Castiel?
He smiles to himself at the sound of Hannah's voice in his head. He knew it was only a matter of time until she prayed to him, but he thought she'd at least last the night without him.
It's bedtime, and usually I pray to God at bedtime, but you told me not to so I didn't. Aren't you proud of me?
Castiel chuckles. She's the sweetest child he has ever met. And, fortunately, Emma and James are asleep, so he can laugh about it.
I know you're probably sleepy because it's late, and Mommy and Daddy were always in bed by now, but I took a nap so I'm not sleepy. Jody wanted me to go to bed an hour ago, but Claire was awesome and said I didn't have to. But now it's late so I have to.
Castiel glances at the clock. It's only 10 o'clock. He'd be surprised if Claire was already going to bed this early, but if she managed to convince the kid it was late, kudos to her.
Cas?
"Not now," Castiel groans, his head lolling back in exasperation. Out of all the times Sam could pray to him, he just has to pick the same time that Hannah chose, huh? Their voices overlap in his head, but he does his best to block Sam out and only listen to Hannah.
I didn't wanna stay here at first, but Jody and Claire are super nice. Did you know someone else lives here, too? I haven't met her yet, but Jody said she's nice. She's a nurse. She helps people, just like you! Jody said she won't be home until really, really late, so I won't get to see her until I wake up, and I really wanna meet her, so I really wanna wake up, so I really gotta go to sleep. But I miss you and I love you and I can't wait to see you again!
Castiel smiles. She's so sweet and excitable. He's going to make sure the first thing they do tomorrow is head back to her old house and find anything she might want 10 years from now, just as an excuse to go back and visit.
Unfortunately, thinking about Hannah isn't enough to distract him from Sam.
I don't know if I'm less worried now that I know you're alive or more worried because you're not answering me. Dean still says not to worry about it, but if you're talking to Jody and not to us... Did we do something wrong? Are you still upset over Jack? Because that was all God's plan. Chuck knew he was going to die, one way or another, even if we didn't want to kill him.
Castiel clamps his hands over his ears, as if that will block out the voice that's already inside his head. He was okay with hearing Sam's voice. He didn't care that Jody told Sam that he stopped by. But hearing Sam say Jack's name, especially after he and Dean tried to kill him... And the fact that he's trying to make excuses about it. So what if Jack would have died anyway? That doesn't change the fact that Sam and Dean actively tried to kill him, and that when Castiel tried to reason with them, they told him to leave. That may not be why he left for good, but hearing Sam talk about it like that just confirms that he made the right choice.
Just call me, Cas. I can't keep looking for you all day, especially without telling Dean. And I know Dean thinks I'm overreacting, and I probably am, but I just need to hear your voice. I'll even settle for a text. You don't need to tell me where you are or what you've been doing or why you're ignoring me. I just want to hear from you. Please, Cas. After all we've been through, you owe me that much.
Castiel lets his head fall to the motel room table, exasperated. Sam seems really worried, and every piece of him wants to tell him what's happening and why he left. Sam would tell him that he's okay and it wasn't his fault, and he'd probably go off on a tangent about why Dean's acting the way that he is and why Castiel shouldn't listen to him. But he's sick of hearing the boy make excuses for his brother. If he thinks he can explain away the fact that they tried to kill Jack, he'll try to get out of anything, and Castiel doesn't want to hear it.
"Castiel?"
Castiel reluctantly picks his head up, and he looks over to see Emma sitting up in her bed, looking at him. Even in the dark, he can see the concerned expression on her face.
"Are you okay?" Emma asks.
"I'm fine," Castiel says.
"Are you fine? Or are you just saying that because you think that's what humans do?" Emma asks. "Because if something's wrong, you're more than welcome to tell me."
Castiel sighs. "Just the Winchesters." Because what problems of his don't start with the Winchesters?
"What about them?" Emma asks.
"They're praying to me again," Castiel says. "Well, Sam is. Dean won't give me the time of day, and Sam won't leave me alone."
"Call him," Emma suggests. "Tell him to back off. Tell him you're done with them."
"He'd track the phone down to come find me if I did" Castiel says. "I've left before, whether it was my choice or theirs, and I've always come back. He wouldn't believe I was leaving for real."
"Why did you always go back?" Emma asks. "I mean, it sounds like they treat you like shit. Why do you let them?"
Castiel lets out a long breath. "I don't know."
Emma crawls out of bed and sits down opposite of him at the table. "You can talk to me about them, you know. I know I'm the most biased person you'll ever meet, but I'll listen. I just want to understand."
"There's not much to understand," Castiel says. "When I fell from Heaven, they were the only people who had a chance at stopping the apocalypse, so I stayed with them. For the last 10 years, they're just about all I've known. I betrayed everything I knew during the Fall. I didn't want to do it again."
"But when all you know made you miserable..."
"They didn't," Castiel says. "At least, not in the beginning. They were nice. They still are, sometimes, but they used to be..." With a bittersweet smile, he adds, "Dean once fought his way through Purgatory for a year because he wouldn't leave before he found me."
"He what?" Emma gapes at him.
"Yeah, he, uh..." Castiel shrugs. "He used to care. He used to really, really care." His smile slipping away, he continues, "But things change. If it happened again, he wouldn't give me a second thought. I know that now."
"Well, if it's any consolation," Emma says, "I wouldn't leave you in Purgatory."
Castiel chuckles softly. "I appreciate that, but if all goes well, none of us will ever end up there again."
"Well, still," she says. "Just in case."
"Thank you," he says. "Now, I don't want to keep you up all night. If you want to go back to bed —"
"I'm not tired," she interrupts.
Castiel cocks his head to the side and squints his eyes. "That was a very quick answer."
She shrugs. "Well, I'm not tired. It's not like you were asking a trick question."
Castiel just waits silently for her to keep talking.
She sighs. "I just can't sleep. It's nothing."
"Why not?" Castiel asks.
She shrugs again.
"I've found that when people can't sleep, it's usually because there's something on their minds," Castiel says.
"You're not wrong," she mutters.
"What's bothering you?" Castiel asks. "Is there anything I can help with?"
She sighs. "I'm just... I'm still hung up over the fact that I was possessed. There was a demon in my body, you know? It killed almost a whole family with my hands."
"That wasn't your fault," Castiel says.
"I know," she says. "But I still killed them — or my body still killed them. The fact that I had to share my own body with a murderer is just..." She shudders. "I just hate it."
"I know the feeling," Castiel says. "Even if this isn't actually my body, sharing it with Lucifer was definitely unpleasant, especially in hindsight. But it gets easier. It won't bother you much in the future."
"What if it happens again?" she asks. "I don't see that getting any more comfortable."
"If you don't mind tattoos, I know a way to stop it from happening again," Castiel offers.
"What?"
"There's a symbol that can keep demons out of your body," Castiel says. "If you get it tattooed, you'll be safe from them."
"Really?" Emma asks. "Does it actually work?"
"It does."
"Then let's do it tomorrow," she says. "As soon as possible. I think I'll feel better once I have it done."