Lucifer stood next to a girl on a building. "Go on. Go ahead, jump. You know you want to." He leaned closer to the girl's ear. "Hmm? Trust me, it's a warm welcome."
"Won't it hurt?" The girl asked.
"Oh, there's only one way to find out."
The girl jumped and cannonballed into the pool.
Inside the house, Lucifer made his way through the crowd and walked up to a young man who'd just rejected a pretty red-haired girl.
"How can you decline this ravishing siren's invitation to imbibe?" Lucifer asked, seeing the redhead. "Well, if L.A.'s taught me anything, constant rejections do build character."
The girl frowned. "Sincerely doubt "constant rejections" do build character."
He gestured to the redhead. "You could learn a thing or two from this guy.
"Oh. Witty, charming and wise."
"Have you lost your mind? Do I know you?"
"Lucifer. Morningstar."
"Right, you're the club owner who grants people favors. Yeah, I don't need anything from you."
"Oh, I beg to differ, Ty. I have been looking for you all night. And you are in desperate need of my help. Star quarterback, number-one draft pick, and yet, for some explicable reason, a virgin."
"Look, man, I got all the haters I need online, all right?"
"No, no, no, no, no, I'm not criticizing. I'm fascinated. I mean, do you know how rare you are? A celebrity virgin in Los Angeles, and surrounded by temptation. I mean, you, Ty, are like a four-leaf clover and a unicorn made a baby. Without, uh, having sex, of course."
"Aw, thanks, I appreciate it. My agent wanted me to throw this party."
"Oh."
"Yeah, he wants me to loosen up."
"He's right. I've met your type before, so desperate to control their lives, they forget to enjoy it. So answer me this. If you were to ever, you know, let go, what is it you'd really want to do?" Lucifer stared into his eyes.
"I uh--Yeah. I-I want to skip my morning workout sometimes."
"Boring."
"Just chill on the couch and watch Master Chef."
"This is the fantasy life of a postmenopausal housewife. Come on, Ty, there must be something deeper." Lucifer's gaze intensified.
"I, uh--Yeah. I want to get laid so damn bad."
"And there it is."
"You got no idea how hard it is holding out for marriage, man."
"Uncomfortably hard, I'm sure. Look, I was going to go with my girl, but, uh, we broke up."
"Oh."
"I thought she was gonna be the mother of my children."
Lucifer pointed to the redhead staring at Ty. "Well, she wants to be the mother of your children. Come on, Ty, it's the fourth quarter, but you can still win this game. I mean, look at her, death and taxes are less of a sure thing."
"No, I can't."
"But you desire her. Why fight it?"
"Because my mother taught me that--"
"Oh, no, don't-don't bring her into this. That's disgusting. Uh it's about you. What do you want?"
"Her."
"Well, then "carpe diem," my friend."
Lucifer spoke to another woman. "Ah, hello again, my little cannonball. Sorry, I didn't introduce myself earlier. Lucifer. Morningstar."
"Seriously?"
"Yes, yes. I'm the Devil, hope you'll hold it against me."
"Lucifer Morningstar, the guy who owns Lux?"
"That's me."
"No, it's not. I've seen him before. His beats are sick."
"I very much beg your pardon. Beats?"
"Yeah. He performed at a rap battle last week in the Valley."
"Every single part of that sentence horrifies me."
"It is so gross that you're pretending to be someone you're not. Even your accent is fake."
"Me!"
Lucifer felt someone shaking him the next morning and woke up to see Ty. "Lucifer. Wake up. Something really bad happened."
"Well, I hope you enjoyed every minute of it."
"No, no, no, you don't understand. Look, I'm freaking out, okay? Can you just help me, please? I need that favor."
"Right."
PENELOPE'S HOUSE
Chloe and Lani were looking at her computer, trying to figure out who exactly Lucifer was.
Trixie walked into the room. "Mommy, did Daddy forget to pick me up?"
Chloe looked at her daughter. "No, monkey, I'm sure he's just stuck in traffic."
"Are you two doing homework?"
"Um, sort of."
"What's the assignment?"
"Uh, well, she and I saw Lucifer do some things we can't explain."
"Is Lucifer a magician?"
"That's sort of what we're trying to figure out."
"When Daddy gets here, maybe he can help."
"Mm."
"Sometimes Daddy helps me with my homework."
Lani gave her a small smile. "I'm not sure your dad has the answers to these questions."
"Why don't you just ask Lucifer?"
Chloe smiled. "Because if he's a magician, then he won't reveal his secrets. So Lani and I have to find out on our own how Lucifer does these things we can't explain." Her phone rang. "Oh, that can't be him." She answered. "Decker. Lucifer, how did you even get this number? How do you have my deputy's as well?"
The two female cops made their way to the location of the party.
Lucifer greeted them. "Excuse the mess, but it's so good of you to come, Detective Decker, Deputy Iosua."
"Thanks for being super-cryptic in a really unhelpful way," Chloe said. "What's the emergency?"
"Well, it's-it's better to show than tell, really."
They made their way to the pool and saw the redhead lying facedown in the pool.
Lani looked closer at the victim as the ME said, "Petechial grows hemorrhaging in the eyes. Contusions on the neck. Signs of strangulation. And one of the victim's fake nails were ripped off."
"Signs of struggle," Lani noted.
"We got a murder on our hands," Lucifer said.
"Thanks," Chloe and Lani said.
"So what happened?" Chloe asked Ty.
"Um, well, I woke up early, 'cause my head hurt," Ty said. "I, uh, I had a hangover. I-I've never drank before, so--That's on me. Sorry. Yeah, so I came down to get some water, and that's-that's when I saw her in the pool."
"Did you talk to her?" Lani questioned.
"Not before last night. I talked to her for a little bit. Her name was, uh Ali, maybe? I don't know. I mean, I'm having a hard time remembering."
"You think she accidentally slipped, fell in the pool and drowned?" Ty asked.
"No, I think she was murdered."
"Oh, my God, that's terrible."
"So why didn't you call the police right away?" Chloe wondered.
"Well, I told Lucifer," Ty replied. "He said that he would call the police."
"And I did," Lucifer said. "Detective Decker's a homicide detective. Deputy Iosua's her deputy. They've been very helpful in the other murders that I've encountered."
Lani frowned at him. "We are not your police concierge."
"You two are gonna find out who did this, aren't you?"
Chloe narrowed her eyes. "Of course we are, because that's our job."
"Right."
"Not because you want us to."
"Right. First things last. Do you have any idea who had contact with her last night?"
"Um, no, uh, no, but they asked me to get the guest list." He looked at it. "Oh, geez. 250 guests."
Lani sighed. "You know what that means."
"Great party."
"250 suspects."
"Oh. Uh, I'd be careful with that thing in the guest bedroom," Lucifer warned as they neared the bedroom he'd slept in. "There's a good chance that you'll go blind." The bed was in a disheveled state. "Yes, we got a little carried away."
"Stop interfering," Chloe warned.
"I'm helping. You both forget that my expertise is finding the right people to punish, Detective, Deputy. It's what I do. Or, uh, did, at least."
Lani frowned. "You want something to do? Make a list of everyone who was at the party."
Chloe nodded. "Good idea. Go on, Lucifer."
"Oh."
Ty, who was at the computer said, "Coroner puts time of death between 1:00 a.m. and 3:00 a.m."
Chloe glanced at Lucifer. "Actually, is there someone who can vouch for your whereabouts at the time?"
"Several someones in fact," Lucifer said. "Yes. Get them to tell you or the deputy every little detail just to make sure that I'm not lying."
"I'll have someone else handle that."
"So a bona fide killer on the loose than needs to be punished. Time to punch in." They looked at the screen.
"There she is," Ty said, pointing at the redhead.
"Do you know anyone?" Lani asked.
"No. Sorry. I mean, people just show up to these things."
"Did anyone look suspicious?" Chloe asked.
"Where do we start, Detective, Deputy?" Lucifer questioned. "I mean, look at those big strong hands. Perfect for squeezing the life out of someone. Oh, ginger lad. Soulless bastards. Give even me the creeps. I--"
"You need to sit with the witnesses," Chloe said, grabbing his arm.
"Haven't I proven myself extremely useful at detectiving?"
"Actually, no, Lani and I don't need your help color-commentating. So unless you can help us with either, stay." She locked him outside.
"But I don't want to be stuck out here with these miscreants."
"These are your people," Lani reasoned.
"Detective! Deputy!"
Dan walked up and said, "Hey. I heard all hands on deck. I came as quick as I could."
"Yeah, and on time," Chloe retorted.
"Look, Chloe, I'm sorry about earlier, okay? I got held up at an arrest in Hollywood. I couldn't get away."
"I get it, Dan. Save the apologies for Trixie. This is work, and right now, we have a victim with no fingerprints on file."
"These all the unclaimed items from the party?"
Lani nodded. "Yeah, the detective and I checked everything. Unfortunately, no I.D. that matches our victim."
"So what are you two thinking?"
Chloe thought for a moment. "Well, we're thinking our victim wore a cute red dress. There's no way she'd have that pink clutch. She was out to have fun, so that nixes anything big and bulky, like a tote."
"I don't know."
Lani glanced at Dan. "We're looking for something small, a little sexy classy. Something like this." She picked up a wallet.
"Wait a minute, I-I thought you two said all this stuff was searched already for I.D."
Lani shook her head. "We're not looking for an I.D."
Chloe nodded. "We're looking for a car. Ali Thornton, 23, from Boise, Idaho. Her info matches the registration we found in the glove box. Hmm. She was a long way from home. What were you doing here, Ali?"
"I'll see what I can find on her," Dan said.
"Detectives, Deputy, found something in the master bedroom."
Chloe and Lani walked into the master bedroom and Dan said, "Found this here on the bed. And it matches the missing fingernail on the victim."
"Isn't this Ty's bedroom?" Chloe asked.
"Yeah, looks like they did a lot more than talk."
Chloe and Lani left the room, hearing moaning and kissing, to see Lucifer standing in the hall holding a pink phone.
"What the hell are you doing?" Chloe questioned.
"Well, since you two banished me outside with the lepers, I decided to make myself useful."
"You call watching porn on your phone useful?"
"This isn't my phone, Detective. I think it's our recently departed's."
Lani gestured to the phone. "Where did you get that?"
"Just heard a ringy-ding and followed the noise. Now, is delete the little--rubbish bin?"
"No," Chloe said. "You can't delete anything on this phone." She played the video and Lani stood next to her, watching.
"But it shows Ty and Ali having sex. It's very distracting."
"Wait."
"Ooh, you've both reached the money shot."
"Are you taping this?" Ty asked.
Chloe and Lani looked across the hall to see Ty speaking to another officer.
The two started walking towards Ty and Lucifer asked, "Where are you two going? Detective! Deputy! Hey! What's going on? Detective, Deputy, you're making a mistake."
"Stay out of this, Lucifer," Chloe said. "Cuff him."
"Wait, what?" Ty asked.
"Ty Huntley, you're under arrest for the murder of Ali Thornton."
"This is ridiculous. Lucifer, this is all your fault. I wish I'd never met you."
Lucifer looked between Chloe and Lani. "Trust me, Detective, Deputy. I have been doing this a long time. I know evil. You've arrested the wrong man. The person responsible is still out there."
Lani frowned. "How are you so sure?"
Lucifer met her eyes. "What desire would Ty have to kill a girl giving him a wonderful time?"
Chloe looked at him. "Ty had a squeaky-clean image. He sleeps with a girl. Then he finds out she's taping him. She's gonna ruin everything. He gets angry and loses control."
"You two saw the video. The only thing that that video proves is that Ty had sex. He was horny, not murderous."
"Then why lie about it?" Lani asked.
"Blame the tequila."
"He had motive and opportunity," Chloe pointed out.
"Look, I just want to make sure that you two are punishing the right person."
"We will. That's what she and I do."
"Lovely, we want the same thing. An there's something else on the phone that you should look into."
"No more porn. I'm good."
"No, it's not that. We should look into it."
""We," as in the LAPD, will look into it. You can go now. Come on, Lani."
LUX
"Line up some shots, Maze," Lucifer said. "Oh, hell, I may just take a bottle." She handed him a bottle.
The phone rang and Maze answered and listened. "Thank you." She turned to Lucifer. "That was the LAPD."
"Ah, was Detective Decker or Deputy Iosua calling to apologize? Unless it involves lingerie, I don't accept."
"Financial Investigations Unit."
"Hmm?"
"Apparently, you destroyed the honeymoon suite at the Budget Hut in Tarzana last night."
"I'd rather return to the fires of Hell than spend a night in Tarzana."
"And then, someone with your name and credit card skipped out on a $2,000 tab at Zany Wings."
Lucifer began ranting. "Do I look like I'd eat a Zany Wing? Someone is clearly masquerading as me! Rap battles and hot wings? You need to find this cheap knockoff and make him suffer, do you understand?"
"Why? You said it yourself; humans are fascinating, right? I can't wait to see what this one does next. Zany Wings."
LINDA'S OFFICE
"You got me dead to rights," Lucifer said. "It's not right! I mean, Budget Huts and Zany Wings?! I mean, this malfeasant reprobate is diluting the Lucifer brand! Finally, I get my father's beef with graven images."
"Sounds like this guy's really gotten under your skin," Linda noted.
"Typical in a town full of charlatans. Eh, this is a place built on lies where nothing is authentic or genuine. You don't even have to be famous to get a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame? You can just buy one!"
"Are we still talking about this imposter?"
"Yes. I'm gonna tear him limb from limb."
"Uh, is it possible you might be overreacting a bit?"
"No! How would you feel if some off-the-rack imposter was dragging your name through the trenches of Encino?"
"Well, someone stole my identity a few years back. And after a few long calls to the IRS and the bank, everything was fine. No big deal."
""No big deal." That's because you're you. I'm me! An this is a-a travesty!"
"But your reaction, your anger toward this minor inconvenience, feels a little disproportionate to the crime."
"Wha--"
"There might be some displacement."
"I'll show you displacement when I displace his bollocks and throw them on the floor and stamp on them one at a time!"
"Uh, um--Why don't you tell me again about this case you were working on?"
"Well nothing more to say. A girl was killed and Detective Decker and Deputy Iosua are going after the wrong person."
"And that doesn't bother you?"
"Well, why should it?"
"Well, because from everything you've told me, it sounds like Ty probably had nothing to do with this murder. That he got himself into or someone helped him into a bad situation. And that bothers you."
"Yes."
"Why?"
"Because I punish the guilty. And Ty's not guilty."
AGENCY
"Oh, oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, oh--"
Chloe cut him off. "Detective Chloe Decker and Deputy Leilani Iosua, LAPD. We're here to see Ty Huntley's agent, Joe Hanson."
"I'm sorry, without an appointment--"
Lucifer cut a man off. "Let me get this straight. Your clients do all the work and you chaps make all the money?
"Really?" Lani and Chloe asked.
"And they call me the Devil!" Lucifer exclaimed. "If I ever return to Hell, you kids will be my first call. Especially you. Oh, one last thing before I go. Which of you is into killing attractive redheads?"
"Lucifer?" Lani and Chloe called.
"Detective! Deputy!"
"A word?" Chloe said.
They walked down the stairs and Chloe asked, "What the hell do you think you're doing?"
"Finding, then punishing Ali Thornton's actual killer."
"How did you know to come to this agency?"
"I tried to tell you, Detective, Deputy. On the dead girl's phone. She called here--"
"Here and traded calls with Ty's agency a few hours before she was killed. I know. Lani and I checked her phone records."
"And you're welcome."
"We also found out that the call was transferred to Ty's agent, Joe Hansen," Lani said.
"Right, so why did the dead girl even know Ty's agent? I mean, she was Ty's one night stand. It hardly makes sense."
"And that's what she and I are here to find out. And that's why you can go now."
Lucifer started laughing and Lani asked, "What's so funny?"
"Well, the fact that you two think I'm gonna go. It's hilarious actually."
"Lucifer, we don't need your help," Chloe told him.
"Look, I'm not trying to solve this for you two. I'm ensuring that the right person is held responsible. Look, come on, I've been helpful before, haven't I, Detective, Deputy?"
Chloe gave him a pointed look. "You step out of line one time--"
"You or the deputy can give me a right good spanking, I promise. Come on, let's go."
They entered Joe Hanson's office and Joe said, "Ty wouldn't do something like this. He's such a good kid."
"My deputy and I are actually more curious about you, Mr. Hanson," Chloe told him.
"Me? Why? I didn't even go to the party. I had to work."
"You spoke with the victim a few hours before she was killed," Lani reminded him.
"Maybe it's best if I don't say anything without my attorney."
"Joey!" Lucifer exclaimed. "Joe, Joe. There's no need for that. Why don't you tell me what really want, hmm? What desires drive a man such as yourself?" He stared into Joe's eyes.
"I want to be the greatest agent of all time."
"Really?"
"And to do that, I need to protect my clients."
"Come on."
"And, uh, if you want to protect Ty, tell us what you know," Chloe said.
"Let's make a deal," Joe reasoned. "I'll tell you everything. You look into something."
"Here's a deal. Tell us everything, and my deputy or I don't cuff you in front of your co-workers and take you in. She and I know how this goes. Ali's a young actress looking for a break. An agent promises to help her out, in exchange, she's treated them like a party favor to your star clients."
"Okay, okay. I did call Ali. I hired her to have sex with Ty."
"Wow, seems I wasn't the only one who wanted the young virgin to loosen up."
"No, I loved the virgin angle. It's a clean hook, got him a lot of attention. But Ty was a mess. I needed him to get over his ex."
"Why?"
After a moment, Lucifer continued. "Popular boy, this Ty isn't he? So what, did this anger his ex or something?"
"No, it's from his ex, Debra Macall." Joe showed them something from Ty's ex. "She left this behind one of the many times she came here trying to find him. She used to call all the time trying to get a hold of him."
"So he dated a crazy fan?" Lani questioned.
"He didn't know it at the beginning. So when I figured it out, he had already fallen for her. Oh, suppose I can understand why. See, after awhile, Debra got possessive, controlling she thought she was managing him. So I told Ty he needed to break up with her. He refused. I made Ty file a restraining order after she broke a girl's nose just for buying him a mojito."
"Quite a hair trigger on this Debra, by the sounds of it," Lucifer commented.
"Hmm," Chloe hummed. "If Debra found out that Ty was with that poor girl--Hmm. Finally, some rain."
Lani glanced up at the rain. "Perhaps someone out there is looking out for us."
Lucifer frowned. "I can assure you two, He's in no way meteorologically inclined."
Chloe went on. "Apart from the whole Noah thing, and that was a one-off. Anyhow, her roommate confirmed that she took the 4:00 p.m. class, so Ty's ex should be out any second now."
"I told you two you had the wrong man. Wrong gender as well, apparently. Finally, we're getting warmer."
"Why are you so hell-bent on proving Ty's not the killer?"
"Like I've been saying, I want to punish the real killer."
"But why?" Lani wondered. "It it because you pushed him towards Ali at the party?"
"Well, I don't see what that has to do with anything. And I think you two are starting to agree with me. Otherwise you two wouldn't be here, would you?"
"Bye!" Debra said.
"Bye!" Another person replied.
"There she is," Lucifer pointed.
They walked up and Chloe said, "Debra Macall? I'm Detective Decker, she's Deputy Iosua, LAPD. We need to ask you a few questions about Ty Huntley."
"I've got nothing to say," Debra retorted.
"It's either here or down at the station."
"Leave me alone!"
"Debra--"
Debra's car blew up, knocking them, excluding Lucifer, down.
"See? Warmer," Lucifer said.
"Found this on the undercarriage," Chloe told them.
"Remote detonator," Lani noted. "Whoever set off this bomb was close."
Chloe looked to the officers. "Scour the security cameras in the area. Get facial I.D.'s on anyone in a hundred-block radius."
Lucifer looked at Debra. "You couldn't live with yourself for committing murder, so you set your car to explode, didn't you? Eh? Wanted to go out in a blaze of glory."
"Of course not!" Debra cried. "Murder? What are you talking about?"
"Oh, come on. The bomb was triggered remotely."
"Whoever set it off did it before you got to the car," Chloe said. "There's a clear line of sight. I don't think the plan was to kill you. I think they wanted to scare you. So you know of any reason why someone would want to do that?"
"No."
"Yes, why did you run, Debra?" Lucifer questioned. "Awfully guilty-looking."
"I thought you were going to bust me for violating my restraining order. I went to Ty's party last night. I-I just looked. From outside, through the window. I couldn't help it, I miss him."
"Yes, breaking up's so hard, isn't it? You're like two pathetic peas in a pod."
"Okay, we are made for each other. As good as he is at football, that's how good I am at being his girlfriend."
"You mean ex-girlfriend."
"We never stay broken up. It's just a phase. And no one looks out for him the way that I do. And then I saw him kissing that girl and I--"
"Squeezed the life out of her?"
"No!"
"Where were you between 1:00 a.m. and 3:00 a.m. this morning?" Lani asked.
"The only place that always makes me feel better."
LUX - PENTHOUSE
At the station, a security feed of Debra at a froyo shop had been pulled up.
"How long does this go on?" Dan asked.
"Three hours," Chloe replied.
"That's the saddest thing I've ever seen."
"Yep. All-night froyo shop puts Debra there well past the time of the victim's death. Her alibi checks out."
"So Debra didn't strangle Ali."
"Well, whoever planted the bomb went to great lengths to make us think Debra did it."
"Why?"
"I don't know."
"We might actually know who rigged the car," Lani said. "Ronnie Hillman."
"The big Hollywood fixer?"
"Mm-hmm. A security cam caught her walking nearby, following the explosion."
Dan frowned. "This can't be a coincidence. Someone must've hired her for this."
Chloe nodded. "I've been trying to build a case on her for years, and every time we've approached her, she's lawyered up immediately. Ronnie is a pro."
"So how do we approach her? She's picky about talking to strangers."
"Definitely no cops."
Lani raised a brow. "What about someone she'd never expect us to work with?"
"Do I get a code word?" Lucifer asked. "You know, for when you and the deputy take her down. If so, might I suggest "monkey bottoms"? 'Cause trust me, I can work that into any sentence quite naturally."
"You sure this is a good idea?" Dan questioned while Lani nodded.
"Lucifer reached out to her and she agreed to meet him, so it's our best shot," Chloe said, turning to face Lucifer. "And you won't need a code word, and you won't be miked, because she'll be looking for that. This is a simple handoff. All we need to do is vouch for Dan as someone that needs her services."
"Vouch for Detective Douche?" Lucifer repeated. "Oh, gosh, this is gonna be harder than I thought."
"Once I engage with her, I will hire her to fix a problem of mine," Dan said.
"Right. Well, if it's that stick up your ass, I'm afraid there's no one strong enough to pull that out."
Dan glared at him before saying, "She goes there to fix my problem, our problem will be waiting to arrest her."
"Ah."
"And then we'll have leverage to find out what she knows about Ali's murder."
Chloe nodded. "She has information we need, so let's just stick to the plan."
Lucifer frowned. "Assuming, of course, Ronnie hasn't run off because our sting suddenly turned into a Michael Bublé concert."
"Lucifer, this isn't a game."
"Oh."
"Now, are you up for this or not?"
"Am I up for encouraging someone to commit a nefarious act? Mm, let me think. Put me in, Coach." He grinned.
The two of them made their way to the location and Lucifer said to Dan, "Try to look even more like a douche. Mission accomplished."
"She's here," Dan informed.
"Okay, great," Chloe said.
"Here we go."
The two of them walked inside and Lucifer said, "Ronnie Hillman, problem-solver extraordinaire."
Ronnie looked up. "Oh." She studied him.
"Mm, you checking for a wire or are you just pleased to see me?"
"Little bit of both. Mmm. Hello, Mr. Morningstar. Rest assured I can help you with your problem."
"Well, actually, I don't need your help."
"I--"
"Wait, what do you think my problem is?"
"Imposter running around ruining your name. Your professional reputation has taken a bit of a dive. As has your sexual one, I'm afraid. All those unsatisfied ladies. Word gets around. That is the reason you reached out to me, isn't it?"
"Yes. Yes, it very much is. I do have a problem that could use your help."
"I am all yours."
"Oh! Well, I like you, monkey bottoms. Here's what I need you to do doing what I'm told--"
"Lucifer, what are you going?" Dan asked.
"Hey, Dan, what's going on?" Chloe wondered.
"I don't know. They're still talking. And now she's leaving."
"Lovely," Lucifer said.
"What the hell did you do?" Dan asked.
"I hired the fixer to fix a problem, like you wanted."
"You let her go. What happened to the plan?"
"I made a better one."
"How?"
"Just sit tight and we'll all get what we want."
LUX - NIGHTCLUB
"Finally!" Lucifer exclaimed. "The would-be Prince of Darkness."
"Payment due upon delivery," Ronnie said.
"I'd like to examine the goods first."
"Your dime."
Lucifer paid Ronnie and she stepped back. "Right. Let's see the face of my imposter." Maze lifted off the hood while Lucifer stood behind his imposter.
Maze looked at the imposter's face. "The resemblance is uncanny."
Lucifer made his way to the man's face and frowned. "It most certainly is not. How could anyone think that you were me?"
"You know who you're messing with?" The man asked in a fake British accent. "I'm Lucifer freaking Morningstar!"
"Oh. Are you now?" He poured himself a drink. "Well you've certainly been a busy bee, haven't you, "Lucifer"? Eh? Apparently, you've started a modeling agency, pitched a Web series. And I hear you've also been very active with the women."
"Ladies love me. What can I say?"
"It's what they've been saying that's the trouble. It's seems you're a bit of a two-pump chump. Also, a crier afterwards."
"That happened one time."
"Right. Well, we can't have you running around cheapening the Lucifer brand, now, can we? What do you say, Maze? Impalement?"
Maze thought for a moment. "Hmm. Why rush? I say the rack."
"Oh."
Maze slapped his butt with a whip and Justin said, "Oh!"
"Ooh."
"That way, we can really enjoy it."
"Better."
"Yes, much better. Every joint of every limb dislocated before it's torn off."
The man shook his head. "No, no, no, no, no look, look, look, I just--I just--I just wanted to get chicks and-and free drinks. Um, really. My name is Justin. I'm from Sherman Oaks."
"Oh, Justin the things I'm gonna do to you," Lucifer said.
"Oh, no, no, no, I-I'm sorry! I only came here one time and I just told some girls that I owned the place and that opened some doors for me and so I just started rolling with it."
"How dare you abscond my name!"
"Please, don't hurt me. Please."
"I'm not gonna hurt you, Justin, I'm going to destroy you."
"Oh, this is so hot," Maze said. "It's like you're punishing yourself."
Lucifer stopped himself. "Seems I could be just, um, overreacting a bit. Go. Go on! And never sully my name again." Justin ran up the stairs.
"Let's at least take a finger," Maze suggested.
"We've done enough, Maze."
Ronnie spoke up. "Pleasure doing business with you, Lucifer."
"Yes, it was, wasn't it? Which is why I'm going to have to apologize for my friends."
"What friends?"
Officers stormed into the nightclub and Chloe said, "Ronnie Hillman, you're under arrest for kidnapping and assault."
"Would you mind calling my lawyer?" Ronnie asked. "Her number's in my back pocket." She stuck her butt out slightly.
"Yeah, sure thing. I'll tell her about the kidnapping, the airtight evidence we have, the attempted murder on Debra Macall, and then when we connect you to Ali Thornton's murder, maybe you'll get a nice injection of drugs, and you can go to sleep forever."
Ronnie frowned. "Hang on, I had nothing to with Ali's murder. Debra Macall, Ty Huntley's ex, she's the murderer. I care about Ali."
"Mm-hmm, here's what I think. I think you tried to scare Debra into confessing to Ali's murder, but Debra didn't do it. She's got an ironclad alibi."
"This is all my fault."
"Why?" Lani asked.
"I promised Ali I would protect her. All she ever wanted was to be an actress. She was gonna leave her mark. But you know how that goes. Endless rejection, she ran out of money. This was her first gig with me. She didn't even know if she could do it. But I told her it was just like acting. Besides, who doesn't want to sleep with Ty Huntley?"
Chloe's eyes flicked to Lani's before saying, "I thought Ty's agent hired Ali to sleep with him."
"He hired me for a number blackmail. Slip him a roofie, get naked, whip out a selfie stick, and voila."
Lani rested her hands on the table. "Why would he have any sort of desire to blackmail his own star client, one he's all about protecting?"
"Ty's agent told you that Debra killed Ali."
"Yes, he did."
"You two think Joe's the killer, that he took things into his own hands, quite literally."
"We don't have any proof," Chloe said. "Right, well, how do you propose that we get him?"
Ronnie looked between Lucifer, Lani and Chloe. "Joe pointed the finger right at Debra, painted her as crazy. It's not that hard a picture to paint, in her case."
"Why was he so certain she'd make a good suspect?" Lani questioned.
"Maybe he found out she went to Ty's party," Lucifer replied.
"Maybe he knew she went to Ty's party," Chloe corrected.
The three of them made their way back to the agency to talk to Joe.
They heard him mention Ty being rebranded.
"Rebranded, eh? Does it come with a new scent? Free toy inside?" Lucifer asked.
Joe looked at them. "What do you want? Ty is free on bail."
"We have to talk to Ty down at the station again, maybe walk him past a few reporters," Chloe said.
Ty frowned. "Whoa, hold on, uh, Joe, what is this?"
"Oh, come on!" Joe cried. "This is ridiculous. Ty wouldn't hurt anybody. I told you to look into her. She's the crazy one."
"Yes, well, I thought it was her all along," Lucifer said. "I mean, the woman certainly redefines "intensity". But Debra was home with a friend the night of the murder."
"What?! She's lying."
Lani nodded. "There's no evidence placing her at the party. No one saw her."
Chloe turned to Ty. "So are you ready to face the cameras? His sponsors will love the free publicity. Tell me, what's ten percent of nothing?"
"I saw Debra there," Joe said. "I went by the party. But a work call came up, and I never made it inside. I didn't say anything before because I told my wife was working late. When I was driving away, I saw Debra outside Ty's window."
"So you admit you were there that night."
"Yeah, and so was Debra. That's the proof you need, right?"
"That's the proof we need. We have a sworn statement from Ronnie Hillman saying that you hired the victim to make a sex tape with Ty to blackmail him. I just needed to place you at the scene."
"Yeah, see, that's why I don't lie," Lucifer said. "It's so hard to keep track of who knows what."
"It's not true," Joe told them. "I only want what's best for you, Ty."
Ty frowned at his agent. "You know, I still don't understand. Why is it my own agent would want to blackmail me?"
"Because he thought you were gonna leave him," Lani explained.
"What, because I took one meeting with another agency? Joe, I only did that to make Debra happy."
"But even though you'd broken up, he knew you'd get back together, so he decided to strike first, get some leverage," Chloe said.
"If he left me, I would be ruined," Joe explained. "He is my Brady, my Manning."
"But Ali wasn't cut out for this sort of thing, was she? She didn't want to give you the video."
"Stupid bitch. She said she realized Ty was a good guy. She didn't want to go through with it."
Lucifer narrowed his eyes. "Her name was Ali Thornton, and you killed her. For what? Greed? Ego?"
"I didn't want to hurt her. I just wanted her phone. And--But I squeezed to hard."
"I'm done," Ty decided. "Forget this. I'm out of here."
Lucifer, effortlessly threw Joe through the window. The glass shattered and Joe hit the desk, rendering him unconscious. "Did I squeeze too hard?"
"How did you--?" Lani and Chloe began. "What did--?"
"Lucifer, what are you doing?" Chloe asked.
"Finally focusing my anger where it belongs," Lucifer replied.
"Lucifer--" Chloe and Lani called.
"Yes, of course. Your turn, Detective, Deputy."
Joe was picked up and put in handcuffs.
"I still can't believe Joe did this," Ty said. "I wasn't ever gonna leave him, you know that? Definitely gonna leave him now. But you know what, you, uh, you stayed good to your word, Lucifer."
"Thank you," Lucifer answered. "Yes, well, now you owe me one."
Debra ran up to Ty. "Ty! Ty! Ty! Oh, my baby. Oh, my God, I'm so glad to see you."
"Oh," Ty said.
"You are?"
"Yes, you are crazy, baby. But you're my crazy, you hear me?"
"Yeah?"
"Warms the cockles, doesn't it?" Lucifer said. "So, Detective, Deputy, looks like you've both solved another case because of me."
Chloe looked at him. "We solved this case despite you."
"What? What about the cell phone I found? That was key evidence."
"Evidence you almost destroyed," Lani reminded him.
"I got you two the leverage you needed to crack Ronnie."
"You co-opted a sting operation for your own gain," Chloe corrected.
"And I solved another crime. Identity theft. Come on, admit it. We solved this one together. Or are you two too egotistical to acknowledge my help?"
"Okay, yeah, you didn't completely destroy the case."
"Not totally," Lani added.
LINDA'S OFFICE
"So you can stop blaming yourself, great," Linda said.
"Whatever do you mean?"
"The whole reason you tried to prove Ty's innocence?"
"Was to catch the true culprit."
"Yeah, sure."
"So I decided not to punish myself."
"Yourself?"
"Well, my fake self. The person I kidnapped. I decided not to beat him up. You two were right. I was, um--What's the word?
"Displacing?"
"Displacing my anger and frustration on Luci-phony, because the right person wasn't being punished for Ali's death."
"And who was the right person?"
"Well, the sleazy agent, of course."
"Ah, right."
"Of all the cities in the world, Lucifer, why did you decide to come to Los Angeles?" Linda wondered.
"Well, the same reason as everyone else. Uh, the weather, porn stars, Mexican food mm! Mmm."
"You know, you say people are phony here, but I think people come her to reinvent themselves. And I think that's why you're here. To reinvent yourself."
"Why would I want to mess with perfection?"
"You like working with the detective and the deputy, don't you?"
"I told you, I'm good at punishing people nay, I'm the best at punishing bad people. I didn't enjoy it when my father forced me to, but now that it's on my own terms, it's downright delightful."
"Yeah, well, I think you don't just enjoy punishing the bad guys. I think you're starting to like seeking justice for the good ones. Like Ali."
"It's another reason to hate L.A. All this self-indulgent therapy. You should be ashamed."
"You're doing it again."
"What?"
"Displacing."
"No, I'm not."
"And that's denial."
"That's a river in Africa."
Lani and Chloe looked over the security video from the agent's office and a look of horror crossed their faces.