-REY-
I'm just about to climb in the Resistance transport pod when I hear Poe's voice from across the hangar.
"Can we not do this right now?" I plead, watching him warily as he approaches me.
"I'm not trying to stop you," he says, brows furrowing. "Although, as acting General, I would have liked a briefing on this mission before the actual mission." His smile doesn't reach his eyes.
"Sorry, I figured Leia would tell you," I mutter. "What do you want, then?" My hands clench into fists at my side. Fear of confrontation has me itching to flee, but my feet stay planted.
"I wanted to say I'm sorry." He takes a deep breath and runs a hand through his disheveled curls. "You aren't some object or property I can claim. I have no control over the decisions you make, and I can't hold them against you. Of course I wish you'd picked me, but you didn't, and I have to accept that and move on."
The tension in my shoulders releases and I let out a breath I hadn't realized I was holding. "Thank you, Poe. But I still want to apologize for leading you on. It was not intentional, but I still hurt you, and for that I'm truly sorry."
Poe finally cracks a smile. "Apology accepted."
"No hard feelings, then?"
His face is serious again, and he looks at me in a way that strips my soul bare. "I love you, Rey," he whispers, "and it's because I love you that I can't be selfish with you."
"Poe, I..."
"You don't have to say anything. I just want you to know I'd rather have you in my life as a good friend than not at all. So, no. No hard feelings." He stuffs his hands awkwardly in the pockets of his flight suit and rocks back on his heels.
I step forward and quickly press a kiss to his cheek. His face flushes bright pink and I smile. "I love you, too," I tell him.
"Now get going, and be safe," Poe commands, still smiling. "May the Force be with you."
I laugh and salute him. "And with you, General Dameron."
I watch him disappear from the hangar, still smiling over the fact that everything finally feels right. For once the weight hanging on me has lifted, and the dream of peace in the galaxy doesn't seem so unattainable.
"Are you coming?" Ben asks, coming up behind me. I jump at his voice, not realizing he'd reached the ship already.
"Yes! Yes, of course."
A while later my mind wanders as Ben pilots the small craft into the stars. "I wasn't expecting that from him," he finally says.
"You heard?" I ask, somewhat anxious now.
Ben flips a switch and pulls the large lever at the center of the console. The stars blur into white streaks against the darkness, the force of the jump to hyperspace pushing my body back against the co-pilot seat. "I did," he states simply.
When he doesn't say more, fear creeps in. "Look, Ben, I hope you know I didn't mean I love him, you know, romantically. I meant as a friend."
"I knew what you meant," he replies, voice calm. "I only brought it up because I was impressed. After he threatened me this morning-"
"He threatened you?" I demand, cutting him off. "If I'd known, I wouldn't have apologized to the bastard."
Ben chuckles. "I'm not upset. I was irritated at first, but I realized I would've done the same if I were in his position."
"Oh. So you're not mad?" I ask hesitantly.
"No, I'm not mad."
"I'm not saying I don't believe you, I'd just pictured a different reaction. More..." I trail off, unable to explain.
"More Kylo Ren?" He offers.
I nod, swallowing hard. "Yeah."
Ben takes a deep breath and exhales slowly. "Rey, I'm not the same person you met in that forest on Takodana. I'm not the person you saw in my memories, or the person who helped you build your lightsaber." He turns to look at me and I meet his stare, not saying anything. "This is going to take some time to figure out," he continues. "I don't know who I am anymore. Kylo Ren is dead, but so is the Ben Solo my parents raised."
"I know. I'm sorry for bringing it up," I say quietly.
He shakes his head, smiling slightly. "No, don't apologize. I meant I'm just as confused as you are. I'm not sure how I'll react to anything these days. I can't leave my past behind me as if it never happened. There are still pieces of every version of me inside. We just have to find out how those pieces fit together into the person I am now."
I can't say anything. I watch his eyes as they flit across my face, waiting for a reply. I notice the slight twitch of the corners of his mouth, the way his brows furrow slightly in response to whatever he's thinking. "What are you staring at?" He finally asks.
"You. Sorry." I look away, feeling heat creep up my neck into my face.
"Why?"
"I'm just trying to figure you out," I say sheepishly.
"No, I meant why are you sorry? You need to stop apologizing so much," he says with a chuckle.
"I know, I know! I'm sorry." The word slips out again and I cringe. "Okay, I see your point."
The rest of the journey is left in comfortable silence. I eventually drift off to sleep against the worn leather of the copilot's seat, woken a while later by the ship's shuddering drop out of lightspeed.
"This is incredible," Ben murmurs, eyes wide as he takes in the vast ocean and vivid green grass blanketing the rocky islands of Ahch-To. "It feels so..."
"Connected? Alive?" I suggest, stretching my tired limbs.
"I was going to say peaceful. But yes, that too." He brings the ship down to land on the same cliff where Chewie and I had landed the Falcon what feels like a lifetime ago on our journey to find Luke.
For a second I wish I could go back in time, back to Jakku when everything was simple and easy and made sense. Then I remember how lonely I was back then and how uncertain my future felt. So much has happened since then; I feel like a completely different person. I am a different person. Suddenly I'm able to sympathize with Ben. He's not the only one who's changed completely, and I know exactly what it feels like.
"What is that?" Ben's voice brings me out of my daydream, and I follow his gaze to the rocks outside the ship.
"That," I laugh, "is a porg."
"Why is it watching us like that?" He asks, head tilting slightly as the staring contest continues. The porg blinks its bulbous eyes and chirps, but doesn't break eye contact. I can't tell who's winning.
I stand up and stretch again, then grab my bag from behind the seat. "They're strange creatures. Chewie and I never quite figured them out. He told me he hated them, but I knew better. They grow on you after a while." I press the button to lower the boarding ramp, inhaling the salty island air. "Are you coming?" I call out when I notice Ben is still on board.
He appears a moment later looking distracted. "There's something calling to me. I feel it."
"It's the island," I explain, leading the way up the hillside to the small village of stone huts. "It was once sacred to the Jedi, but it also calls on the darker tendencies we all possess. Powerful light, powerful darkness. A perfect balance in the Force."
"I don't like it," he mutters, visibly shuddering. "It feels wrong."
"You'll get used to it."
We finally reach the cluster of dome-shaped shelters and Ben stops in his tracks. "This is where you lived?" He asks incredulously.
"Yes. Why?" I shove open the door of my old home and toss my bag on the makeshift bed.
"It's so...primitive," he says, nose wrinkled in distaste.
"Maybe. But it's enough," I tell him with a smile. Ben moves to drop his belongings in my hut, but I intercept him. "Where do you think you're going?" I demand.
He looks behind me and realizes there's only space for one person to sleep. His eyes widen slightly. "Oh, you want me to-"
"Get your own," I finish for him, pushing him toward the next hut.
He rolls his eyes at me but obeys, grabbing a piece of fruit from his bag before storing it inside.
"Where are the Jedi texts you told my mother about?" He asks as we make our way across the island. The planet is unusually warm and sunny today, bringing about feelings of nostalgia again.
I point to the western end of the island, where the grass gives way to jagged rocks. "Just on the other side of that hill. You'll know it when you see it."
Ben looks serene walking across the island, eating his fruit while the breeze off the sea ruffles his raven hair. I reach out through the bond, curious to know what he's thinking about.
"You don't have to poke around in my head to find out," he grumbles, tossing the fruit's seed behind him. "I would've told you if you'd asked."
I huff, mildly embarrassed. "Fine. What are you thinking about?" I ask.
He grins at me. "Food."
"You're impossible."
"You sound like my mother."
"Thank you."
"That wasn't a compliment."
"Yes it was."
Ben sighs. "Why us?"
I stop walking and turn to face him. "What do you mean?"
"Out of all the Force-sensitive beings in the galaxy, why were we brought together? Why connect us like this?" He asks, gesturing between us.
I shrug, trying not to be offended. "Why not us? According to Luke, we're more powerful than anyone he's ever seen. It makes sense to me."
"I suppose." Ben watches me for a moment, eyes tracing languidly over my face. "It's ironic, though, isn't it? A Skywalker and a Palpatine brought together again by the Force." He looks down at his feet and I can feel the turmoil rolling off him.
"Maybe it's for a reason. Maybe you and I are meant to right the wrongs of our grandfathers," I muse. After puzzling over it for a moment, something clicks. Excitement takes over and I take Ben's hand with a smile. He looks startled but doesn't pull away. "It makes sense if you think about it. The Force is all about balance, right? What better way to bring balance than to bring our bloodstained, corrupt bloodlines back into the Light?"
Ben nods thoughtfully. "That's a solid theory. We should discuss it with Luke when we get back." His hand withdraws from my grip.
"You're right," I sigh, having gotten lost in the excitement of my breakthrough. "We need to find Palpatine."
We walk until the hill dips down along the edge of the cliff, leading us to the worn stones that mark the path toward the Jedi temple. Serenity surrounds me and draws me closer to the ancient site, urging my body on with whispered promises of peace. The dyad feels stronger than ever, feeding off the power that emanates from the island.
"I've never felt anything like this," Ben whispers. "I can feel it calling to me."
"It makes leaving this island very difficult," I respond. "When I left before, I dreamt of this place every night for a month. It becomes a part of you somehow. A constant reminder of where we come from, I imagine."
Ben looks at me, eyes soft. "I remember your dreams. I felt your peace as if it were my own. Your memories of the island helped me sleep."
My heart does a somersault in my chest. I'm still not used to his openness, his willing vulnerability. "Whatever the reason, I'm glad you and I were chosen. There's no one I'd rather be forcibly mind-linked to." I struggle to keep a straight face.
"You just had to cheapen the moment, didn't you?" Ben asks, grimacing. I open my mouth to retort but I don't get the chance.
Before us, shrouded in mist, stands the towering trident-shaped tree. The voices are clearly audible now, beckoning us up the steep pathway. Neither of us dares to speak; we're both too afraid of disturbing the perfect harmony that seems to radiate from the doorway leading into the library. The sensation floods me with familiar warmth and I bask in it for a moment before leading Ben up the stairway.
"This is it?" He whispers when we reach the small shelf of worn volumes inside the trunk of the great tree.
"Expecting more, you were," says a voice from behind us.
I turn on my heel and place my hand over the hilt of my lightsaber, but at the sight of the hunched, blue-tinged figure, I release my grip. Something about him is eerily familiar, and suddenly I remember the stories Luke told me. "You're-"
"Master Yoda," Ben finishes for me, wide eyes trained unblinkingly on the old creature.
"Good to see you, it is, young Solo," Master Yoda says, chuckling. "Surprised to see me, are you?"
"I've only ever seen you in my dreams," Ben muses, still in shock. "I never thought I'd see you like this." He swallows hard and turns to look at me, an unreadable expression on his face.
"Master Yoda, Luke told me so much about you. It's an honor to meet you. I'm Rey."
Master Yoda chuckles again. "Know this already, I do. Quite powerful you have become, young Rey. But much to learn you still have."
"You know who I am?" I question, dropping to sit cross-legged on the oddly warm ground. Ben remains standing and begins to pace across the floor.
"Aware of the Dyad, we are," Yoda replies. "Foretold this was, long ago. Only your bloodlines can restore the balance."
"That's why we're here," I tell him earnestly, trying to ignore Ben's agitation flooding our bond. "We need the original Jedi texts to find my grandfather so we can stop him before it's too late."
"Afraid, are you?" Yoda asks, staring straight through me.
"Not anymore," I tell him. "I know Ben and I can defeat him. Together."
Yoda huffs. "See through you, I can. Fear your own darkness, you do. Hmm?"
Ben stops pacing and looks at me, waiting for an answer.
"Yes, I do," I admit. "I feel this...this rage inside me, fighting to get out. I can't control it sometimes." I look up at Ben. "Sometimes I don't want to control it. I want to embrace it." Shame overcomes me and I look away before I can see his reaction. I know what he'll think.
"No you don't," Ben snaps. "You have no idea what I was thinking. Have you already forgotten the years I spent hiding behind that mask? I know better than anyone what it feels like. The hunger for power, the need to feel significant." He crouches before me and I notice the unshed tears shining in his eyes. "Rey, I will do anything to keep you from that pain. Anything."
I swallow the lump in my throat and nod, unable to say anything. For a moment I forget that Master Yoda is with us, until he speaks again.
"A remarkable thing, your bond is. Use it to find balance, you both must. Only together can you find peace."
"Master Yoda, why was this Dyad created? Is our sole purpose to defeat Palpatine?" Ben asks, finally sitting down beside me.
"The first step toward the balance, it is," Yoda answers, "but not the end of your journey together. A much larger destiny, you share."
I lean forward, eager to know more. "Destiny? What is our destiny?"
Master Yoda chuckles again. "Figure that out, you must. Not my place to tell. Guide you, the Force will." He steps forward and rests one three-fingered hand on my knee and the other on Ben's. Flashes of a vision appear in my mind, but they're gone before I can make them out. "Great purpose there is, in the Dyad. Choose you for a reason, it did. Balance is not light or dark. Good there is, in both."
Master Yoda fades away before either of us can respond. We sit in silence for a long time, mulling over the words of the old Jedi. I feel at once clarity and more confusion than ever, and I can tell Ben feels the same. The cryptic messages would have to wait for another day, however. "We need to get back to work," I mutter, pushing myself to my feet. I brush the dust off the old covers and pile a few in Ben's waiting hands, taking the rest in my arms. "We need to get back to the village. We can return these in the morning. Nights here can be cold. And I'm hungry."
Ben cracks a smile. "No surprise there."
The walk back is silent save for the sound of the porgs flitting across the island. Once peaceful, the palpable balance in the Force has grown burdensome, like a weight Ben and I alone are doomed to bear for eternity.
"You're going to drive yourself mad," Ben remarks once we're back in the village. "You haven't eaten anything since we got back from the Tree. Stop thinking so much."
"I can't," I huff, finally taking a bite of the rations we'd brought along. "What if we never get to live our own lives? What if our entire purpose is to bring balance to the Force? What if-"
I'm cut off by soft lips pressing against mine. I hadn't realized Ben had moved from his seat across the fire. After a few sweet moments he pulls away and smiles. "I'm sorry, but you left me no choice."
I frown. "You made me forget what I was saying."
Ben laughs quietly. "That was my intention."
"That wasn't very nice."
"I'm sorry. I won't kiss you again."
"Hold on a second, no need for such drastic measures to be taken," I protest, fighting a smile. "But I'm serious. I don't want our lives to not belong to us."
"Whatever future we have, I know one thing for certain: wherever you will go, I will go. As long as I have you, I know my life will be good. Happy." Ben tucks a loose strand of hair behind my ear and looks at me a moment longer before sitting beside me. He pulls the old book he'd been reading back into his lap, flipping slowly through the pages. "I can't read any of this," he finally says.
"Neither can I," I admit. "Let's continue in the morning. I'm getting tired."
Ben yawns and stretches his arms over his head. "I agree." He stands up and helps me to my feet, then pulls me into a warm embrace, my cheek resting on his chest. "We'll find him," he assures me, voice rumbling in my ear.
I nod. "I know."
"Goodnight, Rey."
"Goodnight."
* * * * *
I toss and turn for a long time before finally coming to the conclusion that I miss having Ben near me. The steady sound of his heartbeat below my ear has become somewhat of a necessity as of late.
Then he's there, as if he'd been waiting all this time for permission to come in.
Sleep comes easily with his arms wrapped protectively around me. I settle into his chest, feeling peace and tender affection flood our bond. Is this what love feels like? I can't imagine anything better than this.