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Jaemin sits at his desk, waiting for his final class of the day to start. A few other students were there, like Dojoon and Soojin. It was still pretty quiet though. Jaemin had his airpods in and his "Chill Vibes Only" playlist was playing. Jaemin stares out the window, letting his thoughts wander.
Two weeks ago, Jaemin and Jeno had agreed that the younger would give Jeno space so he could figure out his feelings himself. Since then, the two of them hadn't interacted at all, they didn't look at each other, talk to each other, or acknowledge each other. They really only interacted when necessary, which was for academic purposes only. Other than that, it was if they didn't know each other. Of course, Jaemin always kept a close eye on his soulmate, but had Mark take care of him for now.
Jaemin himself, wasn't doing too well. He would get like this every once in a while; feeling like the world was against him, his heart, mind, and body all hurting. He wouldn't sleep, he wouldn't eat, he wouldn't do anything basically. He's always been able to cover up his depressive episodes, his smile really can fool anyone. Jaemin never really knew what caused these moments, but when they came, it could take a long time for him to be ok again. And today was just one of those days. Those days where he felt like lying in bed. Those days where his mind hurt from his own thoughts. Those days where he just wants to give up. Just one of those days...
"Well class, it's the final period of the day! Which means I want you all to have full energy for this final 50 minutes of school. Now, let's get learning!" Jaemin's teacher walks in, a huge smile on his face. Jaemin sighs and class begins.
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Jeno was sitting in his room, finishing his homework, when he gets a knock on his bedroom door.
"J-jeno?" A quiet voice calls from the other side. Jeno sighs, knowing it was his mom. She came back the night after Jaemin had come.
"Yes?" Jeno waited for a response, but got none. Sighing, Jeno stands and opens his door to see his mom leaning against the wall, already asleep. He takes her to her bedroom and makes sure that she's resting before going back to his room. He grabs his bag and the rest of his homework before leaving the house; he had the night shift today.
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Jaemin enters the convenience store at around 11 pm. He's been coming here almost every night for some snacks; usually just doritos and a sprite. He walks down the isles, grabbing his usual items and makes his way towards the front. Turns out Jeno was working tonight.
'Of course he is Jaemin, it's a Tuesday.' He sighs and waits for his change before leaving the small store. No words were exchanged.
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Jeno watches Jaemin's retreating figure, worry lacing his eyes. He had already noticed Jaemin's weak state, but now that they weren't at school, he really saw how bad Jaemin was. He had huge eye bags, his hair was a mess, and his eyes were slightly bloodshot from crying. Jeno didn't know what was happening to the boy, but he was worried. But Jeno knew that he shouldn't do anything, they had an agreement and he had to stick to it, for his own health. So instead, Jeno texts Donghyuk.
NoJe:
Hey hyuk...
RingDingDonghyuk:
Hey
You good dude???
NoJe:
Im fine
Its Jaemin actually....
RingDingDonghyuk:
What happened
NoJe:
Not sure
But he looks like shit
I dont mean that in a rude way
He literally looks like shit
He has huge eyebags and his eyes are mega bloodshot- i think from crying but idk
Should we be worried....?
RingDingDonghyuk:
Fuck
NoJe:
What?
RingDingDonghyuk:
Thanks for telling me jeno
I gtg
You didnt talk to him right? You guys are still on the agreement
NoJe:
I didnt say anything, even if i wanted to...
RingDingDonghyuk:
Ok good
I gtg
Thanks again for telling me
NoJe:
ofc
Jeno puts his phone down, his lips forming a thin line. What was going on?
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Hyukie:
Jaemin..i know you're awake
Minnie:
What is it hyung ?
Hyukie:
Are you ok
Minnie:
Yeah..? why wouldnt i be lol
Hyukie:
jaemin
I know youre lying
Minnie:
..i didnt want to worry you
Hyukie:
You not telling me that another episode came is worrying me more
Minnie:
Sorry
Hyukie:
Are you at the playset?
Minnie:
Always am
Hyukie:
omw
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Jaemin looks up to the stars as Donghyuk climbs up the playset ladder to get to the landing where Jaemin sat. He was eating his doritos and his sprite was half empty. Not a lot for someone who's been out there for almost 2 hours.
"Hey Minnie..."
"Hey." Jaemin replies dryly, making Donghyuk sigh.
"How are you feeling?" He takes a seat next to his friend, stealing a dorito from the bag. (It was one of those family sized bags lol).
"Like shit."
"That's fair...." Donghyuk pauses a moment before turning to his friend and smiling. "You know what I'm going to say next."
"Yeah..." Jaemin turns to his friend, smiling softly. He and Donghyuk had started a routine whenever Jaemin got like this. They would sit at the playset and stay there as long as they could. Donghyuk always got Jaemin to talk, because the younger boy knew that his friend wouldn't tell anyone. And so, Donghyuk always said the same thing every time to let Jaemin know he was there.
"Don't speak from your mouth, but from your heart Jaminnie. The stars are here to listen." After saying that, Donghyuk leans back against the rails of the playset, waiting for his friend to start talking.
"I hate that I feel this way...I hate that I can't just be happy. And I hate that I worry everyone when I get like this. I don't want to worry others, and I try my hardest not to. So all I do is laugh loudly, and put a big smile on my face; then no one can see the pain. And I don't want them to. My feelings and heart don't matter. All that matters to me is that everyone else is ok. That everyone else is happy. That's enough for me. I try my hardest to make sure that everyone is ok, and I just brush my own thoughts and issues aside. Why? Because they aren't important. Everyone else deserves to be happy. So I help them through the hard times, I care for them when they're alone. I'm always here for them, no matter what. And it's ok if they don't notice how much I care, and it's ok if they leave me behind; it's ok, because they're happy. And that's all that matters. They can hurt me, leave me, mess me up, but I won't care because they are happy. If I have to suffer for everyone else to be ok, then I will do so. I know what it's like to be in pain, to feel alone, to hurt, to want to be loved...no one else should feel that way. And I won't let them feel that way if I can help it. If I have to fake a smile for them, I will do so. If I have to be their light when I can't have my own, I will do so. If I have to protect them from the world, I will do so. Even if no one does the same for me, I would do it for anyone else in a heartbeat. I guess that's a fault of mine, isn't it? Caring too much about everyone else and not myself. Giving my heart to everyone else, just to have them walk over it. It's ok though, because I don't matter." Jaemin was looking up to the sky, tears falling quickly down his cheeks and a soft, pained smile on his face. He turns to Donghyuk, who looks back at him, smiling. He stands and turns to the pink haired boy.
"You matter. You don't see it, but I do. You matter. I don't care about how many fake smiles you wear, or how many laughs you force. I know you matter, and one day, someone will make you know it too. The sun is gonna rise soon, let's get you home." He reaches his hand out for Jaemin to grab. The boy takes it and stands, wiping his tears away. The two of them make their way out of the park and head back to their houses.
Jaemin didn't feel better, but he knew Donghyuk was there for him. He knew he wasn't alone, even if he felt like he was. He still didn't matter to himself, but he mattered to Donghyuk. And if that made Donghyuk happy, then Jaemin knew it was worth it. Everyone was worth it. Everyone else's happiness was worth Jaemin's pain.
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<Y'all will never see Jaemin the same way again ahahahaahahimsorry. AND WE GOT TO 1K READS OMG I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH THIS IS AMAZING THANK YOU I LOVE YOU!! See you in the next chapter my Lovelies>