Chapter Twelve: Nile
"You forgot didn't you?" Her lip securely between her teeth, hair pulled tightly up without so much of a hint of a curl. She's sitting on the hallway floor looking up at me talking about something I have long forgotten about. Flexing her toes and then pointing them she stretched her legs out. Every movement is a little more calculated than the other. She goes somewhere when she dances. Somewhere no one was allowed to go. I noticed it the first time I saw her dance. From the very first beat of any song, the very first movement she was gone. Her eyes told me. If you asked her about it she could never answer you and I don't think I want her to. It was her place.
Rounding her shoulders she continues doing whatever insane stretch that came to her mind.The only thing my mind seemed to focus on was just how focused she is. But focus doesn't stop her from remembering every sentence from every conversation we have had. Seriously this girl can remember the time and place every conversation has happened.
"I didn't." I lie.
"Liar."
"Curly Sue do you remember everything?"
"I remember you owe me gummy bears from our monopoly game since you couldn't afford your rent. I remember that on my fourth birthday my dad promised me a teddy bear and never delivered. I remember someone has been promising to teach me how to ice skate but here we are. " Sticking her hands out to me I grab hold of them pulling her to her feet.
"All you had to say was yes smart ass."
"Don't blame me." We were supposed to go to the movies tonight to see a movie she's been talking about for weeks but I forgot to get tickets. We were supposed to go after family dinner tonight. Looks like that's not happening. "Now back you being a liar."
I wouldn't tell her this but I don't remember her ever mentioning the movie or even a conversation about going out. In her words we made plans to spend some intentional time together. I don't remember any of it. At first I thought it was just minor details that were slipping but recently I have been forgetting more and more. A few days after the accident I had no idea what had really happened. I remembered leaving Manny's house and Darren's yelling but that was it. Everything else just didn't exist. I have been trying to keep notes about things but it does not seem to be helping.
I didn't want to worry anyone so I've kept it to myself but the time in between is getting shorter and it has happened more and more frequently. The missing chunks of time are growing. Maybe my mind has just been a little preoccupied. Yeah maybe that's it. Hopefully we can get tickets to the movie another day it should still be in theaters for a while.
"I'm sorry and take the gummy bears out of my stash the way you always do. We can still do movie night tonight."
"It's okay." Responding quickly she turns away from me. Looking at her reflection in the trophy case she points her arms out then over her head. Turning her head to the side then back she went back to the trophy case. Counting out loud she did the steps stopping whenever she was a little too early or late with a move. Manny is a perfectionist at heart but only when it comes to herself. She will never openly admit it but if you spend more than an hour with her you'd see.
Letting out a frustrated groan she starts her count again. The old trophy case didn't give much in the way of a reflection. It kind of looks like a carnival mirror. The squished image made her appear shorter and rounder. But she doesn't seem to care as long as she can see somewhat of an image. Holding her gym bag in one hand and backpack in the other I give her space. I've learned it is best to let her work through the steps without trying to calm her.
Moving out of the way I slide down the wall leaning my head against it. It's coolness seems to help calm my forming headache. They have been happening more frequently than before. I've just chalked it up to a lack of sleep. During tryouts for the team I had a headache so bad I thought I was going to pass out but somehow I managed to make it through. Seems I did well enough for Coach to ask me to be captain. When he pulled me aside this morning I was positive he was cutting me. If he did, I didn't know if I would have been upset. But he told me he thought I would make a good captain. I don't know if I agree.
Never were good for anything. His voice echoes in my head. It always does. Of all the things that I am forgetting lately why is his voice not one of them? Darren's words stick. Stuck. Every word he has said to me I can The last time I spoke to Darren was in court that day. I knew nothing else about what was happening with him after that day. Didn't want to. He still hated me that day probably more than before. I made him lose everything, again. Hell of a feeling that has to be, hate. He sat there looking at me as if half of me wasn't him. Messed up part of it all is I'd probably forgive him if he said sorry. Fucked up isn't it?
You're mother didn't want you. You're nothing.
"Bubs." Breath. Opening one eye I stare up at her. Standing over me she looks damn near perfect. But isn't it crazy how everyone's definition of perfection is different?
"Mmhmm"
"We gotta go in now." Sticking my hand out the way she did I wait for her to pull me up knowing she can't. Hands grabbing mine she plants her feet and pull at my hands. Continuing until I give in and jump up when she pulls. "No more food for you."
"Starvation isn't the way to a man's heart curly sue."
"Oh well." Walking to the door she stops causing me to collide with her. Another thing about Manny is she's brave but that usually comes after her fifteen second panic attack. She's the kind of person whose yes is yes and no is no. So once she says she's doing something she will. However, moments before realization somehow seeps into her and panic settles in.
"Nope, you got this." Pushing her forward I whisper into her ear. She knows this dance even if she doesn't think she does but she's done it backwards and forwards. There is nothing else she needed to do but to actually do it. "Come on. It's my turn to be a fan, curly sue."
Bending down so I am directly by her ear " you know I'm your biggest fan right." Kissing her ear I see her squirm before breathing. With one final push she's in the room and finding her spot. Waving me over Lex points to a spot on the bleachers next to her. It was a different set up than their tryout last year. This year it has been open to the school to serve as both a promotional thing and a tryout.
"What's up Mr. Silently Sexy."
"I thought that name died."
"Nope, candy?" Pushes the box my way she pulls out another box before settling into her seat even more. "Panic attack averted?"
"Yeah"
"So what do you think Mr. Axel is making for dinner tonight. I'm hoping it's pasta." Soon the music was blasting in the gym and everyone's focus was on the girls in the center. Each moving to the rhythm. I can't dance much to Manny's dismay, so watching them is completely fascinating. There were about twenty girls on the floor but the only one holding my attention just happens to be mine. I don't think she realizes just how good she is. Her face absolutely at ease as she hit every beat. Manny moved to the beat with complete expertise. Eyes focused solely on her I can see how much this means to her by just looking. Nothing else mattered.
"Hey lover boy this is when you clap." Lex said. When did it end? Joining in with the rest of the crowd I clapped finding it hard to hide how proud I felt. "Let's go wait for her outside." Knowing it wasn't a question I followed behind her.
"Nile!"
"Yeah Ace?"
"Some of the guys are heading over to rink wanna come?" I needed a break from hockey for a bit and the conversation itself. I've been thinking about the Coaches question all day. Simple answer would be no. I should go to him now and tell him no. I don't have what it takes to be captain. That requires leading people and I have never led anyone. I haven't even given someone instruction before, how am I supposed to lead a team. Coach gave me the choice of either being captain or alternate captain. I don't think I want either.
"No, I'm gonna head home."
"Probably smart, Coach already has the practice schedule up." Coach Dawson doesn't seem to miss a beat. Since we found out who made the team he had already emailed us practice schedules. Basically we could kiss any ounce of free time away.
"Ready to go?" Looking down at Manny I notice the scratch on her face. Subconsciously I reach out and touch it. "You're driving."
"Yeah. let's go."