I sat down quietly, without a word. I could feel my heart pounding in my ears. I felt Natsume-san's gaze on me, but I was too scared to look him in the eye.
"You don't look as composed as you think you do."
My head shot up. "What do you mean? I'm fine see, look, smiling." I pointed to the smile I had plastered on my face.
He shook his head. "Your smile's lopsided, I can tell it's forced. And your eyes don't look happy at all."
What? But I thought I did it perfectly... Why isn't it working?
"You're shaking."
I looked down at my hands. I was holding my knees so tightly I didn't even realise it. I was trembling.
The crooked smile slowly waned and I bit down on my lip, which was also beginning to tremble.
Natsume-san placed his coat on my shoulders and sat back at his seat. I pulled it tighter, greatly comforted by the warmth and scent.
"Do you want to tell me what happened?"
I considered it for a little while. "If you don't mind listening..."
He smiled at me, encouraging me to continue.
I took a deep breath. "I was... Sitting at that fountain. You know the one that's made of concrete... and shoots the water like this," I demonstrated, "and then stops for like two minutes then turns a different colour then-" I was rambling.
"I know," Natsume-san cut me off, obviously aware that I was rambling because of how unsteady I was, and that I would continue to ramble unless he said something.
"W-well, I was sitting there and this boy that looked about my age with blonde hair approached me. I made sure to be wary about whatever he did or said." I took another now-shaky breath. Having to recall the incident was frightening me. The realisation of what had happened and what could have happened had come crashing down on me.
"Take your time. There's no rush."
I nodded, not trusting my voice.
"So... he asked to sit next to me, and I let him... He asked if I was by myself, and I told him-" Another shaky breath. "And I told him I was waiting for someone. Almost right after that, you called and told me you were going to be late. After I hung up, he asked if the person I was waiting for was going to be late. I said yes."
I struggled to say the next couple of sentences. "Then he was like 'Come with me a sec' and h-he grabbed my arm. He got up and started pulling me. I tried to pull my arm away, to fight back. I told him to let me go. He wouldn't listen. Natsume-san he was so strong. He looked my age... But he was so strong."
I had to stop talking for a few minutes to collect myself.
More shaky breaths. "And then he took me to this poorly lit area not too far away... And he... he... p-pushed me against the w-wall. He had a firm grip on m-my wrists... He pressed himself a-against me. He'd let go of one of my wrists, and I tried to push him away. I told him to let go, and he wouldn't." I gripped my knees tightly, my knuckles white. "Then he put... his... hand... on m-my leg... and was moving upwards..."
Natsume-san's face was very serious at this point.
"And I punched him. Really hard. Really really hard. In the stomach. Then I ran. And you got me."
Natsume-san was looking down. "I'm really sorry."
"It's not your fault... I should have been more careful. I mean, I was too trusting, it was bound to happen eventually... Better sooner, so I can learn my lesson."
"I'm sorry."
Though the shock was delayed, I'd managed to calm down quite a bit. I considered Natsume-san's feelings right now and changed the subject. "How... How about we order?"
He nodded and we ordered. Our food arrived and I started up the conversation. We talked about his work, and his job within his company and the beta-test. It was a lot of fun talking to him, even if he seemed rather disturbed by what had happened.
It was starting to get late, and we left the restaurant. Natsume-san walked with me to the road, while we waited for a taxi to arrive. We didn't stand too far away from each other, but, at the same time, we didn't stand too close to each other either. It wasn't that much of a distance in reality, but right now it felt like a great chasm separated us.
I edged a little bit closer to him, and the coldness grew slightly less biting.
Natsume-san spoke, and I faced him quickly, eager to hear whatever words came out of his mouth, because the silence was driving me mad.
"The taxi's coming." My eyebrows creased and I smiled sadly, looking back down.
"Oh. Is that so?"
I suddenly remembered the main reason I'd invited him out in the first place. "Um, Natsume-san?"
"Yes?"
I unzipped my purse and fumbled around a little, eventually grasping the black velvet box and pulling it out. I held it out to him. "Thank you very much for yesterday and today. Please accept this."
He stepped closer and gently took the box from my hands. "You didn't have to go through the trouble."
"No! I had to! You helped me a lot!" I was adamant on convincing him how much his helping me when I was having a panic attack had meant to me.
He looked a bit taken aback by my sudden assertiveness, but he softened and smiled. "Thank you."
I smiled the happiest smile I'd managed to muster after the day's events. "No, thank you."
The taxi pulled up and I opened the door, turning to Natsume-san, handing him his coat and preparing to say bye.
"If you don't mind... Could we do this again sometime?" he inquired, slightly hesitant.
"Definitely!" I assured.
I went to sit down. "I forgot to say..."
I stopped and stood back up, wondering what he was going to say.
"You look beautiful tonight."
I managed to keep my cool, even though I was melting inside. "Thanks," I replied with a shy smile.
With that, I sat down in the taxi and closed the door, giving the driver my address. Natsume-san watched me go and I waved, before sitting back in my seat and exhaling loudly. Even though I had only met Natsume-san two days ago, I felt like he was someone who was going to become very important to me...
As usual, when I got home, I greeted everyone before changing and going to sleep.
And my sleep, like the previous night, and the night before that, was not peaceful.
The dream was the same as the other times, the desert, the echoing, then the skies clouding over. Usually, at that point, I'd have woken up, but this time, the nightmare continued to spiral into a twisted new piece of scenery.
The skies clouded over and let down torrents of rain. The sand became wet, then soaked, absorbing every drop of water that came into contact with its surface. I'd have thought that the dunes would continue to sucking up the water, like a sponge, and that eventually the rain would stop and that would be that. However, the torrent continued to rain down and rather than being soaked up, the rain began to form puddles on the sand.
Slowly, then rapidly, these puddles became small streams, then narrow rivers, and then lakes were forming at my feet. The water levels rose and rose, past my ankles, just past my knees, climbing up my stomach and at my neck while I stood still, unable to move. I was conscious of the desert sand no longer being present beneath my feet.
I was in an ocean. Waves rose and crashed all around me. Wherever I turned, there was only more water. I swum around desperately, but I had no clue where I was going. There was no indication as to where I had been or should go to. The stormy sky raged above me and the ocean waves roared around me. I couldn't hear my own ragged breaths or the screams that emerged from my throat. The voices again began to echo.
Lost... Lost... Lost...
I looked around wildly again for the voices that had been haunting my sleep. I found myself sinking, and flailed about uselessly. The noises and voices were drowned out as I sunk into the depths of the sea...
My eyes shot open and I found myself unable to breath, like I was drowning. I tried to inhale, but the only response my respiratory system gave was a series of short gasps, which only increased my terror. I wrapped my arms around myself, my hands gripping my upper arm extremely tightly, nails digging into my skin. The pain gave me some sort of sense of reality and oxygen flowed into my lungs. I gratefully inhaled and exhaled, attempting to calm myself.
As I tried to calm myself, the walls of my room seemed like they were calling out to me for attention. I looked around at them and began to feel very sick. They felt like they were closing in on me, and being pressed up against a wall took me back to the boy who'd tried to assault me. I quickly moved away from the wall and struggled to untangle myself from my blankets. I needed to get out. I needed to get out now.
I staggered to the door and fumbled to unlock it. Out in the hallway, I could hear my breathing, which came out as panting, like I'd been running. My heart felt like it was going to burst. My legs were very weak and it took all my concentration to walk.
I turned and saw the door to Tsubaki's room. That's right, Tsubaki should be in there, right? I thought hopefully. I stood at his door and knocked twice. It opened after within a few seconds and Tsubaki looked at me with wide eyes.
"Yui?! What happened?!"
I took a few steps closer to him and fell into his arms.
"Tsubaki... Can I please... Sleep in your room tonight?"
He looked into his room then back at me. "S-Sure, come inside." He helped me stand and led me into his room. It was quite like my own and the familiarity was comforting. I stood where he left me as he closed the door. I felt cold, and hugged my arms, shivering.
As if reading my mind, Tsubaki placed his arm around my shoulders. "Did you have a bad dream?"
I nodded.
"Do you mind sleeping next to me?"
I shook my head. Right now, I needed someone beside me.
He placed another pillow beside his and laid down, inviting me to lay down too. I crawled in next to him and he smiled at me. "If you want me to hug you till you fall asleep, I wouldn't have a problem with it~" he teased.
I moved in closer to him and buried my face in his chest. He seemed ecstatic that I'd accepted the invitation, and wrapped his arms around me. He was so soft and warm...
"Try to get some sleep."
I nodded, and allowed myself to fall asleep in Tsubaki's arms.
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Behold, chapter 33! This is getting quite long, isn't it?
Thank you to all the readers, especially those who've been reading for a while :)
You guys gave me some wonderful and encouraging comments last chapter, thanks for that!
Please enjoy.
Comments, suggestions and requests are all welcome!