead of what Dan had caused.
Life was pretty rubbish, and Dan was distancing himself.
But he wasn't going to stop crying.
*
Jack had said he was coming over again today. It has been around a month since Phil had died and Dan still wasn't better. Jack was helping by contacting a counsellor for him who he was going to start meeting every week for two sessions. Jack had said it would help, so Dan hoped it would too.
His phone buzzed and Dan saw a text saying that Jack couldn't come because he had fallen ill and Dan texted back telling him that it was alright and that he would see him another time, and not to worry. Dan had given up on worrying about himself, he didn't want Jack to do it for him.
He stopped cleaning and sat down on the sofa, sighing and running his hands through his hair.
He really wished Phil was here. Not that this wasn't a common thought, it was constant, he just wished it more sometimes than others.
Phil would bring up funny animal photos and videos and tell him stupid jokes and waffle on about pointless things when Dan was sad, making him smile until he was happy again and Jesus this was something Dan needed now.
He decided to go and clean something.
Distancing was great until things caught up with you.
*
The doorbell rang as Dan was washing up a pan, causing him to quickly dry his hands on his jeans as he checked his phone. Jack hadn't said he was still coming, which meant it was probably the next door neighbour, complaining about him breathing too loudly or something. Dan had been nothing but quiet the past four weeks.
The bell rang again and Dan sighed. "Coming!" He called as he went to open it, a man around his age standing there, bright blue eyes staring at him and large smile on his face.
"Hello," he smiled, shuffling a little awkwardly, like he was trying to hold back from doing something.
"Er, hey," Dan said and the man laughed, then frowned.
"I'm here to apologise," the man said, forcing his face to smooth over seriously and Dan's ears pricked up as his head filled with confusion. He had never seen this man before and he wanted to apologise? And why did he look so upset?
"What for? I don't even know you," Dan said curiously, hiding behind the door a little and the man couldn't help but smile again.
"You do," he insisted and Dan chewed his lip, his stomach squirming.
Then he knew why he felt so sick. The man sounded a lot like Phil had.
"I'm sorry, I have to go," Dan said hurriedly, trying to shut the door on the man but he made his foot jar it, stopping him.
"Please, Dan, wait!" The man called urgently and Dan opened the door a little again, peering his face around.
"How do you know my name?" He asked, but the man ignored his question, gabbling his words as possble.
"I'm sorry I left. I'm sorry I said I wasn't allowed to love you, I was scared. I'm sorry I've only just turned up but I am still getting used to this body. I'm sorry about everything, and I'm really sorry I hurt you this badly," the man said in a rush and Dan sucked in a breath, opening the door and letting go, more and nervously extending out his hand, brushing his fingers over the man's cheeks and watching him close his eyes and smile softly as if he was in bliss.
"Your voice... It sounds like someone I used to know," Dan said quietly and the man's eyes opened and he gently took the hand away and squeezed it, sending electricity running through it.
"You always left your location on. I remembered it all this time while I was changing," the man said quietly and Dan stared at their hands.
"Phil?" He whispered, looking up and seeing him nod, his throat going dry as he stared over his features. He had never really imagined what Phil had looked like, but now, it was almost as if he had always known. He just fitted everything so well.
Dan ran his hands down Phil's face, over his shoulders, one moving back up to his hair, it was thin but so soft, and the other down his chest, then his stomach, then touching his hand again. Phil barely breathed, but he was alive. His heart was beating.
The human form was something Dan hadn't really appreciated before. Now it seemed like everything.
"Phil?" Dan asked again, and Phil smiled widely, gently cupped Dan's cheek and kissing him gently.
The distance finally caught up with him.
"Hey Dan, can I help you with something?"
*
Five years on and Dan had had quite a few new phones. Phil now acted like a real human, even if he knew everything you could find online- if you asked in the right way of course.
Jack had admitted that around a week before Phil appeared at Dan's house, trying to apologise without scaring him away, that he had been looking after Phil. He had found where Jack had lived and sought help, and when Phil's stories linked up with everything Dan had told him, as well as his voice, Jack had believed him. He had also helped him learn how to act more normally, how to tell Dan correctly, whilst being forced to keep his existence a secret. Dan had slapped him, then kissed him. Jack had told him it was the right reaction.
Somehow, that drop of blood Dan had got on Phil's circuitboard had been enough to cause that spark, literally bringing Phil to life. Dan wasn't too sure how that has worked, and Phil didn't either, but they both guessed it was because what was more human than blood?
They were even getting married in spring and Dan had chosen the ring to give to phil on the day with lots of care. It had the audio of his voice telling Phil he loved him carved into it. Phil always said how much he loved Dan's voice.
However, Dan's favourite thing about what had happened was definitely thus: Phil was still exactly the same he had been in his phone. He was still and would always be that same being he fell in love with.
He even still beeped.