(Y/N) hummed lightly, making her way to the Library after her last class. She wanted to get all of her work for the weekend done before the weekend, and tonight's Quidditch match. As a Gryffindor it was an unspoken rule that the whole house was to attend the Gryffindor vs Slytherin Quidditch match, so she needed to get her work done in order to spend most of the weekend at Hogsmead.
As (Y/N) began to lay out her books, quills and notepads someone pulled out the seat across from her. She looked up to see Sirius Black, a friend and fellow Gryffindor sitting across from her with a grin laid across his face. He wore his signature leather jacket, jeans and a white t-shirt, and his long black hair was slicked back against his head. Between his teeth he held a tooth pick, playing with it with his tongue.
"Hello Sirius." (Y/N) responded with a smile. They weren't the closest of friends, but they sat together during classes and during Quidditch games when she and the rest of the Marauders went to watch James play.
As much as (Y/N) like Sirius, - his playful behavior, the way he made sure to always speak his mind and how he always stood up for his friends - she also knew the rumors and his reputation. She knew that he rarely spent the night alone, that he could often be found with a different girl depending on the day of the week. These rumors made (Y/N)'s growing crush on Sirius that much difficult. She found herself keeping him at a friendly distance, afraid to become just another notch in his bed post.
"I knew I would find you here, you're just like Moony, always studying." Sirius stated, his nose crinkling in slight distaste.
(Y/N) shook her head, "You should try it every once in a while, at least James as an excuse, he busy with Quidditch." She told him, she was always telling the other three Marauders that they should put a little more effort into their studies. She understood why James and Sirius didn't get her excitement, they weren't muggle born like she was. They had grown up with magic in their homes, this was normal for them, while for (Y/N) this was a young child's best dream.
Sirius rolled his eyes in response to her, "That's fair I suppose, but why would I bother when you and Moony keep helping me out with school work?" He pointed out, smirking across the table at her. Sirius watched both sides of her mouth twitch in response to his comment. As much as she pretended not to care about the boys and their grades, she never failed to help Sirius and the others out in an academic pinch.
(Y/N) tried to suppress a grin, not wanting to give off any form amusement to his comment. "So what I'm hearing is," She stopped the movement of her quill and finally looked up at him, "If I want you to actually do your own work, then all I have to do is stop helping you out?" (Y/N) knew she was kidding, she couldn't resist helping her friends out when they needed it.
Sirius kicked himself back, placing his feet up on the table, "If you want me to do my own work all you have to do is come with me to the Quidditch game tonight." He told her, the same playful smirk on his face. Sirius looked at his feet, attempting to avoid her gaze and hide his nerves.
(Y/N) looked at his sideways, tilting her head at him. "I told you yesterday that I would go." She then looked back down at her work, "That's why I'm doing my work now silly." She shook her head with a smile, she supposed the conversation they had must have slipped his mind between dates.
"Well I know that." Sirius told her, playing with his necklace. "I guess I should have been more specific, I meant just you and I, like a date." He continued, his hands slightly shaking as he playing with the small wolf attached to his necklace.
(Y/N) felt her heart in her throat, her eyes focused on a single page in her textbook but she wasn't reading the words. "Oh." One part of her wanted to jump for joy and agree. The other part of her wanted to tell him she couldn't, wanted to protect her own feelings from getting played.
Sirius took his feet off the table, rubbing the back of his neck. "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable." He apologized, he had been so sure that she liked him too, so confident that she would say yes.
"You didn't." (Y/N) quickly told him. "It's just-"
"You don't like me like that." Sirius finished for her, his voice not nearly as confident as he usually was. "It's alright (Y/N)."
"Sirius I-" She stopped herself, "I would love to say yes, it's just-" Once again she froze, not sure if this conversation was a good idea.
Sirius raised his eyebrows at her, unsure where she was going with the whole conversation. "It's what (Y/N)?" He asked her, his voice still that of a child.
She sighed, avoiding his gaze as she tossed her quill in her hand. "I've heard the rumors Sirius, the whole Castle has heard them." (Y/N) tried to be delicate, to tell Sirius politely that she didn't want to be just another girl to him.
The lost gaze that Sirius held quickly turned sour, his eyes drawing together and his lips pressed together to form a thin line. "And thats why you said no?" He asked sharply, not wanting to sound angry with her but he couldn't help himself.
"Sirius I didn't mean to upset you." She told him, figuring that this could ruin their friendship entirely. "I just don't think that us going out together would be a good idea."
"Which really means you won't say yes because of my reputation, so you're judging me based on what other people have said about me." It wasn't a question, it was a statement. One that they both knew (Y/N) couldn't deny. "You're saying no just because I've had been on a few too many dates for you, because I've been with too many partners? All of which were completely consensual, that's what you're judging me on." Sirius continued on, his voice raising above the volume that was acceptable for the the library.
(Y/N) felt about two inches tall as Sirius scolded her. She shrunk further into her seat as guilt rose in her throat, she found herself unable to speak up.
Sirius ran his hands down his face, pressing his palms into his eyes. "I am so sick of everyone just assuming that the only thing I want from anyone is a casual relationship, and for acting like it's any of their damn business." He told her, his head now held in his hands as he seemed to be having a small breakdown in front of her.
"Sirius I didn't mean it like that." She tried, she hadn't meant for her words to come across as if she was judging him. (Y/N) just knew she couldn't handle a relationship with him, at least not the kind that he usually held. She would get far too attached to him, only to be left heartbroken when he inevitably broke things off.
Sirius scuffed at her, "Don't take me for a fool (Y/N)." He told her, "There's no other way for me to interpret your words." His eyes felt glossy as he realized that his reputation was causing people to see him for something he wasn't, people he cared about.
(Y/N) sighed, "Sirius." She wasn't sure what she was suppose to say. "I'm sorry, if you're being genuine and are looking for a relationship out of this then of course I'll go to the game with you. I just can't be another notch in your belt Sirius." (Y/N) explained to him, wanting more than anything for Sirius to understand what she had meant.
He looked up at her finally, the skin beneath his eyes beginning to turn red as he held in the angry tears that he had been holding in for months. "You thought I was looking for anything short of a relationship from you? I mean (Y/N) you're bloody brilliant." He told her honestly, a smile rising on his lips.
Heat rose on (Y/N)'s cheeks, sure Sirius had complimented her before but she had always assumed he was kidding. "I'm sorry." She mumbled to herself, hiding her face slightly behind her hair as she tried to look down at her books.
"Already forgotten love." Sirius told her, he stood from his seat across from her.
"Where are you going?" (Y/N) asked him, blushing once again for sounding too eager in her words.
He chuckled at her response, "I was going to leave you be so you could get some work done, so you'll be able to attend the game with me and maybe again tomorrow at Hogsmead." Sirius explained to her, rounding the table so he stood beside her. He rested the palms of his hands against the table, using that to support his weight as he lowered his head closer to hers.
(Y/N) nodded, and she couldn't help but look slightly disappointed that he was leaving. "I'm sure I could focus if you stayed." She tried to sound casual, shrugging her shoulders slightly as she looked down at her work.
Sirius laughed again, "If you say so." He told her, pulling out the chair that was next to her, turning so he could watch her work.
~~~~~~~
a/n
word count: 1648
this was long af