Yanna
In Filipino teleseryes, the revelation of a secret baby usually entailed dramatic scenes where a character goes through the stages of acceptance. Sometimes, it was followed by a lengthy exchange of conversations unearthing hurts, rubbing salt over wounds, or even ripping open old wounds, ending in someone walking out, leaving the other in tears.
But they weren’t in a teleserye. And though DJ was too easy to read, he also took pride in being calm no matter the stress it caused him.
Level-headedness was among the many traits they shared. No tempers flared, no voices raised whenever they had an argument. They only resorted to silent treatment, or time away from each other. With Yanna the one asking for time out. And each time, DJ waited for her to come around. And she did. She always did. This situation was no different. It just took a long while and admittedly, the interference of their friends to get things going.
Just like those times, he didn’t prod even when his jaw worked overtime, probably fighting the urge to ask.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner,” Yanna finally said, with her back ram-rod straight. “I didn’t know how. Danielle is still in school and I didn’t…” she racked her brain for words to defend her going off the grid, but settled with, “...I didn’t want to add to your burden.”
It wasn't a lie though. Yanna's career was just one of the reasons why she didn't want to settle down in his province. She also knew that DJ had too many responsibilities towards his siblings and relatives who helped him and the twins. She couldn't blame him for not wanting to leave the nest either.
"She's got a job now," he told her, absentmindedly, his gaze still fixed on her midsection.
"That's great."If she could just move quicker, Yanna would have gone to give him a hug because his relief was palpable. She knew how much of an achievement it was for him and his sisters. “Are you looking for a new job…?” She left the word ‘here’ unsaid, and clamped on the hope that might show on her face.
“I’m on leave. For a week. Kyle asked me to house-sit while he’s on vacation with...”
“...with Rhea. Yes,” she supplied. “They really like orchestrating stuff,” she commented, to which he gave a weak chuckle.
There was an uncomfortable silence that followed as Yanna watched how DJ looked around her unit.
"I have help. From friends and colleagues. If you’re going to ask how I manage,” she offered because the question was visible in how his gaze locked on to the pile of obvious baby things to the still unwashed dishes by the sink. “Rhea takes me to my OB appointments if she’s free. And my cousin is staying with me for now. She just went out for some me-time. Work hasn’t been stressful, too. The restructuring project was over before I knew I was pregnant.”
"How far along…?"
"Eight months."
DJ’s head bobbed up and down, as if calculating the days in his head, his eyes shifting from her face to her belly again. “Was it when you and your mom had a fight and we got drunk..?”
Her chest constricted. Yanna was prepared for him to assume she slept around unsafe, or to deny that the baby was his, like how it went down in teleseryes. But DJ didn’t. And oh, how she wanted to weep, grateful that he didn’t think the worst of her.
Yanna cleared her throat and managed to grin at the memory. “Yes. Yes, I think it was.” It was after one of those heated phone conversations with her mother still going on about Yanna migrating to the US. The plan was for her to take additional units until she could work as a registered nurse and practice her license. She was so mad and wanted to lash out, wanted to do something that would defy her parents’ need to control her life. Thirty seven weeks later and she did not regret a thing. In spite of what happened between her and DJ. “Do you want anything? Water...tea…?"
DJ stood up when she did. "Let me. Please."
He wasn't only talking about getting them drinks, she knew. Right then and there, DJ wanted to take responsibility. Right then and there he wanted to make up for the time he wasn't around. Because that was what DJ did all his life.
And that was exactly what she was afraid of.
Yanna watched as he tentatively walked up to her until they were a foot apart, her heart in her throat.
"Please let me stay."
The words made her heart swell with hope that they could indeed make it work. But she also didn't want him to make rash decisions. She didn't want him to regret choosing her in the end just because she carried his baby when he could have enjoyed a bit of time for himself.
"I'm not going to keep the baby from you, DJ," she said, calmly raising a hand to touch his cheek. "But you've just been freed from one of your many responsibilities. You should take a break, have fun, spend your well-earned time off. Focus on yourself before you take on a new role. Because being a father is a lifetime job."
---
DJ
The online diary that Yanna sent him started three weeks after she left, when the Pregnancy Test showing two red lines. She didn’t write everyday and just took notes when something remarkable, weird, or scary related to the pregnancy happened. Most entries had photos, too. DJ particularly loved the ultrasound photos, and selfie’s she took to document her growing belly each month. She had a radiance about her that was hard to ignore.
In the party where they first met three years ago, DJ watched how Yanna turned heads, partly because of her physique, mostly because of the confidence she exuded. There was elegance and certainty in her gait, direct yet sincere in her words. He had been intimidated when they were introduced knowing he didn’t stand a chance against the other guys who tried to impress her one way or another. But then she smiled at him and actually sat and talked with him the whole time. DJ was a goner.
Now that she was pregnant, she had become delicate, softer. Perhaps it came with being careful of her movements. But the same confidence was still there. It might be because he had missed her too much, but for DJ, she seemed even more comely, more beautiful. And as he went through the entries, he couldn’t help but think pregnancy surely looked great on her.
He read every paragraph slowly, savoring and feeling the words, imagining everything as if he were there with her in every OB-GYN appointment, every false contractions, every trip to the toilet, every walk she took along Emerald Avenue. His name wasn’t mentioned in any of the entries. But there were lines especially on the very first one, that could only be meant to describe him.
...Your father would have been so proud if he knew. But he’s in Tarlac and mommy is here in Manila. Mommy prefers to tell him about you in person...
...If phones were allowed inside the ultrasound room, Mommy would have recorded how your heartbeats sounded and looked like and send it to your father. He would have cried for sure, because he’s such a softie. Did you know he teared up when Mommy finally referred to him as her boyfriend three years ago?...
...The moment you had Mommy eating pickles (which I HATE but your father LOVES), she knew you’re going to be a boy! He would have been so thrilled to have a junior! But Mommy refuses to refer to you as ‘junior’. We’ll have to think of another name. Mommy wonders what your father would like to name you…
...Thank you for always clocking in the 10 kicks whenever Mommy counts. You are such a compliant baby. Mommy can already tell you’ll grow up as a very considerate person just like your father...
Maybe it had something to do with her job. How she was inclined to document everything in full detail so that anyone who would pick up the newly-implemented project could catch up easily. DJ had long admitted that Yanna did well in her job considering her paygrade. He had not expected she could apply it on her pregnancy journey.
And it was thanks to the diary that DJ didn’t feel totally left out or that Yanna denied him of the experience. He read about her birthing plan (normal delivery), her choice to exclusively breastfeed at least in the baby’s first year, the montessori type of learning to be applied as the baby grows up. She made him feel as though they were only in a long distance relationship from the time when letters were the only means of communication and he was only reading her letters now.
And that was it. In reading and rereading the entries, his hope flourished. That perhaps after all those times, Yanna had not broken up with him.
...Thank God you passed the scan with flying colors! Mommy thinks you’ve got your father’s perky nose. Little Bub, please give Mommy the courage so she can finally tell your father about you. Please help Mommy pray that he accepts you…
Of course, DJ would accept the baby! With arms wide open, he would embrace the baby and Yanna, no questions asked. She did have a point practically begging him to enjoy his freedom. But then again, making up with Yanna was part of his plan, wasn’t it? To think he only planned to reconnect with Yanna, hoping to pick up where they left off. He had not expected for them to literally become a family. It was all too sudden. Yet it was far better than what he had planned.
“I’m home, what’s with the rush, Kuya?” Denise greeted him when he answered the request for a video chat.
He was too excited to share the news to his sisters he practically spammed their group chat to call him when they’re both home. While waiting, he rushed to the nearest supermarket to buy ingredients for tinola with malunggay leaves because he knew, from his relatives, that it helped boost milk production. “Oh, good, good. Is Dan there?”
“Hi Kuya!” Danielle slid next to her twin and waved at him on the screen. “What’s up? Oh wait, you look excited.” She gasped dramatically. “Did you find Ate Yanna?”
He beamed at them and they shrieked in celebration.
“That was quick. It took you what? Two days? So, you’re back together?” Denise prodded.
“That’s the more logical assumption,” he commented, still keeping the grin.
“Huh? What do you mean?”
“We have to be together since we’re going to have a baby soon,” he shrugged, nonchalantly.
Danielle grabbed the phone. “WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE A BABY? SHE’S PREGNANT? WE’RE GOING TO BE AUNTS?” When he simply nodded, Danielle hugged her twin sister, muffling her excited squeals.
Denise then launched the whys which DJ was just too happy to answer.
All the while, they all agreed that he should extend his vacation to be with Yanna and the baby. Because all three of them didn’t want the baby to experience what they had to go through growing up--an absentee father.